The moral of this story is....... keep your mouth shutGame industry publishers and developers say the darndest things - no, really. Whether they’re using ten-dollar words to hawk their products, provoking message boards or feigning ignorance through million-dollar egos, we look to these game makers with a vested interest. After all, they’re supposed to be looking out for the everyday gamer, right? Then why all the hilariously misguided potshots at competitors? What’s with treating your demographic like sheep? Who are you people?
Publishers - we understand that you’ll say just about anything to get us to buy your system, but please don’t undermine your own fan base. And developers - we know you’ve spent the last few years making a product that can easily be ripped apart by reviews and the internet. But please try not to take it as a personal attack.
With E3 just around the corner, we eagerly await the next crazy-talk from our beloved industry. That said here are our favorite foot-in-mouth comments from the past few years.
"Next generation games will combine unprecedented audio and visual experiences to create worlds that are beyond real and they'll deliver storylines and gameplay so compelling that it will feel like living a lucid dream. The result is a state where you achieve the perfect mind-body equilibrium as you forget your physical surroundings and you become completely immersed in the game itself; this controller becomes an extension of your body, it becomes the gateway to the Zen of gaming." – Peter Moore (former President of Microsoft’s Interactive Entertainment division), E3 2005
Will it play games?
"You know, things break.” – Peter Moore, right before Microsoft took $1 billion in pre-tax charges to up the 360’s warranty to three years
If that’s true, how come our NES still works?
“If the game creators and the users want to have a great steak for their anniversary, they go maybe to PS3. But if they want great dinner, great steak with their family, a little bit more casual during the weekends, they might select Xbox 360. Or why not have a great steak at your house everyday, they might choose Revolution.
So my impression of the battle between the consoles is, it’s not about what kind of dinner it is. It’s more about how much the dinner will be. Will it be worth the cost of being served? Or where can I have this dinner - number of restaurants, is it near my house or do I have to take a cab or train or bus? I think the battle amongst the next-gen platforms lies in that area.” – Hideo Kojima (Metal Gear Solid creator) on dinner, next-gen systems
When analogies attack
"When a man is hit by Friendly Fire, his blood pressure lowers and his morale sinks. I have been hit by Friendly Fire in my heart. Sighs spill from my body instead of blood." – Hideo Kojima, on weariness
You carry that burden, Koj
"Microsoft does not concern us. Microsoft is not a technology company."
- Nobuyuki Idei (Sony chief corporate adviser), on competition
Of course they aren’t. How could you even explain Vista?
“[Multiple hardware SKUs] just confuses the audience. They don't know which one to buy, developers don't know which one to create for, and retailers don't know which one to stock. So I think we wouldn't take that strategy. We wouldn't create confusion." – Phil Harrison (former Executive Vice President of Sony Europe), on the 360’s strategy of multiple console configurations
Negating our 20GB, 40GB, 60GB and 80GB PS3s, we’re inclined to agree
"Now, rumble I think was the last generation feature; it's not the next-generation feature. I think motion sensitivity is." – Phil Harrison, on the Sixaxis
So that’s why every PS3 and Wii game utilizes that feature so perfectly
"Nintendo knows its target audience, because it has really narrowed that down; and it’s pretty much defined by a boy or girl’s ability to admire Pokemon." – Phil Harrison, on Nintendo fans
No argument here
"I don't think we're arrogant." -- Phil Harrison, on consumer perception of Sony
Our keyboards just exploded in disbelief
“My name is Reggie. I'm about kickin' ***, I'm about takin' names, and we're about makin' games.” – Reggie Fils-Aime (President/COO of Nintendo of America) on introducing himself
As long as he doesn’t take our lunch money, it’s all good
"There is no secret plan to store Wiis in a warehouse to spur demand. The company, after all, is trying to reach out to women and 40 and 50-year olds who aren't avid gamers. They aren't going to sleep outside of a store overnight or visit a retailer five or six times. It is literally a missed opportunity." – Reggie, on Wii shortages
Aren’t those the people sleeping outside already?
"Customers do not want online games." -- Satoru Iwata (President/CEO of Nintendo), on gamers
And if we do, please give us 16-digit passwords to socialize, k thanks
"[People who play RPGs are] depressed gamers who like to sit alone in their dark rooms and play slow games.” -- Hiroshi Yamauchi (former President of Nintendo), on RPG players
Can’t wait for the next Zelda!
