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  1. #2876
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris92 View Post
    Guess it just means i've bottled it for another week then :@
    I find it hard enough overcoming the thing of just asking them alone, let alone adding others to the mix.
    As said i've no idea when i may actually next see her at all :/
    Texting isn't exactly detrimental... I asked my current girlfriend out over Facebook and we're happier than ever right now. Going on 6 months. If you're really eager to see her, tell her that. Say that you couldn't wait until the next time you saw each other at work and are interested in going somewhere sometime.

    You know her better than I do, but she seems like a pretty laid back chick. I don't think she'd be horribly offended if you set something up over text. Just don't do what I did and ask someone out via text / Facebook. I've been lucky thus far, but it's a dangerous move with some women.
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  2. #2877
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    Quote Originally Posted by SchaffinOSX View Post
    Texting isn't exactly detrimental... I asked my current girlfriend out over Facebook and we're happier than ever right now. Going on 6 months. If you're really eager to see her, tell her that. Say that you couldn't wait until the next time you saw each other at work and are interested in going somewhere sometime.

    You know her better than I do, but she seems like a pretty laid back chick. I don't think she'd be horribly offended if you set something up over text. Just don't do what I did and ask someone out via text / Facebook. I've been lucky thus far, but it's a dangerous move with some women.
    Thanks
    Glad to hear your going well tho!

    While she obviously a woman she seems alot more laid back than other girls i know to be honest.

    Think what i'll do is maybe wait tonight and maybe tomorrw, see if she texts me first and take it from there

    I'll see how we get on in person outside of work before asking her out or anything if i defo feel i want to, i wouldn't ask her unless it was in person tho (no offence to you), just because i need the courage to do that if i actually expect to have her as more than a friend....

    Will add you on PS3 later btw
    I'm Scottish, not British


  3. #2878
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris92 View Post
    Thanks
    Glad to hear your going well tho!

    While she obviously a woman she seems alot more laid back than other girls i know to be honest.

    Think what i'll do is maybe wait tonight and maybe tomorrw, see if she texts me first and take it from there

    I'll see how we get on in person outside of work before asking her out or anything if i defo feel i want to, i wouldn't ask her unless it was in person tho (no offence to you), just because i need the courage to do that if i actually expect to have her as more than a friend....

    Will add you on PS3 later btw
    Trust me, man, if I could go back and ask out my girlfriend in person, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But yeah, it's probably a good call to wait a day or two regardless of what you plan to do. If you were to ask her on the day you last saw her in person, it would seem like you're texting here simply because you didn't have the balls to do it in person. Now while that may be the case (and it's completely normal), I doubt you want her to catch onto that.

    Texting her a day or two after shows that you're simply texting her because there is no other way to contact her at that time. If she texts first, even better. Don't be afraid to text first, though. As far as you know, she's looking for you to text her first to gauge if you're interested. Funny how these things work.

    And cool man, I'll watch out for a request.
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  4. #2879
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    Do let us know how it goes. I may seem nosey but I am greatly interested and would like to read a positive outcome for you.

    I have my opinions, but I don't want to influence your standpoint because I do feel that what you intend to do at the moment sounds like a good idea.

  5. #2880
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    Guys, I need some advice... I've mentioned this before, but I still seem to be having trust issues.

    My girlfriend and I are going on six months now, and we're happier than ever. Before we first started dating (and I posted about this along time ago as well) we were both on the edge. I was split between two girls, and she was split between two guys. Obviously we ended up picking one another, but I can still be uneasy over the fact that I essentially was almost tossed aside for another guy. Can't say I blame her, though, granted I almost tossed her aside for another girl. But we're both happy, nonetheless.

    We're also really honest with one another. A lot of couples try to create this idea that they don't think anyone else is attractive, that we're never tempted, etc, etc. We talk about cheating / flirting with other people all the time, and she tells me again and again that she'll never do it. Somehow, though, I seem to have trust issues. I think this is partially due to the level of honesty we have with one another.

    I pressed her about the other guy she used to be interested in, and eventually got her to admit that he was at least somewhat more attractive than me. Although I had pressed her for that, it still troubled that she admitted it. That said, she told me she would never do anything with him and that she's happier with me than she ever could have been with him. Still, I have doubts.

