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    Curious, what did you say when she asked if you thought your ex may have moved on?

    Another question, are you over your ex? I know for me, I'm not. I don't think I will be having that convo in my situation this soon. I do just really enjoy her company right now. It's really nice and I can see things are definitely moving towards that. I think right now I am confused on my feelings and not sure what direction to go. The last thing I want to do is hurt my friend because my feelings for her were more based on lust and not something more.

    I guess for you Thor, go with what your heart feels. I know its crummy advice, but even with the friend where the relationship ended badly, I was happy I did it. I did lose a good friend, but it's a gamble when friends develop feelings. Personally, I think it's hard sometime for guys and girls to exist as friends (not saying its not possible). If both people are attracted to each other and if they are single, it's hard to ignore. Really though, think this one through.

    In my experience, girls have loved it when I text them here or there seeing how they are. I've been told it's "thoughtful". Of course too many times and it's pushy, but from what you say doesn't sound like it.
    Last edited by Sir_Scud; 02-29-2012 at 23:01.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir_Scud View Post
    Curious, what did you say when she asked if you thought your ex may have moved on?

    Another question, are you over your ex? I know for me, I'm not. I don't think I will be having that convo in my situation this soon. I do just really enjoy her company right now. It's really nice and I can see things are definitely moving towards that. I think right now I am confused on my feelings and not sure what direction to go. The last thing I want to do is hurt my friend because my feelings for her were more based on lust and not something more.

    I guess for you Thor, go with what your heart feels. I know its crummy advice, but even with the friend where the relationship ended badly, I was happy I did it. I did lose a good friend, but it's a gamble when friends develop feelings. Personally, I think it's hard sometime for guys and girls to exist as friends (not saying its not possible). If both people are attracted to each other and if they are single, it's hard to ignore. Really though, think this one through.

    In my experience, girls have loved it when I text them here or there seeing how they are. I've been told it's "thoughtful". Of course too many times and it's pushy, but from what you say doesn't sound like it.
    Well, we were chatting once while having some lunch about ex stuff. She asked me if I thought she was with someone else since she had just deleted all our pictures off of her Facebook and started giving very weird hints of being with someone in her statuses. After or before that she did mention that she was still hurting over the breakup but she wanted to move on and keep going. I really didn't know what to make of that. Maybe it was a clue? She also said she prefers guys to talk straight and be honest about relationships. Double clue?

    Anyways, back from the beach and lunch that afternoon when we were heading home, I told her I had a blast with her again, had great laughs and took a leap of faith: I told her that since she prefers upstraight and honest guys, I told her that I was interested in us getting to know each other better. I don't know if it was a dumb move or not, but I felt that was the perfect timing. Although she didn't say a yes or no right away, she did tell me something like "we'll keep in touch and talk about it over a cup of coffee". That was this Sunday and I've been silent ever since to give her some room after stepping into her space like that. Did I do well you think? I'm just clueless as to when I should message her again. We had been messaging almost on a nightly basis for about 2-3 weeks. I just let things cool down after dropping the little bomb.

    As for getting over my ex...I was also in the same situation as this girl, since I had lost the feeling about 2 or more months before we broke up. My breakup was fairly decent since we both agreed to this, but it hurt a lot. I am a lot better now, although I do have two or three days a month where I feel down about it. Actually I had a dream about her last night. Being with this new lady though has done a lot of good for me. Talking to someone close to my ex has made me understand so many things. That's why I've been holding on a little, since I'd hate to lose her as a friend in case something goes wrong.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir_Scud View Post
    Just thought I'd throw in my 2 cents and some of my dating woes atm. Spoilered for length.

    @thor:

    Yeah, I'm actually in a similar situation right now, sorta. My ex and I broke up about 2ish months ago and I was pretty devastated by that. Long story short, I have this friend who I have known for a little over a year that I've been hanging out with a lot. We've been having little things here and there, making some physical contact, good laughs, etc and my brain as well has me thinking. I know, for me, I'm not ready to date yet but I think she might want to. This friend, though, has been very important to me over the last year and I don't know what I would do without them. I know she has been acting differently and I think she may want to be more than friends, but the risk of the relationship going south could ruin the relationship we have together. I have already dated one of my friends and that ended badly. I could go on, but rather not write a novel here.

