Birds and the Bees -Official Relationship Thread-

**-Bio-** · 07-26-2012

Well, I'm not in a relationship, but I do have a question about how to approach a situation I have with someone. So at my government job, it's mostly middle-aged employees, and I'm in my early 20s, so not much of a playing field here. But my bosses have been recently interviewing for a new addition to my department. If the candidates get a second interview, we get to talk to the candidate. This particular candidate we spoke with was my age, very attractive, and the way we talked before and during the interview showed that there was a natural, easygoing vibe.

I KNOW she won't get the position, though, since the candidate after her knocked it out of the park. That's fine, though, because she would have simply switched departments, as she currently works with us, but in a different building and we have worked through an advertisement through e-mail a couple of times. The only time we had face-to-face in the past was when I was in a meeting with a couple of clients and she was shadowing them (i.e., sitting in the corner saying nothing to anyone, so I didn't quite notice her then).

At any rate, I don't expect a business situation to happen between us again for a long time until late this year through e-mail at most...unless some kind of chance employee event happens. So the interview was quite significant since it put me on acquaintence terms now with a co-worker I didn't know I'd be curious about pursuing. I'm not great at this sort of thing, though (unfortunately I have confidence issues in this regard). So...I was wondering what you guys would do in this situation.

**DeviousOne** · 07-26-2012

Originally Posted by -Bio-

Well, I'm not in a relationship, but I do have a question about how to approach a situation I have with someone. So at my government job, it's mostly middle-aged employees, and I'm in my early 20s, so not much of a playing field here. But my bosses have been recently interviewing for a new addition to my department. If the candidates get a second interview, we get to talk to the candidate. This particular candidate we spoke with was my age, very attractive, and the way we talked before and during the interview showed that there was a natural, easygoing vibe.

I KNOW she won't get the position, though, since the candidate after her knocked it out of the park. That's fine, though, because she would have simply switched departments, as she currently works with us, but in a different building and we have worked through an advertisement through e-mail a couple of times. The only time we had face-to-face in the past was when I was in a meeting with a couple of clients and she was shadowing them (i.e., sitting in the corner saying nothing to anyone, so I didn't quite notice her then).

At any rate, I don't expect a business situation to happen between us again for a long time until late this year through e-mail at most...unless some kind of chance employee event happens. So the interview was quite significant since it put me on acquaintence terms now with a co-worker I didn't know I'd be curious about pursuing. I'm not great at this sort of thing, though (unfortunately I have confidence issues in this regard). So...I was wondering what you guys would do in this situation.

So what are you trying to do date this woman? or just initate conversation? Im not sure on your intentions pls specify

**Sir_Scud** · 07-26-2012

Yeah Bio, I'm not sure what your intention are either. Sounds like you're interested in her? Either way, from what you said, doesn't sound like there is much chance for anything really. When you say e-mail at most, does that mean you won't really ever be in contact with her? If so, sounds like the deck is stacked against you.

**-Bio-** · 07-27-2012

Yeah, I'm interested in her. And yeah, Scud, that's the situation.

**SchaffinOSX** · 07-27-2012

Originally Posted by -Bio-

Yeah, I'm interested in her. And yeah, Scud, that's the situation.

A couple days ago I wrote a long response to your original post, but for whatever reason it didn't seem to go through, and everything I'd wrote was lost. So, here's the simple version:

Keep e-mailing her. Find excuses to do so, if necessary. If you're working for the same company, even if not in the same department, e-mail her some time and say you want to discuss business. "I've seen you around the building and haven't had a chance to have a real conversation with you. I'm interested in what you think about ______. We should meet up sometime and talk about it".

If she says no, end of the line man. If she says yes, don't try to make it a date. Actually be prepared to talk business. Use this as a means of showing her you are an intelligent guy (without showing off), compliment her insights and let those serve as a means of seeing what kind of thinker she is. If it goes well, follow up with something more personal. From there, it's the basics of dating.

I also remember you saying something about lacking confidence, and if that's true, I'd definitely work on that. Confidence isn't 100% necessary to have success with women like some people try to convince you, but you're much more likely to fail without it. Do whatever you need to get your confidence levels rising, be it eating healthier, working out, doing things you love, etc. Whatever you need to do, do it. Then you're more likely to succeed with this girl.

Good luck man.

**podsaurus** · 07-31-2012

Ok well here is my situation. I've got this girl I would off and on talk to in high school. Our lockers were next to each other and we would talk a little and joke around. We had this on going joke we were each others locker stalker (don't ask haha). We never hung out and usually when I would try to do something with her it wouldn't work out. I don't know if she was playing with me or was really busy all the time.