    Another thing that worries me is that her friends are somewhat wild. I worry that when she's with them, they'll influence her to do something, and possibly do something with another guy that she wouldn't normally do. Again, she says that she'd never do something like that. Tonight she's going to her friend's 16th birthday party, and of course, it's a dance party. I won't be accompanying my girlfriend on this one so I worry that she might hook up with some guy and who knows what'll happen. I've expressed my concern, and she's given me reason after reason as to why she wouldn't do something like that.

    There's also the fact that, before we were dating, she did some things with other guys who she wasn't dating (she was single). One kid, who she still talks to but seems to not be very fond of anymore, made out with her after Church one day. She still goes to Church, and so does that kid. That worries me immensely. Also, over the Summer she went to Canada on another church trip; over the trip, one of her male friends attempted to make a move and finger her, but she denied it. Like with the other kid, her and him still talk and go to Church together. Drives me slightly insane. And lastly, at some point she was at a mixer, and a guy she knew came up to her and they made out and did a little touching.

    All of these things happened prior to us dating, but they still drive me crazy. I worry that they'll happen again, and before long, she'll be going on another Church trip. There's also that party tonight, which is literally driving me over the edge.

    Again, when we're together, she seems to be a really happy person. She enjoys herself, and seems to genuinely care about me. I'm really into her, and that's why these kinds of things are driving me insane. I don't want something to happen behind my back, and really don't know what to do.

    Frankly... I'm just looking for some insight and advice. I want to trust her, but these past events are driving me crazy, and I just worry that she's going to cheat or flirt with other men. Like I said, I've talked to her about this dozens of times and her stories never change. Am I just being oversensitive and worrying about nothing?
    Last edited by Steve; 01-15-2012 at 23:14.
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    Does she seem like a genuinely caring person? She could have [had] a wild side, but she could be genuine. One of my female friends is a right loudmouth and gets crazy and drunk easily, but she's with a guy and she genuinely seems happy with him and I've never seen her looking at other guys in that sort of way.

    I'm not experienced at all, but I'd say try and see her tomorrow and she how she acts. Don't make it obvious but just study how she is towards you... I'm not trying to insinuate or plant anything in your mind, but since you're worrying anyway I can't really say I'm influencing you.

    And, for a young couple - I take it you're both 16 years of age, six months is a relatively long time. With that on your side, I'd say it sounds promising.

  7. #2882
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    Quote Originally Posted by Molo316 View Post
    Does she seem like a genuinely caring person? She could have [had] a wild side, but she could be genuine. One of my female friends is a right loudmouth and gets crazy and drunk easily, but she's with a guy and she genuinely seems happy with him and I've never seen her looking at other guys in that sort of way.

    I'm not experienced at all, but I'd say try and see her tomorrow and she how she acts. Don't make it obvious but just study how she is towards you... I'm not trying to insinuate or plant anything in your mind, but since you're worrying anyway I can't really say I'm influencing you.

    And, for a young couple - I take it you're both 16 years of age, six months is a relatively long time. With that on your side, I'd say it sounds promising.

    Unfortunately I won't be able to see her tomorrow, but I did see her last night. We laid in my bed and watched some horror movies, and really had a great time. We kissed a bit, joked around a bit, and she even was willing to play around with some Black Ops (which is something I really admire in a girl). She's on her period right now, and after a few hours she was having some really bad cramps. I held my arm around her, rubbed her lower abdominal area, offered her water, and took her home early so that she could rest. I even opened her door for her when we got to her house, and when I got home she texted me saying that those things mean the world to her.

    She seems genuine. She gets upset when she knows I don't trust her, and she tells me she loves me, and would never do anything to risk our relationship. She even was on the verge of tears one time, saying that she can't lose me. She seems like a really genuine person, and like I said, we're happy together. I suppose my worries stem from this perfection... my inability to accept that I've met a girl who truly understands me, and who I'm truly happy with. Some I (and I know I'm only 16) could actually see myself being with for the rest of my life.

    I think I just need to relax. But tonight she'll be at a party, and chances are a guy she used to be interested (and who used to be interested in her) will be there, and I just worry. I'm confident things will be fine, though. Just need to relax, and enjoy a great relationship.
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  8. #2883
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    If she's given you no reason to worry during the relationship, I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. If she's happy with you, she won't go playing games around, no matter what. However, you could drive her over the edge if you keep being so pushy about cheating and dating other people because that can be seen as a lack of self confidence and lack of confidence in the relationship.

