The bottom line of this hellsjester is that you just need to socialize, not that hard.
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yeah that comment helps.
if your able to have good, funny conversations with people here, whats the difference with talking to people in real life?
HellsJester, buddy, I think you're a pretty decent guy and while I haven't had that much talk with you before this thread, people seem to like you well enough here so Imma give it a shot and give you some advice that I've personally done and has definitely worked out for me. Would be pretty sad to let a brotha' be all depressed when I can see about helping some
This won't turn you into a babe magnet or whatever but I really think a lot of this has helped me come a long way from just sitting at home and playing games, being very socially awkward, and constantly the butt of my peers jeers and jokes.
1. STOP that train of thought about dying alone and unhappy. I know it's hard and it'll take forever to get rid of it, but at least start trying to tell yourself that you won't, no matter how much you believe that it will happen. One of my biggest fears was dying alone, unappreciated, and forgotten. It fuelled all my needs to improve myself. You don't do yourself any service by thinking negatively. You can use logic I'm sure and I know that you can see that keeping a train of thought that does you no good is not the way to go. People around you can perceive when you're a negative person and they're more likely to keep you around especially when they know you're salvageable. Heck I know a great girl, one of my best friends who dated a guy 'cause she saw his potential. Sure he messed it up but if it can happen to that guy, you never know lol
2. Speaking about people around you, make that happen. By that I don't mean you go somewhere and immediately start talking to everyone. By the sound of things you don't get out that much and have people around you, even at work, and that's not all that healthy. People are social creatures and though you may not know it, there's a part of you inside that wants to be in a pack. It's how people evolved and survived, mastering the world; by being people, multiple persons sharing a common goal: to live. So here's my advice on this matter:
Go out to a place that has lots of people for some length of time. Could be anywhere and you don't have to talk to anyone even. Just get used to the feeling of being surrounded by people to the point where you don't care about the size of the group you are in. You could go from a small store, to a huge mall. Take small steps if you need to, whatever's comfortable with you. Just do it. It'll take a long time, and most of the things I advice here will, but the things we treasure most in the end are the ones we've worked hardest and longest for. It's part of being who we are as people.
3. Once you get 2 done, or at least partially, do this. Talk to a random stranger. Could be any age, gender, color, whatever. Just say something. You mentioned that one of the few places you go to is work, or to the store. Start talking to your boss more. Heck if you're there, no one to talk to, etc, he probably knows what that's like so I'm sure he'll be ok with some before, after work dialogue. A more mentally fulfilled worker, is a better, more efficient, and in a lot of people's minds, a more trustworthy character.
Talk to people in the stores you're in. Ask them why they prefer this product or that, whatever. Some will think you're weird, forget them, some will respond well. You're both in the store for a reason and sometimes shoping can be a tedious, boring thing and I'm sure any reprieve will be appreciated. Just don't approuch an angry looking person. lol you won't get anything from them most of the time.
Why do I say all this? Experience. A small bit of dialogue that you had can start building you the experience necessary to build better conversations, better relationships with people later on. Obviously you can't go and have a meaningful, earth shattering talk with someone if you don't have the experience or nerve to do so.
You talk well enough on the forums. A lot of that applies to people in the real world. I mean at some point we do all login so really, you never know it, but you may be talking to someone who spents just as much time as you on forums about their hobbies and interests. So really just...
4. RELAX. lol Have you ever talked to someone who doesn't take it easy in life, who's always nervous about talking to people, who overthinks things, and thinks pessimistically? That was me in high school, not too long ago actually lol Why was I like that? 'Cause I already "knew" in my head every persecutory thoughts people are going to have for me. I already "knew" that my new buddy in class thinks I'm dull and we're probably never going to talk outside English. It was boring, depressing, and weighed me down so much and in the end I did become someone I personally would not have hung out with. Why? 'Cause I just couldn't relax, especially not around people.
Now I don't mean to imply that you're that guy as well, but you do sound like you need to relax some lol Start with your music selection.
Look it over, do you have positive music on there? I mean it might be good music but if all the lyrics say are negative stuff then you're constantly subliminally getting all that negativity on you. I'm not saying to stop listening to what you like, should that be the case, but to expand. Balance it out with slightly more positive stuff. Please don't go listen to Hannah Montanah or something lol That could work eventually but you might find that annoying and it wouldn't help out.
I looked back at all those years I was done and realized that I liked to listen to pretty depressing songs, wrote pretty depressing poetry. It didn't look nice looking back.
Happier tunes I find give me more energy to be a little more positive, more funny, likable to other people. After that it'll feed itself and your self-esteem gets a boost, you're confidence follows soon after, and you'll find yourself laughing amongts a crowd, not the butt of the joke.
Now I'd write more, but I've already written enough lol plus everything I did for me started with just those. The rest came naturally, when I was more positive.
You'll be fine buddy. And should you take any of these into mind, if you practice any of them, if you give it all the effort you can, you'll never find me wanting when it comes to cheering you forward as you better yourself
Dying alone would be foolish especially when you can do something about. I know you're not a fool
CBT is the most successful type of therapy you know, yeah A-level psychology student here speaking
But seriously it is true, here is a crazy idea. How about not buying killzone2, and get that instead to help yourself as a person?
Basically, triggap's the man.
Edit: Also, don't jack off so much.
It lowers your testosterone and it can translate into a lack of motivation and productivity. Our main purpose on Earth is to bang each other, and when you're depleting yourself, you can end up losing your basic animal motive and in turn lose all motivation entirely.
Try to not jack off for 20-25 days and I swear you will see a surge in motivation and that sexual energy will work in your favor.
Plus I just wouldn't be Me otherwise lol
thanks for the help
Havent done that in like 3 months because i got bored of it.
No better thing than to repay their kindness by spreading it along Give it a shot, don't give up easily. You just might love yourself more for it in the end.
If you relieve yourself, the chemicals will accumulate faster (but not if you do it too often).
Hellsjester....can I ask how old you are and where you work?
Dom - You seem to be growing on me. After reading a couple of your posts for the first time I had you penned as a self obsessed jack***. Have since realised that you just have little patience and a low tolerance for people who would rather whinge than make things better for themselves, not too dissimilar from myself. Amongst your blunt and sometimes rude posts is some very good advice.
In regards to the massage treatment - not only handy for first encounters. If you give your partner a massage you would be suprised how much more open to experementation they are when they are completely relaxed
Friends, girls, the life experience, higher learning, college graduates make more money.
You really need to get a grip on this. but take it one step at a time, if you don't have any friends you are not going to get a girlfriend, plain and simple. So tackle one problem at a time.
- Join Date
- Dec 2006
- Rep Power
College rocks. Don't expect it to solve all your financial problems or anything, but do expect it to prepare you better to deal with them.
I'm gonna say this as clear and clean as I can HellsJester: close your laptop or shut your computer down, stand up, get out of your house and go to a gym.
Grow some confidence as easy as by working out and come back. You will be a new man. As Dom said, you're just not tying to improve so get started.
To me, it just seems like you're moping and saying 'thanks' to people without taking anything on board whatsoever. If you have even a remote desire to change yourself then perhaps you should actually put the hard graft in.
In your position gaming is hardly the interest to prioritise. Probably just your comfort zone where one needn't worry about other people. Hand out some CVs for a more... 'sociable' job, apply for some courses at the closest college, take up some sort of activity which you actually find some fulfillment in.
Where are your family? Not universally applicable but chatting with them could help.
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