    Just 2 cents on confidence and overthinking:

    You're spot on with your bit on confidence and over thinking things. I've done it, and a great deal of men do it, too. I did the same thing with a girl I was crazy about for a few months, and it didn't lead to anything great. I over thought the situation with her, and led myself into some bad places in the process. I don't talk to her much anymore, and that's probably because of my $#@!ty handling of that situation. Since then, I've learned that over thinking things really isn't worth it. Take things as they go, and take them slowly.

    Quote Originally Posted by podsaurus View Post
    I tend to convince myself a lot lol. I know I'm stupid and missed my chance I just need to get out what I'm thinking. And yet again on monday and today actually I felt as though these 2 different girls were looking at me. Here we go again

    One of these day I'm just going to see a cute girl, walk up, lay a big fat smooch on her lips and see what happens. Screw it! lol
    Like Sir_Scud said, you have to stop those things. You only live once. Overcome your fears and tell a girl you're interested in how you really feel. Rejection happens, and yes, it can hurt, but you'll feel so much better if you break away from your fears and dive in.

    Quote Originally Posted by neoxthexone View Post
    Im kinda curious but how do u get the past the awkwardness stage with an ex, we are both doing the same courses but we haven't spoken to each other for 2 months, I do want to start talking to her but I just don't know how.......
    I still have lots of feelings for her but really, I would rather rather be her friend than not talk to her at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Thorzilla View Post
    As much as I understand how you feel neox, if she did that, that's a big yellow card from me. Cheating goes straight to red. Can't see how so many people put up with cheating using excuses like "Oh, I forgave him, he was drunk" or "It was her ex but she said she'll never do it again".

    Some honest, humble, anonymous internet advice: just leave it at that and chat once every now and then and keep your ex relationship cool down.
    I agree with Thor on this one. Cheating is just an all around bad thing... If my girlfriend cheated on me I wouldn't be too crazy about staying friends with her, or having any real contact with her at all. People get interested in other people... it happens. But to go off and do something with another person while in a relationship just shows a fundamental lack of respect towards your partner, and a lack of respect towards yourself.

    If I were you, I'd move on. She's clearly not good enough. You can find someone wholly better, I'm sure.

    Quote Originally Posted by Molo316 View Post
    Legit question: is it always up to the guy to approach the girl? Or does the girl ever approach the guy?
    My girlfriend approached me, so yes, that is sometimes the case.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sir_Scud View Post
    Curious, what did you say when she asked if you thought your ex may have moved on?

    Another question, are you over your ex? I know for me, I'm not. I don't think I will be having that convo in my situation this soon. I do just really enjoy her company right now. It's really nice and I can see things are definitely moving towards that. I think right now I am confused on my feelings and not sure what direction to go. The last thing I want to do is hurt my friend because my feelings for her were more based on lust and not something more.

    I guess for you Thor, go with what your heart feels. I know its crummy advice, but even with the friend where the relationship ended badly, I was happy I did it. I did lose a good friend, but it's a gamble when friends develop feelings. Personally, I think it's hard sometime for guys and girls to exist as friends (not saying its not possible). If both people are attracted to each other and if they are single, it's hard to ignore. Really though, think this one through.

    In my experience, girls have loved it when I text them here or there seeing how they are. I've been told it's "thoughtful". Of course too many times and it's pushy, but from what you say doesn't sound like it.
    I admire you for being able to resist the temptation of a relationship. I've learned restraint over time, but last year, I lacked it entirely. I was going for every girl, even ones that were close friends, or became close friends in the process, and I don't talk to many of them anymore. Definitely a wise choice on your part.

    Quote Originally Posted by Thorzilla View Post
    Well, we were chatting once while having some lunch about ex stuff. She asked me if I thought she was with someone else since she had just deleted all our pictures off of her Facebook and started giving very weird hints of being with someone in her statuses. After or before that she did mention that she was still hurting over the breakup but she wanted to move on and keep going. I really didn't know what to make of that. Maybe it was a clue? She also said she prefers guys to talk straight and be honest about relationships. Double clue?

    Anyways, back from the beach and lunch that afternoon when we were heading home, I told her I had a blast with her again, had great laughs and took a leap of faith: I told her that since she prefers upstraight and honest guys, I told her that I was interested in us getting to know each other better. I don't know if it was a dumb move or not, but I felt that was the perfect timing. Although she didn't say a yes or no right away, she did tell me something like "we'll keep in touch and talk about it over a cup of coffee". That was this Sunday and I've been silent ever since to give her some room after stepping into her space like that. Did I do well you think? I'm just clueless as to when I should message her again. We had been messaging almost on a nightly basis for about 2-3 weeks. I just let things cool down after dropping the little bomb.

