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View Full Version : Accept Jesus Christ and Get a Free PlayStation 2!



Trinity
04-25-2006, 21:49
DISCLAIMER: Trinity, Trinity INC, Trinity Designs, Trinity corp, and everything related to me, my posts, family, friends, and partners in crime are not responsible for anything you are about to read. If you are weak of heart, my team of professional legal advisors advice YOU to leave.


Hey kids! If your Mom and Dad didn't buy you a PlayStation 2 for Christmas, you can still get one FOR FREE! Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ? Well, He's heard of you! And He wants you to have all the cool toys your parents are too cheap to buy! In fact, the Lord Jesus is very upset with your parents that they didn't give you all the latest stuff that every kid in America deserves! And Jesus has got your back, because He is your homeboy! If you've never heard of Jesus, He is an invisible cloud-dwelling deity (infinite lives!) who loves you very much and wants nothing more than to give you a free PlayStation 2!

We here at Landover Baptist Church work full-time as servants of Jesus Christ, and He's told us about you and your predicament. He's also given us special instructions on how He wants us to deliver a new PlayStation 2 to your house. It's as easy as 1-2-3! Understand, Jesus cares WAY more about you than your parents EVER will! They will never love you as much as Jesus loves you! Always remember that. If you hate your parents because they didn't get you a PlayStation 2 for Christmas, He completely understands! He is totally down with that! In fact, lucky for you, in order to follow Him, you are actually required to hate your parents!

"If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother...he cannot be my disciple." - The Lord Jesus Christ (Luke 14:26)

Pretty cool, huh? So, if you hate your parents, you are already halfway to becoming a True Christian™! Congratulations!

Here is what you need to do to get your free Play Station 2:

1. Tell Jesus that you hate your parents, and that you'd rather have Him for your Daddy. Ask Him to forgive your sins, and cover you with His blood (you'll see plenty of that splattered across your TV when you play your complimentary Grand Theft Auto 3 game!).

2. Find one of your Mom or Dad's credit cards (a blank check is even better!)

3. Call our church office and we will provide you with simple instructions on how to use your parents' credit card to charge a love offering over the phone. Don't worry if you can't find a credit card. We can teach you how to use one of your daddy's checks to do an automatic draft withdrawal (which will get you free shipping and an extra game disk!)

Please note: If your parents ask you where you got your new PlayStation 2, just tell them that your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, delivered it to you via the U.S. Postal Service in exchange for your soul.

Still NOT SURE? Here's More:

Landover Baptist's PlayStation 2 comes with a complimentary modified version of the popular disk, Tony Hawk's Underground. You can upload Jesus' face into the game and automatically unlock all of the cheat codes to "God Mode," so that Jesus can win every single level and perform incredible grab-tricks, spins, flips and stunts!

As a new Christian, you will want to share the good news of Jesus Christ with as many of your "peeps in the hood" as you can. The great thing about Tony Hawk's Underground is that you can actually get off of your skateboard and walk around in the game and talk to other skaters about the Plan of Salvation! And if they don't accept Jesus as their Personal Savior, you can kill them later. How cool is that!?

In addition, if you are interested in Christian computer games, Landover Baptist children use Bible-based-maps and characters in Unreal Tournament as part of their Christian Soldier training to help Jesus slaughter sinners in the final battle of Armageddon (which God willing, will happen during President George W. Bush's second term). Remember to tell your parents to vote for GW in 2004, so that you can meet Jesus real soon and thank Him personally for all the cool stuff He is going to be sending you through this and other super-cool Landover Baptist Kids promotions this year!

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0104/ps2.html

MiThRaZoR
04-25-2006, 21:57
I think I speak for alot of people when I say... What the hell?

Trinity
04-25-2006, 21:59
Read the thing and you might get an idea.

proof
04-25-2006, 22:01
Can you give lazy people like me a summary? :P

MiThRaZoR
04-25-2006, 22:02
I know about free PS2 if you become a Christian or whatever but some stuff, it's just really wierdly put. Like they're tryin' to act like they're thugged out or something? Get what I'm sayin'?

It's like a 50 year old white man actin' like a G.

Trinity
04-25-2006, 22:03
LOL, oh come on its a joke, its funny. Just read the first 3 paragraphs and the 1,2,3.

MiThRaZoR
04-25-2006, 22:06
Oh it's a joke. I thought i twas for real. I was shocked. Lol.. Funny. ------> :lol:

hoverbike
04-26-2006, 01:17
It's a joke and full of lies at that. Jesus doesn't want you to hate your parents, that's retarted. Who runs that website?

SpaceMonkeyDave
04-26-2006, 01:19
haha this was on the site, i found it "amusing"
http://www.fes-net.com/_lob/unsavedtshirt.gif
:lol:

night52
04-26-2006, 02:42
:lol: that sight is just twisted :twisted: . you can tell its a joke though since it tells the kid to "steal" there dad's credit card. at first i couldnt understand if the site was serious but its obvious now.

Brandon
04-26-2006, 04:56
Please don't post things like this. Thanks.