Birds and the Bees -Official Relationship Thread-

[spyrde]

Ok y'all I need some help here.

I'm threading carefully right now because there's this one girl who I've been seeing lately (nothing ever happened) with friends and I've invited out for a few informal dinners. Thing is, we've never said anything but I feel there's some chemistry in between a few layers of cover. However, this girl I just met who a friend of mine introduced me two is going to be in the area for just 2 months doing practices in the resort I work at. Thing is, things DID happen with her, but I feel she's looking for something like a 2 month boyfriend by the way she acts. Now, here's the question:

What the FUCK should I do? Should I take the risk and enjoy 2 months or just say no and keep trying to see whats up with this other lady?

Never have your eyes on just one girl unless you're certain of her. See what's going on with both of these girls, and if you feel a strong connection with either one then focus on her.

[The Black Wolf]

If you are looking for something long term, stick with the first lady mentioned.

[Thorzilla]

Thanks for the replies!
So, I told the first girl to have dinner with us at a friend's birthday. I'll see what's up there. Also, I told this other lady to go to this saturday night party with me, two of her friends and two of mine. I guess I'll find out what to do next by sunday

[Dave-The-Rave]

So I just got back from a Christmasy houseparty, it was pretty fun. Had about 8 beers, got a little bit tipsy. Said goodnight and left. On the walk back to my house one of the girls called out to me so I stopped. I gave her my number thinking it was all innocent. Then she said she would give me a call in 10 minutes. I have to be honest, I don't even know her name. She might have told me but I wasn't paying attention. She texted me asking if she could come over, I replied saying I was tired..then she said I was boring, lol.

I know I probably did the right thing here, but I want your opinion too..lol. I've been single for about 6 months now so obviously I'm trying as hard as I can to listen to my brain and not you know what...the alcohol doesn't really help. LMAO.

EDIT: She sent another text telling me to "WAKE UP!!"..definitely desperate, definitely did the right thing here. Still..fed up with being single.

[podsaurus]

So I just got back from a Christmasy houseparty, it was pretty fun. Had about 8 beers, got a little bit tipsy. Said goodnight and left. On the walk back to my house one of the girls called out to me so I stopped. I gave her my number thinking it was all innocent. Then she said she would give me a call in 10 minutes. I have to be honest, I don't even know her name. She might have told me but I wasn't paying attention. She texted me asking if she could come over, I replied saying I was tired..then she said I was boring, lol.

I know I probably did the right thing here, but I want your opinion too..lol. I've been single for about 6 months now so obviously I'm trying as hard as I can to listen to my brain and not you know what...the alcohol doesn't really help. LMAO.

EDIT: She sent another text telling me to "WAKE UP!!"..definitely desperate, definitely did the right thing here. Still..fed up with being single.

Yeah I think you did the right thing. I doubt things would have gone very far with her in the long run. If she were really interested than she would have said something AT the party.

[manutdfan]

I don't know really; she just came out with some crap.



Thanks for the advice; the reason I said about ending things is kinda not really to do with this I guess. We are in a bit of a rut right now, I go home for the weekend, see her, we don't do anything. I go back to uni. It is just a bit stale right now tbh, I think that's both of our faults.

It was a hypothetical scenario that's the funny thing! She doesn't even have a car lol.

She calls me "selfish" Yet I'm the one who blows off his friends just to keep her happy every weekend, it's so frustrating putting everything off so she doesn't kick off, she constantly says "I don't love her" (attention seeking) which isn't true, but it's so annoying when she just goes on and attention seeks all the fucking time.

To be honest it's reached a stage where I dread seeing her at the weekend.

She is yet to speak to me today since the incident lol, I don't know whether I should text her or not? What would I say? lol It's an awkward time.

Cock slap her

[Chris92]

Alright Guys! Not been here in a while, which may be a good or bad thing haha!
Anyway got a new 'Situation' completely different to anything i've mentioned before.