    As for getting over my ex...I was also in the same situation as this girl, since I had lost the feeling about 2 or more months before we broke up. My breakup was fairly decent since we both agreed to this, but it hurt a lot. I am a lot better now, although I do have two or three days a month where I feel down about it. Actually I had a dream about her last night. Being with this new lady though has done a lot of good for me. Talking to someone close to my ex has made me understand so many things. That's why I've been holding on a little, since I'd hate to lose her as a friend in case something goes wrong.
    Definitely deal with these things in person. She wants someone straightforward and honest, and chances are she doesn't want you hiding behind your phone or computer as you do it. I wouldn't make any more advances until you have that coffee, but when that time comes, definitely tell her how you feel. The best thing for you to do is probably to establish yourself as the guy who will lead her out of her old life and into a new, exciting one. If you've taken her to a lot of new places and have had a lot of fun with her, I think she'll realize that it's more than just talk.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SchaffinOSX View Post
    My girlfriend approached me, so yes, that is sometimes the case.
    Hey man. Thanks for responding to my point. Because of this, I'm going to ask you specifically, but anyone else is free to jump in and offer an answer if they like.

    Do you think it's typically up to the guy to make the move then? And is it best to build something up rather than just going straight in and asking a girl out?

    I'm trying to get an impression for potential future girls.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Molo316 View Post
    Hey man. Thanks for responding to my point. Because of this, I'm going to ask you specifically, but anyone else is free to jump in and offer an answer if they like.

    Do you think it's typically up to the guy to make the move then? And is it best to build something up rather than just going straight in and asking a girl out?

    I'm trying to get an impression for potential future girls.
    Generally, I think it's up to the guy to do it. I'm not of the school of thought that it should be that way due to tradition, but it's simply the way it works in most cases. Girls like guys who can share their feelings and who will come right out and say what they want. Now, mind you, that doesn't mean walking up to them and grabbing their ass, but generally, girls like to be asked by guys. Not necessarily right, but it's how it is.

    As for building things up, I really think it depends on the girl. Some girls like straightforwardness (wow, that's a word?), while others like to take things slowly. Most girls won't mind you sharing how you feel, though, so long as you don't make it seem like you're over-eager and wanting something right away.

    But let's be honest... With women, it's all a big guessing game.

    (Same goes for men, too, I suppose.)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SchaffinOSX View Post
    Generally, I think it's up to the guy to do it. I'm not of the school of thought that it should be that way due to tradition, but it's simply the way it works in most cases. Girls like guys who can share their feelings and who will come right out and say what they want. Now, mind you, that doesn't mean walking up to them and grabbing their ass, but generally, girls like to be asked by guys. Not necessarily right, but it's how it is.

    As for building things up, I really think it depends on the girl. Some girls like straightforwardness (wow, that's a word?), while others like to take things slowly. Most girls won't mind you sharing how you feel, though, so long as you don't make it seem like you're over-eager and wanting something right away.

    But let's be honest... With women, it's all a big guessing game.

    (Same goes for men, too, I suppose.)
    Alright, fair enough, that's a good answer for me.

    Thanks, dude.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SchaffinOSX View Post
    Definitely deal with these things in person. She wants someone straightforward and honest, and chances are she doesn't want you hiding behind your phone or computer as you do it. I wouldn't make any more advances until you have that coffee, but when that time comes, definitely tell her how you feel. The best thing for you to do is probably to establish yourself as the guy who will lead her out of her old life and into a new, exciting one. If you've taken her to a lot of new places and have had a lot of fun with her, I think she'll realize that it's more than just talk.
    Thanks man! I'll definitely do that the next time we hang out. Better to let things out and let her know my intentions early so there's no misunderstanding. If she still wants to hang out, there's my chance! And yeah, this month we've been hanging out, I've shown her hidden beaches, hidden spots, hidden places in the forest and all. Even though she's been here for 4 years already, she hadn't seen anything for who knows what reason. She's told me already that I'm being a huge help for getting over things and that she's had a blast with me every time we go out. Here's to hoping!

