Anyone Need Relationship/Dating Advice?

[Perfect Sin]

Alright, before you go off dismissing this thread for nothing, this is actually a very serious and very help orientated thread.

I know some of our members, posters, readers, guests, etc. might have trouble or questions about the world of dating or relationships. Though some of you might be hesitant to admit it, a lot of people here (including myself) have had moments where we just can't say the right thing, can't get a date, can't get laid, or don't know what the hell goes on in a member of the opposite sex's brain.

What I hope to do, by creating this thread, is to allow members who have questions, to express their interests or concerns to a lending ear.

In case you're wondering why I should be the "ideal" person to listen, read my following reasons.
1) I don't know you. I can't go off to one of your friends and tell them your problems.
2) I've been through break-ups.
3) I've done hook-ups.
4) I've been in meaningful relationships (2 years was my longest one)
5) I've had friends that have had dating/relationship problems.
6) I'm a good listener.
7) I'm understanding.
8 ) I'm serious and will commit to helping you.In case anyone's wondering why a Moderator of PS3Forums (who by all means should be a total geek) has this much time to give other gaming enthusiasts tips on dating/relationships/sex...let's just say I don't sleep often and love the different experiences life has to offer.

I offer advice to both sexes. If anyone is too concerned to post in this thread, please feel free to PM me. I will get back to you as soon as possible.

For those that do post in this thread...given the nature and maturity requirements, I will delete posts that make fun of, hurt, or are pointless in my thread.
Edit: For those that might want to help lend advice. Please PM me first telling me why you would like to help, and what makes you the type of person to offer advice.Opinions that Matter


Edit:

WTH, it doesn't really matter so long as you're respectful of other people's situations and feelings.

[Tribunal]

or don't know what the hell goes on in a member of the opposite sex's brain.

I think that covers about all of us. Infact, I think that covers the entire male sex.

Anyways, I've already made up my mind on what to do about this, but I guess I could use a second opinion.

Me and this girl I had been working with were becoming pretty good friends. We'd hang out together from time to time all that stuff. Nothing ever too serious. Anyways, just recently she got fired, apparently (well she did) she stole 100 dollars from the cash machine at our store. (I did not know she was this type of person)

My question:

She still wants to hang around with me, and stuff like usual. Should I

A) Still hang out with her, and possibly try to get her to turn her act around.
B) Not give her the time of day so she realizes just how serious the situation is, and that no one will want her if she continues about this path.

:?:

[Perfect Sin]

Talk to her. Don't pass judgement on her until you hear her reasons for doing so. Don't try and "turn her around." Just bring it up, and listen.

Edit

If you're wondering..."Where'd my posts go?"
I deleted them!

From the start I decided this to be a serious thread, and expect serious responses. I don't appreciate sarcasm nor do I tolerate insulting or condesending remarks.

If you're wondering why I created this thread, then stop. It's just a thread, and it's for the people who need, want, or care for dating/relationship tips.

[Fallout Boy]

As Perfect Sin said, real friends don't judge for actions like that, you know she did the wrong thing, but you shouldn't let it get in the road of your friendship.

The best thing to do would be to discuss it with her, not as in a lecture but just off hand in a completley unserious way, just a discussion between friends.

I don't know what her circumstances are but chances are anyone fired for theft is going to be feeling pretty humiliated and vulnerable, just be a friend, trying to teach her a lesson isn't going to help. Thats what her parents/cops/judges are for.

[MiThRaZoR]

There was something like this posted. Except a member was asking for help on his relationship. Then Dr. Love aka Siren came and gave everyone some of the best advice. I'll try to find the thread.

[Ridge Racer]

I've made it a rule not to date anyone at work. I've tried it twice and it bombed twice. The problem is there are a couple of girls at work that I really dig and I get the feeling and a vibe from one of them especially that she kinda digs me too. I really would like to date her but I just dread what may happen if/when it all goes sour. Plus the fact that she dated one of my friends before for some reason kind of bugs me. Have you dealt with this kind of thing before? What would you recommend?

[Perfect Sin]

It's hard to give advice when I don't know all the facts. What caused the break-ups from the first two girls you dated from work?

Why does it bother you that the girl dated your friend? Did she recently break-up with him (or vice versa)?

[Ridge Racer]

Well basically my job is full of predators. The types of guys that already have their wives at home but are always looking for the one on the side. To say that there has been a ton of co-mingling at work is an understatement. So the rest of us who are still looking for that one, and not one on the side, but that one well just can't seem to get a break. Basically the two relationships bombed because there's a lot of lying and deceiving at my job. Guys always have to try and move in on your territory so to speak. Both girls also tried to deceive me, basically trying to get me to be the back up while trying to screw around with another guy and that ain't my style.

I'm looking for that one woman whom I can be happy with for the rest of my life and whom I hope I can make happy.

I guess the friend thing is kind of the you don't mess with a buddies girlfriend even after they break up type of thing. Funny thing is he's suggested that I go out with her himself.

[Perfect Sin]

Thanks for the information.

My advice to you is to put your past experiences with girls from work behind you. If you are looking for a woman that you can spend the rest of your life with, she should only have eyes for you.

What I suggest is to ask her out on a date. Before asking her, I recommend that you start to talk to her and see if you guys can carry a conversation. If you both act flirtatious or get a good vibe going then you should have no problem asking her out. Find out some information about her. What she likes....is she a party girl? Is she a girl with tastes and class? Depending upon that information, you choose a place to go (classy restaurant, a stylish club, etc.)

The key to relationships is communication. Talk to her and always look into her eyes. You want to leave an impression or feeling that you two have a connection. If this is created then there's no reason for her to have interest in the other "predators" at work.

Make sure to never let the thoughts of marriage get on your mind. All she knows is the information that you show or give to her. In other words, she doesn't know that you're looking for the girl to spend the rest of your life with. Dating is dating. Until you feel you're both starting to love each other, then do you start thinking of marriage.

If you don't get that feeling that you two are meant for each other, break the relationship off. Be honest, tell her you're looking to settle down with someone. She should understand. Maybe she might even be surprised and realize she too is looking to settle down. Your guess is as good as mine.

[Ridge Racer]

Funny thing is that we do have that flirting thing going now. It's not an over the top thing but more subtle. When we talk and whatnot I do get that good vibe from her too. Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely take it under advisement.

[killzone_71]

So i guess Perfect Sin is a Babe magnet i suppose? :lol:

[roosters93]

Perfect Sin you seriously are a great relationship and dating advice giver.
You are better than those people in magazines who don't know what they are talking about, and they get paid to do it.

[Perfect Sin]

So i guess Perfect Sin is a Babe magnet i suppose? :lol:

Not necessarily a "babe magnet" but I do know my way around dating and relationships.


Perfect Sin you seriously are a great relationship and dating advice giver.
You are better than those people in magazines who don't know what they are talking about, and they get paid to do it.

Thanks.


However, I must ask you guys to only post if you're asking for advice. I just don't want the thread being filled up with comments and pointless posts.

[SolidSnakeUS]

What's funny is, is that I have followed some of these suggestions and I have gotten no where really, it's kind of sad even by my stand point. :lol:

[Vercetti]

I agree with not dating women at work but its way easier said than done. Plus, the fact that they're beautiful makes it even more temptatious. Then you start to become friends and the curiosity starts there.

The fact that I see these women 5 days a week for the next two years (school actually, not work) automatically makes it feel like you've been dating. You get to know them really well.

I think if you want to have a relationship outside of work then that's cool. But if things go wrong like some of you have posted, things could get really awkward at work/school. Another hard thing to realize is that you will still have to work with these women no matter what happens in your relationship.

I think if you set boundaries to begin with you should be fine. But I always go with my gut (and my other brain. :lol: )

[janenba352]

Vercetti - Yea, setting boundaries is the key to get any relationship going when you both go to the same school or work at the same work. Even though really at school the boundaries would be really light since I doubt the girl(s) would in everyone of your classes or the same lunch every year.

SolidSnakeUS - Could you explain why things don't work out or you don't get anywhere close to a relationship?

[Perfect Sin]

What's funny is, is that I have followed some of these suggestions and I have gotten no where really, it's kind of sad even by my stand point. :lol:

What do you mean by this?

[Angelcurio]

I have a question.

In my job, something kind of strange is happening. My desk is located at the end of my department, so the entire department is on my back, when i stand up, i see all the workers.

Then there is this girls, really beatiful and all, but its the kind of gilr that had a rich boyfriend (even though they just broke), and i have seen her hanging out with the $$ people of the department.

As i have said before, each time i have to stand up from my desk to go to another place, i see the whole department. Lately i have noticed that sometimes when i stand up, the girl is looking at me. Sometimes i just quickly make a 180 grades turn on my chair, and i have seen them looking at me, sometimes in a subtle way (so no one, even me, notices it).

Its kind of strange to see someone looking at you, you just have this :suspect: feeling.

Anyway, could anyone tell me whats going on, i only talk to her for job related things, and she speaks normally, and a couple of times she have gave me a half ride to my home (dont speculate with this, she has gaven rides to other employees as well).

PS: I dont like the girl, and also dont like her type of person (girls that hangs with richie guys), i am just an average person, with a normal income, without a car or anything like that. Also, i have my girlfriend. I just want to know what do you think is going on with the way this girls acts :suspect:

[Perfect Sin]

It sounds to me like you might just be over analyzing the situation. She might think that you look cute, or handsome, but on the same note, she doesn't really sound interested in you.

What really matters though is that you have a girlfriend. Since you know that, you shouldn't feel worried about her thinking you're cute or not. If she starts coming on to you, then you have an issue. But right now it just sounds like you're over-analyzing the situation.

[Angelcurio]

It sounds to me like you might just be over analyzing the situation. She might think that you look cute, or handsome, but on the same note, she doesn't really sound interested in you.

What really matters though is that you have a girlfriend. Since you know that, you shouldn't feel worried about her thinking you're cute or not. If she starts coming on to you, then you have an issue. But right now it just sounds like you're over-analyzing the situation.

I have always had a strange thing going on with me, since i was a kid, i know it sound weird but, i always know when someone is looking at me.

Each time i have this feeling, i just turn around, and there is someone looking at me. I know it sounds weird, but it has happenned to me all my life.

Then thats what actually happens to me on my job, just feel someone is watching me, when i turn around, its her. So thats why each time i feel the urge to turn around, 80% of the time the person that is looking at me is her :?

[janenba352]

She has a crush on you. Nothing that to worry about. If it truly bothers you that she almost constantly is looking at you pull her to the side one of these days and talk to her about it. Explain to her that you already have a girlfriend that you care about and if she just wants to be friend but ask her to stop staring at you since you have no plans of getting together with her. Do it all in a kind and caring manor though so she doesn't get to mad or sad. While talking and watch the way she acts. If it looks like she is getting emotional tell her that theres plenty of other guys she could have a wonderful relationship with.

[SolidSnakeUS]

What's funny is, is that I have followed some of these suggestions and I have gotten no where really, it's kind of sad even by my stand point. :lol:

What do you mean by this?

What I mean by this is by my age, and how I am with women. Hell, I'm probably one of the most considerate people to women you'll ever meet. I'm not a playboy, but I can talk to some women. (I'm 19, 20 in December). I guess all I can do is wait.

[I write Cursive]

Uuuhmm.... honestly..

I can't get guy friends anymore.
They either... like me. hate me. or want to have sex and be friends with benefits.... when I'm not even their friend yet. But mostly... the ones I think are cute are mad shady ....

why?! This leads to my dissatisfaction in guys.

Some say that I give off a vibe. That I seem "down". But.. I'm like .. " I've never even talked to you before today".

......dang. I will PM YOU. since I have a little story... with a co-worker.

[SolidSnakeUS]

Well for one, he's a dick hole, that is for one, secondly, if you are going to have sex, try to get to know someone first, don't do it off the bat, things could go the wrong way otherwise. Basically, if he is pissing you off enough, tell him to screw off, and to basically "pretend to know each other" is extremely childish and disrespectful. I mean, if you are dealing with this maturly and dealing with what you like in guys, then you are much more grown up than him.

[adz1992]

What's funny is, is that I have followed some of these suggestions and I have gotten no where really, it's kind of sad even by my stand point. :lol:

What do you mean by this?

What I mean by this is by my age, and how I am with women. Hell, I'm probably one of the most considerate people to women you'll ever meet. I'm not a playboy, but I can talk to some women. (I'm 19, 20 in December). I guess all I can do is wait.

hey i got the same problem im just ugly n younger but im the guy you see on the streets that looks like a thug but ill stick up for people i dnt even know.im only 13 but iv had older people ask me for advice somehow i hooked to 19 year olds that i didnt even no up lol. im not a playa but im ugly n i admit it so i just keep to myself about my feelings :)

[SolidSnakeUS]

Well I personally don't think I'm ugly, I may have a belly, but that ain't bad, but also for some reason I still don't get, I'm better with women that are younger than me. But that's how it is for me.

[adz1992]

lol na i got spots curly hair n glassies and im not afraid to admit im ugly since its not like anyone can say i am when i admit it all the time lol

im better with girls that are around the same age as me because they can get on with my friends easyer and thats easyer to hang around with them then

[Tribunal]

I prefer to talk with females by myself, and not around my friends or anything. (Mainly because it's like I'm obligated to act like a jackass)

It's been my experience (I'm not the greatest look'n guy in the world) that looks aren't everything. But, I do have a vivid personality.

[SolidSnakeUS]

I prefer to talk with females by myself, and not around my friends or anything. (Mainly because it's like I'm obligated to act like a jackass)

It's been my experience (I'm not the greatest look'n guy in the world) that looks aren't everything. But, I do have a vivid personality.

I know what you mean, if I try to do something with a girl, I try not to get my guy friends involved, mainly because it would seem a little awkward in my opinion, so if I try to get together with a girl, I try not to get together with anyone else other than her, unless it's like a party or something.

[adz1992]

you alot like me mate i make myself known to be there my ex said i was to loud :).
the police love me they know exactly where i am im the guy shoutin random things.
the funnyest iv done is been going up to random people i dont even know and askin "whats the french for va va voom?" and that was only yesterday lol everyone loves adza :P
and na looks arnt everything it just helps lol

and im in a big group alot since im big in the uk garage sence around where i hang its almost impossible for me to be alone

[Crazy Phat]

Well I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago :cry: and this girl that I saw really caught my attention. I walked up and talked to her, you know asked her is she was single. But I then remembered that that is the same girl who my friend has been trying to get since the begginning of the year. I really want this girl, but I do not want f up my friendship and backstab him. He really likes this girl, and he would feel terrible if I went out with her. I mean, I am attracted to her in ways I never thought possible(I want that damn girl). Oh well, I guess there is always more fish in the sea. :(

[adz1992]

talk to your mate see if he dont mind some friendly compotition its not like it will make or brake your friendship just remember alls fair in love n war
but also try to give you friend a chance since your on the rebound

[Angelcurio]

Uuuhmm.... honestly..

I can't get guy friends anymore.
They either... like me. hate me. or want to have sex and be friends with benefits.... when I'm not even their friend yet. But mostly... the ones I think are cute are mad shady ....

why?! This leads to my dissatisfaction in guys.

Some say that I give off a vibe. That I seem "down". But.. I'm like .. " I've never even talked to you before today".

......dang. I will PM YOU. since I have a little story... with a co-worker.

I have the same problems as you in normal life. Thats why right now i spend most time on internet than going out.

When i was in high school, in my classroom there were like 40 girls, while we were only 4 mens. Then in my job, my department has like 75 employees, and like 60 of those are girls. And we the young males are only like 6 or 7.

For strange life things, i have always had to work or be in places crowded by womens, so i try to be friends with those. But in all cases, all the girls that i keep treating like good friends, always end trying to be something else. Its really hard, cuz once the girls say they feel, things never become the same.

For that same fact i have too little real life friends, the vast majority of people that i talk to or laugh with are over the net.

[Perfect Sin]

Well I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago :cry: and this girl that I saw really caught my attention. I walked up and talked to her, you know asked her is she was single. But I then remembered that that is the same girl who my friend has been trying to get since the begginning of the year. I really want this girl, but I do not want f up my friendship and backstab him. He really likes this girl, and he would feel terrible if I went out with her. I mean, I am attracted to her in ways I never thought possible(I want that damn girl). Oh well, I guess there is always more fish in the sea. :(

I will give you advice as soon as you answer my questions.

Who dumped who? (Be honest)
Why did (you/she) dump (you/her)?


For strange life things, i have always had to work or be in places crowded by womens, so i try to be friends with those. But in all cases, all the girls that i keep treating like good friends, always end trying to be something else. Its really hard, cuz once the girls say they feel, things never become the same.

That's true, but there are ways to maintain a friendship even if she confesses her feelings for you. Sit her down and explain to her why she's a great friend. Tell her what most girls tell guys, "I just don't want to ruin a great friendship." Tell her you're flattered that she has those feelings for you and apologize that you can't return the same sentiments. I assume you have your reasons behind not dating your friends so say those as well.

[christianpachon]

I have been looking a girl in this months, she is really cute, never talk to her. The thing is that i am not sure because she must be like 22 i guess and i am 19. She always whit man around, i dont really what to do, and how to do it.

Thanks for your time Perfect Sin and giving answers to something that never teach in schools.

[Fallout Boy]

I have been looking a girl in this months, she is really cute, never talk to her. The thing is that i am not sure because she must be like 22 i guess and i am 19. She always whit man around, i dont really what to do, and how to do it.

Thanks for your time Perfect Sin and giving answers to something that never teach in schools.

Im not sure what the circumstances are with this girl, are you at school with her? work together? Have you ever said anything to her?

Girls can be intimidating to talk to at the best of times, and if you like one its even harder, the fear of her rejecting you can make you too afraid to even strike up a conversation. If she is always around guys it can be harder again because you have this "percieved competition".

I know it sounds hard but really the only thing you can do is confront your fear, talk to her. Trying to be coy or sneaky will never work because girls clue onto that type of behaviour very quickly.

The best advice I can give you is if you see her just say hello. Put yourself in her face, make yourself known. If she is interested she will stay and talk to you. You don't have to be this machoistic super smooth guy, just be yourself and talk to her.

Most girls will respect confidence, the hardest part is working up the courage to say something.
You may get rejected or you may not, you may make a good friend, the point is you actually tried it.

[Perfect Sin]

I agree with Fallout Boy. If you could tell us where you are seeing this girl, perhaps we can figure out some ways on trying to get her attention.

[roosters93]

Perfect Sin, if you see this post as pointless and just filling up the thread, then you can delete it.