Over the christmas period i took up an additional 10-15 hours overtime at work and the week before christmas i met a new girl, we'll call her Gemma.
We get on really well, like we've got the same sense of humour and i feel i can talk to her so much easier than most other girls, i don't feel anywhere near as nervous! I think she may be kind of a 'half' tomboy type lol. Like she is a big gamer but i think she'll also like girly things too. She's got an xbox (I've got PS3 obvs ) and we always make comments about eachothers consoles being crap haha! We both work on checkouts and while not serving customers we always seem to make eye contact and laugh, give the "i'm watching you" jokey look if you get me?

Spoke to her couple of times over facebook message system thing and seemed to have a pretty flowing conversation.
I stopped taking up overtime at the end of last week, as i have exams on the 9th, 13th and 20th of January. So i've not actually seen her since new years day at work but she works on another department too so couldn't chat long.

Our chat is based alot on jokingly making fun of eachother, calling eachother a 'loser' or 'mean/rude', making jokey comments about the unusual pink flowery shoes she wore to work by accident haha etc etc

Managed to get her number and we've been texting a fair bit, she's not the quickest at replying usually but couple of nights ago we had a really good chat which ended with me "Not wanting her to text me before she starred work because it would wake me up" which she said she would text me because of that....I only said this to see if she actually WOULD text me or not....and she did! So thats good i guess? She also seems to keep the conversation going to, its not as if she just gives an answers and ends it with "you?" or nothing at all

So now, Firstly I'm not actually sure i 'fancy' her or not, like her personality is great! We get on really well and such but i'm not sure if i find her physically attractive or not and i can't make up my mind if that makes any difference or not with all this 'Personality matters more than looks etc'. I mean she's not bad looking, she's really nice, just not the type of girl i usually like so i'm not sure :/

Secondly i'm not sure if she likes me or not, i did ask a girl i know and based on things she has said to me in texts, she thinks that 'Gemma' does seem to like me but i need more opinions on these texts i think to see.
She's told me that "We do have nice convos but I love the banter (making fun jokes) Your just plain rude :P Nah your a real nice chat And i mean that!"
and also "well good night and sweet dreams see you around or text you when i wake up mmwwwhhhaaa :P Xxx" I can't tell if that last bit is supposed to be an evil laugh or a kiss :/

I get the feeling i may be reading too much into this but i've no idea how to interpret/see the signs as i'm sure some of you (Looking at you Molo lol) know...

I've mentioned to her that we could always meet up outside work and i could "introduce her to my friend 'Kopparberg' (Cider drink)" and she said "Yeah certainly you'll have to introduce me lol". So we've not arranged anything certain but i think i'd like to, just not sure how to go about it really. I've got exams as stated so maybe after my second exam i could arrange something with her as i'll have a full week til my next exam.

Thoughts/advice much appreciated

EDIT: Whoa i haven't changed with my mammoth essays haha!

[Thorzilla]

Tread carefully bro. Women can go from black to white in a matter of days. One day they can be all over you, sending you messages asking you out, and the next they won't even answer their phone. Still, seems like you two got something going on, so I'd keep working on it, BUT remember to keep your feelings in check, just so you don't get hurt over nothing. To me, it does seem like she's interested. Just keep seeing what's up with you two and things should happen and flow properly if things are meant to be

[claud3]

I believe sex and making love are two entirely different things. Sex is a quickie or fun to do when the time in unexpected.

Were is making love is a connection of two bodies into one and feeling the real person you are with. These are the feelings everyone wants to have, a closeness that sex can not give and a sense of understanding that sex can not also give you. I never have sex unless i just do it. I make love when i know the time is right for both of us in spark of are feelings and trust for one another... I get the whole going out and having a one night stand bit of fun to experience it first hand.. But i want to be with some one i feel more for rather that a half a night jobby in a bed that is barely warm to the touch. Because the simplest things for being in love are the larger things that make the love that more special and understanding between two people... I know to all of you this is alot of shit. But this is how i see the way it should work.

We all want that someone special and that some one special is that one that sticks with you and you never tire of nor neglect on times when you are needed.