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    @Thor:

    I think you handled the situation pretty well. She may have not given you a direct answer, but she's definitely thinking about it. You are definitely being straightforward and making your intentions well known as to not create any confusion in the future. Schaff is right about the in person stuff, and like you said, don't overthink just do. Best of luck and hope whenever that chat comes it goes well.

    @Schaff:

    Appreciate that man. Restraint is not necessarily the easiest thing to do, but I'll see where this all takes me.

    @Molo:

    For your question, I don't think it's the guy's responsibility, but traditionally it is. Not to mention many girls will rather have it this way anyways. Many girls, if they like the guy, would be just as nervous to ask him out that they hide behind, "well if he likes me, he will ask me out" category. Which is exactly why some guys end up being friend zoned because they like a girl and wait too long. Girls are "master hinters" I've noticed. When they think they are being obvious about stuff, sometimes it's actually way more cryptic than they thought.

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    Damnit, so, little update. I did message her last night to check back on her. She said she was doing cool but she mentioned something that kinda shook me up. Even though we've met silently, she told me my ex had found out that we have been seeing each other here and there a few times and now thinks we're already more than friends. Apparently my ex has been pretty troubled by that and this lady wants to talk to her since she doesn't want her to get the wrong idea about us.

    So, wait...what? She knows my intentions. She didn't answer a yes or a no the other day yet she is going to tell her friends that we are nothing more than friends. Is this the no she didn't tell me? Is she doing this just to make my ex feel better so we can keep going out silently again? I downright told her that I never meant to hurt my ex, but that I don't regret it one bit since we've had a blast together and I'd love to keep spending more time with her, hanging out. I guess that left my intentions even clearer now. However, I'm not the kind of pushy guy that will force her to being with me of course, so I told her that I don't want her to break her friendship with my ex, and also told her that I don't want her to feel uneasy or guilty when we hang out together. To resolve this thing in person, I told her we should meet and chat it over a cup of coffee downtown or something. She didn't deny that and actually answered pretty positively.

    Anyway, either I handled the situation today like a smooth criminal or like a complete idiot...
    What does all this mean? I'm so confused...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir_Scud View Post
    @Molo:

    For your question, I don't think it's the guy's responsibility, but traditionally it is. Not to mention many girls will rather have it this way anyways. Many girls, if they like the guy, would be just as nervous to ask him out that they hide behind, "well if he likes me, he will ask me out" category. Which is exactly why some guys end up being friend zoned because they like a girl and wait too long. Girls are "master hinters" I've noticed. When they think they are being obvious about stuff, sometimes it's actually way more cryptic than they thought.
    Fair enough - cheers for answering.

    I don't mean to disregard Thor and others but not answering direct to them, but it seems that others are giving better advice than I could.

    So, Sir_Scud, in your opinion, it's best to ask a girl out on an actual date, rather than a casual get-together, sooner rather than later, in order to avoid potentially (more often than not) being put in the dreaded "friend zone"?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Molo316 View Post
    Fair enough - cheers for answering.

    I don't mean to disregard Thor and others but not answering direct to them, but it seems that others are giving better advice than I could.

    So, Sir_Scud, in your opinion, it's best to ask a girl out on an actual date, rather than a casual get-together, sooner rather than later, in order to avoid potentially (more often than not) being put in the dreaded "friend zone"?
    In my experience, I have done both. I call casual get-togethers "the feeler round". Usually I will ask a girl if she wants to grab lunch sometime when she can. Still 1 on 1. I don't generally pay either. If I ask a girl out on a date, usually it's dinner where I pay and I make my intentions clear. I've have success on both types. The more casual route is good if you/the girl is unsure of each other. Gets both of you a chance to both sit down and get to know each other. There are times when there wasn't any chemistry and I wasn't out much.

    And yes, sooner is better than later. You can never be certain of what "competition" you may have. I have a few close female friends and the way their mind works boggles me. They can be red hot for a guy one week, and the next week think nothing of him. So by getting together sooner, that increases the chances they stay interested.

    Hope that helps. Still can expand on that if necessary.

    Quote Originally Posted by Thorzilla View Post
    Damnit, so, little update. I did message her last night to check back on her. She said she was doing cool but she mentioned something that kinda shook me up. Even though we've met silently, she told me my ex had found out that we have been seeing each other here and there a few times and now thinks we're already more than friends. Apparently my ex has been pretty troubled by that and this lady wants to talk to her since she doesn't want her to get the wrong idea about us.