"I have been saying this for some time, but customers are not interested in grand games with higher-quality graphics and sound and epic stories. Only people who do not know the videogame business would advocate the release of next-generation machines when people are not interested in cutting-edge technologies." – Yamauchi, on gamer interests
That’s ‘cause what Sony and Microsoft do, Ninten-don’t
“If you can find a PS3 anywhere in North America that's been on shelves for more than five minutes, I'll give you 1200 bucks for it." Jack Tretton (President/CEO of SCEA), not knowing PS3s were readily available at the time
Mr. Tretton can’t be bothered shopping for himself. The man has scoffing to do!
"I would like my car to fly and make me breakfast, but that's an unrealistic expectation." – Tretton, on PlayStation 3's backward compatibility issues
Funny - our Atari could do that
“I could make Halo. It's not that I couldn't design that game. It's just that I choose not to. One thing about my game design is that I never try to look for what people want and then try to make that game design. I always try to create new experiences that are fun to play.” – Shigeru Miyamoto (creator of Mario, Zelda, Donkey Kong), on being the bestest designer ever
Miyamoto could have like totally made these other games - Gears of War, Resident Evil, Sonic, Street Fighter, E.T. and Crash Bandicoot. Just didn’t feel like it
“I don't let Mario just appear in any kind of game. Mario could not appear in Zelda games. They are two distinct game worlds.” – Miyamoto, on why you don’t see Mario in games more often
“There’s absolutely no way you’ll see Mario playing sports… or in a fighting game… or in a board game. Hell, you’ll never even see him at the Beijing Olympics.”
"You can communicate to a new cybercity. Did you see the movie The Matrix? Same interface. Same concept. Starting from next year, you can jack into The Matrix!" – Ken Kutaragi (father of PlayStation and former Chariman/CEO of Sony Computer Entertainment), on his favorite movie and the PS2
“And then there was this part where Neo said ‘Whoa!’ and it was really funny. And then they fought in kung-fu! Can you believe it? And it was all ‘WHOOSH’.”
"[PS3] is not a game machine. We've never once called it a game machine. I'm not going to reveal [the PS3's] price today. I'm going to only say that it'll be expensive. I'm aware that with all these technologies, the PS3 can't be offered at a price that's targeted towards households." – Kutaragi, on the average household
Don’t even think about trying to afford one, middle-America
"This time, Microsoft has stated clearly that it is going after PlayStation. However, they're going not after the PlayStation 3, but the PlayStation 2. They were looking at 2, and that's why Xbox 360 became like that." – Kutaragi, on immediate competition
Only fools would try to match a costly behemoth with an affordable gaming machine featuring better online capabilities
“If processors of high performance and wide bandwidth like the [PS3] Cell were linked together without sufficient security, a worldwide system crash could occur with one attack.” – Kutaragi, on terrorism... apparently
Quick - rent this guy Live Free or Die Hard
"[PS3 is] for consumers to think to themselves 'I will work more hours to buy one'. We want people to feel that they want it, irrespective of anything else." – Kutaragi, on why you’re not working hard enough
Exhibit A: We refer you to Mr. Harrison’s “arrogance” comment
“Only geeks and otaku would be people who would need [a Wii hard drive].” – Laurent Fischer (Managing Director of Marketing at Nintendo), on how he feels about consumers
“Only pieces of **** play the Wii! Wait, why didn’t you tell me this thing was on?”
“The reviews on [Shadowrun] suck my ***. The most important thing is the value of what you're getting, I think there is value there at the $60 price point. If you play just about any first person, next-generation shooter that's come out recently, you're looking at the single player game being about 10 hours. I've been playing Shadowrun for three years... You can see this game truly has legs. So, ten hours of gameplay for sixty bucks, plus some probably lame multiplayer they tacked on, versus Shadowrun that you can play, let’s say, for years. -- Mitch Gitelman (FASA Studio Manager), on the reviews for Shadowrun
That’s a great point. Now had he made a second half to that game...
