Birds and the Bees -Official Relationship Thread-

[Thorzilla]

Thor buddy, you'll certainly find someone better. Someone you deserve. Relationships aren't perfect, but there comes a time when you have to take a step back and analyze things outside your heart and the "love" you have for someone as that love can, at times, blind you from seeing the truth. The truth of the matter is, she doesn't deserve your heart... and it seems from reading prior posts that she's not mature enough to handle a relationship with a guy like you. You're ready for an adult relationship with a woman that acts like an adult. You're too old for head games, this isn't Freshman year of high school anymore. Keep an open heart and an open mind. My only advice to you is... with each new relationship you have... whether it's a friendship or a romantic involvement... always... ALWAYS begin new relationships with a clean slate. Everyone deserves a new beginning and beginnings shouldn't be tainted by a weary past. Trust that person until they give you a reason not to. Love fully and completely even at the risk of being hurt... because it's the only way to truly love someone. I know a lot of people that use their past as an excuse to not move forward in their relationship(s) and it's not fair to the other person. I've been almost married before, but my fiance turned out to be a cheating skankzilla, but I have not let that affect my present relationships. After all, I don't think any woman could be as evil as her (she "made up" men [fake MySpace pages, etc.] to try and make me jealous, she was a loon... lol).

You'll be good, man. You're a good guy. You deserve someone worthy of your affection.

Thanks bro. I feel for you and your near marriage. My ex never told me until this lady did, but she had been living with a guy for 5 years long before she knew me and we started dating, but she had been cheated to death over, and over, and over. Why the hell didn't she do something about it? Hell, why didn't she tell me during the 2 years we dated? I opened up like a book, but she was so damn closed thanks to that cheating asshole that I don't know if I ever really knew her. I never knew the details because she always kept her past relationships in the dark and never wanted to talk about it. Not only that, but she never even told me what she made (money wise) at work, what her political views were until I pushed and so many things. She was and is a good, humble and honest person, but she lacks the strength, confidence and determination to leave the past in the past. All I know is that I was sick to have to put up with that shit every fucking day. Thanks to that, I had to carry a huge burden that I hadn't noticed I had all the way until we broke up. Anyway, I don't want to delve back in the past, but if I'm sure of one thing is that I'll never have someone else blamed for other relationships' mistakes. Off with the old, in with the new!

[PeanutButterMunky]

Thanks bro. I feel for you and your near marriage. My ex never told me until this lady did, but she had been living with a guy for 5 years long before she knew me and we started dating, but she had been cheated to death over, and over, and over. Why the hell didn't she do something about it? Hell, why didn't she tell me during the 2 years we dated? I opened up like a book, but she was so damn closed thanks to that cheating asshole that I don't know if I ever really knew her. I never knew the details because she always kept her past relationships in the dark and never wanted to talk about it. Not only that, but she never even told me what she made (money wise) at work, what her political views were until I pushed and so many things. She was and is a good, humble and honest person, but she lacks the strength, confidence and determination to leave the past in the past. All I know is that I was sick to have to put up with that shit every fucking day. Thanks to that, I had to carry a huge burden that I hadn't noticed I had all the way until we broke up. Anyway, I don't want to delve back in the past, but if I'm sure of one thing is that I'll never have someone else blamed for other relationships' mistakes. Off with the old, in with the new!

Then you are miles ahead of a lot of people. Those who live in the past are doomed to repeat themselves. You can't stay stuck in your memories. You can (and should) only learn and grow from them. If you are not learning from the past, then you're not going to go very far in life. I'm glad you can look back and understand all the craziness.

That was always one thing that bothered me the most was the other person not willing to talk... about ANYTHING. It's like how can you expect me to grow with you if I'm the only one doing the letting in? It's nonsense. It's hard to have a relationship with a brick wall.

[Sir_Scud]

That was always one thing that bothered me the most was the other person not willing to talk... about ANYTHING. It's like how can you expect me to grow with you if I'm the only one doing the letting in? It's nonsense. It's hard to have a relationship with a brick wall.

Oh man, I know the feeling. It's hard when you're in a relationship where the other person always keeps to herself and doesn't really share what's on her mind. Then you are seen as too pushy when asking questions, etc, etc. Thanks for sharing your story/insight. Always good to see things from another standpoint.