    So, wait...what? She knows my intentions. She didn't answer a yes or a no the other day yet she is going to tell her friends that we are nothing more than friends. Is this the no she didn't tell me? Is she doing this just to make my ex feel better so we can keep going out silently again? I downright told her that I never meant to hurt my ex, but that I don't regret it one bit since we've had a blast together and I'd love to keep spending more time with her, hanging out. I guess that left my intentions even clearer now. However, I'm not the kind of pushy guy that will force her to being with me of course, so I told her that I don't want her to break her friendship with my ex, and also told her that I don't want her to feel uneasy or guilty when we hang out together. To resolve this thing in person, I told her we should meet and chat it over a cup of coffee downtown or something. She didn't deny that and actually answered pretty positively.

    Anyway, either I handled the situation today like a smooth criminal or like a complete idiot...
    What does all this mean? I'm so confused...
    Not going to lie thor, this is a complicated issue you have. Going to say some stuff, but later I'm going to have to look back at all your posts to really give a concise post. Don't over analyze her saying that you two are just friends. She can easily be confused on what direction she wants to take, but trying to stay diplomatic towards her friends. If she had said, "there might be chemistry, I find him interesting, etc" that would lead to a whole mess of questions. But yes, it could be no. I just would just let that one go for now.

    Since you guys have been seeing each other silently, of course your ex is going to be curious. And this is where the tough questions come, Thor. I admire you for not wanting to hurt her, but honestly, in life you only live once and must do what makes you happy. From what I remember when I saw you post problems in your last relationship, you were really unhappy. If you really think this new girl is something special, I think that is something you fight for.

    Overall, I think you handled the situation well, very mature. Not being pushy is exactly the right call IMO. Your intentions are clear, and the ball is in your friend's court. I am going to go back and look at all your posts again to really understand the situation. I just wanted to get you a quick reply.

    When you do have coffee, make things clear, but maybe don't go overboard. If you are very mature, straightforward and clear with her, she will see that. Even if she tells you no, maybe her friendship will be good for you. And honestly, you don't know what the future could hold down the road. Girls overthink even more than guys I've noticed. Human beings are just insane.

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    Ok so I think I need to say to hell with this girl. The one I sent a friend request to. The request is still active it has NOT been denied. But she has been on facebook, clearly because there's new stuff posted on her wall. So I can draw a couple conclusions.

    A. She must be blind and has legitimately not seen my message(she isn't blind so maybe just stupid)
    B. She has chosen to not respond but not deny the request either.
    C. She's stalling and has no clue how to respond because she is so hoplessly in love with me she can't believe I'm messaging her (not likely ).
    D. Some other possibly I'm not thinking of right now.

    I won't send a second message because I shouldn't have to. Plus if she has chosen to ignore me, sending her multiple messages might force her into a response. A response she only gives to be polite and then after that doesn't talk to me anymore.

    Thoughts?

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    Quote Originally Posted by podsaurus View Post
    Ok so I think I need to say to hell with this girl. The one I sent a friend request to. The request is still active it has NOT been denied. But she has been on facebook, clearly because there's new stuff posted on her wall. So I can draw a couple conclusions.

    A. She must be blind and has legitimately not seen my message(she isn't blind so maybe just stupid)
    B. She has chosen to not respond but not deny the request either.
    C. She's stalling and has no clue how to respond because she is so hoplessly in love with me she can't believe I'm messaging her (not likely ).
    D. Some other possibly I'm not thinking of right now.

    I won't send a second message because I shouldn't have to. Plus if she has chosen to ignore me, sending her multiple messages might force her into a response. A response she only gives to be polite and then after that doesn't talk to me anymore.

    Thoughts?
    I'd leave her alone. I don't know everything in the situation but it seems to me you're cursed if you do and cursed if you don't.

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Black Wolf View Post
    I'd leave her alone. I don't know everything in the situation but it seems to me you're cursed if you do and cursed if you don't.
    I agree, sometimes its hard to control yourself when you want to talk to someone you like, but you have to respect that they are as much human as you and that sometimes the time just isn't right

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    Ive never written here but i guess i can give it a try.

