• Posted May 6th, 2008 at 08:52 EDT by
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[Editor’s Note: If you don't want to learn information about the girls you can date in Grand Theft Auto IV, do not read – move forward at your own discretion.]

Let’s all be honest, there is nothing more annoying than a nagging girlfriend/boyfriend who won’t stop blowing up your cell phone with phone calls or text messages. On top of this, it is even more annoying when that one night stand seems to think there is a second date on the horizon, so if you’re tired of dealing with the hassle of wondering what you have to do to just “hit it and quit it,” we’re here to help. This guide of love will teach you everything you need to know about getting some action in Grand Theft Auto IV without the fear of contracting an STD from a hooker walking the industrial side of town. Niko doesn't like STDs.

Michelle

Michelle can best be described as: “A girl who just wants to know more and more about you.” Not only are you now incapable of just playing it off like you’re listening to her talk, but you have to answer questions coherently to prove you’re listening. Seriously – just stop talking and take it Michelle.

When you first start dating Michelle, you’ll only have that cheap Russian junket store to deal with for clothing, so you’ll pretty much be set to impress her. For some odd reason Michelle loves the Russian style of clothing Niko sports and has a strong distaste for clowns with slicked back hair and Perseus clothing. Modo is also not a choice if you’re trying to get some action from this curious cat.

Roman’s Cab seems to impress her most. We’re not sure if this is because she enjoys free rides in a cab or if it’s because she’s more interested in what you have to say instead of what kind of car you drive (crazy world apparently). This makes the road to Graceland that much easier without the hassle of having to steal a car to impress her.

If you’re looking for the cheapest route in boosting Michelle’s likeness for you, there is no better way to go than to play Darts and Pool with her. Not only does this give you something else to focus on while she rambles away, but at least you’ll be mildly entertained with her comments about how great you are at pool/darts. If you’re one of those guys who just like to set women off and watch them tumble, just try taking Michelle to the Strip Club, she’ll definitely love you for it – maybe.

Now that you’ve done everything in your power to impress her, it’s time to get her back home so you can make your move and listen to her beg for more…information about you.

Alexandra Chilton (Liberated Woman – hah)

Alexandra Chilton is one of the first internet chicks you can pick up. Don’t sweat it your friends won’t laugh at you for this later on down the road. To date Alexandra, you’ll have to browse the net to “Craplist.net” and she can be found in the “Women seeking Men” section under the name Liberated Woman. Just click the “contact me” option and you’ll get a response from her in due time.

You know the girls who only date men who wear sophisticated clothing and also have a foreign accent? Well, that’s Alexandra. This girl is not only overtly annoying with her dialog, but she actually thinks she’s witty and impressive. Little does she know you’re just trying to add a notch to your belt and a blog entry on her website as far as how the date went. This girl is definitely going to cost you a pretty coin if you’re planning to get in bed with her as quick as possible and then cut loose. Alexandra only accepts the best, so you’re going to have to shop at Perseus if you’re hoping to get anywhere with her at a heightened rate. Anything else just won’t do and you’ll have to put up with more constant complaining if you show up dressed in Modo or Russian mob-wear.

The vehicle you drive will make a difference for this liberated woman ... (continued on next page)