Holy shit man, I wish I could +rep you for going all the way back to read my posts. So awesome of you dude! It's the same thing I thought. After all, I have to be a little bit more selfish when it comes to relationships, although not in a bad way. As an update, I talked over it with this girl the other night and we both agreed to keep seeing each other and keep it underground. I havent told her I like her yet, but I made sure to let her know I'm definitely interested. She now knows that I want more than friendship, and still she's told me that she wants to hand out the next weekend (this one she can't). I can see some interest, but I won't give it much thought since I want it to flow naturally, and I don't want to overthink!

Seriously Scud, thanks man, I really needed some of this. Can I offer you a sig+avy set in compensation?

That would be really awesome actually. It's been a long time since I've even had a sig haha. And really I'm just glad to help. I imagine the next time you post something crazy will happen, haha.

[Thorzilla]

You were right Scud, something crazy would happen for me to post here. Shit man, I know what I did was the best for us, but I just dreamt of my ex being with someone else and I got seriously sick and sad. I cried in my dream and woke up down and depressed. Fuck this man, this is hell.

[PeanutButterMunky]

You were right Scud, something crazy would happen for me to post here. Shit man, I know what I did was the best for us, but I just dreamt of my ex being with someone else and I got seriously sick and sad. I cried in my dream and woke up down and depressed. Fuck this man, this is hell.

The pain will subside... the memories will fade... and they will lose their iron grip on your emotions. Trust me. I've gotten over far worse things in a relationship than a break up. It may take a while, but I assure you... you'll be alright. Take it one day at a time, bro.


<< TapaTALLLKKKKK! >>

[Sir_Scud]

You were right Scud, something crazy would happen for me to post here. Shit man, I know what I did was the best for us, but I just dreamt of my ex being with someone else and I got seriously sick and sad. I cried in my dream and woke up down and depressed. Fuck this man, this is hell.

Damn dude, that sucks. It's good to just get those feelings out. Still level-headed I see, which is good. Just keep looking forward to the future man, you know these things get better. Just allow yourself to truly heal and you'll be golden one day even if you don't necessarily believe it right now.

As for me, I know I'm not over my ex as I said before, and I'm getting better. I know what it's like to hang out with another girl, but you still have someone else on your mind. One day I know both in heart and in my mind that won't be an issue.

[Thorzilla]

The pain will subside... the memories will fade... and they will lose their iron grip on your emotions. Trust me. I've gotten over far worse things in a relationship than a break up. It may take a while, but I assure you... you'll be alright. Take it one day at a time, bro.

<< TapaTALLLKKKKK! >>

Damn dude, that sucks. It's good to just get those feelings out. Still level-headed I see, which is good. Just keep looking forward to the future man, you know these things get better. Just allow yourself to truly heal and you'll be golden one day even if you don't necessarily believe it right now.

As for me, I know I'm not over my ex as I said before, and I'm getting better. I know what it's like to hang out with another girl, but you still have someone else on your mind. One day I know both in heart and in my mind that won't be an issue.

Cheers for that guys. I'm keeping myself busy today, and I got a football game later, so I'll sweat my pain out today! Either that or I'll forget about it
Keep it cool to Scud, we'll make it out someday. We just gotta keep it positive day by day.

[Thorzilla]

Score one for me
Hell yes! We're gonna keep it cool and see where things take us. Anyway, I'll post tomorrow when my head is a little cleaner of thoughts.

[The Black Wolf]

So guys I'm writing letters to a guy I knew from past who is now in prison. In his letters, he confessed that he's always liked me, liked me a lot. I've never felt the same way about him, but I've always felt like he would be a good friend and was a good friend. We fell out of touch after high school and went our separate ways. He eventually went to jail for some crimes he commited but now he is about to get out on parole.

What I would like to ask is, how can I tell him that someone else has my heart without destroying our friendship? He insists in the letters that he will wait and that he still likes me a lot. I just don't feel the same way about him, and it's not because he's a bad guy or anything, it's just I love someone else and have loved that person for years. Also, I've just never felt attracted to him like that.