    I'm having some problems with my gf or rather had for some years. It's like we are on opposite sides of a coin and just love each other from experience rather than from love. I'm a musician and always been kind of, and ive gone to school studying production and so forth, but for years she still doesnt understand me or my fascination about music, the flipside is that ive kind of given up on my creativity to give her time to "spend" with her, and in some sense lost myself in the process. It's hard to explain it all but its a mess, I haven't been very fun either because of my anger with myself during the last few couple of years. It's sort of in a climax now when she told me she couldn't deal with my "problems" anymore and that she wants to "do" stuff. I just feel like im giving stuff upp for someone but that im just kicking myself in the head in the process.. ugh.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MxB-One View Post
    Ive never written here but i guess i can give it a try.

    I'm having some problems with my gf or rather had for some years. It's like we are on opposite sides of a coin and just love each other from experience rather than from love. I'm a musician and always been kind of, and ive gone to school studying production and so forth, but for years she still doesnt understand me or my fascination about music, the flipside is that ive kind of given up on my creativity to give her time to "spend" with her, and in some sense lost myself in the process. It's hard to explain it all but its a mess, I haven't been very fun either because of my anger with myself during the last few couple of years. It's sort of in a climax now when she told me she couldn't deal with my "problems" anymore and that she wants to "do" stuff. I just feel like im giving stuff upp for someone but that im just kicking myself in the head in the process.. ugh.
    Man, I think that's a very hard situation but she has to learn to love you for who you are, both in the up and downsides. If you love music to death, she should understand that and give you space to do what you love. If you don't talk to her seriously about this, it's only going to get worse and you will end up blaming her for all the time you lost and how much of yourself you've lost in the way.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thorzilla View Post
    Man, I think that's a very hard situation but she has to learn to love you for who you are, both in the up and downsides. If you love music to death, she should understand that and give you space to do what you love. If you don't talk to her seriously about this, it's only going to get worse and you will end up blaming her for all the time you lost and how much of yourself you've lost in the way.
    Thanks for the feedback, I'm afraid it's already past that point. I don't want to lose her and i don't want to make her sad, but at the same time I have feel like ive forgotten how it felt to stand on my own feet, just myself and my will to do great things you know.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MxB-One View Post
    Thanks for the feedback, I'm afraid it's already past that point. I don't want to lose her and i don't want to make her sad, but at the same time I have feel like ive forgotten how it felt to stand on my own feet, just myself and my will to do great things you know.
    I hear you man, but sometimes you have to think about yourself. You better find a balance between both and be comfortable or this situation is going to eat you alive. Go back a few dozen pages back and I was in your same situation. I ended up breaking up with her, but it was probably the best for both in the end.
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    Quote Originally Posted by podsaurus View Post
    Ok so I think I need to say to hell with this girl. The one I sent a friend request to. The request is still active it has NOT been denied. But she has been on facebook, clearly because there's new stuff posted on her wall. So I can draw a couple conclusions.

    A. She must be blind and has legitimately not seen my message(she isn't blind so maybe just stupid)
    B. She has chosen to not respond but not deny the request either.
    C. She's stalling and has no clue how to respond because she is so hoplessly in love with me she can't believe I'm messaging her (not likely ).
    D. Some other possibly I'm not thinking of right now.

    I won't send a second message because I shouldn't have to. Plus if she has chosen to ignore me, sending her multiple messages might force her into a response. A response she only gives to be polite and then after that doesn't talk to me anymore.

    Thoughts?
    When people do that to me I just think they can shove it up their ass tbh lol.

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    Ok Thor, I hunted down your old posts about your ex to get a more concise post. There's just so much there that I could easily write an essay. I just want to say I mean no disrespect, but I'm just looking out for you.

    I started with your story about your ex gf when you guys were still going out. How you felt belittled, used, and how she always got what she wanted. How she played her power trip when you just wanted to hang out with your friends during your birthday (ie not all night). How she played mind games telling you "how you didn't care". I will say looking back you always took the high road, but man, she did a facebook break up on you for $#@!sakes, I mean that's really mature!

    I will say its very admirable that you don't want to hurt her, but man, she did a lot it seems to make you miserable. After 2 years nobody deserves that treatment. Honestly, from what you wrote it sounds like you really put in a lot more effort than you got out.

    Now why am I bringing all that up? Because Thor, you deserve a woman who will treat you right. Do not let your ex handicap you of that. Do you honestly think she would do the same? I'm not even saying this current girl will be the one that does all that, but I stand by what I said earlier. I once made a promise that I'd always be there for one girl that I dated because I loved her. And guess what? I did. Even after dating, and a few months later she found a new guy and I basically felt like her used little toy.