I hate it how it is so hard to talk to the girl you like. I am pretty good talking to girls and have many friends who are female, but when it comes to talking to the girl I like, I find it hard. :( Many of you can probably relate to this.

[Fallout Boy]

I hate it how it is so hard to talk to the girl you like. I am pretty good talking to girls and have many friends who are female, but when it comes to talking to the girl I like, I find it hard. :( Many of you can probably relate to this.

I think every guy has been in your situation at one point or another, trying to talk to the girl you like is terrifying, you have things to say but your feelings muddle everything up and make things come out awkward, you try to be normal but your so busy trying to disguise your true feelings that you just end up in a big mess.

Unfortunatley there is no magic fix for this, you can't talk yourself out of it and you can't force yourself to act normal, some people have different ways of dealing with it like acting like total jerks and being smart-asses, or becoming completly introverted and avoiding contact with who they like.

Like all things, talking to your crush gets easier with practice, the more you talk to them, the easier it gets. I know it sucks but as with everthing there's no pain, no gain, you are eventually going to have to do the hard yards.
The more you talk to them not only the easier it gets, but you also become better friends with them, you will either become more attracted as you learn more or grow out of it and realise your feelings were not what you originally thought.

Tips for sparking up conversation? The trick is to get a girl talking, don't talk about yourself. All girls like different things so start simple and the more you find out the more you have to talk about, and as the conversation progresses, the more confident you get.
Ask them how their day is going us usually a good way to start, or "what do you think of <insert song here>, or "have you seen this <movie>"

Its just overcoming your fear and taking the initial plunge in making conversatoin which is the scariest, it really does get easier once that is over.

[Perfect Sin]

Perfect Sin, if you see this post as pointless and just filling up the thread, then you can delete it.

I hate it how it is so hard to talk to the girl you like. I am pretty good talking to girls and have many friends who are female, but when it comes to talking to the girl I like, I find it hard. :( Many of you can probably relate to this.

Again I fully agree with Fallout Boy. Talking and approaching girls you like will only become easier with time and practice. Women love guys with confidence, but they hate guys who are cocky. Find a good balance and stick with it.

To be honest, I usually can start up a good conversation with a casual, "What's up?" Most girls would answer by saying, "Nothing." Read the tone of their voice, if they sound annoyed just let it go, if they're keeping eye contact then crack a joke or step the conversation up a bit more. If you're in school for example, she says "nothing" you say, "I guess you're excited for that class assembly on abstinence too huh?" You throw a little sarcasm her way and she should pick up on the fact that you're trying to engage her in a conversation (a.k.a you like her).

I still have trouble trying to find the right things to say when you start talking to a woman for the first time. Just always remember confidence.

[Crazy Phat]

Who dumped who? (Be honest)
Why did (you/she) dump (you/her)?

She broke up with me.

She broke up with me because her girlfriend claimed that I was cheating on her and also claimed that she saw me hitting on another girl. WTF!!!
:(

Note:If you noticed, my posting average has gone up. I am in a dark state right now. But I have my hormones. I am trying to get a new girlfriend but I will probably take a little break.

[Perfect Sin]

Well I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago :cry: and this girl that I saw really caught my attention. I walked up and talked to her, you know asked her is she was single. But I then remembered that that is the same girl who my friend has been trying to get since the begginning of the year. I really want this girl, but I do not want f up my friendship and backstab him. He really likes this girl, and he would feel terrible if I went out with her. I mean, I am attracted to her in ways I never thought possible(I want that damn girl). Oh well, I guess there is always more fish in the sea. :(


She broke up with me.

She broke up with me because her girlfriend claimed that I was cheating on her and also claimed that she saw me hitting on another girl. WTF!!!
:(

Note:If you noticed, my posting average has gone up. I am in a dark state right now. But I have my hormones. I am trying to get a new girlfriend but I will probably take a little break.

A couple more questions...

How long ago was it when you broke up?
Do you still think about your ex?
Do you want to get back with your ex-girlfriend?

[Crazy Phat]

We have been broken up for about 2-3 weeks ago or more if I can remember.

Yeah I do think about her every now and then.

Yeah I want her back, but I don't think she wants to see my face again(ever).

I am eating packs of ice cream to fill the pain in my heart. But, I won't let one break up kill my mojo. But I still think that I am going to take a break.

However, she was quiet unfond of games. :|

[Perfect Sin]

Well my friend, video games aren't the only thing in the world. If you're an avid video gamer, I really think you should get a girlfriend that has little interest in them. That way they can show you the real world, not the virtual one.

On a different note, I don't think that this should be the last time you ever talk to your ex. If you did cheat on her, or did hit on another girl, then your ex has every right to mad at you, and then some. That doesn't change the fact that you should apologize. If you didn't cheat on her, and her girlfriend is making up lies about you (only god knows why) then you still need to talk to her.

However, either way your aim should not be to get back together with her. That's her decision. You're there to talk and straighten things out, make sure there's no bad blood between you two. She probably won't be too willing to talk, will probably shoot you down a couple times (testing to see how devoted you are towards getting her and your feelings straight). Don't give up, but don't force her. Eventually she should cave in and hear you out. When you do confront her don't accuse her of anything, if she talks you listen, when you talk, it's all about how dumb you are. Don't make up stupid excuses, like you were drunk (even if you were).

I'd say something like this...
If I had cheated on her: "Listen, I know nothing could ever make the fact that I cheated on you any easier to forgive and forget. What I did was wrong, stupid, immoral and irreparable. The time apart, reflecting in on myself has shown me that I really do care about you. Trust is a hard thing to gain and an easy thing to loose. I know I lost your trust and I know you have every right to be angry or disgusted at me. Yet even though I don't deserve your forgiveness, here I am begging for it. I would do anything, anything! If only I was able to gain your trust and forgiveness back."

As far as the girl your friend is after. She should be the farthest thing from your mind right now. If anything you should encourage him to talk to her, make a move on her. Friendship is too valuable a thing to waste. It would suck to loose a friend all so you could date a girl who you really only have a sexual interest in.

[Crazy Phat]

Well my friend, video games aren't the only thing in the world. If you're an avid video gamer, I really think you should get a girlfriend that has little interest in them. That way they can show you the real world, not the virtual one.

You don't understand, she reaaaaaaaally hates games. She thinks anyone who plays them are life wasters. :| However, I think I should unleash The Sims or Singstar on her. :D

[christianpachon]

I have been looking a girl in this months, she is really cute, never talk to her. The thing is that i am not sure because she must be like 22 i guess and i am 19. She always whit man around, i dont really what to do, and how to do it.

Thanks for your time Perfect Sin and giving answers to something that never teach in schools.

Im not sure what the circumstances are with this girl, are you at school with her? work together? Have you ever said anything to her?

Girls can be intimidating to talk to at the best of times, and if you like one its even harder, the fear of her rejecting you can make you too afraid to even strike up a conversation. If she is always around guys it can be harder again because you have this "percieved competition".

I know it sounds hard but really the only thing you can do is confront your fear, talk to her. Trying to be coy or sneaky will never work because girls clue onto that type of behaviour very quickly.

The best advice I can give you is if you see her just say hello. Put yourself in her face, make yourself known. If she is interested she will stay and talk to you. You don't have to be this machoistic super smooth guy, just be yourself and talk to her.

Most girls will respect confidence, the hardest part is working up the courage to say something.
You may get rejected or you may not, you may make a good friend, the point is you actually tried it.

She is in the same college of me, i just can saw her sometimes, we are not in any class, i have not say a word to her. Maybe i just take any opportunity to talk to her and thats it. thanks

[SpaceMonkeyDave]

Well my friend, video games aren't the only thing in the world. If you're an avid video gamer, I really think you should get a girlfriend that has little interest in them. That way they can show you the real world, not the virtual one.

You don't understand, she reaaaaaaaally hates games. She thinks anyone who plays them are life wasters. :| However, I think I should unleash The Sims or Singstar on her. :D
go for nintendogs that never fails :lol:

[Crazy Phat]

Well my friend, video games aren't the only thing in the world. If you're an avid video gamer, I really think you should get a girlfriend that has little interest in them. That way they can show you the real world, not the virtual one.

You don't understand, she reaaaaaaaally hates games. She thinks anyone who plays them are life wasters. :| However, I think I should unleash The Sims or Singstar on her. :D
go for nintendogs that never fails :lol:You sparked an idea in my head. I am planning on buying a DS, and the DS seems like a hit with casual people...

:o

I think I know what I am going to do. :D

[Fallout Boy]

She is in the same college of me, i just can saw her sometimes, we are not in any class, i have not say a word to her. Maybe i just take any opportunity to talk to her and thats it. thanks

This does sound difficult and she does sound unapproachable if you honestly have nothing to say to her.

Still if your really interested your just going to have to take the plunge, think about somethign to say and ask her.

First you want to attract her attention, just say "hello" thats the easiest way of gauging if she wants to talk to you, if she stops and looks at you then you probably can start a conversation, if she looks like she doesn't want to talk that will also be pretty obvious.

Then you actually need something to say, at college most people are pretty social and fairly easy to talk to, if you need something to start conversation something like "So how'd your exam timetable turn out" or if there are any social nights like bar nights ask if she is going.

You don't need to expect the first time you speak to her it will be great, or you will make a new best friend, but it will mean you have talked to her and you will have something to say next time you see her.

[SpaceMonkeyDave]

say, do any of you know martin harris, he's good at this type of thing..

[Angelcurio]

Who dumped who? (Be honest)
Why did (you/she) dump (you/her)?

She broke up with me.

She broke up with me because her girlfriend claimed that I was ...........

Did i miss something, or something got lost in translation? :shock:

BTW, my last girlfriend hated games. When i was with her, for the first time in my life i stopped playing :lol:

PS: this is coming from someone that could play 4 or 6 hours a day and a lot more on weekends.

[Tribunal]

Who dumped who? (Be honest)
Why did (you/she) dump (you/her)?

She broke up with me.

She broke up with me because her girlfriend claimed that I was ...........

Did i miss something, or something got lost in translation? :shock:

Her friend is a girl, thus her girlfriend. Females use this term alot.

[EndersShadow]

She is in the same college of me, i just can saw her sometimes, we are not in any class, i have not say a word to her. Maybe i just take any opportunity to talk to her and thats it. thanks
I think you should just forget about her. She may just be a "fantasy" girl that you drool over but never really expect to get. Now, what prevents you from getting her is yourself (specifically your self-confidence). However, if you haven't been able to muster up the confidence to talk to her then you need to build up some. Going up to a gorgeous girl and getting shut down is not the right way to do it.

Go around and just talk to girls (Aim for ones you find attractive but also ones you feel comfortable enough to talk with. If you can't approach any girls you find attractive then just talk to girls you don't find ugly). What will happen is you'll understand how to talk with girls (because it is different from talking to other guys), gaining more female friends will build up your ego, the "fantasy" girls will see you with a bunch of different girls (girls that may be pretty) and the "fantasy" girls will wonder what you've got that interests your lady friends, and you may even begin to like one of these female friends.

However, let's say you do want to pursue her or some other girl you have trouble talking to. If you see her sitting by herself, ask if you can join her. If you two are walking in the same direction, see if there's a chance you can open a door for her. When you do, look her in the eyes, smile, and say "hi". By the way, I'm not suggesting you follow her around and stalk her. To start the conversation? Tell her you've seen her around campus and ask what major she's going into. Then ask why she wanted to go into that major, etc. If everything goes well, tell her you'd like to get to know her better and ask if she's free this weekend for ______ (fill in the blank). Have a date in mind before you ask her out.

That's just some suggestions if you're willing to go through with it. From what you said, it doesn't seem like you're ready but do whatever makes you happy. "Things may come to those who wait. But only the things left by those who hustle." - Abraham Lincoln

[Trinity]

Who dumped who? (Be honest)
Why did (you/she) dump (you/her)?

She broke up with me.

She broke up with me because her girlfriend claimed that I was ...........

Did i miss something, or something got lost in translation? :shock:

Her friend is a girl, thus her girlfriend. Females use this term alot.

If you are a girl: You call your female-friends "girlfriends", and your male-friends "guy friend/s"

If you are a boy: You call your male friends "buddy", "friend", or "dude"
and your female friends...that is up to you :P

America 101 brought to you by Trinity

[Aleman]

Some general advice: if you want a long term relationship, get in with their family. Make good impressions on parents and relatives. Getting to be good friends with your girlfriend's little sister helps a lot.

[WhatRuOn]

Some general advice: if you want a long term relationship, get in with their family. Make good impressions on parents and relatives. Getting to be good friends with your girlfriend's little sister helps a lot.
Friends as well...If the best friend of a girl you like approves, that is a major bonus.

[christianpachon]

She is in the same college of me, i just can saw her sometimes, we are not in any class, i have not say a word to her. Maybe i just take any opportunity to talk to her and thats it. thanks
I think you should just forget about her. She may just be a "fantasy" girl that you drool over but never really expect to get. Now, what prevents you from getting her is yourself (specifically your self-confidence). However, if you haven't been able to muster up the confidence to talk to her then you need to build up some. Going up to a gorgeous girl and getting shut down is not the right way to do it. Go around and just talk to girls (Aim for ones you find attractive but also ones you feel comfortable enough to talk with. If you can't approach any girls you find attractive then just talk to girls you don't find ugly). What will happen is you'll understand how to talk with girls (because it is different from talking to other guys), gaining more female friends will build up your ego, the "fantasy" girls will see you with a bunch of different girls (girls that may be pretty) and the "fantasy" girls will wonder what you've got that interests your lady friself-confidenceends, and you may even begin to like one of these female friends. However, let's say you do want to pursue her or some other girl you have trouble talking to. If you see her sitting by herself, ask if you can join her. If you two are walking in the same direction, see if there's a chance you can open a door for her. When you do, look her in the eyes, smile, and say "hi". By the way, I'm not suggesting you follow her around and stalk her. To start the conversation? Tell her you've seen her around campus and ask what major she's going into. Then ask why she wanted to go into that major, etc. If everything goes well, tell her you'd like to get to know her better and ask if she's free this weekend for ______ (fill in the blank). Have a date in mind before you ask her out. That's just some suggestions if you're willing to go through with it. From what you said, it doesn't seem like you're ready but do whatever makes you happy. "Things may come to those who wait. But only the things left by those who hustle." - Abraham Lincoln

Well i appreciate the advice you give me. Anyway i know she is not the most beautiful girl that i have ever seen so maybe is not a "fantasy" girl. But you are right i have to get self confidence.

[Perfect Sin]

Standards are very important in relationships and dating. However, one should never feel like they have to lower their standards to get a girl or guy (in some cases). You'll find out that it's much easier to talk, date, hook-up with women if you put yourself in the right places or make yourself available at the right times. Be confident but don't be cocky. Have something to talk about and ask about them and their life. Humans are Bio-Psycho-Social animals. The social part is key to any relationship. If you can communicate, then that's a huge step in an good relationship.

[EndersShadow]

Just to keep this thing going (I'm still in a lovely, healthy relationship mind you)... how do you suggesting getting over a breakup?

Tips from what I've heard:
-Don't talk to the ex till you're completely over him/her.
-Cry, just let all the emotions out.
-Talk to family/close friends.
-Continue old hobbies that you might have stopped while you were with her/him (maybe because the significant other disapproved)

Any others?

[Loudninja]

Man My GF is playing to many games with me. Its making me very angry. :x

[Angelcurio]

Some general advice: if you want a long term relationship, get in with their family. Make good impressions on parents and relatives. Getting to be good friends with your girlfriend's little sister helps a lot.
Friends as well...If the best friend of a girl you like approves, that is a major bonus.
Unless the best female friend your girlfriend ends up liking you as well.....................

[janenba352]

Man My GF is playing to many games with me. Its making me very angry. :x

What do you mean by this? Playing hard to get?

[EndersShadow]

Man My GF is playing to many games with me. Its making me very angry. :x

What do you mean by this? Playing hard to get?
Generally girls play hard to get you haven't "got" her yet. The game loses purpose when you already have her. :D

If she's playing head games with you (such as making you jealous a lot) then something's wrong with her and you might want to back off. Relationships are about trust and comfort. If you don't feel that with her, go in another direction.

[janenba352]

Man My GF is playing to many games with me. Its making me very angry. :x

What do you mean by this? Playing hard to get?
Generally girls play hard to get you haven't "got" her yet. The game loses purpose when you already have her. :D

If she's playing head games with you (such as making you jealous a lot) then something's wrong with her and you might want to back off. Relationships are about trust and comfort. If you don't feel that with her, go in another direction.

Thats true but she might be wanting something that he isn't giving her if you know what I mean. Just ask the girl whats up? Why are you acting this way? theres a good chance that if shes always truthful to you that she will answer you truthfully. It worked for me when I was dating my ex about a year back.

[FattMattAttack]

if you mean that she's playing word games with you. you should just try to sit her down and talk it out with her, tell her how your feeling and that it s effecting you emotionally, and if she still wants to continue with word and mind games, then that would be your sign to move onto someone who doesnt effect you in that sort of way.

but if she's playing hard to get, like if you try to touch her, such as a hug and things like that it could be a ocuple things
1 if it's in the public, maybe she doesnt like public displays of affection.
or
2 she wants to possibly make you work for what you got. make her feel like she is actually desired for more then just what you want physically.

but basically to solve either of thoes problems, just work on things through communications, and/or make her feel like a princess or a priceless treasure to help her open up more and to show her that you really do care about her )if you guys are that serious)

idk if i put too much though into it. but yea. ive been through all sorts of problems with relationships so i thought i should just throw in my two cents

[EndersShadow]

Actually, I disagree with the advice regarding her playing "hard to get" and you must prove yourself worthy of her by calling her pretty and buying her nice stuff. There's a lot of logic in what I've read in the past. Others suggest that rather than you telling her how gorgeous she is, you do rather the opposite (without calling her ugly). Make her feel like she needs to better herself to catch YOUR eye. This also works with the physical stuff. If you aren't the one that innitiates the physical contact, she may think she doesn't please you in that sense and she will try harder (because everyone loves a challenge). Reverse the game, my friend. However, if you're in a serious relationship and these games are still going on? That's not a good sign in my opinion, constantly having battles of supremecy.

Oh, by the way. I don't morally agree with the above approach. I agree that it probably works, but I'm more of the ol fashion type. Ask a girl out, pay for her company (dinner or so), open doors for her, etc. It's worked wonders with my girlfriend.

Btw, FattMattAtttack, what problems have you been through if you don't mind sharing? Maybe someone can help ya out if you haven't figured it out yourself. (that is what this thread is for :D )

[Perfect Sin]

Man My GF is playing to many games with me. Its making me very angry. :x

You need to give me more to work with. Be specific. What do you mean by games? After that can I give you the best of help.