[Sir_Scud]

@Chris. Sounds like she's interested. Really I think you should just hang out with her when you get a chance and see where it takes you. I understand you may not be sure if you like her yourself, but I think that will be more clear once you get a chance to just hang out and do something fun.

[SchaffinOSX]

Alright Guys! Not been here in a while, which may be a good or bad thing haha!
Anyway got a new 'Situation' completely different to anything i've mentioned before.

Stop by more often, man. We could use good posters like you around these parts.

So now, Firstly I'm not actually sure i 'fancy' her or not, like her personality is great! We get on really well and such but i'm not sure if i find her physically attractive or not and i can't make up my mind if that makes any difference or not with all this 'Personality matters more than looks etc'. I mean she's not bad looking, she's really nice, just not the type of girl i usually like so i'm not sure :/

As I'm sure you know, this is the first step. If you don't like her, then the rest of this post is wholly unnecessary. You seem to be interested in the girl, but if you're not aesthetically pleased by her, that could cause some trouble later on down the road. There's nothing wrong with the "personality matters more than looks" mantra, but you have to admit that dating a girl you're not attracted to would be a difficult situation. Plus, it would probably mean you'd have to lie to her about here and there, unless you think she'd be cool knowing you're not madly attracted to her. I imagine that most people, male or female, wouldn't be crazy about being in a situation where their partner didn't find them attractive.

Secondly i'm not sure if she likes me or not, i did ask a girl i know and based on things she has said to me in texts, she thinks that 'Gemma' does seem to like me but i need more opinions on these texts i think to see.
She's told me that "We do have nice convos but I love the banter (making fun jokes) Your just plain rude :P Nah your a real nice chat And i mean that!"
and also "well good night and sweet dreams see you around or text you when i wake up mmwwwhhhaaa :P Xxx" I can't tell if that last bit is supposed to be an evil laugh or a kiss :/

In context, the only thing that makes any sense would be a kiss. If it's an evil laugh... well, that simply wouldn't make any sense. I doubt she'd still be texting you avidly if she didn't have any interest in you. When I text someone I'm interested in, I tend to always get right back to them. If it's a friend, or an acquaintance, I might take hours to respond. This varies from person to person, but you get my drift.

I get the feeling i may be reading too much into this but i've no idea how to interpret/see the signs as i'm sure some of you (Looking at you Molo lol) know...

I've mentioned to her that we could always meet up outside work and i could "introduce her to my friend 'Kopparberg' (Cider drink)" and she said "Yeah certainly you'll have to introduce me lol". So we've not arranged anything certain but i think i'd like to, just not sure how to go about it really. I've got exams as stated so maybe after my second exam i could arrange something with her as i'll have a full week til my next exam

If you determine that you're interested in her, and would actually like to be part of a relationship with her, then go for it. The best thing you can do is spend time with her and see how you two interact outside of the work / text environment. If you don't think you'd like to be in a relationship with her, I'd suggest you make sure you're not accidentally leading her on, as that could get messy very, very quickly.

[Chris92]

Thanks for all advice so far guys

Stop by more often, man. We could use good posters like you around these parts.

Yeah i'll try my best from now, fairly busy just now but sure i'll have to check back here mate

As I'm sure you know, this is the first step. If you don't like her, then the rest of this post is wholly unnecessary. You seem to be interested in the girl, but if you're not aesthetically pleased by her, that could cause some trouble later on down the road. There's nothing wrong with the "personality matters more than looks" mantra, but you have to admit that dating a girl you're not attracted to would be a difficult situation. Plus, it would probably mean you'd have to lie to her about here and there, unless you think she'd be cool knowing you're not madly attracted to her. I imagine that most people, male or female, wouldn't be crazy about being in a situation where their partner didn't find them attractive.

Yeah exactly my thoughts, i need to hang out with her outside work, see if i feel attracted to her then, no way i could lie to her about finding her attractive. I do think she's nice, just not the type of girl i usually like which i find odd....