    Thor, I can't see you going wrong if you just be yourself, be mature during coffee, etc. When it comes to your ex, yeah I don't $#@!ing doubt you cared for her, but that's the past man. You have no obligation to her any longer and if you want to find happiness with another woman it shouldn't $#@!ing matter if it was even her sister. She's your ex because she treated you like $#@!. If she didn't, you would still be dating. This isn't selfish. This is something all humans strive for in life and never deny it because someone might not like it.

    Sorry to write so much Thor, but I'm just trying to help.

    @pod

    Sorry man, sounds like she just doesn't care at all. I think Sylar has the best response to the situation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir_Scud View Post
    Ok Thor, I hunted down your old posts about your ex to get a more concise post. There's just so much there that I could easily write an essay. I just want to say I mean no disrespect, but I'm just looking out for you.

    I started with your story about your ex gf when you guys were still going out. How you felt belittled, used, and how she always got what she wanted. How she played her power trip when you just wanted to hang out with your friends during your birthday (ie not all night). How she played mind games telling you "how you didn't care". I will say looking back you always took the high road, but man, she did a facebook break up on you for $#@!sakes, I mean that's really mature!

    I will say its very admirable that you don't want to hurt her, but man, she did a lot it seems to make you miserable. After 2 years nobody deserves that treatment. Honestly, from what you wrote it sounds like you really put in a lot more effort than you got out.

    Now why am I bringing all that up? Because Thor, you deserve a woman who will treat you right. Do not let your ex handicap you of that. Do you honestly think she would do the same? I'm not even saying this current girl will be the one that does all that, but I stand by what I said earlier. I once made a promise that I'd always be there for one girl that I dated because I loved her. And guess what? I did. Even after dating, and a few months later she found a new guy and I basically felt like her used little toy.

    Thor, I can't see you going wrong if you just be yourself, be mature during coffee, etc. When it comes to your ex, yeah I don't $#@!ing doubt you cared for her, but that's the past man. You have no obligation to her any longer and if you want to find happiness with another woman it shouldn't $#@!ing matter if it was even her sister. She's your ex because she treated you like $#@!. If she didn't, you would still be dating. This isn't selfish. This is something all humans strive for in life and never deny it because someone might not like it.

    Sorry to write so much Thor, but I'm just trying to help.

    @pod

    Sorry man, sounds like she just doesn't care at all. I think Sylar has the best response to the situation.
    Holy $#@! man, I wish I could +rep you for going all the way back to read my posts. So awesome of you dude! It's the same thing I thought. After all, I have to be a little bit more selfish when it comes to relationships, although not in a bad way. As an update, I talked over it with this girl the other night and we both agreed to keep seeing each other and keep it underground. I havent told her I like her yet, but I made sure to let her know I'm definitely interested. She now knows that I want more than friendship, and still she's told me that she wants to hand out the next weekend (this one she can't). I can see some interest, but I won't give it much thought since I want it to flow naturally, and I don't want to overthink!

    Seriously Scud, thanks man, I really needed some of this. Can I offer you a sig+avy set in compensation?
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    Thor buddy, you'll certainly find someone better. Someone you deserve. Relationships aren't perfect, but there comes a time when you have to take a step back and analyze things outside your heart and the "love" you have for someone as that love can, at times, blind you from seeing the truth. The truth of the matter is, she doesn't deserve your heart... and it seems from reading prior posts that she's not mature enough to handle a relationship with a guy like you. You're ready for an adult relationship with a woman that acts like an adult. You're too old for head games, this isn't Freshman year of high school anymore. Keep an open heart and an open mind. My only advice to you is... with each new relationship you have... whether it's a friendship or a romantic involvement... always... ALWAYS begin new relationships with a clean slate. Everyone deserves a new beginning and beginnings shouldn't be tainted by a weary past. Trust that person until they give you a reason not to. Love fully and completely even at the risk of being hurt... because it's the only way to truly love someone. I know a lot of people that use their past as an excuse to not move forward in their relationship(s) and it's not fair to the other person. I've been almost married before, but my fiance turned out to be a cheating skankzilla, but I have not let that affect my present relationships. After all, I don't think any woman could be as evil as her (she "made up" men [fake MySpace pages, etc.] to try and make me jealous, she was a loon... lol).