    If I were you, I'd let it be and just live your life with her as you have been doing so far. Besides, you can't be over her and know what she does at all times. If she is going to cheat, she will cheat wether you like it or not. All you're doing now is poison your relationship by throwing in assumptions and guesses which will, in the end, make you lose faith in her even more.

    Let it go and enjoy the ride my friend.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thorzilla View Post
    If she's given you no reason to worry during the relationship, I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. If she's happy with you, she won't go playing games around, no matter what. However, you could drive her over the edge if you keep being so pushy about cheating and dating other people because that can be seen as a lack of self confidence and lack of confidence in the relationship.

    If I were you, I'd let it be and just live your life with her as you have been doing so far. Besides, you can't be over her and know what she does at all times. If she is going to cheat, she will cheat wether you like it or not. All you're doing now is poison your relationship by throwing in assumptions and guesses which will, in the end, make you lose faith in her even more.

    Let it go and enjoy the ride my friend.
    Thanks, man. I'll do my very best.
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    Sounds like sound advice.

    Hope it's all well.

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    Been trying to get on here for past couple of nights but continually says its down maintenance :/ Thats only on firefox tho, so currently using crappy internet explorer.... any ideas?


    Quote Originally Posted by SchaffinOSX View Post
    Guys, I need some advice... I've mentioned this before, but I still seem to be having trust issues.

    My girlfriend and I are going on six months now, and we're happier than ever. Before we first started dating (and I posted about this along time ago as well) we were both on the edge. I was split between two girls, and she was split between two guys. Obviously we ended up picking one another, but I can still be uneasy over the fact that I essentially was almost tossed aside for another guy. Can't say I blame her, though, granted I almost tossed her aside for another girl. But we're both happy, nonetheless.

    We're also really honest with one another. A lot of couples try to create this idea that they don't think anyone else is attractive, that we're never tempted, etc, etc. We talk about cheating / flirting with other people all the time, and she tells me again and again that she'll never do it. Somehow, though, I seem to have trust issues. I think this is partially due to the level of honesty we have with one another.

    I pressed her about the other guy she used to be interested in, and eventually got her to admit that he was at least somewhat more attractive than me. Although I had pressed her for that, it still troubled that she admitted it. That said, she told me she would never do anything with him and that she's happier with me than she ever could have been with him. Still, I have doubts.

    Another thing that worries me is that her friends are somewhat wild. I worry that when she's with them, they'll influence her to do something, and possibly do something with another guy that she wouldn't normally do. Again, she says that she'd never do something like that. Tonight she's going to her friend's 16th birthday party, and of course, it's a dance party. I won't be accompanying my girlfriend on this one so I worry that she might hook up with some guy and who knows what'll happen. I've expressed my concern, and she's given me reason after reason as to why she wouldn't do something like that.

    There's also the fact that, before we were dating, she did some things with other guys who she wasn't dating (she was single). One kid, who she still talks to but seems to not be very fond of anymore, made out with her after Church one day. She still goes to Church, and so does that kid. That worries me immensely. Also, over the Summer she went to Canada on another church trip; over the trip, one of her male friends attempted to make a move and finger her, but she denied it. Like with the other kid, her and him still talk and go to Church together. Drives me slightly insane. And lastly, at some point she was at a mixer, and a guy she knew came up to her and they made out and did a little touching.

    All of these things happened prior to us dating, but they still drive me crazy. I worry that they'll happen again, and before long, she'll be going on another Church trip. There's also that party tonight, which is literally driving me over the edge.

    Again, when we're together, she seems to be a really happy person. She enjoys herself, and seems to genuinely care about me. I'm really into her, and that's why these kinds of things are driving me insane. I don't want something to happen behind my back, and really don't know what to do.

    Frankly... I'm just looking for some insight and advice. I want to trust her, but these past events are driving me crazy, and I just worry that she's going to cheat or flirt with other men. Like I said, I've talked to her about this dozens of times and her stories never change. Am I just being oversensitive and worrying about nothing?
    Taking into account i have no experience and this is all just opinions lol....