In context, the only thing that makes any sense would be a kiss. If it's an evil laugh... well, that simply wouldn't make any sense. I doubt she'd still be texting you avidly if she didn't have any interest in you. When I text someone I'm interested in, I tend to always get right back to them. If it's a friend, or an acquaintance, I might take hours to respond. This varies from person to person, but you get my drift.

Guess i didn't make my post clear enough, it could be an evil laugh as she could have meant texting me to wake me up early i guess? Not instant replies i usually get, every 15-20 mins but still chat i guess


If you determine that you're interested in her, and would actually like to be part of a relationship with her, then go for it. The best thing you can do is spend time with her and see how you two interact outside of the work / text environment. If you don't think you'd like to be in a relationship with her, I'd suggest you make sure you're not accidentally leading her on, as that could get messy very, very quickly.

I'm defo interested, otherwise i wouldn't be here haha, but i defo want to at least know her more Yeah i see what you mean, maybe even know how it feels...

Small update:

Saw her today at work, firstly when i finished my shift in the locker room and she was talking to a friend but notice me and shouted a "Hey" at me. Then went back into work (Asda lol) and got her to make up a pizza for me as thats the bit she was working at (and who doesn't like Pizza right?!). If i'm honest it was a pretty shit pizza, lack of toppings and an abnormal bumpy circle shape haha! Obviously i won't tell her that tho!
Didn't text her at all as i wanted to see if she'd text me, and she did this evening! Just asking how the pizza was and if i appreciated her skills lol.... okay so i lied and said it was great and asked how her shift was.... said it was good but she was knackered and also that she was happy i liked it along with 2 smiley faces ... anyway convo finished there as she said she was sleepy.

It'll sound so cheesy but i'm actually quite chuffed she texts me first haha!

[SchaffinOSX]

Thanks for all advice so far guys



Small update:

Saw her today at work, firstly when i finished my shift in the locker room and she was talking to a friend but notice me and shouted a "Hey" at me. Then went back into work (Asda lol) and got her to make up a pizza for me as thats the bit she was working at (and who doesn't like Pizza right?!). If i'm honest it was a pretty shit pizza, lack of toppings and an abnormal bumpy circle shape haha! Obviously i won't tell her that tho!
Didn't text her at all as i wanted to see if she'd text me, and she did this evening! Just asking how the pizza was and if i appreciated her skills lol.... okay so i lied and said it was great and asked how her shift was.... said it was good but she was knackered and also that she was happy i liked it along with 2 smiley faces ... anyway convo finished there as she said she was sleepy.

It'll sound so cheesy but i'm actually quite chuffed she texts me first haha!

Definitely a good sign that she texts you first. I'd say she's pretty interested. But beware: Sometimes, a girl will seem very interested, and next thing you know she's saying "I love you... as a brother". There is always the possibility that she simply finds you to be really nice to talk to, and thinks you'll make a really good, close friend. I've made the mistake of interpreting this as interest in having a relationship, and it never really ended well. Don't let that intimidate you; just make sure to keep that in mind and watch for signs. If you see her checking out another guy in your presence, for example, you might be leaning towards a good friendship, not a relationship.

And if you two start dating... you're going to have figure out this cooking situation.

[Chris92]

Definitely a good sign that she texts you first. I'd say she's pretty interested. But beware: Sometimes, a girl will seem very interested, and next thing you know she's saying "I love you... as a brother". There is always the possibility that she simply finds you to be really nice to talk to, and thinks you'll make a really good, close friend. I've made the mistake of interpreting this as interest in having a relationship, and it never really ended well. Don't let that intimidate you; just make sure to keep that in mind and watch for signs. If you see her checking out another guy in your presence, for example, you might be leaning towards a good friendship, not a relationship.

And if you two start dating... you're going to have figure out this cooking situation.