--> FattMattAttack & EndersShadow

I feel that FMA's advice is dead on about communication. The only reason you're probably getting angry over this is because you two aren't talking enough. However, I feel FMA's advice is a bit premature. All the facts are not on the table yet.

I feel that ES's advice is assuming a lot. He is assuming your girlfriend is playing hard to get, thus you should try and reverse the roles. I would advise you to not do that. If she really isn't playing hard to get, then this could have dire consequences in a relationship. It's best you two just talk.

P.S. The reason I question the advice you both gave is because I believe both of you were premature in helping. I'm glad you guys are eager to help, it is a nice measure, but please look at all the possibilities.

[Loudninja]

Thanks guys for you help, this really helped me. WIsh me luck with here lol.

[FattMattAttack]

for EndersShadow's question
problems ive had over time.

been cheated on. been used to get to my friend, have suffered from poor communication which lead me and a ex of mine to mess up the relationship., but now i follow the same way you do ender, i treat my current girlfriend with respect, take her our, basically being the old fashion type, and it has worked wonders and me and my girl have been going out for 2 years, and 2 months, and we couldnt be happier.

[EndersShadow]

Perfect Sin,
Both Matt and I used to word "if" in our response to Loudninja. Had he, or anybody else, not deemed the advice relevant then they could've stopped reading after the sentence that included the word "if". Even though, whether it's relevant or not to one's particular situation, it's nice to read up on different problems and see how others respond to it. It can ease some minds of how they may have reacted in the past or change their perspective of how to act in the future.

By the way, I wasn't assuming Loudninja's girl was playing hard to get. My most recent response actually brewed from Matt's approach of how to handle the situation. I regret any confusion from my posts and appologize if I wasn't clear that it was just general advice.


Glad to hear you're in a nice relationship, Matt. It's difficult to find such a great girl that appreciates a gentlemen. Many girls (not women) don't know what they want. As Mae West said, "A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one."


To be clear, this is merely general advice. My prof. made a comment that applies to dating, even though it's out of context from when he said it. To paraphase, "Don't try to impress people because there'll always be someone unimpressed." Don't go out looking for the hottest girl (or guy) and try to show her (him) off as a trophy to your friends. Well, don't do that if you're looking for a serious relationship anyway. Not everyone will agree with your taste (and you really must decide what's YOUR taste in a girl) so don't let it bother you if your friends don't think the girl you've got is attractive. If anything, it's a blessing because you know one of your friends won't try and steal her (him). Find someone YOU find attractive (be it physically, personality-wise, or my personal favorite - a combination of the two) because that's all that matters in the end.

[Pr0LiFiX]

I had this weird dream two nights ago. Any ideas?

I was walking in a beautiful dim light city full of bright lights and shops. Me and my gf were walking down the sidewalk chatting and laughing about topics we used to never have. Anyway, we come across some bright lights (red and yellow, I think) that kept swirling around us, slowly and hypnotizing. Next thing I know, she and I are sitting on some bleachers and she asks me something very important. But I am distracted by the romantic moonlight that seems to be holding the entire sky up. Then she leans across and kisses me. She lets go and we stare in each other's eyes. Then I kiss back, this time, longer than she has. The rest was a blur and I then woke up at, I think, around 5:30 a.m.


It gets weirder during the day, I get a call from her saying that she's visiting me from town and I'm in my mom's apartment in Milwaukee. Anyway, she comes at around 6:00 p.m. (my mom is out in town and won't be back until 10:00 p.m.) and we chat and play Halo 2 on my Xbox 360 (which I recently bought after months of working) for an hour or so. Then we start talking and I have reminiscents of the dream...about the kiss and the moonlight and the city lights. She leans in close and we kiss. It seems like it was forever-lasting. It was funny, because the kiss reminded me of the dream. And that made me feel funny inside. It made me feel that I could trust her. It made me feel that she was the perfect one for me. It made us feel like we could control the world and let time stand still...for the moment.

Comments?

[Yureebyul]

I think that's really interesting how two coincidental events happen one after the other...
And I think it's so sweet how she just might be "the one" <3 ...
I guess you're a lot braver than me^^ I've lived for 18 years already and didn't have the guts to carry out a relationship like that >< hehe...
I hope you and your girl friend stay together for the longest time^_^

[Pr0LiFiX]

I think that's really interesting how two coincidental events happen one after the other...
And I think it's so sweet how she just might be "the one" <3 ...
I guess you're a lot braver than me^^ I've lived for 18 years already and didn't have the guts to carry out a relationship like that >< hehe...
I hope you and your girl friend stay together for the longest time^_^
lol. Thanks. I can barely remember it now. :lol:

Any other ideas?

[Deldwen]

I'm the shyest person in the world, :oops: sooo how could i get a girl to like me and eventally ask me out. NO NOTES FROM ME TO HER! i hate thoughs things. im 15 this satarday so high school i come. Is there any ways i can do any thing to help this prosess for example like looking at her?

[Perfect Sin]

If you like a girl, you should be the one to ask her out. Especially if it's a high school relationship. These girls are so young that they think (and are correct) that it's the man's job to ask her out. So, I can't offer you advice on how to make a girl ask you out, but I can offer advice that might put you in a better and more comfortable position to ask her out.

Do you have a specific girl in mind? Give me some details to work with.

[Deldwen]

not really there every were :lol:

[Perfect Sin]

Try to find a girl that you have a class or classes with. This will allow you to have something in common right off the start. You could start talking to her by asking her what the homework was for that class, if you could borrow her notes because you missed something, hell you can even just ask her how it's going. There are multiple ways of starting conversations with girls, find one and use it. You can't always be shy, you need confidence and it only gets easier with practice and time.

[janenba352]

love how this forums blocks everything with a s s and a s s e s lol.

Theres so many ways to talk to her my friend. Cla s s, school library, after school, online (this is the easiest way to start talking with girls if your shy), or at lunch if you two are in the same lunch.

Like sin said in cla s s start by asking what the homework was or if it seemed hard to her.

If out in the lunch room or you see her after school walk up and just say "Hi, how are you?. Havent really talked to you much this year." Something around thoughs lines. This also works for talking online. If you both have a myspace use that to get aim if you cant get it from her or one of her friends during school.

In the school library. This is along one. Walk up with a book that looks good or something that you have actually read and enjoyed. Sit by her and act like your reading it. Look up and say, "What book are you reading?" when she replies with the book name say something like, "That sounds like an interesting book what is it about?" let her explain it and act interested who knows maybe you will end up being interested in the book. But then say it sounds like a good read. Tell her about the book your reading even if she doesnt ask you about it. This is where actually reading the first chapter or actually having a book you already read comes in handy.

Then toward the end of the convo ask her if she would like to hang out sometime. Act friendly. Ask her for her email, aim, msn, myspace, w/e you want to contact her by. Try to avoid asking for her phone number directly. Anyway to contact her in the beginning is a good start. Then slowly build from there till she gives you her phone number. If she gives you her phone number or all her contacts your a lucky guy since she might like you or wants to get to just get to know you. Work your way up from friend to close friend and above slow and steady. You will get her.

These tips actually work for any girl normally. Just remember try not to rush anything.

[EndersShadow]

I have a friend that's extremely shy. I have given him plenty of advice on how to approach girls, even to the detail of what to say. However, he's still 22 and has never had a girlfriend. Why is this? Because he doesn't have confidence. He's a cool guy (a little weird, but that's besides the point), so that's not the problem. The problem is he doesn't even talk to the girls and if he does it's an awkward conversation that one might have with his girlfriend's dad.

In my opinion, shy people need to realize that it's them that's preventing them from getting dates and talking to the other gender. Shy people don't need advice on how to approach a girl or how to ask a girl out because what good will that do if they never do it (such as my friend)? They must understand that girls SHOULD want to talk to them and that the girls would be very willing to. It's all about attitude and how you present yourself. If you feel like a loser that doesn't stand a chance of getting this girl, why would she think differently? So how do you change your attitude? Gain confidence in yourself, plain and simple. Great confidence builders are getting dates and girls numbers but since that's the problem in this case, try doing stuff that makes you feel good about yourself. Go on a diet, start exercising, get rid of your acne, get a hair cut, whatever. If you think you look good, others will too. Just don't get out of hand and think you're "all that". There's a fine line between confident and cocky, tread lightly.

[The House]

EndersShadow, to get your friend talk to girls, all you have to do is take him to a BAR or a party and get him drunk, he'll be talking to girls in no time. just make sure he doesn't make an a** of himself and please have a designated driver.

[christianpachon]

I think you should just forget about her. She may just be a "fantasy" girl that you drool over but never really expect to get. Now, what prevents you from getting her is yourself (specifically your self-confidence). However, if you haven't been able to muster up the confidence to talk to her then you need to build up some. Going up to a gorgeous girl and getting shut down is not the right way to do it.

Go around and just talk to girls (Aim for ones you find attractive but also ones you feel comfortable enough to talk with. If you can't approach any girls you find attractive then just talk to girls you don't find ugly). What will happen is you'll understand how to talk with girls (because it is different from talking to other guys), gaining more female friends will build up your ego, the "fantasy" girls will see you with a bunch of different girls (girls that may be pretty) and the "fantasy" girls will wonder what you've got that interests your lady friends, and you may even begin to like one of these female friends.

However, let's say you do want to pursue her or some other girl you have trouble talking to. If you see her sitting by herself, ask if you can join her. If you two are walking in the same direction, see if there's a chance you can open a door for her. When you do, look her in the eyes, smile, and say "hi". By the way, I'm not suggesting you follow her around and stalk her. To start the conversation? Tell her you've seen her around campus and ask what major she's going into. Then ask why she wanted to go into that major, etc. If everything goes well, tell her you'd like to get to know her better and ask if she's free this weekend for ______ (fill in the blank). Have a date in mind before you ask her out.

That's just some suggestions if you're willing to go through with it. From what you said, it doesn't seem like you're ready but do whatever makes you happy. "Things may come to those who wait. But only the things left by those who hustle." - Abraham Lincoln

I follow you advice, talk to other girls in front of her, and every time i saw her is a different girl whit me, so i am not sure if she really notice that. anyway i think she is really old to me, i mean she must be 3 or more years older that me, so maybe she will not show any interest in my.

[EndersShadow]

I'm going to vent... not at you House, but in general...

I'm a strong advocate against alcohol and drugs. I think you're weak if you need a boost (drugs or alcohol) to feel good or enable you to talk to girls. I have another friend that has more potential (intelligence-wise) than anyone I know. What's he do in his spare time at college? He drinks his butt off because he's in a frat and "that's what frat guys do". What's good about it? He's popular, I'll give him that, among his peers including girls. However, it's funny... about once a month he will call me and tell me how depressed he is and how he wants to stop drinking... apparently he stopped smoking weed about 5 times. His grades are also slipping and he almost was kicked out of college. He's currently on probation. Did I say funny? I meant sad. Drugs and alcohol don't produce any good side effects. If you don't find the withdrawl (the horrible aftermath of quiting these substances) from those products bad enough, the loss of your solution to your problems (be it shyness, grades, girls, whatever) will suck pretty bad as well. If you're fortunate enough to obtain alcohol or drugs, your life isn't that bad so stop pretending that it is.

Now, alcohol in regards to girls? It depends on the girl you're trying to pick up. Obviously there are different types of girls at parties and bars. Simply because you're there and drinking doesn't rightfully classify you into any group. However, the percentage of types of girls is different per scenerio. There's a very high percentage of finding a girl in a library as the "bring home to mom" type while there's a lower percentage of finding one at a party or a bar. Especially when you take into account that some are looking for one night stands. Again, it's what you're looking for and he doesn't want to go through the trouble of finding "decent" girls at a party (especially since he believes they're all "lost" for now).

[EndersShadow]

I follow you advice, talk to other girls in front of her, and every time i saw her is a different girl whit me, so i am not sure if she really notice that. anyway i think she is really old to me, i mean she must be 3 or more years older that me, so maybe she will not show any interest in my.

Lol, my initial advice was actually to forget about her. But since you apparently don't want to then what you're doing won't work unless she notices you. I don't know how often you've been visible to her, how many other strangers were around you at the time (it won't work if there's a huge crowd because you won't stand out), or how long you've been visible to her at one specific time (if she just walks right past you, she won't pay any mind since she doesn't know you at all). By the way, I really don't advise using girls as props just to get your eyecandy. Don't say to your female friend, "hey, walk with me... a little further... further... stop!" I don't know if you're doing that or if it's just coincidental that you're with a girl while she walks by (which would be more ideal for sanity reasons).

However, to continue... in the chance that she does notice you:
If she's resting (sitting down or something) in the same place you happen to be at, keep an eye out to see if she glimpses at you (don't stare at her!). If she does look at you, smile at her. If she returns the smile then there's a good chance it's an invitation. If she just looks away she may just be shy so don't take it as a negative gesture. Walk up to her and when she looks at you, smile, and say something clever, funny, or whatever works for you.

[The House]

I didn't say do it all the time, I just ment do it for only one time and the next day he will relise that he doesn't have to be scared to talk to girls, but it's ok if you feel like that. I just didn't mean you have to get him drunk everytime.just one time. well that's what I will do, just good luck.

[EndersShadow]

Yeah, I know you meant no harm House. I appreciate any concern you had over the matter. What worries me about people using alcohol as a solution (even if it's a one time thing like you suggest) is that the person won't use it "just" one time. If one couldn't do it by himself and then can all of a sudden talk to girls with ease, why not continue to use the substance that helped calm his nerves? Alcohol loosens the tongue, so to speak, which is what he claims to trouble him. He can't think of anything to say when he's with a girl that he finds attractive.

Anyway, I'm not really looking for a solution for my friend. I gave him advice and he told me I said nothing new. He's heard it all, apparently, and yet he still hasn't done anything to improve himself in this regard. If he's fine where he is then I don't care to change it.

[The House]

how old is he anyways? just for concern.

[janenba352]

I think he said 22 somewhere in one of the posts.

[EndersShadow]

Good eye, Janenba. 22 and he's never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl, or even been on a date. I can't fathom how it doesn't bother him. Or perhaps it bothers him so much he doesn't want to think about it.

One huge factor, which I neglected to mention, is that he's Muslim. Or, well... his family is. He likely won't get an arranged marriage but there's a lot of pressure to marry another Muslim which isn't his ideal. It would also not be ideal in the eyes of his parents if he even dated outside of the Muslim religion. By the way, I've already given him the "it's your own life" speech.

[The House]

yeah I love that speech, I am half muslim so.... maybe he's just waiting for the girls to start talking to him, he doesn't want to make the first move, he sounds like an extremely shy guy.

[Pr0LiFiX]

Well, school orientation is just a day away and I am going to see my gf for the first time in two weeks or so since her last visit which I told you about. I am right now visiting relatives and will be leaving tomorrow to go back to my dad's house. The weird thing is. I had this dream about her that took place at the orientation. It was kinda blurry, though. I will be a sophomore this year, BTW. Any ideas?

[christianpachon]

Lol, my initial advice was actually to forget about her. But since you apparently don't want to then what you're doing won't work unless she notices you. I don't know how often you've been visible to her, how many other strangers were around you at the time (it won't work if there's a huge crowd because you won't stand out), or how long you've been visible to her at one specific time (if she just walks right past you, she won't pay any mind since she doesn't know you at all). By the way, I really don't advise using girls as props just to get your eyecandy. Don't say to your female friend, "hey, walk with me... a little further... further... stop!" I don't know if you're doing that or if it's just coincidental that you're with a girl while she walks by (which would be more ideal for sanity reasons).

However, to continue... in the chance that she does notice you:
If she's resting (sitting down or something) in the same place you happen to be at, keep an eye out to see if she glimpses at you (don't stare at her!). If she does look at you, smile at her. If she returns the smile then there's a good chance it's an invitation. If she just looks away she may just be shy so don't take it as a negative gesture. Walk up to her and when she looks at you, smile, and say something clever, funny, or whatever works for you.

Why should i forget about her? Well i saw her when we are having lunch, i usually go whit girls to take lunch, sometimes it´s a huge crowd, depends of the time. It´s not coincidental that i walk whit girls, 75% of the time i walk whit girls. I can maybe smile at her but i dont know. she is just to one step to finish university and i just star a year ago.

[EndersShadow]

Why should i forget about her? Well i saw her when we are having lunch, i usually go whit girls to take lunch, sometimes it´s a huge crowd, depends of the time. It´s not coincidental that i walk whit girls, 75% of the time i walk whit girls. I can maybe smile at her but i dont know. she is just to one step to finish university and i just star a year ago.

If you can't approach a girl, why do you want to date her? Wouldn't you prefer to be in the company of someone you already are comfortable with? My motto has always been to be friends first. You already know your friend is down to earth, fun to be with, pleasant to talk with, and perhaps also attractive (generally a fun person can look better in your eye, even if she’s only average looking).

You know nothing about this specific girl; she could have a horrible personality (which is a major turn-off despite her looks) for all you know. Now, I’m not opposed to taking risks, especially when it comes to dating but also take into consideration that you haven’t talked to her yet. Also, the fact that you second guess yourself as to approach her is a problem. Are you sure you even want to?

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with having a crush on a girl. I’m just getting the impression that she’s just some eye candy that you wish you could date.

To add another suggestion, get a wingman. You said that she’s always with some guy. Well, if she’s with a guy that one of your friends is friends with (your friend is friends with that guy), go with your friend to talk with them. Have your friend distract that guy while you talk to that girl you have your eye on.


Oh, and The House:
I guess he is a very shy guy. I'm backing off though because he only frustrates me and I annoy him.

[tjbo1m]

Ok, I got one. Not really looking for advice, as I basically made up my mind already, but thought I might get an opinion.

My gf is living in the US as an au pair. (live in nanny) Her visa expires in about a month. She has to go back to Poland at that time. What we hope is that after I finish school this year she can come back so that we can resume the relationship, if we both still want to. However, the only type of visa she could probably get would be a few month tourist visa. Which means that once again, she would be sent back to Poland.

This leaves the only option for her permanently staying here as....get married.

Not happening, at least not now. But it will suck if we decide to try again after I graduate, because we will only have a few months to make a decision like that.

So now, I guess I lied at the beginning of this post, I do have a question. Anyone know any other types of visas or ways that she could stay in the US for a longer period of time? (legally)

[christianpachon]

If you can't approach a girl, why do you want to date her? Wouldn't you prefer to be in the company of someone you already are comfortable with? My motto has always been to be friends first. You already know your friend is down to earth, fun to be with, pleasant to talk with, and perhaps also attractive (generally a fun person can look better in your eye, even if she’s only average looking).

