Trophy Hunting Primer: Top 5 Easiest Platinums
- Posted February 8th, 2013 at 05:18 EDT by Dane Smith
- 2 Comments
Welcome to PSU.com's hit series on the world of Trophy hunting. Join our hosts Skip Williams and Max Platinum as they give you the inside scoop on how to achieve success as a Trophy hunter and take your game to the next level. From trying to beat your friends, to going to the top of the world rankings, they bring you the in-depth analysis found no where else.
Disclaimer: All likenesses used are for parody and/or satirical purposes.
Skip: Welcome back to the program everyone. The consoles got paid overtime, we went through a deluge of energy drinks, and Max has become so burnt he vows to get a signed copy of Hanna Montana as we finished going through the lengthy PS3 library to bring you the top 5 easiest plats in gaming. As always I’m your host with the most Skip Williams and with me is the doctor of trophinomics Max Platinum. Max…Max…Max, how long did you stay up. You know energy drinks are only supposed to be for a couple hours, right? They don’t actually replace the need for sleep.
Max: Seriously Skip, I’m on hold with Hannah Montana’s manager to try and get that signed copy. I know I am a grown man but there is just something about that game, or maybe it is the 50, uh…100, no wait, 147 cans of various brands of energy drinks I’ve consumed since our last episode.
Skip: How are you still alive, Max? Shouldn’t you be hunched in a corner drooling all over yourself, or at the very least screaming as if eaten alive by imaginary fire ants?
Max: Oh, I just ate the fire ants. I was hungry and they came pre-cooked. If I knew you wanted some I would have shared.
Skip: Right, tonight we have boiled down the massive PS3 library into 5 games that we guarantee will rocket you up the leaderboards and trick out your profile with more platinum bling. Assuming you’re done with your fire ant BBQ Max, start off the countdown.
Max: Easy is a very subjective word, and what may be easy for some people could be wall-punchingly mad to others and vice-versa, so we defined easy as a game that takes the least amount of time, stress, and skill to achieve the platinum.
Starting off the list is my crush, Hannah Montana. Her game might be the poster child brand name for whorish platinums but the game does take a very thin amount of skill. Mini-games can be tricky but let us be serious, this is a 4 hour platinum, and if it takes any longer I’m guessing you tried to raid the medicine cabinet to dull the pain but the childproofing stopped you. No self-respecting Trophy whore would be without this Trophy on their list. But do Trophy whores have any self-respect?
Skip: I don’t know Max, do you have any left? I remember the pictures circulating around the office from the New Year’s Eve party.
Max: Yes, I have no self-respect left. I think the drool of platinuming a Disney game would have been an obvious sign. In the 4th spot is a game the feminists would love as it bridges and closes the gap with the big, bad patriarchy as some of the Trophies are female gender specific. Cabela’s Adventure Camp, another kid’s game, is even shorter than Miss Montana to finish but the requirement of a Move controller and Eye might price it out of people’s to-do list.
Skip: Did anyone even buy a Move controller or Eye?
Max: I’d comment but I’m too busy shooting wild deer with a karaoke strobe mic. Pew Pew!
Skip: What’s third on the list? Another Disney game?
Max: Right you are, Skip. We have Megamind sitting unhappily in the third spot. I say unhappily because he is Megamind. I’m sure he has some diabolical plan to rule the leaderboards just like in his movie. With every chapter available via chapter select there is no rush of adrenaline needed to finish this off. Chalk up another 3-6 hour plat to your collection and start writing a note to your friends explaining why you spent the past few days playing only kids games like you were a five-year old.
Skip: So Max, are all the games on this list for kids? It seems like a lot of pride needs to be swallowed ... (continued on next page)
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lavzee | lavzee
- 8:27am EST - February 8th, 2013
i havn't played any of these games (and dont plan too) but my easiest platty has got to be Terminator Salvation. me and a mate coop'd it in under 5 hours. only 12 trophies, all gold, except plat. 1 playthrough. too easy
- 8:26am EST - February 9th, 2013
Haha, I love all these stabs at Trophy wh*res, it actually amuses me how petty and pathetic the are!