Birds and the Bees -Official Relationship Thread-

[Scotracer]

You cannot share life or experience love in THAT way etc with close friend.
Don't make excuses, this guy wants a girl,not to be convinced that one of his friends gives him these things already.

All I'm saying is that he's wanting something he's never had before...that doesn't mean what he wants is what he needs!

If you want a girlfriend - go for it...but don't tear yourself up about not having one! Most people get into a relationship through sheer chance (i.e. what are the REAL odds those people who meet their "true loves" at work are playing with?) so just let your life play out - in the mean-time, stay happy!

[HellsJester]

mmk.

Now, why must that person being a member of the opposite sex? That just sounds like a close friend to me

You cannot share life or experience love in THAT way etc with close friend.
Don't make excuses, this guy wants a girl,not to be convinced that one of his friends gives him these things already.

I dont have any friends.

[Scotracer]

I dont have any friends.

Well that should be somewhat easier to resolve (afterall it is often found that people who have close friends find getting into a relationship easier). Are you a student or do you work? A simple way to make friends is to socialise with a colleague or classmate. I'm no expert on friendship as I have fewer "friends" than I have fingers but still - you need at least one to remain sane!

[Dom102]

Ok guys, here i'm giving you one of my trump cards: The massage.
Take notes.

Have you ever taken a girl home, you thought sex was on the cards…but she ends up sleeping in your bed, with you in it, but without any sexual activity taking place at all? That’s right, both of you in bed, but no sex happening? lolwut

This used to happen to me all the time. The girl would end up in my room and it was so on! But…what to do now? I’d feel awkward, unsure of what to do next, in the dark about how to transition to sex. And, sure enough, we’d both wind up in bed. Together. Half naked. Sleeping. BUT NO SEX!

• Touch her early – this breaks down the touch barrier and gets both of you used to touching each other. If you aren’t touching each other throughout your interaction, it’s extremely unlikely you’ll end up sleeping together.

• Close the distance - you need some way to get at least within kissing range to start getting down to the practical act of sex.


Let’s focus on the second point: closing the distance. A great way to close the distance and begin escalating towards sex is massage.

Often I’ll seed this during the date itself, setting up a game or some **** around her ability to give good massages. It then feels perfectly natural to call back to this an initiate massage later. Here’s a typical way I run this:

‘Are you good at massage?

Not bad (99.9% if time thats her answer)

My mom runs a spa and I learned how to give good massages as a kid. It takes a lot of body awareness to be good at massage, you have to be really in touch with your own body before you can really ‘get’ how your touch is affecting someone else, you know?’

And then take your hand away, lean back and say, ‘Cool, you’re pretty good.’ Or do what I do: put a big smile on your face and playfully exclaim, ‘No, no, no…that’s terrible! Here, let me show you…’ take her hand and begin to massage it.

You can do this in the club or in the bedroom. In the club, it’s a handy piece that works well for setting up a sexual undertone. In the bedroom, it’s perfect for closing the distance. From the hand, you can move to massaging the neck, shoulders and upper back (or actually start there, ‘Here, rub my shoulders.’ My main weapon is to have a girl sit on my bed/couch and I'll massage her shoulders from behind then escalate from there.

You can have the girl lie down, tell her to remove her top to let you massage her better. Give her a really nice massage, throw some oil on there, some nice music. After a while, she’ll be making lovely ‘mmm’ noises and you’ll feel that window open up for you. Pause the massage, start kissing her neck and back, escalating from there on in. In my experience, this process is so natural that you hardly need instruction from this point.


But before you do this, make sure you DO give good massages. I big myself up and make fun of how much better I am at massage then her because I AM better. The spa thing wasn't a lie, I'm a qualified masseuse. But giving a sensual back rub is easy, just be firm but slow and apply an even amount of pressure.

[HellsJester]

Well that should be somewhat easier to resolve (afterall it is often found that people who have close friends find getting into a relationship easier). Are you a student or do you work? A simple way to make friends is to socialise with a colleague or classmate. I'm no expert on friendship as I have fewer "friends" than I have fingers but still - you need at least one to remain sane!

Work but im the only person who works there so no one to talk to except my boss.

[Dom102]

Work but im the only person who works there so no one to talk to except my boss.

Where do you work?

Get a new job.

[HellsJester]

Where do you work?

Get a new job.

I hate being around people so i rather not change jobs.

[Mael Duin]

When you don't take any risks you will lose automatically. Its not like anyone can help you unless you do the first move first. By actually doing something (whatever it is) the first step is the most important because it will make everything look easier than last time.
Its not like we can help you to take that step, we can give advices how to be in the bar, where to look for girls, what not to do or say when you are with the girl etc. but we can't transfer any courage. Taking risks is good, especially when you realize that when you fail at something you just learn from it and continue on. Like hitting some strange woman, if she says "nay", just move on. Its not like she will remember you and laugh. And hey, even if she did who cares? Its just some strange woman.
But as I said before, you are just going to lose automatically if you stay at home and hope to get someone who stays at home too. There is a chance to get someone like that in your current situation but likelihood for that is close to 0%.