You know nothing about this specific girl; she could have a horrible personality (which is a major turn-off despite her looks) for all you know. Now, I’m not opposed to taking risks, especially when it comes to dating but also take into consideration that you haven’t talked to her yet. Also, the fact that you second guess yourself as to approach her is a problem. Are you sure you even want to?

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with having a crush on a girl. I’m just getting the impression that she’s just some eye candy that you wish you could date.

To add another suggestion, get a wingman. You said that she’s always with some guy. Well, if she’s with a guy that one of your friends is friends with (your friend is friends with that guy), go with your friend to talk with them. Have your friend distract that guy while you talk to that girl you have your eye on.


Oh, and The House:
I guess he is a very shy guy. I'm backing off though because he only frustrates me and I annoy him.

Maybe i can´t approach because all the men around her, and i notice a few days ago she have a boyfriend...

You are right about the personality, i have to look that, but she is not very very cute, she is just normal.

[chaggu]

Maybe i can´t approach because all the men around her, and i notice a few days ago she have a boyfriend...

You are right about the personality, i have to look that, but she is not very very cute, she is just normal.

awww.......poooorrr thhhiiiinnnngggg>>>>(damn juss felt lik sayin that)

[Pr0LiFiX]

christianpochan, so you're just gonna quit because she has a boyfriend? Yeah, the first girl I met (Not my gf) had a boyfriend but I at least got the nerve to talk to her. I mean, if you like a girl, go for it. Don't just give up easily.

[EndersShadow]

christianpochan, so you're just gonna quit because she has a boyfriend? Yeah, the first girl I met (Not my gf) had a boyfriend but I at least got the nerve to talk to her. I mean, if you like a girl, go for it. Don't just give up easily.

I'm not sure if you're suggesting that she may dump her current for Christian or not... If you are, consider the fact that if she dumps her current for Christian, what will stop her from dumping Christian for another? Then again, I'm not opposed to the idea of keeping in touch with her in the chance that she breaks up with her boyfriend. Then that leaves an open spot for you... (that could also be what you meant, Prolifix Zarester... not quite sure)

I'm very curious though, christianpochan... why ARE you so interested in her? If it's not her looks nor her personality that captivates you, what does? You don't even know her, correct?

[Pr0LiFiX]

I'm not sure if you're suggesting that she may dump her current for Christian or not... If you are, consider the fact that if she dumps her current for Christian, what will stop her from dumping Christian for another? Then again, I'm not opposed to the idea of keeping in touch with her in the chance that she breaks up with her boyfriend. Then that leaves an open spot for you... (that could also be what you meant, Prolifix Zarester... not quite sure)

I'm very curious though, christianpochan... why ARE you so interested in her? If it's not her looks nor her personality that captivates you, what does? You don't even know her, correct?

Actually, I was just rambling on about not giving up. But yeah. That too. lol.

[christianpachon]

You are right, but dump her boyfrind for me, that will be huge. I really like it because she is beautiful at least for me. Some of my friends say that she is normal, not gorgeus, but no ugly. The problem that i saw is the age.

[PeanutButterMunky]

The problem that i saw is the age.The problem is she has a boyfriend. :suspect:

[EndersShadow]

The problem is she has a boyfriend. :suspect:

lol! That would be the more concerning of the two... Though, it depends on how you see things.

One might say, "All's fair in love and war." Hey, that apparently has applied with my girlfriend (lots of guys hit on her and one so boldly told her he wanted to date her). Fortunately for me, I have no reason (not yet anyway) to resent that motto ;)

While another might think, "There are plenty of other fish in the sea." It might be against his morals to hit on a girl that's already taken or he may just go for someone that's more available and willing.

There's nothing wrong with either approach when you take it to another perspective. Would you really want to date a girl that's willing to dump you for another guy (being hit on is a good test of loyalty)? Then again, would you really want your girlfriend to constantly be hit on (for those that have never had a girlfriend, this greatly tests if you're a jealous person)? As I said, I would do something in between by keeping a friendship, hoping we become good friends. If she breaks up with him, there I am.

[PeanutButterMunky]

lol! That would be the more concerning of the two... Though, it depends on how you see things.No, not really. If the relationship is going well between the two, then you should back off. Trying to invade someone else's relationship isn't cool. And this magical fantasy he has of this girl dumping her boyfriend for him and he won't even go talk to her in the first place, well I don't see that happening anytime soon.



While another might think, "There are plenty of other fish in the sea."I truly hate that saying. There are a lot of women out there, but there's not many that I can truly get along with on a level that's more than a friendship. And short flings don't do anything for me.




Would you really want to date a girl that's willing to dump you for another guy (being hit on is a good test of loyalty)?In most cases, no, but it really depends on her situation. There's a lot of variables that come into play. Her boyfriend could be a complete ******* or something.




Then again, would you really want your girlfriend to constantly be hit on (for those that have never had a girlfriend, this greatly tests if you're a jealous person)?I've had that happen a lot and I'm not the jealous type. I believe in an honest, open, and trusting relationship. Being jealous all the time can be the downfall of a relationship. It's ok to worry about your girl depending on the situation, but when you become obsessive about her loyalty... yeah...




As I said, I would do something in between by keeping a friendship, hoping we become good friends. If she breaks up with him, there I am.She may also want to be with you because she is on a rebound and is emotional at the moment. That's not the best state of mind for a girl to be in when she goes into another relationship so soon after a break up... that is... assuming she was heartbroken because of the break up. If she wasn't, then it might make a little more sense. If she is heartbroken, she could possibly be just using you for emotional support. I've seen it happen quite a few times.

[EndersShadow]

No, not really. If the relationship is going well between the two, then you should back off.
It’s my opinion that you indirectly contradict yourself in your post. You bring up the fact that “it depends on the situation” and “there are lots of variables” (I know those are out of context, that’s why I said “indirectly”) yet the way you make it sound, there's only one way people should respond to relationships. Not everyone is like you nor does everyone have the same interests as you. Some people are in relationships that are going "well" but may hope something better comes along (some just like the feeling of being needed and are constantly in a relationship). Perhaps they don't even know that they're waiting... till that person comes along.

Personally? I’d rather my girlfriend dump me for another guy if she’s unsure of where she stands in the relationship. I’d like to know sooner as opposed to later that the relationship likely wouldn’t work out.


Trying to invade someone else's relationship isn't cool.
No, it’s not but it’s life. If your girl stays with you, what’s the problem then? However, if she does leave you, why? It betters you as a person to realize your faults and work on them for later relationships.


She may also want to be with you because she is on a rebound and is emotional at the moment. That's not the best state of mind for a girl to be in when she goes into another relationship so soon after a break up... that is... assuming she was heartbroken because of the break up. If she wasn't, then it might make a little more sense. If she is heartbroken, she could possibly be just using you for emotional support. I've seen it happen quite a few times.
I agree. Being a rebound probably isn’t the best idea if you’re looking for a healthy relationship. But I guess my initial statement wasn’t clear. I wasn’t suggesting you ask her out as soon as she dumps him (or the other way around). Merely, let her know that you’ll be there for her with comfort and security. Most likely that will win her over. For example, I met this girl when she had a boyfriend and was going through some tough times with him. We became good friends (we’d talk practically every day) and she later told me she dumped him. Now, I had a girlfriend at the time (my current, in fact) and I had no intention of trying to exploit her while she’s down. She struggled for a long while trying to get over her ex and I was there to help her get through it. Needless to say, it brought us even closer as friends and I’ll make the assumption that if I dumped my girlfriend, I had a pretty good chance of dating my friend. Is it because she was weak, vulnerable, and desperate? No… it’s because she trusted me like no other. There are probably other reasons but I believe that’s a huge one. By the way, am I sure that she would’ve given me a shot as a boyfriend? Nah, but it's a hunch. Sorry if it sounds like I'm full of myself, that wasn't my intent. Rather, to prove that there are ways to date a girl after she goes through a breakup without it being a simple rebound.

[MaD-bOnZo]

Maybe i can´t approach because all the men around her, and i notice a few days ago she have a boyfriend...

You are right about the personality, i have to look that, but she is not very very cute, she is just normal.

well if tv told me anything it's that theres always a crazy scheme that will have everything work out for the best

but seriously if shes happy with her current boyfriend why fight it (might sound like the easyier way out but if you try to hit on her and she has a boyfriend she might hate you more then where'd you be)

[PeanutButterMunky]

No, it’s not but it’s life. If your girl stays with you, what’s the problem then? However, if she does leave you, why? It betters you as a person to realize your faults and work on them for later relationships.If she doesn't stay with you, then it's for the better because that's not the kind of girl you want to be with anyway.



It’s my opinion that you indirectly contradict yourself in your post. You bring up the fact that “it depends on the situation” and “there are lots of variables” (I know those are out of context, that’s why I said “indirectly”) yet the way you make it sound, there's only one way people should respond to relationships. Not everyone is like you nor does everyone have the same interests as you. Some people are in relationships that are going "well" but may hope something better comes along (some just like the feeling of being needed and are constantly in a relationship). Perhaps they don't even know that they're waiting... till that person comes along.

Personally? I’d rather my girlfriend dump me for another guy if she’s unsure of where she stands in the relationship. I’d like to know sooner as opposed to later that the relationship likely wouldn’t work out.I agree. I don't think I'm contradicting myself, I just have a hate towards guys that try to invade on another man's relationship. They should have their legs broken. But then again it is just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Now, invading on someone's marriage is another thing entirely. And I said there are lots of variables and that it depends on the situation BECAUSE I think there is more than one way to react to things, not only one way. Forgive me if I was not clear. But like you said, if she doesn't stay with you, it's for the better because she's the kind of girl you don't want to be with. If she stays, that just bonds the relationship even more.

[Shadow]

Hey i got a girl who is my future wife i hope we been together since HS so i don't need any advice on that.

I was wondering if you saw a girl you want to speak to for the first time what do you say as soon when you go up to her?

I had lots of girfriends but they always came up to me and started talking, i never got a chance to go up to a girl so what do i say or do if i want to go up to her?

If what ever isaid didn't make sense just tell me.

[christianpachon]

I think that is one of the most difficult things to do, starting a conversation whit a girl from nothing, and whit the possibility of be rejected just like that.

[EndersShadow]

Hey i got a girl who is my future wife i hope we been together since HS so i don't need any advice on that.

I was wondering if you saw a girl you want to speak to for the first time what do you say as soon when you go up to her?

I had lots of girfriends but they always came up to me and started talking, i never got a chance to go up to a girl so what do i say or do if i want to go up to her?

If what ever isaid didn't make sense just tell me.

First off, lucky you to have many girls interested in you. Second off, it's not too lucky that all of your girlfriends came up to you. That means they picked you out, as opposed to you picking them out. No girl is perfect but if YOU choose a the girl, she may be closer to your ideal... Third off, what to say when you approach a girl? It depends on the situation and the girl. It doesn't really matter what you say as long as it's decent. Just smile and say a joke, something related to the situation you're in (like if you're in class, ask what major she's going for), ask a question, give a compliment, whatever... People overthink this (I'm not implying you do, just a general statement) and it turns into anxiety. Just relax and have fun, that's the point of talking in general. Talking to girls shouldn't be a task.

Just curious though, why do you care?


I think that is one of the most difficult things to do, starting a conversation whit a girl from nothing, and whit the possibility of be rejected just like that.

The hardest thing is to think about this situation too much. You are your own destruction in this case. Hey, I've been rejected (I didn't ask these girls out but they had no interest in being friends with me) before. Back then, I was pissed, I resented the girl n all. It was all in my head though. How is it her fault she didn't want to talk to me? Why not just meet someone else (well, I was too resentful of that specific girl)? I learned to not take rejection personally. She doesn't like me? I think to myself, "Thanks for not wasting more of my time," and I move on.

You shouldn't take rejections in a negative way. As my brother put it when I didn't get jobs I applied for, "They don't want you. It doesn't mean you're not a good worker, it just means they don't think you'll fit in the position. In fact, they may have saved you from doing something you probably wouldn't want to do if you don't fit there..." The story corresponds with girls as well. Just because a girl isn't interested in you doesn't mean you're not good enough for her. It just means she has her own particular flavor. If she gave you a chance anyway, who knows? Maybe she'll like you but you'll discover you two are really too different.

[Shadow]

First off, lucky you to have many girls interested in you. Second off, it's not too lucky that all of your girlfriends came up to you. That means they picked you out, as opposed to you picking them out. No girl is perfect but if YOU choose a the girl, she may be closer to your ideal... Third off, what to say when you approach a girl? It depends on the situation and the girl. It doesn't really matter what you say as long as it's decent. Just smile and say a joke, something related to the situation you're in (like if you're in class, ask what major she's going for), ask a question, give a compliment, whatever... People overthink this (I'm not implying you do, just a general statement) and it turns into anxiety. Just relax and have fun, that's the point of talking in general. Talking to girls shouldn't be a task.

Just curious though, why do you care?


Well thanx for the explpanation Ender. But to answer your question i care because you mentioned that people get anxiety from this and am one of those people. not that am concieted but i look good so i should have the guts to say some thing to a girl and i just don't know what to start off saying.

And i know that you asked why do i care because i said i have a possible future wife but if we don't work out am going to have to find anothe girl.

Thanx for the advice though.

[Shadow]

Sorry for double posting but where the hell is Perfect Sin this is his thread and he said he'll be here after wotk.

[Thorzilla]

Well thanx for the explpanation Ender. But to answer your question i care because you mentioned that people get anxiety from this and am one of those people. not that am concieted but i look good so i should have the guts to say some thing to a girl and i just don't know what to start off saying.
One thing is or sure, if you make a big speech before you talk to her, adn you memorize it, when the time to say it comes, you will forget it for sure.
If you know what you really feel about her, you dont have to now any lines, your mind will make up the perfect phrases to say right on time, trust me. It is kind of a brain reaction. Just be cool when you talk to her.

[PeanutButterMunky]

I think that is one of the most difficult things to do, starting a conversation whit a girl from nothing, and whit the possibility of be rejected just like that.No, the problem is thinking you're going to be rejected before you even talk to the girl. Don't think, just do. Don't expect failure and don't expect success. You are bound to fail and you will also have successes. If you get rejected, don't sweat it and move on. Practice with many women. The more you practice, the more confident you get. And the more confident you get, the more women will notice this newfound internal drive, which will also increase your chances of success.

[SessDMC]

Some people may be gobsmacked that im here, i know PBM, mithrazor, and other people, lpcris ect. =]

Any ways i had thought what this forum has been up to over the past year (ive not been on in ages) and i just have to have my input in this thread.

I am currently in a long distance relationship, it was made offical from Febuary this year, and its be seriously hard, but soon it will be over, im moving to the Scottish City of Glasgow by the end of the year (i live about 250 miles away from her, 5 hour train journey though Leeds, in England) We arnt on the same temprements as we both have some issues, ususally me, but we both know how to get to the bottom of them, and obtain understanding of each other, there as been times, where it was almost over, balancing on a knife edge, but things should get really better, as soon as ive settled down in December in Glasgow, i maybe on the forums more often.
My experiance in this is this, Never ever drownd your sorrows by hitting the bottle, the worst mistake ive ever made in my life, my girlfriend, beeing sixteen, i didnt mind her going out, but when i heard she did sunk, i just.... dont know, i just never want her doing anything, then i hear she also did poppers. ok They are nothing, but theres not point waisting ur money on drugs, ive made my point very clear to her, and how i feel about her using them, she has an 'anything can happen' attitiude about things.

We have resolved this, i did make it clear to her to not get her self caught up in the net, and she made it clear she only wanted to try them, i dont blame her, i had done the same, you wouldnt get a second chance, and we are as happy as peas and carrots, everything is going great, ive started a full time job working towards beeing able to move up (The company i work for also has an office in Glasgow, so thats not a problem getting a job) and we are currently getting some financial issues sorted. As soon as thats been done we will hit October, and i'll be seeing her again for a week or less, then next time i see her I will have a flat in Glasgow.

I do have a personal mental issue, I need to get a grip on what is happening with her, with her beeing so far away its hard to do things, and Paranoia takes a seriouse effect. When she gets drunk, i know something bad is going to happen, always does, i dont mind her getting drunk, cause i do it too. Am 18 now (wow i was 15 when i registerd here i think!) i just need to clam down. Things will get better when i get things sorted.

If any one would like to give me any advice that will be highly appreicated, and valuble to me. And thats what ive been up to in my absence of these great forums (that have now banished PHBB)

Thank you for reading.

[Perfect Sin]

I told a friend once that love is a funny feeling. Though strong as steel it is as fickle as the most delicate of lilly flowers.

I have never liked long distance relationships, and with good reason...they've never workd out for me. But i'm not you, nor am I like I other people. Sometimes long distance relationships can work, and that is what truely tests the bonds of love. You and this girl have been seeing each for how long? It seems like it's been for a while. But for however long you are together, you both have had your issues and have always found a way to deal with them. That is very admirable, and a sure sign that love can work despite the distance between you and her.

Paranoia is just one of those things that come with long distance. You can't be close to her, you can't help her if the situation is dire, you don't know if she's cheating on you, all you can do is trust in her and in the love between you. Here's my advice. I've seen countless relationships broken up because the man is paranoid about his girl hanging out with people, partying, being a long distance away from him...etc. Just stop! Stop being paranoid. If you have true feelings towards this girl then trust in them. If she breaks your heart, then it's her fault. Don't be afraid of pain, because it only makes the potential downfall worse. Just trust her and the love between you.

[Shadow]

I have a friend in NY name keith who goes out with this girl in Florida named Jasmine.

They say "i love you" alot to each other and they only speak on the phone not internet. She gives himm money from long distance and everything. But the cathc is they never even seen each other yet. So i asked him what if she is extra fat or extra skinny what are you going to do(he doesn' like fat or too skinny girls).
He says he'll figure3 it out when he sees her

So is he stupid or what?

[SessDMC]

Your absolutly right Perfect sin, i dont know how stupid i am, but i know shes a sensible person when she goes out, shes never cheated on me ever (ok a guy tryed it on with her, but he didnt get far) and i trust her with everything that i have, thank you so much, i just need to get a grip. I can trust her, its just every time she goes out, something happens, its not going to be much of a problem when i move up though, if i really trusted her, i wouldnt be paranoid, i guess i just need to get a grip.