I don't want to destroy our friendship, but I know he's going to keep saying stuff about him liking me and wanting to get with me. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but at the same time he needs to know the truth so he won't waist time and he can find someone who can feel the same about him.

[jj03]

just tell him how it is. . thats the most respectful and honest way to do it...

[Molo316]

So guys I'm writing letters to a guy I knew from past who is now in prison. In his letters, he confessed that he's always liked me, liked me a lot. I've never felt the same way about him, but I've always felt like he would be a good friend and was a good friend. We fell out of touch after high school and went our separate ways. He eventually went to jail for some crimes he commited but now he is about to get out on parole.

What I would like to ask is, how can I tell him that someone else has my heart without destroying our friendship? He insists in the letters that he will wait and that he still likes me a lot. I just don't feel the same way about him, and it's not because he's a bad guy or anything, it's just I love someone else and have loved that person for years. Also, I've just never felt attracted to him like that.

I don't want to destroy our friendship, but I know he's going to keep saying stuff about him liking me and wanting to get with me. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but at the same time he needs to know the truth so he won't waist time and he can find someone who can feel the same about him.

just tell him how it is. . thats the most respectful and honest way to do it...

I agree. It's a sad thing but it seems he left it and didn't declare his feelings when the time was right. I feel for the guy because I'm like that with one girl - I really like her but we don't live near one another and I haven't seen her for more than a year and I know it'll never happen. He should realise that even though for him it's a pity, but life goes on. You're not expected to put your life on hold.

I don't mean to put the shits in you but what sort of crimes has he been imprisoned for (only share if you want). It would be worrying if he's going to keep harassing, or even stalk you.

[The Black Wolf]

I agree. It's a sad thing but it seems he left it and didn't declare his feelings when the time was right. I feel for the guy because I'm like that with one girl - I really like her but we don't live near one another and I haven't seen her for more than a year and I know it'll never happen. He should realise that even though for him it's a pity, but life goes on. You're not expected to put your life on hold.

I don't mean to put the shits in you but what sort of crimes has he been imprisoned for (only share if you want). It would be worrying if he's going to keep harassing, or even stalk you.

His crimes were bulgary, sexual battery (she was too young and her parents pressed charges), and possession and use of drugs.

I'm not entirely sure I should be friends with him. I don't know if he's changed. But I'm giving him a chance because Christ has given me chances over and over again.

More info, I remembered that I've made it clear I see him as a friend in my last letter. But in his latest letter, he asked me to go out with him any way. I'm not sure what to think. I mean, you would think if someone makes it clear you're just a friend, that they'd back off for a little while at the least. But he's steady pushing me.

I saw it as a yellow flag, but now that I think about it, it feels more like a red flag. I am going to mail him a letter once again saying we are just friends and if he keeps pushings, that's it for our friendship.

[Thorzilla]

His crimes were bulgary, sexual battery (she was too young and her parents pressed charges), and possession and use of drugs.

I'm not entirely sure I should be friends with him. I don't know if he's changed. But I'm giving him a chance because Christ has given me chances over and over again.

More info, I remembered that I've made it clear I see him as a friend in my last letter. But in his latest letter, he asked me to go out with him any way. I'm not sure what to think. I mean, you would think if someone makes it clear you're just a friend, that they'd back off for a little while at the least. But he's steady pushing me.

I saw it as a yellow flag, but now that I think about it, it feels more like a red flag. I am going to mail him a letter once again saying we are just friends and if he keeps pushings, that's it for our friendship.

Don't give Christ or god any credit and do what feels right inside of you. Personally, I'd never be friends with a convict or ex convict unless it was a good friend of mine before going to jail or had a good reason to remain friends even after that. I simply would never be able to trust them. Call me close minded (even though I'm not), but a wrong like that in my books is a wrong forever with me.

[Molo316]

His crimes were bulgary, sexual battery (she was too young and her parents pressed charges), and possession and use of drugs.

I'm not entirely sure I should be friends with him. I don't know if he's changed. But I'm giving him a chance because Christ has given me chances over and over again.

More info, I remembered that I've made it clear I see him as a friend in my last letter. But in his latest letter, he asked me to go out with him any way. I'm not sure what to think. I mean, you would think if someone makes it clear you're just a friend, that they'd back off for a little while at the least. But he's steady pushing me.

