Birds and the Bees -Official Relationship Thread-

[F34R]

Well, 16th wedding anniversary today.

[HellsJester]

Well, 16th wedding anniversary today.

Congrats!!
I wish i had a wife to have anniversaries with.

[Sir_Scud]

/butthurt

Damn, that sucks Dre. Well, at least you got a chance to vent. That probably feels good at least. You're at least taking steps to change the issue by going to the gym and you really just gotta keep plugging away when it comes to chicks online. Better yet, try friending a girl in real life. If you're an awesome dude, they will want to see their girlfriends dating you. Plus, meeting a girl without the intention of trying to date her puts off all the stress of trying to woo her and you might even make an incredible friend. Happened to me. Yeah there is a lot of shallow ass people in the world that only see how many $$$ signs you make. Those bitches weren't worth it in the first place.

Well, 16th wedding anniversary today.

Holy crap, congrats man. You must have found quite the catch.

[SchaffinOSX]

edit: Well, guys, looks like I'll be off the forums for a bit. Headed to Wisconsin with my girlfriend and her family, and it'll certainly be an interesting trip. I'm a little nervous, but I know her family well and we all get along great. Hell, her younger brother and I get along fantastic. I have to say I'm very interested to see how my girl and I do spending six consecutive days together. It's a real test of our relationship and how well we'd actually do if we ever began to consider moving in together later on down the road.

I certainly hope it goes well, and I think it will. I'll let you guys know all about it next Thursday. Best of luck to everyone in this thread who's still searching!

/butthurt

It's clear that the girl you were with was not for you. If she doesn't care about her well-being, and isn't interested in living the kind of life you're looking for, it just wouldn't end up working out. It sounds like you were hanging onto her out of fear of the consequences of losing her, and while that's completely understandable, that's a recipe for discontent.

I'm not sure where you're located, but you're lucky enough to live in or around a city. That means you have better access to women than a great deal of people do. Take advantage of that. You say you're too afraid to approach a woman because of fear of rejection; work on that. Boost your confidence. You're already taking a crucial step in the right direction by working out and getting yourself into shape. The moment you start to see yourself getting fit your confidence levels will skyrocket. If you ever need any fitness advice, visit PSU's Health & Fitness 2.0 thread. They've helped me get into good shape and I'm sure they can get you there, too.

As for men paying on a date, it shouldn't be a constant thing. Yes, the norm is for a guy to pay for his woman on occasion. It's a nice gesture and demonstrates that you have some money to spend. Women like that. But when you start paying on every single day, expectations get built, and that leads your relationship down a bad road. So don't pay for every date. A good relationship will have clear boundaries and expectations for one another. Your girl should know that you're not going to pay for her all the time. If she's a good girl, she'll understand. We all have our own commitments and expenditures. Obviously this is an entirely different ball-game when we're talking about married couples.

All in all, I think you just need to work on getting that confidence up. You don't need dating websites. What you need is to start pulling yourself together and improve your life in whatever aspects it's lacking in. If you don't have a job, find something that suits you so that it doesn't bother you as much. If you're not in shape, get in shape. Whatever is lacking in your life, change it. A lot of people get this idea in their head that they simple have to accept that their life is that way it is, but frankly, that's completely wrong. You have the capability pull everything together, and once you start, confidence rise, and you'll be able to approach women and establish better relationships.

It's very, very, very important that you don't get together with someone who isn't right for you. I dated a chick for close to a year and a half, but the chemistry just wasn't there. A majority of that time was spent stressing out and focusing less and less on myself and more on her and everything else. When you're single, it's easy to want to get attached and get into a relationship quickly, but resist the urge and wait until you find someone actually worth your while.

Good luck bud.

@F34R: Congratulations, man. You have something so many people would give anything for. Enjoy it.

[DreDayDetox]

Well I appreciate your insight and advice brother, and I thank you for that. I'm not of those that accepts like the way it is, because besides looking good, I don't wanna die at a young age because of being overweight. I actually looking for work too, I need the help to pay for my next 3 years of college. I just had to vent off a little there. Hope everything goes well for you and your gf on that family trip.