Once again, thank you very much perfect sin (its been going great even though we have had our problems).
Im in your debt. =]

[EndersShadow]

I agree with Perfect Sin. I think if you're in a relationship that you think is going somewhere, put your utter trust in her. A relationship that doesn't have trust doesn't have much. Now, Perfect Sin gave fine advice but I'm going to go in the other direction in this case.

It'd be one thing if you were concerned and stressing over nothing. However, the claims you made are very legitimate reasons to worry. You can't just ignore this and it's likely you won't ever be "okay" with her going out with dudes, partying, drinking, and doing drugs. Why should you be? It's all right to have standards and it seems like you do. Is your girlfriend living up to them though? You've expressed your feelings to her regarding her doing drugs but she won't stop? That shows what she finds more important, you or drugs. What's worse? If you allow her to continue doing this crap, she knows she can get away with stuff like this.

You mentioned that you'll have a flat (for those that aren't aware, a flat is an appartment) soon and that you two are working on some financial issues. I really hope you aren't planning on moving in together any time soon. You're only 18, don't rush into things. Let her mature more, get past her "experimenting" phase (let's hope it's just a phase) before you two take another step.

I'm not suggesting you make any haste actions (such as breaking up with her). Just think about what you want and if she's providing it for you. It may sound selfish but it's really about you. Until you two become more involved (such as moving in together or marrying each other), you have to think about what you want and it's only fair to assume she'll do the same. Once you two reach that other level, then the more important things aren't issues and the minor things can be compromised. However, until then you have to look in your best interest.

[SessDMC]

I have notifyed her that i take abit of a strong moral stance, against drugs deffinatly, shes only 16 and at that stage where my theory was "its only the one, cause you only live once" i was at that stage, so i dont blame her, ive told her my standards and she does understand, but for her to actually want to abide by them she wants something from me in return, seeing things through, keeping my promises (cause i havent kept all of them, unfortunatly) and we both deffaintly want to live closer togeather, because if we did, (theres some dam good cheep flats in Glasgow at the moment, and ive done the mathmatics, i will be able to afford it, its deffinatly possible or we wouldnt be thinking about it) so really its not fair that i would tell her that i dont want her to be doing this that and the other, while i dont do the same for her, its all about balance, so recently i told her it turn a new leaf for her, and do everything she wants me to do, so long as she would do the same.

Its been going great since then, we just need to see the test of time, to see who slips up first. But i dont think either of us will, were both commited, ive gained a sence of trust in her now. Everything is absolutly a-ok again and were smooth sailing. If theres one thing, we both are starting to show commitment to each other. so its worth moving up now.

EndersShadow is right in what he's posted, its the other end of the see saw, we just need to get the balance right, and if we do, everything starts. The fire works and the chemsitry. It all starts to work.

Thank you to the both of you for the advice. Much appriciated.

[Angelcurio]

If there is something where i am a real expert, is in long distance relationships.

There is one simple thing you have to take into consideration if you are going to have that kind of relationship, and that is "trust". You have to almost blindly trust in your partner since there is no other way to know what she is doing, pretty much the same way that she is going to have to trust you as well. Its kind of like a double edged sword.

If you dont manage to trust you gf, the paranoia is going to overcome you. I learned this the hard way, when i had a really close girlfriend, bu my paranoia destroyed the relationship, then i tried a long distance relationship and that way i learned to trust and to be patience. The test is hard, but once you achieve it, it does feel really good, specially when you shut up the haters and the doubters.

If you manage to keep a healthy long distance relationship, once the two of you are close, its going to be one of the better relationships out there.

But there is one little thing that needs to be share a lot between the both of you, and that´s comunication. If both of you really manage to share those kind of things that you wouldnt need to know in the first place, then you are going to be able to help each another.

[Perfect Sin]

I have a friend in NY name keith who goes out with this girl in Florida named Jasmine.

They say "i love you" alot to each other and they only speak on the phone not internet. She gives himm money from long distance and everything. But the cathc is they never even seen each other yet. So i asked him what if she is extra fat or extra skinny what are you going to do(he doesn' like fat or too skinny girls).
He says he'll figure3 it out when he sees her

So is he stupid or what?

Well obviously your friend is more attracted to the person she is, rather than what she looks like. If they say they love each other, then both your friend and his girl must really like the kind of person each is on the inside. It would be a real shame if your friend decides to leave the girl because he doesn't like what she looks like.

I don't want to encourage this situation, but if she's a beautiful person on the inside, then let him long to see her.

[EndersShadow]

EndersShadow is right in what he's posted, its the other end of the see saw, we just need to get the balance right, and if we do, everything starts. The fire works and the chemsitry. It all starts to work.

Is that the message I conveyed? Lol, the point I think I was trying to get across is for you to decide what you want and what's best for you. If you determine you want her and she's worth it (the arguements, the worries, etc), then by all means. Now, you said that you two are on good terms as of recently and that you've decided to accept the fact that she's likely to "grow" (or "experiement", however you wish to put it).

You seem pretty determined to work things out with her so I hope things work out for the best.

[SolidSnakeUS]

Ok I got an odd situation, I do like this one girl and she knows it, becaused I confessed. But the answer I got was actually unexpecting; it wasn't a yes or a no. She said, "You are like a big brother to me." When she has a real big brother. I still like her a lot and I still talk to her a bunch. However, when I called once before, she was sick (it was during the night time) and then the next day, when I called, she was much better. I wonder if it was just from talking to me made her feel better? Dunno, it might be my imagination.

[SessDMC]

Sorry mate, but you slipped into the friends zone, its a funny thing, girls want a bad boy but they want some one who cares. Rather strange, but what she says is what your doing, maybe patronising her, maybe your not. Depends but youve deffinatly done something that makes her see you more as a friend then a lover. Obveously, its great that you care, you dont get many people like you. and maybe she will come around, but shes not into seranades and ballards. more like a Rock song or RnB megahit (You'll get what i mean) Maybe if you show her the fun side of you, some one who Cares, but can be funny, or fun to hang around with, then maybe you could have a chance. depends on if she will come around.


And endershadow, You are correct im determined to make this work, and get it all happening. This is what i want =] And whats best for me, cause everything should be A-Ok when i move up. Deffinatly. (although one of her best friends might be hitting on her wich has cause for concern)

[christianpachon]

Ok I got an odd situation, I do like this one girl and she knows it, becaused I confessed. But the answer I got was actually unexpecting; it wasn't a yes or a no. She said, "You are like a big brother to me." When she has a real big brother. I still like her a lot and I still talk to her a bunch. However, when I called once before, she was sick (it was during the night time) and then the next day, when I called, she was much better. I wonder if it was just from talking to me made her feel better? Dunno, it might be my imagination.

Only and advice. I think you are doing what a guy should do, worring about her, calling her, all that stuff it's good and a really good way to made her know that you are really intersted in her. By the way, i always got that feeling of imagine something and never is true. :(

[Angelcurio]

Well obviously your friend is more attracted to the person she is, rather than what she looks like. If they say they love each other, then both your friend and his girl must really like the kind of person each is on the inside. It would be a real shame if your friend decides to leave the girl because he doesn't like what she looks like.

I don't want to encourage this situation, but if she's a beautiful person on the inside, then let him long to see her.
Thats exactly my own case. I met my gf on the net, we used to enjoy talking to each other on msn, then we started talking by months for a couple of months, and all the time none of us would have seen a pic of the other, and yet we couldnt be without the other even for a day. Its the first time we experienced something like that, i mean, liking someone for the person that is instead of the looks.

We decided to try a relationship still without having seen each other, but either way we couldnt live without the other. A month passed and we decided to drop the curtains once and for all, and what a surprise came out of it. Not only we really liked each other by the person we were in the inside, we really liked each other physically. I came atonished when i saw her for the first time and the same happenned to her. We kept massively exchangin pics and all, until the relationship was finally acomplished.

Up to this day, we are a very happy couple, and i love her a lot.

[ReD-SKy]

For my part ,
I am wondering why you are following girls to make a friend with them
if you are confidant who your friend will along with u for ever , no prob .
the prob , when she 's attempting to get another friend but u _-
. actually , I wanna say why you tire your self with her , try to be away from . I rememberd a story which 's mentioned by my friend regarding someone had loved somegirl , after couple of ybears she left'em while he had falled in loving her , the result that this man has a dangerous sicknes then he passed away . in fact I hope that the dead has comen by an extrame cousing , but it was crap .

[Thorzilla]

The best thing you can do when you like someone is to try to get closer friend to her.
Before you become one of her best friends, you should tell her what you feel for her.
Thats what i did last year and it damn worked! :D

[KingJordan]

What would one do if there was twins? I mean, they are exactly the same person. There's no difference in how they look or act at all. Which one do I go after?

[Thorzilla]

What would one do if there was twins? I mean, they are exactly the same person. There's no difference in how they look or act at all. Which one do I go after?
Put 2 papers in a box. One name in each. Move the box around. Put the hand in. Grab paper. Read name. Go for it! :lol:
JK
Well, you should spend time with both. After a few days, you will probably feel attracted to one more than another.

[Angelcurio]

What would one do if there was twins? I mean, they are exactly the same person. There's no difference in how they look or act at all. Which one do I go after?
I just met a couple of twins during my first days at university. Even though they looked exactly the same, after spending time with both of her, i ended up recognizing each one.

No matter how perfect twins are, there´ll always be something, be it physically or in their behaviour that will not be the same.

[Carsonal]

I never noticed this thread until now.
freaky

[ps3isawesome]

hey perfect sin i was wondering about me and my girlfried . should i let her know when i want to get to 4 base and up or should i let her decide when she wants to go to 3,4,5,6 base. i mean i dont want here to be mad at me and think thats all i want but we have been going out a while. And i dont know if she wants to and she is waiting for me

[EndersShadow]

hey perfect sin i was wondering about me and my girlfried . should i let her know when i want to get to 4 base and up or should i let her decide when she wants to go to 3,4,5,6 base. i mean i dont want here to be mad at me and think thats all i want but we have been going out a while. And i dont know if she wants to and she is waiting for me
The guy should always make the first move. Females wants a man, not a boy. However, if she doesn't feel comfortable progressing, don't force it (being a man doesn't mean being rude or inconsiderate). Just let her know that you are interested in more.


What would one do if there was twins? I mean, they are exactly the same person. There's no difference in how they look or act at all. Which one do I go after?
I know you didn't intend this but that's probably one of the most frustrating things a twin encounters. Often times they want their own identity which they don't usually get from other people. Some think it's cool to constantly be reminded that they're twins, others don't.


Ok I got an odd situation, I do like this one girl and she knows it, becaused I confessed. But the answer I got was actually unexpecting; it wasn't a yes or a no. She said, "You are like a big brother to me." When she has a real big brother. I still like her a lot and I still talk to her a bunch. However, when I called once before, she was sick (it was during the night time) and then the next day, when I called, she was much better. I wonder if it was just from talking to me made her feel better? Dunno, it might be my imagination.
SolidSnakeUS (and anyone else this may relate to), I'm going to quote this from someone on another message board because I don't think anyone can say it better than how he did. I won't provide a link to the message board, however, because it is an adult forum for a mature audience. I'd highlight certain parts of it but seriously? I think this advice is top-notch. I agree with every sentence and I think each one is important. It's also pretty long but it's VERY good advice so take note.


"Aight dude....listen up...this girl is gone. For real. You messed it up at a couple of key points so learn from it and don't do it again. Gonna shoot real straight here...don't be offended.

OK...the biggest problem is that you made yourself to look like a total wuss. Girls are attracted MEN and you see it over and over that guys who really are just trying to be nice finish last.

"But I really AM a nice guy!" you say. I know, I know...so am I. But you can't just lay it out on the table like that or she will lose interest faster than you can blink.

Let me ask you this...do you know what the single biggest turn-off for most women is?

A NEEDY or DESPERATE man.

Maybe you aren't needy or desperate. BUT...you sent all the wrong signals that indicated that you are.

1) She had a boyfriend and you STILL hung around her for MONTHS just to be with her. This says several things. ONE: There are no other girls that you can hang out with otherwise you would be. Every girl knows that a guy will go where he hopes he can get some action of some sort. TWO: You have nothing better to do with your time than hang out with a girl who will never reward you as long as she has a boy friend.

So....during this stage you made yourself look NEEDY and DESPERATE on some level.

2) You say she talked to you every day. Guess what dude....you became HER GIRLFRIEND. You were the guy she could talk to about all her problems and not have to worry about you wanting anything physical from her. YOU WERE PLEASED ENOUGH WITH JUST HER CONVERSATION.

Tell me....why would she be motivated to take the relationship farther if she is getting everything she wants from you now? You on the other hand were getting NOTHING that you needed from her and you STILL hung around.

At this point you look NEEDY and DESPERATE and she is LOSING RESPECT for you.

3) Two weeks after the break-up she calls you over. Guess what, IT'S TOO LATE NOW. Here it is....she was lonley and wanted her GUY/GIRLFRIEND to come comfort her. You know what the REALLY bad part is? She KNEW FOR A FACT that you would come over. She KNEW based on your prior behavior that you would have nothing else going on.

At this point she KNOWS you are NEEDY and DESPERATE and is just USING YOU.

4) You tried to kiss her on the way out the door. Dude....at that point it's waaaay too late. You shouldn't wait until you are leaving. You should have made your move during the movie or at some other time.

And what's this with the "held her in my arms" crap? Listen....I love to hold and cuddle with a women as much as anyone but there is a time for it. If you are trying to initiate a relationship now is not the time. If you are already IN a relationship cuddle all you want. But before the relationship even starts? You gotta keep some tension there. At some point she will practically beg you to hold her or kiss her. You gotta have patience.

5) You asked her out to dinner and a date. Dude....at this point you should have been walking away from this girl and looking for another. That would have been the ONLY way to MAYBE get her interested in you again. At this point her level of attraction was sub-zero freezing and you just kept making it colder. I mean come on man....you asked her out and she skips dinner and invites another couple without even asking you first???

She has no repsect for you. She knows you will do whatever she wants. I'm not saying she's a bad person; but at some level she doesn't even consider your feelings.

6) You sat her down and said WHAT??!!! Dude....don't EVER, NEVER, EVER tell a woman those words again. NEVER. You CONFIRMED TO HER THAT YOU ARE DESPERATE AND NEEDY. "Don't break my heart?" She's thinking "D***...why does this always happen to me?"

Yeah man....she's avoiding you. Stop being sad. Forget it. Be a man....stop being a chick about it and maybe you can attract another woman. Cut your losses...mark it up as a lesson learned and KEEP MOVING.

Dude...maybe read some books about meeting women and picking them up. It ain't all about sex but leading up to ANY relationship there is a "negotiation" happening and one bad step during this time and her interest level will plummet. You don't have to tell her you are interested...of course you are....all women KNOW you are ALWAYS interested because you are a man.

Sometimes you have to act a little LESS interested so she will notice you and wonder why you aren't falling all over yourself to be with her like every other slobering idiot she meets.

It is quite possible to have women coming after YOU. Of course you have to do the actual introductions....but if you can play it cool in the right way....THEY will pursue YOU. It's a fact. Part of the power struggle between the sexes and we men give away all our power all the time.

Here's to ya man....move on! Hope that wasn't too harsh....just giving it straight."

[ps3isawesome]

thanks endersshadow that sounds good

[I write Cursive]

So, I met a guy who was high, and probably doesn't remember me, but asked for my number.

THE END. doesn't that suck cause he was hot. I just wanted to get it out there cause I hate it when people forget you, but you remember them.

[PeanutButterMunky]

You should generally not have faith in stoned people to remember you. ;)

[ps3isawesome]

True that but it is best not to hank around with people that are high a lot.

[bnolan56]

Lol i just noticed this topic. But to say the least, all the girls i've been with the past year and 1/2 have just been girls ive taken to homecoming and **** just to be around. dating has gotten gay for me, its a pretty long story that i wont get into because it makes me mad, well not really. Just to long to type xD. Ive found ever since i became single this august, ive enjoyed my self more. I can do what i want to do, when i want to do. I got spare money to go to concerts and crap. Ive found the more girls ive been with which is alot, the more im able to see the types i really hate.

I go to a private school and ugh its just annoying. I've noticed all my friends hell even the misfits and the ppl who are unathletic have girls that are so slutty, prissy bitches who will do anythin for popularity. They use alot of my friends as tools, just to say oh yea im going out with so and so. But i guess the point im trying to get across is don't rush it with girls. Even though the girl might be pretty a lot of them are a bitch deep down. At least the ones ive been with have been. They are like succubus' they steal your heart then your wallet xD and dump you soon after.

[christianpachon]

I really agree whit you bnolan56 in about losing some liberty when you are whit a girl. If you arewhit a gril forget about a PS3, you will waste all your money. But anyway, you can really find a nice girl after all, someone who respect you and maybe it can happen something special.

[bnolan56]

luckily i have found one. but she moved but im we are holding a distant relationship till we can meet back up again.

[Perfect Sin]

hey perfect sin i was wondering about me and my girlfried . should i let her know when i want to get to 4 base and up or should i let her decide when she wants to go to 3,4,5,6 base. i mean i dont want here to be mad at me and think thats all i want but we have been going out a while. And i dont know if she wants to and she is waiting for me

For the most part I agree with EndersShadow on this one. However, it never hurts to try. I've gotten far on numerous occasions just by getting her hot...girls will let a lot happen if it's in the heat of the momment. A very basic example; If you two are frenching and the next base is feeling...start by kissing then work your way around her face, to her ears...to her neck etc. If she's enjoying herself a lot, then try feeling her up, I doubt she'll freak out or resist. BUT IF SHE DOES! Just say you're sorry and that you were just going with the general flow of things. Hopefully you'll go back to kissing and then later on she'll make the move. So the lesson is to express to her your interest in going further, let her decide if she's ready or not, and if she needs a little coaxing give it to her, but don't force it.


So, I met a guy who was high, and probably doesn't remember me, but asked for my number.

THE END. doesn't that suck cause he was hot. I just wanted to get it out there cause I hate it when people forget you, but you remember them.

I agree with PBM on this issue. He basically summed that up perfectly.


Lol i just noticed this topic. But to say the least, all the girls i've been with the past year and 1/2 have just been girls ive taken to homecoming and **** just to be around. dating has gotten gay for me, its a pretty long story that i wont get into because it makes me mad, well not really. Just to long to type xD. Ive found ever since i became single this august, ive enjoyed my self more. I can do what i want to do, when i want to do. I got spare money to go to concerts and crap. Ive found the more girls ive been with which is alot, the more im able to see the types i really hate.