It doesn't matter anymore if it works out or not. I'm much more confident now than in high school so if I'm turned down I can dust that off easily. She re-added me on facebook so I can talk to her now. I don't know how to approach this and while like I said I can handle being turned down I don't want to be ignored/blown off. She apparently got out of a relationship last week with another girl from what I can gather. I know she isn't gay though because she talks about how she can't in some status update. And then she has another update talking about the kind of guy she wants. So I won't get turned down because I'm a guy.

I'm not looking for a date straight up, I need to talk to her first and catch up on things. I'm not sure what so say so I can grab her attention and interest. I should add too that her personality is a bit difficult to handle. She recognizes that but I realize she will be difficult to handle hopefully only some of the time. She is insecure and from what I remember has some phobias i.e. not liking elevators and things like that.

Any advice much appreciated.

**spyrde** · 07-31-2012

Pod, so pretty much you just want some tips on how to approach this girl and grab her attention? Okay, well since you already know a little about her you already have the tools for a conversation starter.

Do you see her in real life often? If so, then you should probably do the move in real life. Just casually say ''hey'' to her if you see her alone at a library for example, and continue with sht like ''do you remember me, your locker buddy

'' or sht like that (horrible example, but you get the point). You just need a witty opener, and the rest will just flow, trust me. Once you get a small conversation going, keep it fairly short! This will prevent you from fucking up AND she will also stay interested.

The opener is always the hardest. Once you've talked to her once it easy to continue from there, now everytime you see her you can say hey to her and exchange a few words, and since you have her on facebook you can start talking to her from there.

**podsaurus** · 07-31-2012

Well actually she is a few years younger than me and graduated high school this year and I haven't seen her since I graduated high school in 2010. So I haven't seen her in person in a couple years!

**Sir_Scud** · 08-01-2012

Hey Pod, I have a suggestion. Honestly, this will either win it or lose it, but you could totally just ask her to lunch/activity. Something light. I've gone to seen some old high school buddies here and there for a quick catch up after a few years.

It's not even that creepy to be on FB like, "Hey I haven't seen you in ages, would be nice to catch up after all these years. Wanna meet up for lunch/something random?" This will send the message that it's friendly and you want to see the person to catch up. If they say yes then blow you off, oh well. At least you tried. I mean you could seriously jam this in after a min or two on FB chat. In my opinion, you don't need some fancy opening. Just be friendly, if you need something to act as an opener, bring up the locker stalkers stuff.

As long as you keep it light and honest, act like you just want to see her and catch up, she will only say no if she has no interest in really getting to know you. That, or she really is busy as hell.

To clarify, I mean just straight up send her a msg on FB chat. If you're a good dude and never been labeled a creeper, she won't be weirded out. She might even be excited to catch up with you.

**Fon** · 08-01-2012

Originally Posted by podsaurus

Ok well here is my situation. I've got this girl I would off and on talk to in high school. Our lockers were next to each other and we would talk a little and joke around. We had this on going joke we were each others locker stalker (don't ask haha). We never hung out and usually when I would try to do something with her it wouldn't work out. I don't know if she was playing with me or was really busy all the time.

It doesn't matter anymore if it works out or not. I'm much more confident now than in high school so if I'm turned down I can dust that off easily. She re-added me on facebook so I can talk to her now. I don't know how to approach this and while like I said I can handle being turned down I don't want to be ignored/blown off. She apparently got out of a relationship last week with another girl from what I can gather. I know she isn't gay though because she talks about how she can't in some status update. And then she has another update talking about the kind of guy she wants. So I won't get turned down because I'm a guy.

Oh come on now, if you can easily dust off a turn down then are you honestly sure you're interested in her?. I'm not asking you to get hurt, if anything I don't want our podboy to suffer!, but you have to make sure that she's the one you can really like and feel happy when you're around her.

Originally Posted by podsaurus

I'm not looking for a date straight up, I need to talk to her first and catch up on things. I'm not sure what so say so I can grab her attention and interest. I should add too that her personality is a bit difficult to handle. She recognizes that but I realize she will be difficult to handle hopefully only some of the time. She is insecure and from what I remember has some phobias i.e. not liking elevators and things like that.

Any advice much appreciated.

I'm no relationship guru but you have the right idea of talking with her first. That will determine whether or not you two can get along in a serious relationship. All I can say is to take it slowly. Contact her on a daily basis and reply to her messages, a woman always wants to know if there's someone there who will listen. Be that guy. Everyday is full of topics to talk about, avoid topics she might not feel comfortable with and try to recall things she mentioned on the past, that will ensure her that you're a good listener.