Yeah i'm not sure if its a friendly like or more :/ The way she says "See you later Chris" & when i told her to have a good xmas she replied "Aww you too Chris" which makes me think it might just be friendly as usual :/ At least she uses my name tho i guess, i don't use hers much tbh

Yeah we'll cross the cooking bit if it gets that far :P

I'm kinda thinking i continue the chat & such, ask about doing something outside work & if i feel i like her & think she may somehow like me too, possibly also if i want to risk the friendship while its still fresh because obviously if she doesn't like me as more of a friend our friendship so far will suffer... I'll see! Best be off now, exam tomorrow!

[SchaffinOSX]

Yeah i'm not sure if its a friendly like or more :/ The way she says "See you later Chris" & when i told her to have a good xmas she replied "Aww you too Chris" which makes me think it might just be friendly as usual :/ At least she uses my name tho i guess, i don't use hers much tbh

Yeah we'll cross the cooking bit if it gets that far :P

I'm kinda thinking i continue the chat & such, ask about doing something outside work & if i feel i like her & think she may somehow like me too, possibly also if i want to risk the friendship while its still fresh because obviously if she doesn't like me as more of a friend our friendship so far will suffer... I'll see! Best be off now, exam tomorrow!

Make sure to let us know what happens, man. Best of luck on that exam.

[Molo316]

The fact that she noticed you and texts you first is great. She sounds really nice.
Just from the reading of it I'd say she likes you. But, I'd also agree that you should hang out with her outside of work and she how comfortably things go - and it seems you've mentally decided to go that route, so do it.
Maybe you could arrange it for after your exams, but if it's just a "feeling out process", in the sense of determining how she acts around you outside of work, it shouldn't be too much of a big night out so you could probably take one night off studying.

What's not to like about her, physically I mean. You say that you somewhat find her attractive, but what stops you from actually finding her truly attractive?
And yeah, looks aren't everything. I'm sure that if a decent bloke with a good head on their shoulders was having sex with a really hot girl, he would eventually get an unfulfilled feeling about it all. The personality counts for a lot - at least to me anyway, and I like to treat girls with respect, unlike some guys in today's society.

[Dave-The-Rave]

I believe sex and making love are two entirely different things. Sex is a quickie or fun to do when the time in unexpected.

Were is making love is a connection of two bodies into one and feeling the real person you are with. These are the feelings everyone wants to have, a closeness that sex can not give and a sense of understanding that sex can not also give you. I never have sex unless i just do it. I make love when i know the time is right for both of us in spark of are feelings and trust for one another... I get the whole going out and having a one night stand bit of fun to experience it first hand.. But i want to be with some one i feel more for rather that a half a night jobby in a bed that is barely warm to the touch. Because the simplest things for being in love are the larger things that make the love that more special and understanding between two people... I know to all of you this is alot of shit. But this is how i see the way it should work.

We all want that someone special and that some one special is that one that sticks with you and you never tire of nor neglect on times when you are needed.

I'm of the same oppinion, I have no interest in one night stands at all. I would always much rather have that stronger connection. Unfortunately at my age most girls are just looking for a quick fling, I've had to turn down some pretty attractive girls at times because that's just not what I want. A one night stand would just make me feel cheap.

[Chris92]

The fact that she noticed you and texts you first is great. She sounds really nice.
Just from the reading of it I'd say she likes you. But, I'd also agree that you should hang out with her outside of work and she how comfortably things go - and it seems you've mentally decided to go that route, so do it.
Maybe you could arrange it for after your exams, but if it's just a "feeling out process", in the sense of determining how she acts around you outside of work, it shouldn't be too much of a big night out so you could probably take one night off studying.

What's not to like about her, physically I mean. You say that you somewhat find her attractive, but what stops you from actually finding her truly attractive?
And yeah, looks aren't everything. I'm sure that if a decent bloke with a good head on their shoulders was having sex with a really hot girl, he would eventually get an unfulfilled feeling about it all. The personality counts for a lot - at least to me anyway, and I like to treat girls with respect, unlike some guys in today's society.

Alright mate, how's it going with you?