I go to a private school and ugh its just annoying. I've noticed all my friends hell even the misfits and the ppl who are unathletic have girls that are so slutty, prissy bitches who will do anythin for popularity. They use alot of my friends as tools, just to say oh yea im going out with so and so. But i guess the point im trying to get across is don't rush it with girls. Even though the girl might be pretty a lot of them are a bitch deep down. At least the ones ive been with have been. They are like succubus' they steal your heart then your wallet xD and dump you soon after.

You know you can't keep running from the dating game. That only ends when marriage starts. I think dating is the best way to learn everything you want to know about a person. Hook-ups are great when you're young because there's no emotional ties and relationships aren't handled by teenagers and young adults...which in general most always lead to drama.

But you should be comfortable with your dating skills and your ability to hold down a steady and meaningful relationship...else when the time comes to finally start one, you might be unsure of yourself, second guessing, and have doubts.

But for now I say live it up. If hook-ups are working for you then keep going with it. Just always remember that hook-ups aren't everything.

[Carsonal]

Hey I'm really having a hard time with my relationship with my imaginary friends and characters.
They are always arguing, since we spend so much time together i dont know what to do...

[PeanutButterMunky]

^^

Perhaps some anti-psychotic meds? That would be dandy like candy.

[Carsonal]

I'm....so very lonely. (five)

[PeanutButterMunky]

What's with people not being able to type five words? I'm going to hang you people by your mouse cords. :suspect: Or at least poke you in the eye with a Sharpie.

[Carsonal]

Sorry, mines wireless.
And i dont even know what a sharpie is.
Take THAT PBM!

[PeanutButterMunky]

Then I'll hang you with your computer cord. And you don't know what a Sharpie is? I guess they don't have those in Australia.

http://i10.tinypic.com/44g3pd1.jpg

[Carsonal]

Oh yeah we got those here.
I thought you meant some sort of knife or something.

[bnolan56]

You know you can't keep running from the dating game. That only ends when marriage starts. I think dating is the best way to learn everything you want to know about a person. Hook-ups are great when you're young because there's no emotional ties and relationships aren't handled by teenagers and young adults...which in general most always lead to drama.

But you should be comfortable with your dating skills and your ability to hold down a steady and meaningful relationship...else when the time comes to finally start one, you might be unsure of yourself, second guessing, and have doubts.

But for now I say live it up. If hook-ups are working for you then keep going with it. Just always remember that hook-ups aren't everything.

oh yea i know, im just mentioning my past experience. Hook-ups aren't everything i know that. The girl i really like and she likes me back, we've been friends for ever. So i hope it works out :mrgreen:

[EndersShadow]

Even though the girl might be pretty a lot of them are a bitch deep down. At least the ones ive been with have been. They are like succubus' they steal your heart then your wallet xD and dump you soon after.

I just wanted to point that out to the younger, less experienced males of this board. The key part is he said, "At least the ones I've been with." While I'm not discrediting the comment (there are some girls that use guys and are just drama mamas) there are still PLENTY of decent, good looking girls even at the teen age (where this immaturity seems to occur most at). The "decent" girl you're looking for may not be your dream girl looks-wise but it's something you'll realize when you get older. Looks really aren't everything... there will ALWAYS be a girl more attractive than the one you're with because that girl will be new and exciting. Anyway, she may be more difficult to find because the more visible girls are the popular, glamour girls. However, anything that's worth anything requires patience and effort. Who cares about a strike when you can hit a homerun? Sammy Sosa wouldn't be who he was if he were concerned about striking out (because he DID strike out quite a bit).

[PeanutButterMunky]

Sammy Sosa wouldn't be who he was if he were concerned about striking out (because he DID strike out quite a bit).And Babe Ruth had just about as many strike outs as he did home runs. You just gotta keep batting until you hit a home run (or whatever). Nobody is perfect.

[bnolan56]

i am.....:mrgreen: but then again, what if someone was perfect?

[Uncool]

What if you met someone you really liked (and probably loved) but happened to die from a freak accident (car crash) and never got to go and say what you feel about her? I haven't met anyone for a long time and never really believed in the dating scene; I met her by accident in a book store. So, what should I do? I chose uncool for that reason alone, I'm afraid if I get close to another female partner, I will lose her in the process.

And I'm not joking about losing someone, it still haunts me of how unlucky with women I have been with. I often become cold to them in order for them not to like me for the reason stated above.

[PeanutButterMunky]

What if you met someone you really liked (and probably loved) but happened to die from a freak accident (car crash) and never got to go and say what you feel about her? I haven't met anyone for a long time and never really believed in the dating scene; I met her by accident in a book store. So, what should I do? I chose uncool for that reason alone, I'm afraid if I get close to another female partner, I will lose her in the process.My ex was murdered. We were in love with each other. We were together for almost 4 years. I have now found someone again that I'm deeply in love with (and who is in love with me) after 3 years of mourning. Don't let one bad incident ruin the rest of your life. Living in fear will make your life hell. Time heals a lot of things. Don't cling to this forever.

[Uncool]

For some reason, I have a feeling that if I do find love I will forget that memory of her and turn into something I don't want to be. I know that probably doesn't make sense but due to my often cold and cynical personality, I will probably be alone for the rest of my life.

[Angelcurio]

My ex was murdered. We were in love with each other. We were together for almost 4 years. I have now found someone again that I'm deeply in love with (and who is in love with me) after 3 years of mourning. Don't let one bad incident ruin the rest of your life. Living in fear will make your life hell. Time heals a lot of things. Don't cling to this forever.
I can only say "God dont let me go through that pain".

I love my girlfriend so much that i dont know what could become of me if something ever happens to her.

[bnolan56]

L-O-V-E. Its like what Dane Cook said "When your not in love its like not being invited to that party. And your like, oh.....why wasn't i invited to this party. But when you are in love, your like Where's my jacket get me the **** out of here! I want to experience other parties! Someone **** on the coats. I think someone s**t on or about the coats!"

[Uncool]

I can only say "God dont let me go through that pain".

I love my girlfriend so much that i dont know what could become of me if something ever happens to her.

Believe me, its hard to go through losing someone. Not only did she lose her life to a drunk driver, but that same driver took her parents as well.
R.I.P. Aylah.:cry:

[PeanutButterMunky]

I can only say "God dont let me go through that pain".

I love my girlfriend so much that i dont know what could become of me if something ever happens to her.It is like every horrible emotion combined and then multiplied by a million. That was the lowest point of my entire life and I didn't even know at the time if I could get out of it. I won't go into further detail, but I also hope that you never have to experience the excruciating pain of losing the love of your life. Fortunately, I have found someone again after all these years.

[bnolan56]

wtf wsa he out to get her family? not to be an ass but thats wierd. Though sorry for your loss.

[Uncool]

I really wished I killed that guy who did it but I left Palmdale (which is in Cali) about 4 years ago. Thats probably the reason I play videogames so much, I don't feel its necessary for me to socialize with the oppposite sex anymore.


wtf wsa he out to get her family? not to be an ass but thats wierd. Though sorry for your loss.

I did not mention that they were in the car (all three of them) during the time. I wished I had more time to talk with her parents about marriage; I know its ridiculous but they loved me so much they considered a possibility in the future. I felt so powerless when I first heard of the news that all three of them died.

[PeanutButterMunky]

I really wished I killed that guy who did itYou have no idea how many times I've thought the same thing. But, that wouldn't solve anything. There was no way to know that this was going to happen and by killing him, you would only put yourself in prison for the rest of your life. It isn't healthy to clog your mind with "what if's" and "maybe's"...you just have to understand that this is the way of the world. It wouldn't have happened any other way and there's nothing we can do to change life's events. You just have to stay strong and push through the pain. Eventually, your heart WILL start to heal. Who KNOWS what wonderful things you have ahead in your life? You're young. You have a lot to experience.

[bnolan56]

its more admirable to walk away and go on with your life then to kill someone. it will prove nothing, your just re-venging something which most likely will get you thrown in jail

[Uncool]

Its almost as if because of that event, I want to embrace that emptiness since there is nothing filling it in. Even as a kid I knew that many things in this world were not ment to be exist or survive. I just didn't know the extent of that meaning until recently.

[PeanutButterMunky]

Give it time. You will feel for quite a while that your world just seems like an empty, numb shell void of all meaning. You will think this emptiness is all you know and all that you will ever know. But give it time. I guarded my heart for years until recently. I thought I would never be able to feel 'alive' again after feeling so dead inside these past few years. But it will pass. What has happened has happened and all you can do now is look to the future and live in the present. Dwelling on the past, I've learned, will only make things worse. What I eventually learned to do was, instead of thinking of depressing things when I thought of my ex, I would think of all the good times we used to have and what kind of person she made me. There will always be a pit of sadness in your stomach, but the horrible, aching, hollow emptiness gnawing at your soul will lessen as time goes by. The extremity of the pain is only temporary. Try not to let your mind consume you with this.

[Uncool]

its more admirable to walk away and go on with your life then to kill someone. it will prove nothing, your just re-venging something which most likely will get you thrown in jail

How long will I take to get over this? What is there to life when you are losing someone that could have been your future wife? These questions arise from a typical adolscent, but mine are more so. I did not want her to be my last love but alas it was. I term people like her as "once in a lifetime individuals," depending on the period that you met them, you can either take advantage of both your meeting or waste it as what I did.


Give it time. You will feel for quite a while that your world just seems like an empty, numb shell void of all meaning. You will think this emptiness is all you know and all that you will ever know. But give it time. I guarded my heart for years until recently. I thought I would never be able to feel 'alive' again after feeling so dead inside these past few years. But it will pass. What has happened has happened and all you can do now is look to the future and live in the present. Dwelling on the past, I've learned, will only make things worse. What I eventually learned to do was, instead of thinking of depressing things when I thought of my ex, I would think of all the good times we used to have and what kind of person she made me. There will always be a pit of sadness in your stomach, but the horrible, aching, hollow emptiness gnawing at your soul will lessen as time goes by. The extremity of the pain is only temporary. Try not to let your mind consume you with this.

You are probably right, I know for a fact that she would of wanted me to be happy, I just can't do it w/out her. It may seem pathetic but typically I was not a strong person until I met her. She taught me to be more than just myself i.e. sports, socializem, etc. But ever since her death, I fell back into my "old self" and now I'm stuck in this ditch.

[PeanutButterMunky]

How long will I take to get over this? What is there to life when you are losing someone that could have been your future wife? These questions arise from a typical adolscent, but mine are more so. I did not want her to be my last love but alas it was. I term people like her as "once in a lifetime individuals," depending on the period that you met them, you can either take advantage of both your meeting or waste it as what I did.Keep searching, my friend. Don't give up on love. Love shows itself in the most unlikely places. I had the same exact thoughts as you. I wanted to marry this girl. I thought she was "the one". I thought nobody else was like her on the planet and now I've met someone again. Someone who I've fallen for. I didn't know it was possible. Stay strong, man. Really. Just give it time. You don't have to find someone again today or tomorrow or even a year from now. It's been 3 years for me. I've dated quite a bit in that time but all the girls didn't really spark anything inside me. They didn't do anything for me. But keep on searching. Actually, come to think of it, I found my current girlfriend after I STOPPED searching. It hit me by surprise. You never know what can happen.



You are probably right, I know for a fact that she would of wanted me to be happy, I just can't do it w/out her. It may seem pathetic but typically I was not a strong person until I met her. She taught me to be more than just myself i.e. sports, socializem, etc. But ever since her death, I fell back into my "old self" and now I'm stuck in this ditch.I know exactly how you feel. I fall back into my 'old self' sometimes, but then realize I should strive to be the kind of person that I was when I was with her. And that person is a much better person.

[Appolyons]

Definately man, you'll be fine in the end. I'm one of those guys who makes jokes when serious matters come up...kinda like Chandler from Friends if you know what I mean.

[Uncool]

I should just drop this discussion. I did not want to take it this far, hell I've never talked about it until now to anyone as I kept it to myself. I'm sorry I wasted your time, I'm truly sorry for anyone who reads this. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about me. I just uncomfortable to talking about this. Again I'm truly sorry for wasting your time; I do not want anyone focusing on my problems, I will have to fight my own battles even if it seems to be hopeless. Please forgive me for sounding some weak, pathetic human being. I almost wish I wasn't human to experience such pain. For the last time, forgive my ignorance and pety life problems. Please do not reply again, thank you in advance.

[PeanutButterMunky]

Um...you're not wasting my time or anyone else's. This is the first time I've openly discussed this as well. You mentioned it and I felt it would be good if you knew someone else who has endured the same thing. There is nothing pathetic about feeling true human emotion. We are human beings because of these very things. There is nothing wrong with you. Stay strong, my friend. Give it time. You are not pitiful, you are not weak. You are REAL.

[bnolan56]

you did not waste our time. its better to talk about this crap then bottle it inside your body. its bad for the soul and your body. considering bad emotions can often lead to something bad happening physically

[EndersShadow]

Uncool, I've never experienced such a tragedy. I can only imagine what you're going through. While PBM is probably the right guy to give you advice and help you through this, I just wanted to add that you should find yourself before anything else. Don't rush into things by dating and searching for the next "one" (because there will be another love of your life, whether you want to believe it or not. There's no such thing as a soul-mate, despite the nice fairy tale ring). Dating is a compromise, she's there for you and you're there for her. However, if you're not "together", the dates will becomes busts (maybe like what happened to PBM). Re-establish yourself, you give yourself far too little credit. You said she made you a better person but you're regressing back to your old self... don't let her work go to waste. Be the better man you were when you were with her and stand strong. Mourn over the loss but don't lose your life in the process. Would you want her to do that if the position were reversed?

[unr3stricted]

Hmmm... so wierd one here (well for me its wierd) but I feel like my girlfriend doesn't find me attractive, and it really gets to me. She touches me but she does it almost as if she is nervous to, and by touches me I mean puts her arm around my waiste you perves! Lol, jk jk. She rarely initiates a kiss and literally NEVER says anything about me being attractive, handsome, hot, sexy, (insert nice comment here), etc, etc. I know she loves me and all, but sometimes it just gets on my nerves that she never SHOWS the love. Am I being to picky, or should I talk to her about it? And if so, what should I say?

[Carsonal]

You better wait for PBM to answer that.
I wouldnt wanna be caught impersonating him again...

[PeanutButterMunky]

Hmmm... so wierd one here (well for me its wierd) but I feel like my girlfriend doesn't find me attractive, and it really gets to me. She touches me but she does it almost as if she is nervous to, and by touches me I mean puts her arm around my waiste you perves! Lol, jk jk. She rarely initiates a kiss and literally NEVER says anything about me being attractive, handsome, hot, sexy, (insert nice comment here), etc, etc. I know she loves me and all, but sometimes it just gets on my nerves that she never SHOWS the love. Am I being to picky, or should I talk to her about it? And if so, what should I say?You need to talk to her about it. That doesn't seem right for a relationship. I don't know what's going on with her exactly, but if you want the relationship to last, you need to really find out how she feels. It's uncomfortable for both you and her when she acts that way. Something isn't right there. Has she always been this way? How long have you two been together?



You better wait for PBM to answer that.
I wouldnt wanna be caught impersonating him again...:suspect:

I like white frosted cupcakes with those party sprinkles melted on the inside.

[Carsonal]

Right, i'll add that to the database

[EndersShadow]

Hmmm... so wierd one here (well for me its wierd) but I feel like my girlfriend doesn't find me attractive, and it really gets to me. She touches me but she does it almost as if she is nervous to, and by touches me I mean puts her arm around my waiste you perves! Lol, jk jk. She rarely initiates a kiss and literally NEVER says anything about me being attractive, handsome, hot, sexy, (insert nice comment here), etc, etc. I know she loves me and all, but sometimes it just gets on my nerves that she never SHOWS the love. Am I being to picky, or should I talk to her about it? And if so, what should I say?

She could just be shy or very conservative. How old is she? Also, as PBM asked, how long have you two been dating?

People vary in interest... It's a stereotype that girls always want to cuddle. I know some women that just wanted to have sex with their boyfriend and that's the end of it. These women HATED cuddling... So afterwards, he sleeps on one side of the bed and she on the other.

As someone told me, it's impossible to try to read a girl's mind based on her actions. Talking is definitely the best option. When you two are alone and nothing's really going on (like, if you two are just "chilling") try to initiate something that she would become "awkward" with. Once she begins to pull away, say in a joking manner, "Do I smell bad or something?" Once she says no... and let's hope she says no... then start talking to her about it. The initial comment is just to break the ice or set the stage. Once you start talking about what's bothering you, ask her if there's a reason why she seems so anxious about those situations. Look for a compromise or a solution in the conversation. She should really do most of the talking... Oh, and stay calm over the matter. Never raise your voice and especially don't blame her (rather than saying "you don't do this", say "I'd prefer you do this more often").

If you don't want to go down this route, there's another way to get her to be more touchy feely with you. It's not the most sincere way since it involves head games... but if you've already had this discussion with her and it has gotten you nowhere then try this. YOU stop initiating everything. Stop kissing her, stop hugging her, etc... She'll begin to miss the attention and either she'll bring it up in a conversation or she'll practically beg for it. I do this with my girlfriend every now and then. She always complains (as a joke) that I only have sex on my mind. While it's not true, it's not completely wrong... but similarly, she never initiates anything physical. I've talked to her about it but she's very shy. She enjoys what we do but she doesn't feel comfortable openly expressing that she "wants" me. So usually I initiate that kinda thing and I end up being the pervert :( ... ... Oh well. ;)

[alexandra23]

basically here is my case:
i went out with this boy for a very short while my sophmore year.
he broke up with me because he thought i was shy,
later he discovered i was very far from it,
and my junior year we started to hook up again.
and i could tell he sincerely liked me because of all the nice sweet things he did for me and even just how he looked at me as gay as that sounds.
but anyway idk what happened but we just stopped for no real reason.
well now its my senior year and i have a class with him.
everytime i turn around hes always staring at me and when i catch him doing it he looks away really fast,
the same thing he used to do when he liked me back whenever.
(its funny because when girls caught him looking at me like that theyd ask him why and he said "because shes my girlfriend and i like her.)
and also he flirts with me now and decided to come into my senior house for the summer.
also he heard me making plans for the weekend and invited himself to come.
i wondered if it was because he wanted to spend time with me again?
i never stopped liking him but i dont know what i should do.
let him come to me or me go to him?

[A-D-L]

See how it goes.

Let it ride for a while, se how you get along, if it works. Keep on going.