"The first two I can live with, they feel fair and make sense. I am very, very proud of those reviews. I'm not so keen on the GAMESPOT review, and who would be? It simply feels unfair and simply wrong.” – David Jaffe (Director of God of War/Twisted Metal), on his thoughts over Calling All Cars’ review
Who needs differing opinions? Not this guy
"TO THE LAME *** WEBSITE THAT SHALL GO UNNAMED- F*ck you, guys. Go f*ck yourselves. What other developer makes a f*cking change to a game when a review (IGN's in this case) has a good, valid point and is willing to open the f*cking code up at the risk of more bugs to make the game better? Amazing. But hey, you guys are great, you guys rock. I hope Kotaku f*cking puts your *** out of business, wanna be f*cktards. And if you were actual journalists you would have read the motherf*cking quote I posted on NEOGAF where I said because of the two bugs we needed to fix (not because I was afraid of the bargin bin) we had a window of opp. to fix the magnet problem. ********...total f*cking ********." – Jaffe’s blog, politely correcting website Joystiq on why he needed to fix Calling All Cars
"One of [my game ideas] is to [create] the most emotional video game ever made. The end goal is that players at the end of the game are actually choked up - if not crying - because we've done our job so well." – Jaffe, on why crying = a great game
"[Dan Amrich’s review of Space Giraffe] was the most extraordinary example of egregious f*ckwittery." – Jeff Minter (Game designer/programmer), on his feelings of Official Xbox Magazine’s Dan Amrich’s 2/10 review
To be completely honest, SG was almost like dipping your eyes in battery acid
Dennis Dyack (the Lead Designer on Too Human for Silicon Knights) gets his own page here. Dyack has been none too happy since Human demoed at E3 back in 2006. Human received all kinds of negative press for how it looked and played. On a 1up podcast in early 2007, he essentially criticized EGM/1up editors Mark McDonald, Shane Bettenhausen and Bryan Intihar for the EGM preview. Strangely, he also demanded immediate reforms in game journalism and scrutinized reviewers for not being harsher.
In the last month on popular industry message board NeoGAF, Dyack lashed out at forum posters criticizing Too Human. Here’s what he had to say:
"I think it is time to draw the digital line. Too Human will be out in August and I think there is going to be a lot of trolls crying here. Either way when the game comes out this forum will likely be on fire. So in order to try to put it out some gasoline on this fire I will ask those interested to stand up and be counted.
"I feel Too Human is a great game, likely to be better than most that will come out this year. I certainly feel it is the best game we have ever made. I also believe the press and gamers alike will believe this. This puts me in the 'For' camp.
"I know there are many who feel strongly in opposite camp. I also would ask you to stand up and say 'Against'.
"When the game is released and everyone plays game all the speculation will be over. If I am wrong and gamers in general think the game is 'crap' then I am comfortable with getting tagged "Owned by the GAF".
"However, if I am right and it is received well, I would like to see those 'Against' to be tagged with 'Owned by Too Human'.
"I invite anyone who seeing someone trolling Too Human in other threads to point them here.
"So it's time to be stand and be counted:
"Denis Dyack -- 'For'"
After receiving much more criticism for this “challenge”, Dyack reappeared on 1up’s podcast and spoke about why he wrote those comments.
"I was basically calling out people who had no way of assessing the game. I went through all of this for two reasons.... If you're going to look at the NeoGAF forum as a non-profit organization, if it does not reform itself, it's eventually going to crumble. There's going to be a point where they step over the line where someone's going to shut them down. That would be a loss for everyone.... The question I have to ask the moderators of GAF: Are you going to follow your own rules?
“NeoGAF and other forums like this that don't have good management are not only hurting society and hurting the videogame industry, they're in decline, and they need to reform quickly before people stop listening to them.... If the moderators and people who run the site think they aren't doing any damage, they are sorely mistaken, and it's only a matter of time before something bad happens."
And there you have it. Dyack’s lunatic ranting has made him the target of many message board pranks. Essentially, he’s learned the hard way that he is one and the Internet is many. Too Human hits the 360 in August and in the meantime, get this man a hanky
Jul 10, 2008
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Haha Phills ones were pretty funny.
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No-one can quite compare to David Jaffe's one. Don't ask which one. You know which one.
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