[SchaffinOSX]

Well I appreciate your insight and advice brother, and I thank you for that. I'm not of those that accepts like the way it is, because besides looking good, I don't wanna die at a young age because of being overweight. I actually looking for work too, I need the help to pay for my next 3 years of college. I just had to vent off a little there. Hope everything goes well for you and your gf on that family trip.

Thanks man. And vent away. I understand that sometimes no matter how rational you are, you just need to get all of your frustration out. I wish you luck and look forward to hearing about your progress.

[Jaeger]

I think the general message spyrde is trying to get across is that if you want happiness, you're going to have to work for it. If you're lacking in confidence, then work on that first. The moment you become more confident your anxiety will plummet and you'll be on the road to a happier life. Gaining confidence isn't always easy, but there are numerous things you can do that should have your confidence levels rising.

I'm sure you've already heard most of these before, but a reminder never hurts. If you want to be happier, you have to focus on becoming a more confident person. Everything else will follow. You might have been battling this for ten years or more, but this isn't the kind of thing you can put on the back seat if you're looking to find the right girl for you and lead a happier life.

What none of you seem to be able to grasp at the moment is that I physically CANNOT force myself to go out and meet someone. Whereas it might be easy for you, it's one hell of a mission for me. Fact of the matter is there are a load more underlying problems than just anxiety that are keeping me from staying positive and wanting to go out and meet people without a damn, but I'm not prepared to go into detail about what those problems are, especially in public. I don't feel comfortable talking about to anyone, sorry.

Anyway, the girl and I are meeting up next week hopefully for a drink or two over lunch so we can sit down and talk this through properly. She's made it clear she's staying with him but, I don't know, I might use this as a chance to say goodbye to her and let her out of my life.

[The Black Wolf]

Wow, FEAR reminded me that my parents have been together for 30 years. . .

[Nitey]

Anyway, the girl and I are meeting up next week hopefully for a drink or two over lunch so we can sit down and talk this through properly. She's made it clear she's staying with him but, I don't know, I might use this as a chance to say goodbye to her and let her out of my life.

Good luck buddy. Hope you're at ease after that talk.

[Jaeger]

Good luck buddy. Hope you're at ease after that talk.

If anything, it will make matters worse.

I mean, with this I'm going to be cutting her out of my life completely. She's been in my life for a considerable amount of time and we've always been close so to lose my chance at being her boyfriend was bad enough but to lose her as my friend too is going to kill me. But it needs to be done if I want to stand any chance of getting over this.

After all, I'm used to cutting people out of my life. I do it all the time. I let them in, get close to them then something happens and I end up pushing them away. It's something I've always done and I hate it.

[claud3]

how do i curve this fear of knowing what i want does not exist. I mean

I am in this world looking for a path to go down and its clear i have nearly found the right path. The only thing that is missing a a lady that i can be with, to hold, kiss, make love to and respect above all else.

Why the fear. Is it a test that i have to endure or is it part of the process of finding a lady i know is out there

[SchaffinOSX]

Alright, so I'm back from my trip. I have to say that I expected my girlfriend and I to get sick of one another. She's 16, me 17, and most couples at our age will realize how wrong they are for each other after seeing each other for six days straight. If anything, though, my girlfriend and I have only gotten closer. There wasn't a moment of the trip I didn't enjoy, and never was there a moment I found myself wishing I was home or away from her. Hell, I'm planning on seeing her again this Friday. We are absolutely crazy for each other and while we're both happy to be able to be alone again, we're not sick of one another in the slightest.

I know I'm 17, so I know how naïve I may sound when I say it, but I really could see this thing going all the way through college and her and I ending up together in the long term. Now perhaps tomorrow something will happen, we'll have a major fight, and the relationship will crumble. But frankly, I don't see it happening. We have out little spats, but they last for 30 minutes, if even that. Better yet, we've never left our issues unresolved. Whenever one of us is feeling down or disgruntled at the other, it's always dealt with right away. It might not fix things forever, but we never end a conversation on a bad note.

