Since 1939, Marvel Comics has been creating comic books that feature some of the world's most iconic super heroes. As such, it’s only natural that their collaboration with LEGO and TT Games is only going to feature the very best of the best in the upcoming LEGO Marvel Super Heroes game.
LEGO Marvel Super Heroes is scheduled for an autumn release and all the press coverage and video previews so far indicate players can expect more of the brilliant platforming, tricky puzzles and obsessive brick collecting of previous LEGO titles. Players are also promised access to many of Marvel Comics's popular heroes throughout the game, but when I read one of the latest press releases about the massive cast list I started thinking -- what about those Marvel characters who really wouldn't be suitable to star in any game LEGO or otherwise?
A quick read of some of the more "suspect" funny books in my comic collection easily presented me with a list of five Marvel heroes who really shouldn't be in any game, and to be honest maybe not even in print. Read on and discover heroes with bizarre powers, dodgy personal habits or those who are just plain wrong and find out why LEGO and Marvel should never consider putting them in their new game.
Let’s start with Dr Druid who despite once being an Avenger was so bad at being a hero that he met a very inglorious end. Now, the good doctor had the powers of telepathy and magic, which sadly lead to him not covering himself in glory but instead constantly being the team member who got mind controlled and betrayed his comrades. Not content with his almost constant treason Dr Druid then proceeded to go insane and was killed by my next poor choice of hero, who burnt his remains in a trash can.
While being dead is no barrier to Dr Druid appearing in a LEGO game (just ask Boromir -- hold on you can’t, he's dead), he certainly doesn't endear himself to any game with his poor super powers and inglorious demise. Maybe he could appear in the background of any action in Manhattan as a smouldering bin. Or perhaps not.
Anyway on to my next choice, namely the hero who killed Dr Druid, the one and only Damion Hellstrom; or to give him his full title, The Son of Satan. Yes, Lucifer's son is a Marvel super hero who blasts villains with his trident which spews hellfire; luckily he has quite a subtle look so you wouldn't know Old Nick is his dad.
OK I lied.
Anyway Damion's only real claim to fame is that he killed Dr Druid which is as about hard as beating up a My Little Pony really. Given that LEGO Marvel Super Heroes promise us a level set in the mythical realm of Asgard, surely they could stretch to a level in Hell where Damion can shine? Then again, I'm pretty sure a LEGO set of Hell and its inhabitants might be an image the game would want to avoid.
Think things couldn’t get any weirder super hero wise? Well, think again, as you haven't met The Man-Thing, or as he was once known, Dr Ted Sallis. Having been working on duplicating Captain America's super serum, Ted was transformed into the shambling monster known as Man-Thing after taking the potion in an attempt to escape death while trapped in a swamp. If you think it can’t get any worse than that, think again; Man-Thing's only real super power is to persecute evil doers or as his tag line goes, "whoever knows fear burns at the touch of the Man-Thing. "
Now a power that sounds like it’s giving its victim an embarrassing infection isn’t really going to be suitable gaming material, and the mind boggles at how it would work in LEGO Marvel Super Heroes. In fact the mind just boggles full stop until you see who's coming up.
Next is the Hulk. Before you jump in and point out that he's already in the game, allow me to clarify; one incarnation of the Hulk is indeed present, but it certainly won’t be Old Man Hulk, who shouldn’t even be let out in public let alone in a game. Old Man Hulk is one of the few surviving heroes at the end of a battle royale that sees all the super villains win; he survives by betraying his friends and now lives in California, or as he subtly calls it, Hulk Land.
Now being a dirty traitor isn't Old Man Hulk's worse flaw. He and She Hulk are more than kissing cousins if you get the drift, and Old Man Hulk isn’t averse to a spot of cannibalism and even eats Wolverine (who gives him terrible indigestion) before bringing an end to his grisly reign.
Do I even have to justify why this character shouldn’t grace the beauty of a Lego game? No, okay, lets move on to the last bizarre hero; a lady who I feel is Marvel's weirdest super hero ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Squirrel Girl.
Yes, she has squirrel sense, can speak to squirrels, a utility belt full of nuts and other " fantastic," squirrel related powers.
Sadly, even though Squirrel Girl is my favourite of these misfit heroes, stardom in Marvel LEGO Super Heroes doesn’t really beckon for anyone with animal-related super powers such as nut hoarding. Plus it’s not going to be the greatest combo move in any game if you have to make Squirrel Girl defeat a boss by hibernating, especially if it happens in real-time.
So there we go, five Marvel heroes who aren’t really suitable material for the promising brick collecting, foe fighting, character unlocking all round brilliant fun that I believe LEGO Marvel Super Heroes will be. But hold on, who's this I spy hidden away in the game's cast list? It's none other than Howard the Duck.
Come on if Howard’s in the game can we at least get Squirrel Girl, even if she’s just DLC, please?
[Editor's note: We're now aware that Squirrel Girl has been added to the character roster, something which had not transpired at the time this article was written. Yes, we're as baffled as you are over this. Maybe it's time to place bets on The Man Thing as DLC, eh?]