[PeanutButterMunky]

basically here is my case:
i went out with this boy for a very short while my sophmore year.
he broke up with me because he thought i was shy,
later he discovered i was very far from it,
and my junior year we started to hook up again.
and i could tell he sincerely liked me because of all the nice sweet things he did for me and even just how he looked at me as gay as that sounds.
but anyway idk what happened but we just stopped for no real reason.
well now its my senior year and i have a class with him.
everytime i turn around hes always staring at me and when i catch him doing it he looks away really fast,
the same thing he used to do when he liked me back whenever.
(its funny because when girls caught him looking at me like that theyd ask him why and he said "because shes my girlfriend and i like her.)
and also he flirts with me now and decided to come into my senior house for the summer.
also he heard me making plans for the weekend and invited himself to come.
i wondered if it was because he wanted to spend time with me again?
i never stopped liking him but i dont know what i should do.
let him come to me or me go to him?Why did you two "stop for no real reason"? What exactly lead up to that point? He obviously still likes you and if you stopped for no real reason you need to talk with him about it. Communication is the key here. Guessing what someone is thinking is never going to solve anything. If you still like him and he likes you...well then you guys need to talk to each other. If he doesn't come to you, go to him. Guys are sometimes clueless, dense creatures and you should be the one to start talking about it if he doesn't.

[alexandra23]

i dont know actually.
i called him one day and he didnt answer and never called back ever again haha.
weird.
im just scared of getting hurt,
alot alot alot has happened over the years that i left out just because it would take too long to type.
but were just so on and off and its just seems like we do it on purpose.
oh its been a few months? lets try it again.
(of course that isnt actually said, but it seems like thats what happens)
it kills me that we go in and out of this all the time,
i mean we make such an amazing couple,
we have so much in common and have a clearly time tested bond between us.
its just that he confuses the hell out of me with relationships,
and i dont know how to make him talk.
hes the kind of person where if i ask him to talk about somthing and he doesnt want to,
hell just flat out say no and move on.

[PeanutButterMunky]

i called him one day and he didnt answer and never called back ever again haha.That sounds really strange and I don't know what's going through that guy's head. How long were you together again until that point?




im just scared of getting hurtI know exactly how you feel. Maybe he is too.




it kills me that we go in and out of this all the time,
i mean we make such an amazing couple,
we have so much in common and have a clearly time tested bond between us.
its just that he confuses the hell out of me with relationships,
and i dont know how to make him talk.
hes the kind of person where if i ask him to talk about somthing and he doesnt want to,
hell just flat out say no and move on.You need to put an assertive foot up his ass and make him talk. This is not fuzzy bunnies and pancakes. It's a relationship. He needs to grow some gonads and talk with you. It's very frustrating when only one person wants to work on the relationship. If he truly liked you, he wouldn't keep avoiding the conversation or flat out just stop calling you. There is something going on and you need to find out what that is. That's just a little too strange of a thing to just push aside. That's just me though. That's something you just don't do to a girl. Keep her guessing and confused because you're too weird or scared to talk about what's going on.

[alexandra23]

at that point we were only together again for just a few days.
and again, i dont know how to go about talking to him if im not even 100% if he stills likes me.
i cant be like lets talk about you and me,
what if he doesnt even get what im saying?
ughhh i hate boys.

[PeanutButterMunky]

at that point we were only together again for just a few days.That's probably why then. Maybe he didn't really think of it as "back together" again. I don't know.



and again, i dont know how to go about talking to him if im not even 100% if he stills likes me.The only way you're going to find out is by talking to him. Otherwise you're going to be left in the dark because it's obvious at this point that he's not going to take the initiative in sparking up a conversation regarding the matter.




i cant be like lets talk about you and me,
what if he doesnt even get what im saying?Again, you'll never know if you don't talk to him. Communication is such a big part of a relationship that a lot of people seem to neglect. If you bring it up to him and you start talking about it, and he doesn't understand you, then you'll finally realize that he's about as sharp as a ball and that perhaps it's for the best if you're not together anymore. BUT...if he's telling other girls that you're his girlfriend and he's not even treating you as such, well that's just plain freaking bizarre.




ughhh i hate boys.You'll find the right one. People tend to find the love of their life in college and not in high school because by the time college comes around, guys finally start "maturing". Then again, some guys never grow up. I wish you the best of luck. I hope this all gets sorted out.

[A-D-L]

We happen to be extreamly insecure and cluless when it comes to this.

I think he is more scared than you.

[PeanutButterMunky]

Yep...guys are pretty dumb and clueless sometimes.

[EndersShadow]

The bottom line is you two have tried going out on several occasions and have failed pretty bad. You don’t know what he’s thinking and he won’t tell you. Unless this changed, that should be the end of the discussion. Now move on.


im just scared of getting hurt

You shouldn't be in an intimate relationship then, not right now anyway. You have to realize that in order to get a fine, healthy relationship, both of you have to put yourselves on the line. If one of you are even the slightest bit timid, you shouldn't be doing it.

Find what you want in a guy, be confident that you'll find him despite a few bumps in the road, and then find him. You shouldn't go into anything scared.

[bnolan56]

its better to have loved and lost than never loved at all alex

[alexandra23]

The bottom line is you two have tried going out on several occasions and have failed pretty bad.

we only went out once and we broke up cuz we rushed into it and didnt really know each other,
and he thought i was shy but i wasnt.. its complicated long story lol.

ok and update:
me and my friends drank earlier for mangled monday (tradition haha)
and i happened to drunk dial him (i wasnt completely drunk but i figured it was an excuse) :DD .
i called this one number and he didnt answer,
but he called back a second later
from his new phone and we talked a little bit but not a serious conversation,
he was with his friends but he sounded like surprised and happy that i called.
it sounded like he wanted to stay on the phone for a little,
but i was like welll im gonna go now after about 45 seconds,
and he said ok love you, bye.
what to do now?
i got to admit im a little excited haha.

[PeanutButterMunky]

Now try talking to him while you're sober...

[unr3stricted]

She could just be shy or very conservative. How old is she? Also, as PBM asked, how long have you two been dating?
She is not generally shy, but with me (and she says this about previous boyfriends) she is really conservative, and she doesn't know why. Also, we have been together for a year on October 16. Oh, and she is 17 but very mature.


People vary in interest... It's a stereotype that girls always want to cuddle. I know some women that just wanted to have sex with their boyfriend and that's the end of it. These women HATED cuddling... So afterwards, he sleeps on one side of the bed and she on the other.
She is kind of conservative on the whole sex issue, but not too much, and she LOVES to cuddle. Absolutely loves it.


As someone told me, it's impossible to try to read a girl's mind based on her actions. Talking is definitely the best option. When you two are alone and nothing's really going on (like, if you two are just "chilling") try to initiate something that she would become "awkward" with. Once she begins to pull away, say in a joking manner, "Do I smell bad or something?" Once she says no... and let's hope she says no... then start talking to her about it. The initial comment is just to break the ice or set the stage. Once you start talking about what's bothering you, ask her if there's a reason why she seems so anxious about those situations. Look for a compromise or a solution in the conversation. She should really do most of the talking... Oh, and stay calm over the matter. Never raise your voice and especially don't blame her (rather than saying "you don't do this", say "I'd prefer you do this more often").
I've tried this before, and basically she just says she just doesn't feel comfortable. I understand that (hell, I used to feel uncomfortable!) but after a year together I would have thought things would get a little better.


If you don't want to go down this route, there's another way to get her to be more touchy feely with you. It's not the most sincere way since it involves head games... but if you've already had this discussion with her and it has gotten you nowhere then try this. YOU stop initiating everything. Stop kissing her, stop hugging her, etc... She'll begin to miss the attention and either she'll bring it up in a conversation or she'll practically beg for it. I do this with my girlfriend every now and then. She always complains (as a joke) that I only have sex on my mind. While it's not true, it's not completely wrong... but similarly, she never initiates anything physical. I've talked to her about it but she's very shy. She enjoys what we do but she doesn't feel comfortable openly expressing that she "wants" me. So usually I initiate that kinda thing and I end up being the pervert :( ... ... Oh well. ;)
This is the reason I brought my question here... I have talked to her (as I said before) and as you suggested, I have tried to stop initiating everything. I felt childish doing it, but since you suggest it I feel a little better lol. The problem is, if I don't touch her, she doesn't change. At that point, we are a completely hands off relationship. It gets on my nerves being together for a whole week (thats the longest I tried NOT initiating anything) and not having any physical contact, so I always give in and initiate all over again.

My girlfriend has no problems saying she "wants" me, but only after I have initiated something. Otherwise I feel nothing of want at all, and its enough to make a guy feel bad, especially after being together for a year.

Thanks for all the help guys!

[alexandra23]

Now try talking to him while you're sober...
haha yes yes thats the next step.
:lol:

[PeanutButterMunky]

Baby steps. That's what it's all about. ;)

[alexandra23]

well actually i do talk to him sober everyday,
just not about serious stuff,
we just flirt and such.

[PeanutButterMunky]

Well I hope things work out for you. There comes a time when the flirting needs to turn into an actual relationship. The on and off thing will become a big problem later on. You need a solid foundation in a relationship that's free of uncertainty. And you never really live if you don't risk your heart being broken.

[alexandra23]

true that.
peanutbutter aka dr phil<3

[PeanutButterMunky]

peanutbutter aka dr phil<3Are you calling me fat? :suspect:



Just kidding. :mrgreen:

[bnolan56]

lol that means pbm is an electrician if hes dr. phil. havent you seen scary movie 4? xd OMG what? wrong foot!

[PeanutButterMunky]

I find it ironic how that fatty known as Dr. Phil has a diet book. :no

http://xs107.xs.to/xs107/06402/DrPhilFatty.jpg

http://xs107.xs.to/xs107/06402/DrPhilBook.jpg

[Carsonal]

He doesnt look very fat to me.
Its probably just that loose fit suit.

[EndersShadow]

Alexandra, no offense... but stop being such a girl about this. You guys went out in Sophmore year and he broke up with you cuz he thought you were shy? ... Yeah... cuz that's every guy's reason... Then you two "hooked" back up in Junior year cuz he realized you weren't shy? Either you're wording this poorly or this guy is VERY simple-minded. If you want this to be more than another fling or "hook up" then stop acting like some teenage girl. You're almost an adult, act like one. Otherwise you're just filling this thread with useless drama. He hates me, he loves me, he hates me, he loves me... It seems very apparent that what you and this guy have going on is nothing serious, just lustful, teenage flirting. If you're serious about not wanting to be hurt again, stop playing this game.


She is not generally shy, but with me (and she says this about previous boyfriends) she is really conservative, and she doesn't know why. Also, we have been together for a year on October 16. Oh, and she is 17 but very mature.


She is kind of conservative on the whole sex issue, but not too much, and she LOVES to cuddle. Absolutely loves it.


I've tried this before, and basically she just says she just doesn't feel comfortable. I understand that (hell, I used to feel uncomfortable!) but after a year together I would have thought things would get a little better.


This is the reason I brought my question here... I have talked to her (as I said before) and as you suggested, I have tried to stop initiating everything. I felt childish doing it, but since you suggest it I feel a little better lol. The problem is, if I don't touch her, she doesn't change. At that point, we are a completely hands off relationship. It gets on my nerves being together for a whole week (thats the longest I tried NOT initiating anything) and not having any physical contact, so I always give in and initiate all over again.

My girlfriend has no problems saying she "wants" me, but only after I have initiated something. Otherwise I feel nothing of want at all, and its enough to make a guy feel bad, especially after being together for a year.

Thanks for all the help guys!

I don't know what to say man. You two have been together for a while and it seems like you care for her a great deal. The only "problem" (and I use that word lightly because I'm in a similar situation but I don't see my situation as a problem... However, the situations are just similar, not exact... and I can see why you're flustered) seems to be the one you bring up.

If you guys have been going out for a year and no compromise has been met nor improvement to what you'd like... I think it comes down to two things:

You can either accept that it's not that big of a deal. After all, she shows that she "wants" you after you start it. It's not like she's cold to you regardless. She's obviously attracted to you so don't be bothered if she doesn't say it or show it on her own.

Or... if it really does bother you that much, you're only 19. You two have only been going out for a year. Don't feel obligated to stay with her if she's not meeting your needs. I only say that if it's something you don't think you'll learn to accept because it doesn't seem like she's going to change any time soon. Anyway, she seems like a great girl so if you do break up I'm sure you two could stay in touch as friends. Though, personally, I don't think it's enough reason to break up but that's really for you to decide.

[PeanutButterMunky]

I like how you insult her while you're giving 'advice'. Basic psychology would let us know that nobody wants to listen to someone giving advice if they are insulting. Learn to communicate.

[unr3stricted]

I don't know what to say man. You two have been together for a while and it seems like you care for her a great deal. The only "problem" (and I use that word lightly because I'm in a similar situation but I don't see my situation as a problem... However, the situations are just similar, not exact... and I can see why you're flustered) seems to be the one you bring up.

If you guys have been going out for a year and no compromise has been met nor improvement to what you'd like... I think it comes down to two things:

You can either accept that it's not that big of a deal. After all, she shows that she "wants" you after you start it. It's not like she's cold to you regardless. She's obviously attracted to you so don't be bothered if she doesn't say it or show it on her own.

Or... if it really does bother you that much, you're only 19. You two have only been going out for a year. Don't feel obligated to stay with her if she's not meeting your needs. I only say that if it's something you don't think you'll learn to accept because it doesn't seem like she's going to change any time soon. Anyway, she seems like a great girl so if you do break up I'm sure you two could stay in touch as friends. Though, personally, I don't think it's enough reason to break up but that's really for you to decide.

I love her and would never break up with her for something so trivial. Yet... at the same time I am a very needy person. I need her to do certain things otherwise I will feel unwanted and that just gets me negative and no one likes a negative person.

Hmm... I've tried the whole "abstinence" thing, with no touching, no nothing, except for the occasional kiss and it never brought her to do anything... Do you guys think it would be good to try this again, and then talk AFTER we haven't done anything for a while? I mean, so that she can see more clearly what I mean? Do you think it would help me to clarify my points if we hadn't done anything in two weeks, because of the fact that I didn't initiate anything?

Thanks for all the help. To be honest, I thought this thread was a joke when I saw it in Perfect Sin's sig, but boy was I wrong! Thanks!

[andybrow2310]

My very simple answer to anyone who is stupid enough to post a thread like this is- its you that really needs the advice!

[PeanutButterMunky]

^^

Thanks for contributing absolutely nothing to this thread.

[andybrow2310]

My pleasure to have contributed in such a way that my opinion was critasized...really

[PeanutButterMunky]

You implied that the thread creator is "stupid enough to make a thread like this". Either post something constructive or stay out of the thread. Insulting other members is against the rules. Thanks.

[andybrow2310]

Ok i take back the mean things-i hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me-as a punishment i will not step foot in here again... (:()

[Carsonal]

PBM, my question is, where exactly did you get the experience and knowledge to answer these questions?
It seems as if even in some of the less pleasant situations that have been addressed in this thread, you seem to have a good answer for all of them.

[Angelcurio]

Alexandra, no offense... but stop being such a girl about this. You guys went out in Sophmore year and he broke up with you cuz he thought you were shy? ... Yeah... cuz that's every guy's reason... Then you two "hooked" back up in Junior year cuz he realized you weren't shy? Either you're wording this poorly or this guy is VERY simple-minded. If you want this to be more than another fling or "hook up" then stop acting like some teenage girl. You're almost an adult, act like one. Otherwise you're just filling this thread with useless drama. He hates me, he loves me, he hates me, he loves me... It seems very apparent that what you and this guy have going on is nothing serious, just lustful, teenage flirting. If you're serious about not wanting to be hurt again, stop playing this game.



I don't know what to say man. You two have been together for a while and it seems like you care for her a great deal. The only "problem" (and I use that word lightly because I'm in a similar situation but I don't see my situation as a problem... However, the situations are just similar, not exact... and I can see why you're flustered) seems to be the one you bring up.

If you guys have been going out for a year and no compromise has been met nor improvement to what you'd like... I think it comes down to two things:

You can either accept that it's not that big of a deal. After all, she shows that she "wants" you after you start it. It's not like she's cold to you regardless. She's obviously attracted to you so don't be bothered if she doesn't say it or show it on her own.

Or... if it really does bother you that much, you're only 19. You two have only been going out for a year. Don't feel obligated to stay with her if she's not meeting your needs. I only say that if it's something you don't think you'll learn to accept because it doesn't seem like she's going to change any time soon. Anyway, she seems like a great girl so if you do break up I'm sure you two could stay in touch as friends. Though, personally, I don't think it's enough reason to break up but that's really for you to decide.

Just in case you werent aware, insulting other members is against the rules of the forums.


I like how you insult her while you're giving 'advice'. Basic psychology would let us know that nobody wants to listen to someone giving advice if they are insulting. Learn to communicate.
Hey PBM, after seeing the post above yours i noticed how much i miss bad rep and how useful it was after all.

[alexandra23]

for anyone that truely cares:
steve approached me today and told me he misses me and wants to try again,
and the reason why he stopped calling me was because he was cheating on a girlfriend with me and she found out.
i wasnt aware of this.
but he promised me that everything was going to be different this time.
and that we would succeed.
just filling you guys in.

[unr3stricted]

for anyone that truely cares:
steve approached me today and told me he misses me and wants to try again,
and the reason why he stopped calling me was because he was cheating on a girlfriend with me and she found out.
i wasnt aware of this.
but he promised me that everything was going to be different this time.
and that we would succeed.
just filling you guys in.

Not to but in or anything... But when is cheating ever justified? And if he could justify it before, then aren't his chances of cheating on you increased even more? That sort of thing would be a huge turn off for me...

[alexandra23]

hes never cheated on a girl before this,
he only cheated because it was with me,
and he never stopped liking me.
it doesnt bother me since it was for us.
though i do feel bad for the girl.

[bnolan56]

how do you know your not a materialistic object to him? sounds like he dumped her and cheated on her because he thought you were better. man thats low. no offense but you can't be sure if he won't cheat on you with a different girl.

[alexandra23]

its hard to explain,
you guys dont understand.
i can just tell its going to be ok this time.
idk.

[EndersShadow]

I love her and would never break up with her for something so trivial. Yet... at the same time I am a very needy person. I need her to do certain things otherwise I will feel unwanted and that just gets me negative and no one likes a negative person.

Hmm... I've tried the whole "abstinence" thing, with no touching, no nothing, except for the occasional kiss and it never brought her to do anything... Do you guys think it would be good to try this again, and then talk AFTER we haven't done anything for a while? I mean, so that she can see more clearly what I mean? Do you think it would help me to clarify my points if we hadn't done anything in two weeks, because of the fact that I didn't initiate anything?