Yeah i think i might ask if she wants to do something for next week as i've got a week to revise before my third exam

The attractive part, if i'm honest i think its because she has quite short hair for a girl really & thats partly what makes me think she's a bit of a tomboy, reminds me of a guys hairstyle more than a girl. Its maybe just down over ears but its not like its long hair been cut short, its hard to describe really.
In her facebook pics she has slightly longer hair which, IMO, makes her so much nicer, obviously thats her choice tho

[Beast of Bourbon]

Why don't you just tell her that she'd look better with long(er) hair?
If thats your only problem then i'd say stop the chit chating and take the next step (ask for a date).

I don't mean to sound harsh but it really sounds like it's time to raise the stakes.

[Thorzilla]

Ok I need a little advice here, so here goes. Maybe it's just me seeing things or my mistake for setting any expectation out of this:

To make things short, I started seeing girl number 2 (the one who's leaving this Sunday). We've gone out a couple of times, had some dinner and spent some time alone and always had a great time. I do feel her weird as of late though. First, I wanted to invite her for some pizza and movies this Thursday before my parents came back from the winter break to enjoy a while alone. Instead, she wanted to bring along a friend. I was like "damn".
Then, the next night we were going out, but she texted me telling me that she was already out with her two friends and 2 other guys (although in her defense, she left with her friends first to go with them), so that kinda pissed me off. She told me to text her so we could meet up when I were downtown, which I did and we just spent some time all together before they said they were going to a club. Then, I felt a little left out although they told me to meet them later over there. I did, but she was a little weird. Later that night, she said she would meet me up to spend a while but later she said they were all too tired and they were leaving.
Yesterday we texted a few times, and then I told her that we should do something like a movie, dinner or go out. No answer. Later, two of her friends came over to a friends dinner and they said they had been partying all day long in an electronic music festival, when I had invited her to come with me all damn week long.

Thing is, of course I'm not pissed at her wanting her space and all, of course not. What kinda pushed my buttons is that I feel she's either evasive or inconsiderate. She usually texted me in the mornings for no reason and it felt really nice to have those text messages. Just as if she cared. Then she stopped doing so, and I feel she started doing her thing without giving a damn about me. What should I do guys? Should I text her again and ask her what's her deal or should I wait and tell her that I'm mad at her when she finally does remember I exist?

[Thorzilla]

Scratch that shit. She's going out with her friends and some dudes tonight. Bitches be bitches. Give em' your best and they'll show you the finger.

[Beast of Bourbon]

Tough break Thor, she's not worth your time.

...now send her this message:

Enjoy your AIDS!

[Thorzilla]

No worries dude, shit happens. It's better this way. Gives you character to say things you wouldn't normally say or do like stand up to this shit. Even better, it makes you learn from your mistakes to never repeat them in the future. That's how you play this game, you do your moves, you fall and you get back on your feet again learning from all you did wrong.

[claud3]

I'm of the same oppinion, I have no interest in one night stands at all. I would always much rather have that stronger connection. Unfortunately at my age most girls are just looking for a quick fling, I've had to turn down some pretty attractive girls at times because that's just not what I want. A one night stand would just make me feel cheap.

Me to mate.... Its a bound, a connection, a single moment. That last's for ever. Its the stand between the beauty that is the lady next to you, that you love and would never hurt in any way... Its a feeling of completion and you never get that from one night stands, all you get from that is a painfull remainder

[Molo316]

Alright mate, how's it going with you?

Yeah i think i might ask if she wants to do something for next week as i've got a week to revise before my third exam

The attractive part, if i'm honest i think its because she has quite short hair for a girl really & thats partly what makes me think she's a bit of a tomboy, reminds me of a guys hairstyle more than a girl. Its maybe just down over ears but its not like its long hair been cut short, its hard to describe really.
In her facebook pics she has slightly longer hair which, IMO, makes her so much nicer, obviously thats her choice tho

Still had no luck myself. New Year's was interesting, but no point talking about that ideally because nothing came from it. Other than that it's alright.

Right, this might just be me, but for me, that's nothing. Having said that, I don't know what else goes with the hair you have described, so I won't be a total hypocrite. But ideally, if you find she really is interested in you, and she is a really good soul, then that's fantastic!