    You'll be good, man. You're a good guy. You deserve someone worthy of your affection.
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  28. #3099
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeanutButterMunky View Post
    Thor buddy, you'll certainly find someone better. Someone you deserve. Relationships aren't perfect, but there comes a time when you have to take a step back and analyze things outside your heart and the "love" you have for someone as that love can, at times, blind you from seeing the truth. The truth of the matter is, she doesn't deserve your heart... and it seems from reading prior posts that she's not mature enough to handle a relationship with a guy like you. You're ready for an adult relationship with a woman that acts like an adult. You're too old for head games, this isn't Freshman year of high school anymore. Keep an open heart and an open mind. My only advice to you is... with each new relationship you have... whether it's a friendship or a romantic involvement... always... ALWAYS begin new relationships with a clean slate. Everyone deserves a new beginning and beginnings shouldn't be tainted by a weary past. Trust that person until they give you a reason not to. Love fully and completely even at the risk of being hurt... because it's the only way to truly love someone. I know a lot of people that use their past as an excuse to not move forward in their relationship(s) and it's not fair to the other person. I've been almost married before, but my fiance turned out to be a cheating skankzilla, but I have not let that affect my present relationships. After all, I don't think any woman could be as evil as her (she "made up" men [fake MySpace pages, etc.] to try and make me jealous, she was a loon... lol).

    You'll be good, man. You're a good guy. You deserve someone worthy of your affection.
    Thanks bro. I feel for you and your near marriage. My ex never told me until this lady did, but she had been living with a guy for 5 years long before she knew me and we started dating, but she had been cheated to death over, and over, and over. Why the hell didn't she do something about it? Hell, why didn't she tell me during the 2 years we dated? I opened up like a book, but she was so damn closed thanks to that cheating asshole that I don't know if I ever really knew her. I never knew the details because she always kept her past relationships in the dark and never wanted to talk about it. Not only that, but she never even told me what she made (money wise) at work, what her political views were until I pushed and so many things. She was and is a good, humble and honest person, but she lacks the strength, confidence and determination to leave the past in the past. All I know is that I was sick to have to put up with that $#@! every $#@!ing day. Thanks to that, I had to carry a huge burden that I hadn't noticed I had all the way until we broke up. Anyway, I don't want to delve back in the past, but if I'm sure of one thing is that I'll never have someone else blamed for other relationships' mistakes. Off with the old, in with the new!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thorzilla View Post
    Thanks bro. I feel for you and your near marriage. My ex never told me until this lady did, but she had been living with a guy for 5 years long before she knew me and we started dating, but she had been cheated to death over, and over, and over. Why the hell didn't she do something about it? Hell, why didn't she tell me during the 2 years we dated? I opened up like a book, but she was so damn closed thanks to that cheating asshole that I don't know if I ever really knew her. I never knew the details because she always kept her past relationships in the dark and never wanted to talk about it. Not only that, but she never even told me what she made (money wise) at work, what her political views were until I pushed and so many things. She was and is a good, humble and honest person, but she lacks the strength, confidence and determination to leave the past in the past. All I know is that I was sick to have to put up with that $#@! every $#@!ing day. Thanks to that, I had to carry a huge burden that I hadn't noticed I had all the way until we broke up. Anyway, I don't want to delve back in the past, but if I'm sure of one thing is that I'll never have someone else blamed for other relationships' mistakes. Off with the old, in with the new!
    Then you are miles ahead of a lot of people. Those who live in the past are doomed to repeat themselves. You can't stay stuck in your memories. You can (and should) only learn and grow from them. If you are not learning from the past, then you're not going to go very far in life. I'm glad you can look back and understand all the craziness.

    That was always one thing that bothered me the most was the other person not willing to talk... about ANYTHING. It's like how can you expect me to grow with you if I'm the only one doing the letting in? It's nonsense. It's hard to have a relationship with a brick wall.
    "The biggest adversary in our life is ourselves. We are what we are, in a sense, because of the dominating thoughts we allow to gather in our head. All concepts of self-improvement, all actions and paths we take, relate solely to our abstract image of ourselves. Life is limited only by how we really see ourselves and feel about our being. A great deal of pure self-knowledge and inner understanding allows us to lay an all-important foundation for the structure of our life from which we can perceive and take the right avenues.

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