    Its been 6 months and your going strong, so i don't get why you have any worries. A strong relationship is built on trust and whether you feel you trust her or not based on these previous experiences (although i seem to have noticed whilst doing the things she did she didn't actually have a partner? correct?)

    When you say your honest with each other, even about flirting with other people?...Don't really understand this and think this is part of the problem your having. Whilst you imply your okay with this i think its damaging you inside knowing that she flirts with others and when you say "she says she won't do anything more" its bothering you the fact that it could even be possible for that, this is partly why you don't trust her in my opinion.

    Next point, without causing offence to you, but WHY did you press her about the other guy she liked? It makes it sound like your actually looking for reasons NOT to trust her, looking for reasons as to why she didn't choose him instead of you?


    So to sum up, obviously you stay honest with eachother, but talking about flirting with others is far too much i think, but now that you've started that whether you talk about it or not it'll both be at the back of your mind, possibly even hers too. Although you may not trust her inside you need to try and 'Install' that into yourself, make her see that you trust her and convince yourself that you trust her....6 months and your still going strong and want it to stay that way! If you push her about that guy or whatever or keep mentioning how your worrried she'll do something i think she'll just become annoyed and mad at you, overwhelmed with annoyance that you won't trust her yet she trusts you, i think?

    Quote Originally Posted by Molo316 View Post
    Do let us know how it goes. I may seem nosey but I am greatly interested and would like to read a positive outcome for you.

    I have my opinions, but I don't want to influence your standpoint because I do feel that what you intend to do at the moment sounds like a good idea.
    Glad you asked mate

    Well there is an update, i think i may have kinda asked her to the cinema, IN PERSON MAY I ADD lol, but i honestly have no idea if the outcome was good, bad or meh to be honest...

    Saw her in work yesterday, turns out she picked up some morning overtime. I spoke to her twice and then after the second time actually told myself "FFS just blooming ask her she's going home soon!"

    So third time i was talking to her the convo went a bit like this....bare in mind i was getting more nervous and literally felt more shaky as i went on...reckon i probs went beetroot too hahaha... aww :/

    Her: "....Oh what did you see at cinema on saturday night btw?"
    Me: "Went to see 'x' ... blah blah"
    Her: "Thats good...blah blah"
    Me: "I'm also needing to see 'Mission Impossible too, looks really good" (she mentioned before she likes action films)
    Her: "Oh Yeah, looks like it has great reviews"
    Me: "Well you wanting to see it?"
    Her: "When you going? because..." - This bit makes me think she maybe assumed i was inviting her to tag along with friends....
    Me: "Not got anything planned at all, wouldn't be til next week as i've got my last exam on friday, off all next week tho"
    Her: "Ah well i'll probably text you about it or something" - Something along those lines anyway, by that time i was nervous and shaky as hell i think...


    So yeah, i actually have no idea how this went, i didn't get a "Yeah that'd be good" and i didn't get a "No" either, the fact it wasn't something along the lines of a "Yes" makes me think it didn't go down too well, think she would maybe be more keen if it was a group thing based on the convo above...

    I guess i'll just have to wait and see if the text or whatever comes and she mentions it.

    In my opinion, i've asked her about it now, so offer is there. I'm not going to see her again until sunday at the earliest so i'm not going to text her and hopefully she'll text me for a chat before then.

    About 15 mins after i'd asked her in person she didn't seem any different, walked past her again and she made eye contact and told me to get on with putting stuff away on shelves in a jokey way. So didn't seem like anything had changed.

    On another plus side, woke up this morning and found i have an invitation to her birthday night out. Although i don't drink or go clubbing too much i think i'll defo go out that night, we're going to a pub place to start but not sure where after that at all. She's going to be pretty much the only one i know there i think, she invited some other guy i know from her department but i only know him because he was a little $#@! at school that used to take the piss out of me so safe to say i won't be planning on talking to him much, i just need to make sure she doesn't catch on i dislike him really. Only other person i know who has been invited is a girl in her early 20s who i can chat to but we don't have full convos, just hi's here and there.
    I'm Scottish, not British


  13. #2887
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    Look man at least you've taken the first step.
    Don't worry too much about every single word (i know thats easy for me to say).