I genuinely think that I'm in love.

how do i curve this fear of knowing what i want does not exist. I mean

I am in this world looking for a path to go down and its clear i have nearly found the right path. The only thing that is missing a a lady that i can be with, to hold, kiss, make love to and respect above all else.

Why the fear. Is it a test that i have to endure or is it part of the process of finding a lady i know is out there

I'm of the school of thought that believes that everyone has a match somewhere. I don't necessarily believe in the "soul mate" mentality, but I think that everyone has someone that they could connect with in a way that they cannot with many others. For some, finding this person is easy, and for many, it's a daunting task that may never be achieved. My only advice would be to keep your mind open. If you're looking for the perfect girl, you're probably not going to find her. Don't let a few minor annoyances get in the way of a potentially beautiful relationship.

[Sir_Scud]

@Schaff

I'm really happy for you dude. I'm some years removed from high school, and I know a handful of couples that stayed together afterwards, but they mainly went either to the same college or remained in the same area. I will say this, just enjoy the ride my man. Don't think too far in the future and just enjoy what you have in front of you. Currently, you are experiencing a great feeling, and for that, I'm happy for you. I think you're looking at a great future.

[spyrde]

Usually I'm the one trying to help here, but I'd like some insight on a situation I'm currently in.

So I like this chick and I've been seeing her randomly like once a week or so for a while. We text now and then and exchange kisses after seeing etc. but I'm really not seeing the fireworks. I dunno if the problem lies within me or her. I know that we have some chemistry going on but I still feel a small distance between her and me. I feel like she's probably trying to play hard to reach, and I've been trying to counter them aswell (this shit is like a strategy game ). Anyways, you guys have any tips so I could maybe close the gap and seal the deal? I feel we could be a great match if I just get this thing working.

[Sir_Scud]

I hate when girls play hard to get. Such a turn off. But Spyrde, it sounds like there's not much chemistry or you're not saying all what's going on. You first say you don't see the fireworks, but then go on to talk about having some chemistry. So I'm a little lost on that one. In my experience (which isn't very helpful), I lose interest quick when a girl plays hot and cold on me. I hate games lol.

I guess without knowing more, I would just try and have a real serious discussion with her about feelings and get an idea of WTF is going on. Then again, I'm not sure how close you're with her, but if you've known her for awhile, this is the course of action I would take.

One other question, why do you think she might be distancing herself? Not usually a good sign in my experience.

[spyrde]

Thanks for the response Sir_Scud

I'm not sure about the chemistry thing either man :/ I mean, she's invited me to a few parties and things have gone yucky nomsayin, but I've pretty much always had to do the commencement. She might like me and just think that it's my job to do the approach OR she might not even like me that much and is just hanging around because she has no one else at the moment lol. She does text me out of the blue sometimes and we've had a lot of fun on some dates, but I feel there's still a little something I need to figure out.

What I'm probably gonna do is I'm gonna ask her to come to the lake with me once I come back from my trip next week. Gonna plan a real nice day that she'll hopefully remember with a smile. If this day won't seal the deal then I'll know it's not worth trying anymore.

[Sir_Scud]

Well, sounds like you got a solid plan, Spyrde. I imagine some other members might be able to give a different insight, but hopefully she's not just into you because you're the only one at the moment. In my experience, almost every single girl I've known or been with has been in the mindset that the guy must put in the work if he's interested. I believe it's also a crutch. A date at the lake sounds like a good idea. If there's any doubt after that, especially since it sounds like you've been on a few dates, then it's probably time to move on.

Wish you the best of luck.

[SchaffinOSX]

I agree with everything Sir_Scud has said here. I definitely don't think it's time for you to walk way, because even if you're not feeling fireworks, you still seem to be having a good time with this girl, so it isn't worth giving up on.

Hopefully your trip to the lake solidifies your relationship, or at least gets you two on the same page on what you want. If it turns out you want different things out of the relationship, just let it be and move on.