[HellsJester]

When you don't take any risks you will lose automatically. Its not like anyone can help you unless you do the first move first. By actually doing something (whatever it is) the first step is the most important because it will make everything look easier than last time.
Its not like we can help you to take that step, we can give advices how to be in the bar, where to look for girls, what not to do or say when you are with the girl etc. but we can't transfer any courage. Taking risks is good, especially when you realize that when you fail at something you just learn from it and continue on. Like hitting some strange woman, if she says "nay", just move on. Its not like she will remember you and laugh. And hey, even if she did who cares? Its just some strange woman.
But as I said before, you are just going to lose automatically if you stay at home and hope to get someone who stays at home too. There is a chance to get someone like that in your current situation but likelihood for that is close to 0%.

After i fail at something all i learn is to never try it again. lol

[Dom102]

After i fail at something all i learn is to never try it again. lol

then you will die alone and unhappy

[Sektor]

All I'm saying is that he's wanting something he's never had before...that doesn't mean what he wants is what he needs!

If you want a girlfriend - go for it...but don't tear yourself up about not having one! Most people get into a relationship through sheer chance (i.e. what are the REAL odds those people who meet their "true loves" at work are playing with?) so just let your life play out - in the mean-time, stay happy!

Thats a good way to look at it and I agree, being single is not all that bad after all

I dont have any friends.

Then get some. You must see people in some kind of environment everyday. Unless you never leave your house ever, which I doubt is true.

[VIDI0T]

then you will die alone and unhappy

I have to agree with this comment. The LAST thing a woman wants is someone who lacks in confidence to that degree. You really need to gain some but its a fine line being confident and too confident. Just believe in yourself a little more and feel good about yourself and your surroundings.

[HellsJester]

then you will die alone and unhappy

I know
I accepted it

Thats a good way to look at it and I agree, being single is not all that bad after all



Then get some. You must see people in some kind of environment everyday. Unless you never leave your house ever, which I doubt is true.

Only leave house for work and store.

I have to agree with this comment. The LAST thing a woman wants is someone who lacks in confidence to that degree. You really need to gain some but its a fine line being confident and too confident. Just believe in yourself a little more and feel good about yourself and your surroundings.

I am not confident. that is who i am and what i will always be. If women cant accept me for who i am then i will just be alone.

[VIDI0T]

I am not confident. that is who i am and what i will always be. If women cant accept me for who i am then i will just be alone.

Well there is that chance that you might find someone who will accept that. I am not saying its going to be so rare, but I can't say it will be easy as well.

[HellsJester]

Well there is that chance that you might find someone who will accept that. I am not saying its going to be so rare, but I can't say it will be easy as well.

No need to sugarcoat it.
I know its never gonna happen and so do you.
Thanks for trying to cheer me up.

[Scotracer]

No need to sugarcoat it.
I know its never gonna happen and so do you.
Thanks for trying to cheer me up.

Oh quit being so melodramatic

You can't say for definite either way so quit trying to tell yourself it wont happen - then it really never will! Keep an indifferent opinion to it and just let your life take the course you wish to take and you'll most likely meet someone

[HellsJester]

Oh quit being so melodramatic

You can't say for definite either way so quit trying to tell yourself it wont happen - then it really never will! Keep an indifferent opinion to it and just let your life take the course you wish to take and you'll most likely meet someone

I guess
Thanks

[Dom102]

I know
I accepted it

Then why not just jump from a tall building? Seriously what's the point of living with that attitude?

Quit with the drama and start improving yourself.

Only leave house for work and store.

Seek help.

I am not confident. that is who i am and what i will always be. If women cant accept me for who i am then i will just be alone.

This is just a big excuse so you don't have to change. Confidence can be gained easily, but since you're just going to die alone, miserable, and unloved and have your heart set on it I guess it doesn't matter.

[SteelSamurai]

Hey Dom, was the other site you saw this on UG?

[HellsJester]

Then why not just jump from a tall building? Seriously what's the point of living with that attitude?




Seek help. Seriously.




This is just a big excuse so you don't have to change. Confidence can be gained easily, but since you're just going to die alone, miserable, and unloved and have your heart set on it. Why should any of us give a ****?

I think about doing that every day
Yeah i probably need help but i rather not because it will be just talking to someone then they throw pills at me to try to "fix" me.
So being myself is an excuse?
I never said i had my heart set on it.
I never said you had to give a crap im just trying to have a conversation.
Thanks for your opinion Dom

[Dom102]

Hey Dom, was the other site you saw this on UG?

no, I don't even know that that is

[Scotracer]

I think about doing that every day
Yeah i probably need help but i rather not because it will be just talking to someone then they throw pills at me to try to "fix" me.
So being myself is an excuse?
I never said i had my heart set on it.
I never said you had to give a crap im just trying to have a conversation.
Thanks for your opinion Dom

They wont give you pills...there is no pill for your "problem"! Cognitive behavioural therapy may help

[HellsJester]

They wont give you pills...there is no pill for your "problem"! Cognitive behavioural therapy may help

What is that exactly?
It sounds expensive.

[Scotracer]

What is that exactly?
It sounds expensive.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cogniti...vioral_therapy



I forget that psych therapy costs money in the US

[HellsJester]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cogniti...vioral_therapy



I forget that psych therapy costs money in the US

Yeah im spending the last of my money on Killzone 2.
Cant afford it.
Thanks for the info though.