    Why do you think it's important that she doesn't realize that you don't like the guy?
    You don't have to fake anything, if the guy gets on your nerves set him straight...
    Maybe she just invited him because he's in her department?!

    Just have a good time on the night out but try not to drink TOO much, you should be the last man standing

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beast of Bourbon View Post
    Look man at least you've taken the first step.
    Don't worry too much about every single word (i know thats easy for me to say).

    Why do you think it's important that she doesn't realize that you don't like the guy?
    You don't have to fake anything, if the guy gets on your nerves set him straight...
    Maybe she just invited him because he's in her department?!

    Just have a good time on the night out but try not to drink TOO much, you should be the last man standing
    Okay maybe that came across wrongly, She HAS just invited him because he's in her department, think she gets on okay with him too. I'm not saying anything like i want her to uninvite him or i'm annoyed he's going haha! Its her choice i'm not wanting to influence that at all lol

    Ach i never drink much anyway, i drink maybe 3 ciders then move onto vodka lemonade limes or something but i very rarely do shots, odd jagerbomb here and there. I just like to be in control of myself at all times
    I'm Scottish, not British


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    Quote Originally Posted by SchaffinOSX View Post
    Again, when we're together, she seems to be a really happy person. She enjoys herself, and seems to genuinely care about me. I'm really into her, and that's why these kinds of things are driving me insane. I don't want something to happen behind my back, and really don't know what to do.

    Frankly... I'm just looking for some insight and advice. I want to trust her, but these past events are driving me crazy, and I just worry that she's going to cheat or flirt with other men. Like I said, I've talked to her about this dozens of times and her stories never change. Am I just being oversensitive and worrying about nothing?

    I think you need to just focus on the positives like some of these. Look (I'm guessing) you knew what she was like when you first started going out? I assume you knew she was a bit of a flirt? Right? Then I'm afraid all you can do is trust her (I am in the exact same boat my GF is flirty as F*** but I have learnt to trust her..kinda )

    I know exactly how you feel and I have been through a similar thing quite recently, my GF was texting this other guy flirty texts, I have just about gotten over it he was a bit older and was just a friend.

    At the end of the day you have to trust her. There is a temptation when one feels insecure to go all out and harass the woman to get your security back, but the best thing you can do is back off, trust her and let her breathe. She would appreciate it SO much more if you tried to take a mature approach about it, and if things are bothering you try sitting her down and just talking it out in a quiet way.

    Try not to get too wrapped up in your head is my advice; relationships are supposed to be enjoyed.

    @Chris.

    Just play it cool man, you have taken a great first step here. Just be yourself and relax round her, if she's interested in you, you will know it.

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    This Thread is on fire!

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    @Chris92
    I agree, play it cool for now. You've taken the first step, so well done on that part.
    Wait to see if she gets in touch in the meantime, and see if she brings it up at all.

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    ok guys i am the voice of knowledge when it comes the the birds and the bee's sometimes

    But i have a problem, yes me the top dog

    anyway


    I was out on christmas and during a night out, i fell and busted my mouth and lost three front teeth and broke another tooth. I am planning to get them fixed soon. But i would love to go out and meet a girl, the only problem is i have a plate in for now and its not a great image to go up to a lgirl and take out your teeth to talk most of the time.

    how would i go about avoiding this problem...Is it a case of never ask the girl to wait while i take my teeth out or is it the case i need to find a girl that is acceptive of my current situation
    Plato and Aristotle, a detail of The School of Athens, a fresco by Raphael. Aristotle gestures to the earth, representing his belief in knowledge

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    Quote Originally Posted by claud3 View Post
    ok guys i am the voice of knowledge when it comes the the birds and the bee's sometimes

    But i have a problem, yes me the top dog

    anyway


    I was out on christmas and during a night out, i fell and busted my mouth and lost three front teeth and broke another tooth. I am planning to get them fixed soon. But i would love to go out and meet a girl, the only problem is i have a plate in for now and its not a great image to go up to a lgirl and take out your teeth to talk most of the time.

    how would i go about avoiding this problem...Is it a case of never ask the girl to wait while i take my teeth out or is it the case i need to find a girl that is acceptive of my current situation
    If you're going to meet someone in a bar or something like that, I'm afraid your situation might not be the best to meet up with a girl...I'd fix it, be patient and then go for it!