Thanks for all the help. To be honest, I thought this thread was a joke when I saw it in Perfect Sin's sig, but boy was I wrong! Thanks!

Really man, it seems like you've tried all you can. You've talked to her about this and it hasn't gotten you where you'd prefer it go. I mean, you understand why she's the way she is. Nothing wrong with that and you certainly can't hold it against her. I think you should just learn to deal with it if you have total opposition to the idea of breaking up over the trivial matter. My girlfriend had a bunch of guy friends that got me jealous but I learned to cope. It's no big deal now.


I like how you insult her while you're giving 'advice'. Basic psychology would let us know that nobody wants to listen to someone giving advice if they are insulting. Learn to communicate.
PBM, I try to like you... I really do... I think our minds just think on different ends of the spectrum though and that's fine. You're two years my senior and I don't doubt your intelligence, just your attitude towards me. Check all of my posts in this thread. I haven't come here to start any arguements nor "insult" anyone. I've been giving my input in what I thought would help the person at need.

If you really, in all honesty, think what I said to Alexandra is complete BS, fine. But why would I insult her? I don't even know her, I have no reason to... I was giving her "tough love" because everyone seemed to be approving of what she was doing. In my opinion, that's wrong. I still think the relationship will end up nowhere. Low and behold, the guy she likes actually cheated on his current for Alexandra. Yet she's still estatic about the situation and makes excuses for the fact that he cheated! I'm sorry, I may be younger than you but that doesn't discount my own past experiences. I gave an opportunity to vicariously learn from someone else. If she doesn't want to take that, that's cool... no skin off my back. But PBM, please don't call me out like that again because I never had, nor will I have the intent to make someone feel bad for no reason.

By the way, I changed majors from Psychology to Elementary Education. "Basic psychology would let us know that nobody wants to listen to someone giving advice if they are insulting" I'm not denying that but I've never read that before in the texts that I've read. Are you just using common sense to make that statement or do you have evidence of it? Just curious...


you guys dont understand.
Because we have different opinions on the matter than you? Trust me, some of us do understand whether you want to believe that or not.

[christianpachon]

My very simple answer to anyone who is stupid enough to post a thread like this is- its you that really needs the advice!

whats your problem rookie? I guess you are the person that need more help, ******.

[Perfect Sin]

for anyone that truely cares:
steve approached me today and told me he misses me and wants to try again,
and the reason why he stopped calling me was because he was cheating on a girlfriend with me and she found out.
i wasnt aware of this.
but he promised me that everything was going to be different this time.
and that we would succeed.
just filling you guys in.

hes never cheated on a girl before this,
he only cheated because it was with me,
and he never stopped liking me.
it doesnt bother me since it was for us.
though i do feel bad for the girl.

You're not really asking for an opinion alexandra...and to me it sounds like your mind is already made up. In order for you two to have a meaningful relationship you must trust him to the best of your abilities. If you have a doubt in your mind that he might cheat on you just like he did the other girl, then you'll start worrying, worrying will lead to doubt, doubt will lead to pain and then you guys will break up because you couldn't trust him.

So really this is your decision. I, nor anyone here can judge this guy, or his actions cause we know nothing of his character or his actions. So if you trust this guy, possibly love them, then shove the doubt out of your mind. I personally would be careful, because I can't trust cheaters...never have never will. To me, once someone cheats that trust is broken and who knows if everything you and the person experienced was a lie.

So that's my opinion. If you trust the guy then trust him. But I personally would have my doubts...and only after the person has proven something to me, would I erase them. I've been hurt too many times to just blindly through my trust and love into another person.

[SE fanboy]

Haha I don't really trust cheaters because if they did it once they could do it to you. I am afraid of getting hurt but I can't say anything about someone unless I know him personaly.Even if you are with someone for years you will not know everything about them. I hate people who judge others and try to ignore them

[Thorzilla]

Cheating is bad. It is too damned bad. Alex, if he really cheated on a girl to be with you, how do you know he wont cheat you to be with another girl he likes more?
I wouldnt, really, but some other people out there are simply too bad to stay with the right girl.

BTW EnderShadow, keep your comments tuned down please. You sure dont want to start a flamewar with anyone. Remember her bodyguard? And so what if she is actually acting like a teen, she is actually a teen! Try being nicer next time please :wink:

[unr3stricted]

Cheating is bad. It is too damned bad. Alex, if he really cheated on a girl to be with you, how do you know he wont cheat you to be with another girl he likes more?
I wouldnt, really, but some other people out there are simply too bad to stay with the right girl.


Well, what I don't get, is if he really wanted to be with you so much (Alex) then why did he not break up with the other girl? To me, it sounds like he was trying to double dip there.

Also, I know of tons of guys that "say" they only cheated that one time, but thats only because you only KNOW of that once. They try and cover it up as much as possible so they don't look bad, but at the same time they don't deny the cheating that you know about, cause then they look like a liar also.

But of course, you know him, and I don't, so the decision is yours.

[PeanutButterMunky]

PBM, I try to like you... I really do... I think our minds just think on different ends of the spectrum though and that's fine. You're two years my senior and I don't doubt your intelligence, just your attitude towards me. Check all of my posts in this thread. I haven't come here to start any arguements nor "insult" anyone. I've been giving my input in what I thought would help the person at need.

If you really, in all honesty, think what I said to Alexandra is complete BS, fine. But why would I insult her? I don't even know her, I have no reason to... I was giving her "tough love" because everyone seemed to be approving of what she was doing. In my opinion, that's wrong. I still think the relationship will end up nowhere. Low and behold, the guy she likes actually cheated on his current for Alexandra. Yet she's still estatic about the situation and makes excuses for the fact that he cheated! I'm sorry, I may be younger than you but that doesn't discount my own past experiences. I gave an opportunity to vicariously learn from someone else. If she doesn't want to take that, that's cool... no skin off my back. But PBM, please don't call me out like that again because I never had, nor will I have the intent to make someone feel bad for no reason.

By the way, I changed majors from Psychology to Elementary Education. "Basic psychology would let us know that nobody wants to listen to someone giving advice if they are insulting" I'm not denying that but I've never read that before in the texts that I've read. Are you just using common sense to make that statement or do you have evidence of it? Just curious...I was not aware that her boyfriend cheated with her. That is absolutely ridiculous and speaks wonders about his immaturity and lack of respect in handling relationships and she should dump him like yesterday's garbage. I have no respect for people who cheat and I certainly wouldn't want to be with anyone who has a history of that. She needs to clear the fog and see the world as it really is. Seems like she's painting some false picture in her mind of what's going on. The guy is an idiot as far as I'm concerned. People who cheat seem to continue the trend. I had a girl cheat on her boyfriend with me and when she finally told me that, I dumped her right away. It broke her heart, yes, but she broke his heart (very badly).

I don't think what you said is complete BS. I agree with what you said, but I was also unaware of the part that her boyfriend cheated on his girlfriend with her. That changes my perspective on the matter, but I do believe things can be said differently. I thought it was a bit harsh, but I don't disagree with what you said.

And that comment regarding Pyschology was from Child Psychology. I've taken quite a few Psychology classes myself because they are required for my major, but that statement came from Child Psychology, just so you're aware. And that class applied to kids from birth to the end of the teenage years.

Everyone has different experiences with different situations and I didn't mean to "call you out". I just thought what you said could have been worded differently. But I also wasn't aware of just how dumb this guy is. Cheating is one thing that absolutely ticks me off on so many levels.

I have no problem with you and I like you just fine. So please don't think that this one statement will somehow drive a wedge between us as peaceful members of this forum. It's all cool.



hes never cheated on a girl before this,
he only cheated because it was with me,
and he never stopped liking me.
it doesnt bother me since it was for us.
though i do feel bad for the girl.This is what he "tells" you. And this is completely ridiculous. He's a cheater. Plain and simple. He will probably break your heart. If he's not mature enough and level-headed enough to break up with the girl first before he does anything that has to do with you, he is a moron and should not be in relationships. It doesn't bother you because it was for "us"? It should bother you because he cheated on his girlfriend. You're creating some fairy tale "love" situation and it's keeping you from seeing the big picture here. Guys are very stupid sometimes. Don't underestimate how far that stupidity goes. But I don't know the guy. I'm only speaking from the many times I've seen my friends do the same stupid crap to their girlfriends...over and over again.



but he promised me that everything was going to be different this time.This is a typical male response. I can't even count how many times this same statement has been said to my friends, only to have their boyfriend go against it later. Don't buy into it. You really need to open your eyes because your heart is at stake.



you guys dont understand.I understand perfectly because I've been there more than once. I've had my heart broken and I really don't want you to experience the same thing. It is a horrible feeling. And I'm a guy. I have a lot of friends that are just like your boyfriend. If you knew the kind of things stupid guys do, you'd be shocked.

[alexandra23]

well 1st of all, hes not my boyfriend.
im just gettin with him for now.
we can see other people too.
you cant cheat on someone if your not together.
i never said i was going to go out with him.

[PeanutButterMunky]

Are you going to keep dodging this? Sounds like you're trying to justify things that shouldn't be.



you cant cheat on someone if your not together.But he cheated on his girlfriend with you when he was "with" her. :suspect:

If you really liked him you wouldn't have this state of mind...because it would hurt you to see him with someone else. If you just don't care, then you don't really like him that much. You either want a relationship or you don't.

[alexandra23]

thats not true.
i do want a relationship,
but not right away.

[PeanutButterMunky]

*sigh*

I hope you make the right choice with this guy.

[alexandra23]

ok wait, im going to be completely honest here.
i like this boy.
alot.
and the fact that he cheated does bother me,
but im trying to justify his actions because i just want to be with him.
i know you are all giving me the right advice but i cant help it,
i cant go against my heart.
my mind knows the right thing to do but my heart wont have it.
i just really want things to work out.
:-?

[unr3stricted]

thats not true.
i do want a relationship,
but not right away.

well then are you sure you want one with him? If you liked him as much as you say, then you would want a relationship NOW, not later. You wouldn't want to wait.

To me, it sounds like deep down you aren't sure. Which means a great deal.


ok wait, im going to be completely honest here.
i like this boy.
alot.
and the fact that he cheated does bother me,
but im trying to justify his actions because i just want to be with him.
i know you are all giving me the right advice but i cant help it,
i cant go against my heart.
my mind knows the right thing to do but my heart wont have it.
i just really want things to work out.
:-?

Well, I would suggest going against your heart. I mean, it may be hard (hell, I KNOW its hard) but I think its better to not get into a bad relationship, than to get my heart broken later, when the relationship does turn bad.

[alexandra23]

omgggg i do like him alot,
im not confused about anything,
thats just how people do things around here.
i say you guys dont understand because you dont live here,
its like a standard that we have.
you just hook up for a while and then get into a relationship.
thats how it is here.

[unr3stricted]

omgggg i do like him alot,
im not confused about anything,
thats just how people do things around here.
i say you guys dont understand because you dont live here,
its like a standard that we have.
you just hook up for a while and then get into a relationship.
thats how it is here.

What area do you live that is so different from where I live? You dont have to give specifics, just a state.

Also, I know how getting into a relationship starts, my point is that if you are unsure, and if you think he might end up cheating on you, then maybe you should call it off. Its up to you though, I've had a lot of heart breaks, so I personally am very wary of relationships like what you are describing.

[alexandra23]

i live in pennsylvania.
and im not scared of him cheating on me.

[Angelcurio]

Are you going to keep dodging this? Sounds like you're trying to justify things that shouldn't be.


But he cheated on his girlfriend with you when he was "with" her. :suspect:

If you really liked him you wouldn't have this state of mind...because it would hurt you to see him with someone else. If you just don't care, then you don't really like him that much. You either want a relationship or you don't.
Looks like she already made her mind. I usually go by the saying "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". And as everybody has said, if he already cheated his old GF to be with you, chances are that he is going to do the same thing to you.

But, after seeing your comments looks like you really like him since you are taking the stance of a person that really fell in love with someone so hard that your mind refuses to accept anything bad about the person you love.

Alexandra, i can only tell you that you should really open your mind and look to the situation clearly, remember that there isnt a worst blind than the one who doesnt want to see.

[PeanutButterMunky]

omgggg i do like him alot,
im not confused about anything,
thats just how people do things around here.
i say you guys dont understand because you dont live here,
its like a standard that we have.
you just hook up for a while and then get into a relationship.
thats how it is here.I guess that's how marriages work there too? Ya just hook up and it's cool if the other person commits adultery. I gotta move to Pennsylvania! :rolleyes:

Have you lived anywhere else or did you just make that comment to justify more of this cheating nonsense? Because I've seen people do relationships like that everywhere I've lived. I'm sorry but that's not an excuse.

[Perfect Sin]

Alexandra just said they aren't together...they just have mutal feelings towards each other and can see other people...

[PeanutButterMunky]

Yes, we already know that. Why are you echoing her comments?

[Perfect Sin]

My point is that it's not cheating if you're allowed to hook up with other people. She shouldn't feel guilty or bad because it's not a marriage and the guy likes her, she likes him, and they're perfectly happy being able to hook up with each other and other people with no negative consequences...

It just sounds like you're trying to defend relationships where sex is something between two people solely...which I believe Alexandra just told us is not the case at all. So my question, forgive me for sounding frank, is how are you helping?

An even better questions is how are any of us helping? She never even really needed any advice, it's been more or less her statements of how she carries a relationship with her BF where sex isn't exclusive.

[alexandra23]

oh jeeze its not sex,
hooking up around here just means like chilling with each other and making out haha.

[bnolan56]

thats how us kids in maryland do it to, but i take it further sometime :mrgreen:

[alexandra23]

haha yeahh bnolan gets what im saying.
east siiiiide.
:lol:

[Perfect Sin]

Yeah...to me hooking up means sex. Making out...means making out.

[bnolan56]

well you aint east side :lol: but yea thats what i know hooking up as. i guess its just a east coast white kid thing? lol
btw alex instead of saying bnolan just say brad or t-dog :mrgreen:

[unr3stricted]

Yeah...to me hooking up means sex. Making out...means making out.

Agreed. Maybe some word clarification would help.

I don't know. If you like him as much as you say you do, then go for it. I just hope you know that the consequences could mean you get cheated on. Its one thing when one person says something, but when a lot of people say something... then again, HUGE problems have come because the mass thought something, so go with your heart/head whatever one you wish.

The best thing I can say is, you are still young. If it works out, great! If it doesn't, you have a long life to live and find love in.

[PeanutButterMunky]

My point is that it's not cheating if you're allowed to hook up with other people. She shouldn't feel guilty or bad because it's not a marriage and the guy likes her, she likes him, and they're perfectly happy being able to hook up with each other and other people with no negative consequences...

It just sounds like you're trying to defend relationships where sex is something between two people solely...which I believe Alexandra just told us is not the case at all. So my question, forgive me for sounding frank, is how are you helping?

An even better questions is how are any of us helping? She never even really needed any advice, it's been more or less her statements of how she carries a relationship with her BF where sex isn't exclusive.Thanks for all the incorrect assumptions, but that's not what I'm referring to. Her ex-boyfriend who cheated on a girl with her is now a "friend with benefits" with her. If that's what she wants for now, then by all means, go for it. Friends with benefits is not anything new.

[Perfect Sin]

Thanks for all the incorrect assumptions, but that's not what I'm referring to. Her ex-boyfriend who cheated on a girl with her is now a "friend with benefits" with her. If that's what she wants for now, then by all means, go for it. Friends with benefits is not anything new.

Dude, I just scrolled through 2 pages of conversation you had with her and not once did you state anything close to the point you just made. However, this is very true to her situation.

[I write Cursive]

I'm really passive. I've never been the one to be aggressive. I can't tell if this guy is feeling me or not. He's just as passive as I am, perhaps more. He's not flirty either. Like.. my friends think its gonna take a while to get him and its happening because he talks to me the most out of the girls and there will be certain times when he holds onto my hand. And while we were watching a movie after his roommate and some other poeple left I went on his roommates bed to give more room to the other people... he came over and said he had a headache and laid down next to me and asked me for a massage. He started being kinda mean to me sometimes, but he's actually really nice. haha, I have NO CLUE what's going on. Oh well. My friends just think I should be patience, cause he's a good catch.

[Carsonal]

Whats the point of relationships anyway?
Its seems to me that most end negtively.

[Tundra Boy]

Ok, Heres the deal. There is this girl I really like. I used to like her ahile ago but then I left school for college and she stayed on for 6th form so we never really spoke much. The thing is I met up with her and her friend the othe rday and I realised I still really liked her and she was kinda clingy to me and stuff and we speak alot over the internet and when ever she says good bye she puts endless kisses. The signals seem to say that she likes me too but I just can't really be sure so I have no idea what to do! Can any one help?

[bnolan56]

only way you can be sure is if you actually go on a date with her. take her somewhere she likes. see if you make any magic happen :lol: but seriously you can never tell till you try.

[Perfect Sin]

I'm really passive. I've never been the one to be aggressive. I can't tell if this guy is feeling me or not. He's just as passive as I am, perhaps more. He's not flirty either. Like.. my friends think its gonna take a while to get him and its happening because he talks to me the most out of the girls and there will be certain times when he holds onto my hand. And while we were watching a movie after his roommate and some other poeple left I went on his roommates bed to give more room to the other people... he came over and said he had a headache and laid down next to me and asked me for a massage. He started being kinda mean to me sometimes, but he's actually really nice. haha, I have NO CLUE what's going on. Oh well. My friends just think I should be patience, cause he's a good catch.

Dude, he likes you. The fact that he laid down next to you on a bed, said he head a "headache," and asked for a massage should be any hint. If he's as passive as you then one of you is going to have to make a move. Personally I think he should ask you out, but you might have to with this guy. Sometimes women have to be the ones to innitiate things.



Ok, Heres the deal. There is this girl I really like. I used to like her ahile ago but then I left school for college and she stayed on for 6th form so we never really spoke much. The thing is I met up with her and her friend the othe rday and I realised I still really liked her and she was kinda clingy to me and stuff and we speak alot over the internet and when ever she says good bye she puts endless kisses. The signals seem to say that she likes me too but I just can't really be sure so I have no idea what to do! Can any one help?

I agree with bnolan, ask her out sometime. Something simple, movie and dinner perhaps. They key is getting the courage to ask her. Don't be scared of rejection, if she says no then she just wants to be friends and that's your answer. If she says yes, then well, that's an even better answer.

[-_-]

ok i want a relationship with a girl that means more then just good sex. i want great sex, i want a girl that's like BAM! BAM! BAM!. im 17 of legal age. any thoughts.......................................... .........................








you don't have to reply it's a joke for the ppl that are too serious