I saw it as a yellow flag, but now that I think about it, it feels more like a red flag. I am going to mail him a letter once again saying we are just friends and if he keeps pushings, that's it for our friendship.

This is my opinion, and it's genuine, not just saying it to follow a crowd or to simply just leave you a reply, but those are pretty serious charges and if it were me I wouldn't want to mix myself with this person; not to outcast them but because how do you really know whether or not someone has changed without getting too close to them? And that's a gamble.

And if you're constantly having to tell him that you two are just friends I'd be quite weary.

[The Black Wolf]

This is my opinion, and it's genuine, not just saying it to follow a crowd or to simply just leave you a reply, but those are pretty serious charges and if it were me I wouldn't want to mix myself with this person; not to outcast them but because how do you really know whether or not someone has changed without getting too close to them? And that's a gamble.

And if you're constantly having to tell him that you two are just friends I'd be quite weary.

You're right. Maybe I should keep my distance from him, but I wanted to give him a chance. A lot of people don't give convicts chances, but what about the ones who have changed?

[The Black Wolf]

Don't give Christ or god any credit and do what feels right inside of you. Personally, I'd never be friends with a convict or ex convict unless it was a good friend of mine before going to jail or had a good reason to remain friends even after that. I simply would never be able to trust them. Call me close minded (even though I'm not), but a wrong like that in my books is a wrong forever with me.

That's the thing about being a Christian. I understand that what feels right to me, isn't right. It is only through Christ and God that I become a decent person.

Without Christ, we have a sinful and carnal nature. That's what I believe.

[Thorzilla]

That's the thing about being a Christian. I understand that what feels right to me, isn't right. It is only through Christ and God that I become a decent person.

Without Christ, we have a sinful and carnal nature. That's what I believe.

My bad, my bad. I didn't mean to dig into religion. I just meant to say that if what you want is to keep going after him, go for it. Don't let anything or anyone stop you if what you want is that.

Sorry to take this back to me Wolf, but I just need to vent a line or two. Ok so we kissed 2 nights ago and she said she would like to start dating in a not so serious way, as in each does whatever we want, then get together maybe twice a week as more than friends to go to the movies and all and we both agreed. However, we went for coffee today since she wanted to talk to me since she was feeling kinda "guilty" for the other night and told me she couldn't go on.

She said that she did feel the need to tell me that the other night and she thought it would feel right at the time, but when it did happen, she told me she didn't feel it was the right time. She said she's not sure it's what she wants yet because she changes her mind from one day to the other and she doesn't want to hurt me because she wants to keep me close as a great friend. She told me she thinks of me as more than a friend since she feels very good and very comfortable with me. She's laughed a lot and we've have a blast...Have I been friend zoned? She told me the other night that she wanted to keep seeing me as something more than a friend, yet she comes today telling me that she doesn't feel that way yet. What? I think I've been very cool about it, and I did tell her that I'm not pushing things because I want things to flow and happen naturally, but I don't want to be playing a game I can't win.

I understand that she still hasn't gotten over her breakup and she doesn't want to commit to anything just yet, but I think we left it pretty clear that we would be in a very, very open relationship the other night. A friends with benefits kinda' thing, yet she comes two days later with this crap? Man, I didn't have time to make any expectations or anything, but she kinda took me down a little in 20 minutes today. You just don't do this shit...if she was ready to tell me that, it meant she thought about it thoroughly, but I guess she didn't. Well, I won't force her to stop thinking that there's a barrier, but what should I do? I left it clear that I'd like to have something with her, much later down the road, and she kinda wants, she kinda doesn't. Should I just draw my line now or keep being the friend (which I am)?

[Sir_Scud]

That's the thing about being a Christian. I understand that what feels right to me, isn't right. It is only through Christ and God that I become a decent person.

Without Christ, we have a sinful and carnal nature. That's what I believe.

I can respect that, I hope the best for you and your friend. I just hope you take caution because his crimes are/were serious. Personally, that stuff sounds scary and I would keep my distance, but ultimately the decision is in your hands. As long as you stay honest with him and say it how it is, he should respect you. If he doesn't, then that's his problem not yours.