    UPDATE ON ME: I've been thinking too much about my ex. I've been thinking about how happy we were together and how quickly it all fell appart because of a stupid difference of goals that could have been overlooked or worked on. I've also been thinking about eventually telling her to go for coffee to talk or something since we ended up pretty good actually, but I'm afraid these feelings will make me miss her more and ask her out to be together again. Please help! I don't know if I want to get back with her because I truly do have feeling for her yet or because I'm clinging to the past since I've got so many doubts and fears about the future now that I can't see them ending.
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    Quote Originally Posted by claud3 View Post
    how would i go about avoiding this problem...Is it a case of never ask the girl to wait while i take my teeth out or is it the case i need to find a girl that is acceptive of my current situation
    Bingo. If it's just temporary you don't have anything to worry about.

    Actually, you could use it to hit on chicks ''Yeah I got my teeth busted when wrestling a polar bear...''

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thorzilla View Post
    If you're going to meet someone in a bar or something like that, I'm afraid your situation might not be the best to meet up with a girl...I'd fix it, be patient and then go for it!

    UPDATE ON ME: I've been thinking too much about my ex. I've been thinking about how happy we were together and how quickly it all fell appart because of a stupid difference of goals that could have been overlooked or worked on. I've also been thinking about eventually telling her to go for coffee to talk or something since we ended up pretty good actually, but I'm afraid these feelings will make me miss her more and ask her out to be together again. Please help! I don't know if I want to get back with her because I truly do have feeling for her yet or because I'm clinging to the past since I've got so many doubts and fears about the future now that I can't see them ending.
    If the two of you are really ok then I'd say continue to talk to her. Talk to her but be on the lookout for others. Don't get stuck thinking you can only be happy with her. If it gets to the point were you've dated other girls and none of them work out, at least you have this girl who you've continued to be friends with all along and maybe grown closer to. Keep your options open! The worst this you can do is isolate one girl and convince yourself she's the only girl for you. Talk to her but pursue others.

    Quote Originally Posted by spyrde View Post
    Bingo. If it's just temporary you don't have anything to worry about.

    Actually, you could use it to hit on chicks ''Yeah I got my teeth busted when wrestling a polar bear...''
    Did the same thing when I broke my arm. "Yeah....that 800lb gorilla didn't stand a chance...."

    Focus. Control. Conviction. Resolve. A true ace lacks none of these attributes. Nothing can deter you from the task at hand except your own fears. This is your sky.

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    Okey me and my ex broke up over a week ago and we in the same course there's never a class we aren't in the same room together, but we don't talk I've tried to force myself to talk to her but I just can't I don't know why. Should I wait more weeks?
    I still have really strong feelings for her but its not interfering with my work or anything like that, I just don't know what to do.



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    Quote Originally Posted by neoxthexone View Post
    Okey me and my ex broke up over a week ago and we in the same course there's never a class we aren't in the same room together, but we don't talk I've tried to force myself to talk to her but I just can't I don't know why. Should I wait more weeks?
    I still have really strong feelings for her but its not interfering with my work or anything like that, I just don't know what to do.
    its the emotion factor mate... If you were with her a long time, the connection is so strong its hard to get over and also you are grown ups and you know how to act.. Put it behid you and become friends, if it was a good break up and it was on good terms i see no problem in talking and becoming friends

    Just think it through on what you are going to say, Look she is most likely thinking the same thing and wondering how do i talk to him and not bring up the break up and can we become good friends and never let what happen mess up a great friendship
    Last edited by claud3; 01-18-2012 at 21:40.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris92 View Post
    Taking into account i have no experience and this is all just opinions lol....

    Its been 6 months and your going strong, so i don't get why you have any worries. A strong relationship is built on trust and whether you feel you trust her or not based on these previous experiences (although i seem to have noticed whilst doing the things she did she didn't actually have a partner? correct?)

    When you say your honest with each other, even about flirting with other people?...Don't really understand this and think this is part of the problem your having. Whilst you imply your okay with this i think its damaging you inside knowing that she flirts with others and when you say "she says she won't do anything more" its bothering you the fact that it could even be possible for that, this is partly why you don't trust her in my opinion.