[DeviousOne]

Thanks for the response Sir_Scud

I'm not sure about the chemistry thing either man :/ I mean, she's invited me to a few parties and things have gone yucky nomsayin, but I've pretty much always had to do the commencement. She might like me and just think that it's my job to do the approach OR she might not even like me that much and is just hanging around because she has no one else at the moment lol. She does text me out of the blue sometimes and we've had a lot of fun on some dates, but I feel there's still a little something I need to figure out.

What I'm probably gonna do is I'm gonna ask her to come to the lake with me once I come back from my trip next week. Gonna plan a real nice day that she'll hopefully remember with a smile. If this day won't seal the deal then I'll know it's not worth trying anymore.

How long has this situation been going on?

to be honest without some history and details on what has go on between you to it would be hard for me to agree with doing a "nice date plan" or anything if you like to post it or PM me them if you like to keep it private i could better advise you on the situation.

Sounds like a delicate situation has she given any indications that she wants more than a causal relationship??

[SchaffinOSX]

Guys, I need some advice. I've told you a lot about my girlfriend who I love dearly, and right now she's gone on a church trip in New Orleans.

She's only been gone two days, and I'm a wreck. I find myself worrying about her all the time and wanting to spend time with her. Why am I in such disarray with her gone? I feel terrible right now.

[Wrath]

Guys, I need some advice. I've told you a lot about my girlfriend who I love dearly, and right now she's gone on a church trip in New Orleans.

She's only been gone two days, and I'm a wreck. I find myself worrying about her all the time and wanting to spend time with her. Why am I in such disarray with her gone? I feel terrible right now.

Don't worry, that's what everybody initially goes through when true love is involved.

I was the exact same when my girlfriend went on a trip to Spain with a friend for 2 weeks. Couldn't stop thinking about her, didn't eat properly, looked at my mobile 24/7 waiting for her to text me. This is totally normal even though the actual feeling is horrible. Try to distract yourself by going out with friends, playing games or whatever it is that you like. The time will pass no matter what and the moment when you hold her again is incredible! Well worth the wait!

Just hang in there, dude!

[spyrde]

Guys, I need some advice. I've told you a lot about my girlfriend who I love dearly, and right now she's gone on a church trip in New Orleans.

She's only been gone two days, and I'm a wreck. I find myself worrying about her all the time and wanting to spend time with her. Why am I in such disarray with her gone? I feel terrible right now.

It's completely normal to miss her when she's away, just distract yourself with something else and you'll be fine. It's healthy for a relationship if you have a few off days once in a while

Now for my situation, well I'll be seeing her today and hopefully get a better connection with her. Will go right in for the kiss when we meet and try to have as much fun as possible. Couldn't go to the lake 'cause the weather ain't perfect but it doesn't matter.

[spyrde]

Sorry for the double post, but I'll just info up on my situation 'cause I just wanna get this out to someone. Such a loner I am lol.

Well anyways I fucked things up big time, but really, I had no chance to succeed with this so it was maybe for the better. I saw her on Friday and I still didn't get a good connection with her, but she promised to come to a party my friend was throwing at a cottage a couple miles from town so I thought maybe we could get a little something outta that nomsayin. Well, she arrives and pretty much just sits with her friends in the corner the whole goddamn night. I tried to intervene a little but she showed no signs of anything towards me so I just fucking gave up at one point and said fuck it, let's drink. Got drunk as fuk with my friends and acted like a damn fool, but so did everyone else lol. Humiliated myself in front of her friends and sent drunk messages to random girls haha. I got a chance to talk with her a little when everyone else was sleeping but I don't understand her at all, she felt so damn distanced it's unbelievable, probably was disgusted at my previous behaviour lol.

It's weird how she asks me everywhere and texts me often yet when we meet she just wants me to do all the work. I can't continue with sht like this. Time to move on.

[DeviousOne]

Sorry for the double post, but I'll just info up on my situation 'cause I just wanna get this out to someone. Such a loner I am lol.