**podsaurus** · 08-01-2012

Originally Posted by FonFahbre

Oh come on now, if you can easily dust off a turn down then are you honestly sure you're interested in her?. I'm not asking you to get hurt, if anything I don't want our podboy to suffer!, but you have to make sure that she's the one you can really like and feel happy when you're around her.

I'm no relationship guru but you have the right idea of talking with her first. That will determine whether or not you two can get along in a serious relationship. All I can say is to take it slowly. Contact her on a daily basis and reply to her messages, a woman always wants to know if there's someone there who will listen. Be that guy. Everyday is full of topics to talk about, avoid topics she might not feel comfortable with and try to recall things she mentioned on the past, that will ensure her that you're a good listener.

What I mean is I'm not going to go cry in a corner if she has no interest. Honestly I was a big baby in high school. I straight up wouldn't talk to girls I was attracted to for fear of a no. I still do that though. I won't talk to a girl because I don't want to be turned down. But I can't do that anymore. So a girl says no so what? Shake it off and get the fuck over it. It's not worth the time being upset about it.

I know she has problems but I like the idea of being the one she can express those problems to. I like the idea I'm comforting to someone. She was never nasty to me and we joked around so I feel I should give it a go.

**The Black Wolf** · 08-09-2012

Guys, oh my gosh! I was walking on campus today and this nice looking guy crossed my path. I actually FELT some type of chemistry to him. So I'm walking and he's smiling at me and I smile back and he greets me and I say hi back. We walk past each other and it felt like he wanted to talk to me but I blew it! I kept smiling, but I felt kind of afraid. I guess you could say I became all the suddenly shy. So when he walked past me, I kept smiling but I just couldn't get the courage to smile at him up close and possibly start a conversation with him.

So as he walks past me, he's still smiling at me and basically we're somewhat flirting. Even when I got home, I kept thinking about him.

My question to you guys is, if I see him again, will he think, "I better leave that girl alone, she looked away when I wanted to say something."

I know it sounds like a stupid question, but I have no idea how guys think. I do know I want to see him again.

**DeviousOne** · 08-09-2012

he probably thinks your shy like most girls.. Hopefully he's not shy cause then you'll never talk to each other LOL

**The Black Wolf** · 08-09-2012

Nooo!

**DeviousOne** · 08-09-2012

maybe you can try asking him where somewhere is to spark convo if there is chemistry then maybe it'll spark more conversation in the future

**Dave-The-Rave** · 08-09-2012

Well just about a month now til Uni starts again. I've actually enjoyed this time away from everything. Just been exercising most days and other stuff like working on getting my driving license and a new passport. Also enjoyed living a scruffy life cause there are no girls about to impress. Haven't had a haircut for a few months now and I'm sporting a pretty nifty lumberjack beard.

Almost ready to get back in the game though..a few more weeks, a shave and a haircut and I'm ready.

**RaY_210** · 08-09-2012

Originally Posted by The Black Wolf

Guys, oh my gosh! I was walking on campus today and this nice looking guy crossed my path. I actually FELT some type of chemistry to him. So I'm walking and he's smiling at me and I smile back and he greets me and I say hi back. We walk past each other and it felt like he wanted to talk to me but I blew it! I kept smiling, but I felt kind of afraid. I guess you could say I became all the suddenly shy. So when he walked past me, I kept smiling but I just couldn't get the courage to smile at him up close and possibly start a conversation with him.

So as he walks past me, he's still smiling at me and basically we're somewhat flirting. Even when I got home, I kept thinking about him.

My question to you guys is, if I see him again, will he think, "I better leave that girl alone, she looked away when I wanted to say something."

I know it sounds like a stupid question, but I have no idea how guys think. I do know I want to see him again.

I don't think you blew it. You smiled and said hi. Like Devious said, it's possible he might be shy as well, so that may be an obstacle to overcome. So were you going from one class to another? If so, then the next time you have those classes, take the same route at the same time. He might be on the same schedule between classes. Try to establish seeing each other so that one of you may be comfortable enough to spark a conversation.

**Sir_Scud** · 08-10-2012

Originally Posted by RaY_210

I don't think you blew it. You smiled and said hi. Like Devious said, it's possible he might be shy as well, so that may be an obstacle to overcome. So were you going from one class to another? If so, then the next time you have those classes, take the same route at the same time. He might be on the same schedule between classes. Try to establish seeing each other so that one of you may be comfortable enough to spark a conversation.

This is really the way to go. Try to pattern it the same way so you just "happen" to end up running into each other. Even on the gigantic campus I went to, people generally used the same routes to get to class.

You definitely didn't blow it. There were a lot of times on campus I would pass a pretty girl and just smile at her and she would smile back. Then I would say nothing. It's a little weird trying to start a convo with a stranger, but if you want it, you gotta take it.