    Next point, without causing offence to you, but WHY did you press her about the other guy she liked? It makes it sound like your actually looking for reasons NOT to trust her, looking for reasons as to why she didn't choose him instead of you?

    So to sum up, obviously you stay honest with eachother, but talking about flirting with others is far too much i think, but now that you've started that whether you talk about it or not it'll both be at the back of your mind, possibly even hers too. Although you may not trust her inside you need to try and 'Install' that into yourself, make her see that you trust her and convince yourself that you trust her....6 months and your still going strong and want it to stay that way! If you push her about that guy or whatever or keep mentioning how your worrried she'll do something i think she'll just become annoyed and mad at you, overwhelmed with annoyance that you won't trust her yet she trusts you, i think?

    Quote Originally Posted by yourmumsface17 View Post
    I think you need to just focus on the positives like some of these. Look (I'm guessing) you knew what she was like when you first started going out? I assume you knew she was a bit of a flirt? Right? Then I'm afraid all you can do is trust her (I am in the exact same boat my GF is flirty as F*** but I have learnt to trust her..kinda )

    I know exactly how you feel and I have been through a similar thing quite recently, my GF was texting this other guy flirty texts, I have just about gotten over it he was a bit older and was just a friend.

    At the end of the day you have to trust her. There is a temptation when one feels insecure to go all out and harass the woman to get your security back, but the best thing you can do is back off, trust her and let her breathe. She would appreciate it SO much more if you tried to take a mature approach about it, and if things are bothering you try sitting her down and just talking it out in a quiet way.

    Try not to get too wrapped up in your head is my advice; relationships are supposed to be enjoyed.

    @Chris.

    Just play it cool man, you have taken a great first step here. Just be yourself and relax round her, if she's interested in you, you will know it.
    Perhaps I misspoke. She's not a flirty girl, nor do we openly admit to flirting with other people. I don't flirt with other women, and she claims to not flirt with other men. I worry about the possibility that she does, but I have no real reason to believe that she does. Actually, I only have reasons to believe here:

    Her friend and her were talking the night of the dance party, and during a conversation, cheating came up. Alyssa (my girlfriend's name) said "I'd never cheat," and her friend replied "I know you wouldn't." The fact that her best friend doesn't see her as someone who would cheat, that's definitively comforting.

    Also, both of my two closest friends are aware of my worries, and both have said that Alyssa would never cheat on me. They don't know the situation as well as me, but it's good to know that my friends and hers both don't see her as the type to go flirting around with other men and / or cheat.

    ***

    As for the dance party she went to Sunday, that actually went down much differently than I thought. After she had been there for an hour or so, she invited me to come, and so I did. I danced with her a bit, and although I was a bit uncomfortable with seeing some nearby men openly checking her out, it made me feel much better that she was comfortable enough to have me come. So that's a plus.

    ***

    Another piece of good news; I mentioned that she would be going on a church trip sometime soon. The first one is simply into the city, and the other to New Orleans. I was worried about this because she had previously had relations with two guys going with her (both a year younger than her). One guy had tried to finger her (she denied), and she had made out with the other. She was single when both of these things happened, so I suppose it's not something for me to worry about. In fact, I'm her first legitimate boyfriend. She's been with a couple of other guys before, but one lasted for about a week, the other for a month. Point is, the trip downtown was scheduled for this weekend, which just so happened to be the weekend of our six month anniversary. She wasn't signed up, apparently, but had the opportunity to sign up last minute but declined, so that she could spend time with me on the night of our anniversary. It meant a lot to me that she did that, and it proves that she really doesn't have much interest in either of those guys anymore.

    All in all, you guys are right. There's really nothing to worry about. I have no reason to be worried, especially granted we've already been together longer than most high school relationships. I'm looking forward to continuing a nearly perfect relationship with her.

    Now, back to you Chris.


    Quote Originally Posted by Chris92 View Post
    Glad you asked mate

    Well there is an update, i think i may have kinda asked her to the cinema, IN PERSON MAY I ADD lol, but i honestly have no idea if the outcome was good, bad or meh to be honest...

    Saw her in work yesterday, turns out she picked up some morning overtime. I spoke to her twice and then after the second time actually told myself "FFS just blooming ask her she's going home soon!"