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@Thor,

Woah. Was not expecting that at all. These signs don't look good. You seem friend zoned all right. Btw, not to sound just like you, but in my situation I had a long talk with my friend. We both agreed we wanted each other, but she said that exact same fucking line about "not wanting to hurt me". We had that talk like a week ago. However, I think she does want to stay more than friends, weird situation.

But back to you, she totally doesn't sound confident in dating you in any true capacity. However, I wouldn't be surprised if next week or whatever you guys hooked or something. She just doesn't sound sure of what she wants in life, actually sounds more like a roller coaster. One day she's all about it, the next totally different opinion.

The problem is you established a strong bond with her BEFORE the physical stuff happened which puts you in trouble. You become very valuable to that person and she worries more about hurting you than entering into a happy relationship. It's much easier for her to enter into a relationship with Douchebag Dan than you because there's a lot less on the line. At least in my experience I've felt this way. Honestly dude, it sucks and I feel for you. I've been there before.

Keep your chin up.

[Thorzilla]

Fuck...that's all I can say. So there's nothing I can do, I guess...much like I thought. I guess good guys always end up last. Might as well start becoming a big, mother fucking douchebag. That's what girls like, right? Maybe that'll make her want me more. Women and their shit, really. Can't say how much happier I was when I didn't have to deal with any of this relationship shit.

[Sir_Scud]

It's hard to say what will happen, but yeah man, I don't like playing games with girls either. Nice guys do get fucked over constantly, and I've probably became pretty jaded over time with all that kind of bullshit. Thor, you probably deserve someone better. I bet this girl is nice and all, but I immediately get turned off when girls start trying to play games and try to make things more difficult than they need to be.

I'd say just give it a few days and see how you feel about it all. Honestly, it doesn't sound like she really wants to give you what you want and really, you shouldn't settle, but just give it a few days and see where it takes you.

[Thorzilla]

It's hard to say what will happen, but yeah man, I don't like playing games with girls either. Nice guys do get fucked over constantly, and I've probably became pretty jaded over time with all that kind of bullshit. Thor, you probably deserve someone better. I bet this girl is nice and all, but I immediately get turned off when girls start trying to play games and try to make things more difficult than they need to be.

I'd say just give it a few days and see how you feel about it all. Honestly, it doesn't sound like she really wants to give you what you want and really, you shouldn't settle, but just give it a few days and see where it takes you.

Thanks man, your reply is always there when I need it. I'll do that then. The ball is in her court. Whatever, I'm done taking her out and making her feel better about life in general to be tossed aside. Fuck that shit. Behave like a cool, nice guy to be friend zoned so they can go for whatever asshole that's ignoring her.

[Sir_Scud]

It's no problem Thor. Your issues are just so similar to mine I just try to help out. I hate being in the position you're in and I was lucky to have a friend that helped me get through this kind of shit. This stuff can really do your head in.

[The Black Wolf]

The guy in jail I was writing to? He kept pushing for me to go out with him and be his girlfriend. I made it clear I only see him as a friend. It was a huge red flag for me, so at the least our friendship is suspended.

[Beast of Bourbon]

I think you should be glad that you got rid of him BW.

[yourmumsface17]

You were right Scud, something crazy would happen for me to post here. Shit man, I know what I did was the best for us, but I just dreamt of my ex being with someone else and I got seriously sick and sad. I cried in my dream and woke up down and depressed. Fuck this man, this is hell.

The hardest part of the break up, atleast for me is that you have to picture yourself and them with someone else, and it is the most shitty feeling in the entire world, someone you love(d) with another guy is the worst feeling I can think of.

Unfortunately there is no cure other than time my man, over time you will forget about her and meet the one for you.

Fuck...that's all I can say. So there's nothing I can do, I guess...much like I thought. I guess good guys always end up last. Might as well start becoming a big, mother fucking douchebag. That's what girls like, right? Maybe that'll make her want me more. Women and their shit, really. Can't say how much happier I was when I didn't have to deal with any of this relationship shit.

Please don't become a douche bag, don't let some bitches change who you are

If you're a good person, you will eventually attract a good person, if you're a douche, chances are you will end up with one.