**neoxthexone** · 09-01-2012

How do you guys deal with your ex going on dates with other guys, I still have alot of feelings for my ex, even though we've been apart I've tried really hard just to be nothing but friends because it was her decision in the end to end the relationship but as soon as I found out she was going on a date on FB I had to block her, I just can't deal with seeing any of that.
I want her to be happy but I just can't get over her.

**DeviousOne** · 09-01-2012

Originally Posted by neoxthexone

How do you guys deal with your ex going on dates with other guys, I still have alot of feelings for my ex, even though we've been apart I've tried really hard just to be nothing but friends because it was her decision in the end to end the relationship but as soon as I found out she was going on a date on FB I had to block her, I just can't deal with seeing any of that.
I want her to be happy but I just can't get over her.

That's tough bro cause u can't just shut down feelings for your ex especially if she ended it bro. I mean there are a lot of ways to go about this.

I think it was good that u blocked her you may need to go NC (no contact) for a while to give urself time to heal. When I went thru stuff like this I spent a lot of time with friends and family and just got busy. During times like this best to focus on yourself and come to terms oh what happened in the past relationship also improve yourself.

For all we know she may just be going on dates to get over the past relationship with you. Some people that's who they deal with it there is no exact right way everyone is different and handles things differently.

When you think about the past relationship what do you think about? What makes you upset or sad about it?

**mooninites** · 09-01-2012

There are only two solutions to this.

1. You get over it and just deal with her saying again.

Or

2. You all together stop talking to her and move on.

You can't be friends with her if it bothers you when she goes out with other guys. You'll either get overly jealous or you'll start hating her.

Sent from my HTC VLE_U using Tapatalk 2

**Dave-The-Rave** · 09-01-2012

Originally Posted by neoxthexone

How do you guys deal with your ex going on dates with other guys, I still have alot of feelings for my ex, even though we've been apart I've tried really hard just to be nothing but friends because it was her decision in the end to end the relationship but as soon as I found out she was going on a date on FB I had to block her, I just can't deal with seeing any of that.
I want her to be happy but I just can't get over her.

No contact is the only way, I felt the same with my last ex..eventually just had to do complete no contact though and I haven't spoken to her is over a year now..

I guess the cherry on the cake is I saw her on a night out a couple of months ago and just pretended I didn't see her (I was well over her by then anyway)...but I found out she saw me because she then drunk texted me later which I also ignored. Was a nice ego boost though.

**neoxthexone** · 09-03-2012

Originally Posted by DeviousOne

That's tough bro cause u can't just shut down feelings for your ex especially if she ended it bro. I mean there are a lot of ways to go about this.

I think it was good that u blocked her you may need to go NC (no contact) for a while to give urself time to heal. When I went thru stuff like this I spent a lot of time with friends and family and just got busy. During times like this best to focus on yourself and come to terms oh what happened in the past relationship also improve yourself.

For all we know she may just be going on dates to get over the past relationship with you. Some people that's who they deal with it there is no exact right way everyone is different and handles things differently.

When you think about the past relationship what do you think about? What makes you upset or sad about it?

Well at the moment now im focusing on improving myself (bulking) plus I've got college starting so that will defiantly keep my mind busy and I've got driving test to in 3 weeks to really focus on, so I've got no real issue on that part.
There's nothing that really made me upset about it I just miss it, but I've jumped onto the dating sites like PlentyofFish see if I'll have any luck with that.

**R3D D3V!L** · 09-03-2012

Originally Posted by Dave-The-Rave

Well just about a month now til Uni starts again. I've actually enjoyed this time away from everything. Just been exercising most days and other stuff like working on getting my driving license and a new passport. Also enjoyed living a scruffy life cause there are no girls about to impress. Haven't had a haircut for a few months now and I'm sporting a pretty nifty lumberjack beard.

Almost ready to get back in the game though..a few more weeks, a shave and a haircut and I'm ready.

I start Uni next week. Might be a good idea to get into the game as well.

**DeviousOne** · 09-04-2012

Originally Posted by neoxthexone

Well at the moment now im focusing on improving myself (bulking) plus I've got college starting so that will defiantly keep my mind busy and I've got driving test to in 3 weeks to really focus on, so I've got no real issue on that part.
There's nothing that really made me upset about it I just miss it, but I've jumped onto the dating sites like PlentyofFish see if I'll have any luck with that.

Dating sites suck....speaking from experience. The Best way to meet new people is to meet them in person or thru friends of yours. I've gone on dates with females from online dating sites and they all have problems which is why they are on a dating site to begin with smh...

Sounds like u just miss the company not so much her. Why did she break up with you? If u don't mind me asking