    So third time i was talking to her the convo went a bit like this....bare in mind i was getting more nervous and literally felt more shaky as i went on...reckon i probs went beetroot too hahaha... aww :/

    Her: "....Oh what did you see at cinema on saturday night btw?"
    Me: "Went to see 'x' ... blah blah"
    Her: "Thats good...blah blah"
    Me: "I'm also needing to see 'Mission Impossible too, looks really good" (she mentioned before she likes action films)
    Her: "Oh Yeah, looks like it has great reviews"
    Me: "Well you wanting to see it?"
    Her: "When you going? because..." - This bit makes me think she maybe assumed i was inviting her to tag along with friends....
    Me: "Not got anything planned at all, wouldn't be til next week as i've got my last exam on friday, off all next week tho"
    Her: "Ah well i'll probably text you about it or something" - Something along those lines anyway, by that time i was nervous and shaky as hell i think...


    So yeah, i actually have no idea how this went, i didn't get a "Yeah that'd be good" and i didn't get a "No" either, the fact it wasn't something along the lines of a "Yes" makes me think it didn't go down too well, think she would maybe be more keen if it was a group thing based on the convo above...

    I guess i'll just have to wait and see if the text or whatever comes and she mentions it.

    In my opinion, i've asked her about it now, so offer is there. I'm not going to see her again until sunday at the earliest so i'm not going to text her and hopefully she'll text me for a chat before then.

    About 15 mins after i'd asked her in person she didn't seem any different, walked past her again and she made eye contact and told me to get on with putting stuff away on shelves in a jokey way. So didn't seem like anything had changed.

    On another plus side, woke up this morning and found i have an invitation to her birthday night out. Although i don't drink or go clubbing too much i think i'll defo go out that night, we're going to a pub place to start but not sure where after that at all. She's going to be pretty much the only one i know there i think, she invited some other guy i know from her department but i only know him because he was a little $#@! at school that used to take the piss out of me so safe to say i won't be planning on talking to him much, i just need to make sure she doesn't catch on i dislike him really. Only other person i know who has been invited is a girl in her early 20s who i can chat to but we don't have full convos, just hi's here and there.
    I wouldn't look into it too much. She might simply not have seen the invitation coming, and didn't know what to say. She might appear to be calm and collected, but as far as any of us know, she's just as jittery and nervous about being with you as you are with her. The big test will be seeing how things go at the movies (if it ends up happening). Until then, I don't think you can accurately assess the situation. And remember, don't be afraid to text her first! Texting her first is a sign that you're interested in her. She might be waiting for you to text her at this very moment!

    Good luck with the b-day party, by the way. It's a good sign that she invited you, and I'd try not to worry too much about whether or not there will be a lot of people to talk to there. Be cool and calm, and chat with whomever is around, even if it's someone you're not fond of. A girl likes someone who can be social in just about any setting; a quality that is hard to come by, but it's very beneficial if you take the time to work on your social skills.

    ***

    @Thorzilla -- I know the feeling, man. This is a tricky situation, and you don't want to end up back together with her if things simply aren't going to work out. First, don't only think about the good; think about the things that ultimately led you to breaking up. How bad were things? Were you happy? If they could have been overlooked, would it have simply built up and eventually boiled over anyway? The problem with things like this is we often tend to focus on all of the happy memories; the things that made the relationship great; the things we're giving up. Then, you get back into the relationship and BOOM, you remember exactly why the relationship ended.

    If you're still into her, and think the issues of the past could be overcome without hindering your happiness and stability as a couple, then I'd say go for it. The worst she can say is no, and it would do you a lot of good to either have some closure to this situation or to perhaps rekindle your relationship with her. You have to look inwards and really think about what you're doing, though. I dove back into a relationship with my ex this Summer, and it lasted for two weeks. I focused on the good, and asked her back out on impulse. It was only weeks after her and I broke up that I started dating my current girlfriend, Alyssa.

    Good luck with this, Thor. I know how you feel.
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    Here I am, another day kicking myself in the ass at work by thinking and thinking about my ex. $#@! this.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thorzilla View Post
    Here I am, another day kicking myself in the ass at work by thinking and thinking about my ex. $#@! this.
    Only thing that will get her out of your mind is another girl unfortunately, no matter how hard you try to forget about her.

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