Well anyways I fucked things up big time, but really, I had no chance to succeed with this so it was maybe for the better. I saw her on Friday and I still didn't get a good connection with her, but she promised to come to a party my friend was throwing at a cottage a couple miles from town so I thought maybe we could get a little something outta that nomsayin. Well, she arrives and pretty much just sits with her friends in the corner the whole goddamn night. I tried to intervene a little but she showed no signs of anything towards me so I just fucking gave up at one point and said fuck it, let's drink. Got drunk as fuk with my friends and acted like a damn fool, but so did everyone else lol. Humiliated myself in front of her friends and sent drunk messages to random girls haha. I got a chance to talk with her a little when everyone else was sleeping but I don't understand her at all, she felt so damn distanced it's unbelievable, probably was disgusted at my previous behaviour lol.

It's weird how she asks me everywhere and texts me often yet when we meet she just wants me to do all the work. I can't continue with sht like this. Time to move on.

Move on bro. I think she is still trying to guage interest at the expense of your time and willingness to see her whenever she wants apparently

[SchaffinOSX]

Sorry for the double post, but I'll just info up on my situation 'cause I just wanna get this out to someone. Such a loner I am lol.

Well anyways I fucked things up big time, but really, I had no chance to succeed with this so it was maybe for the better. I saw her on Friday and I still didn't get a good connection with her, but she promised to come to a party my friend was throwing at a cottage a couple miles from town so I thought maybe we could get a little something outta that nomsayin. Well, she arrives and pretty much just sits with her friends in the corner the whole goddamn night. I tried to intervene a little but she showed no signs of anything towards me so I just fucking gave up at one point and said fuck it, let's drink. Got drunk as fuk with my friends and acted like a damn fool, but so did everyone else lol. Humiliated myself in front of her friends and sent drunk messages to random girls haha. I got a chance to talk with her a little when everyone else was sleeping but I don't understand her at all, she felt so damn distanced it's unbelievable, probably was disgusted at my previous behaviour lol.

It's weird how she asks me everywhere and texts me often yet when we meet she just wants me to do all the work. I can't continue with sht like this. Time to move on.

Definitely time to move on. In the future, I'd suggest refraining from ending things on a bad note like that if possible, but I suppose it isn't all too important. There are a lot of girls who, when I decided to move on, I just completely blocked out from my life. At the time that seemed like a fantastic idea, but looking back, I wish I hadn't burned all those bridges, as they were all pretty cool girls and I could have had a great friendship with them. You might not feel the same way about these things, but just my input. I wish you luck on finding another girl, spyrde.

As for my situation, the emotional outbreak I had was temporary. The next day I felt fine. Obviously it was brought on by me missing her terribly, but I think it was also a reflection about how I was feeling about myself. Ever since I got back from that trip with her, I'd had trouble getting back into my workout routine, I hadn't been reading much, I'd pretty much just been sitting around all day doing absolutely nothing meaningful, and I think that contributed to my frustration. Yesterday, though, she started crying to me over the phone telling me that she wants to come home and see me, and I comforted her through that.

Now, I'm going to branch to two different things concerning my relationship...

First, work. I got a job at a local restaurant about a month ago, nothing fancy, and I've been working a pretty decent amount of hours for someone my age. This week I've worked 32 hours, and next week I'll be working around 27. Now obviously this could be a lot worse, but I'm a little worried. My girlfriend and I are used to spending tons and tons of time together, and work has definitely been intervening with that. We still manage to spend a lot of time with one another, but I've noticed that it really bothers her when I tell her my work schedule for the week. She knows this is something we have to accept, and knows I'm not all too happy about it either. I figure that the responsible and best thing to do is just make it work. Keep making time for one another, even when I'm working a lot of hours. I've only been there for around a month so quitting is out of the picture and if we want to be together throughout college, we're going to have to get better at sacrificing time with one another anyway, so we might as well start preparing ourselves (she's one year behind me in school). So, what are your guys' thoughts on this? Am I making the right decision by simply trying to make my work hours and relationship coexist?

And secondly, on a happier note, today marks one year of my girlfriend and I being together. She's still out of state, which sucks, but she gets back tomorrow night and I'm going to go over to her house and reunite with her. We've planned things for pretty much every day of the week, because let's face it, her and I aren't good at being apart. I'm really looking forward to her getting back and have had an amazing year.