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  1. #3526
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ixion View Post
    I haven't been following this thread, so I just read the last five pages. I was curious about this post...

    Is it customary for the girl to ask out the guy in Europe/UK? Because from what I understand, the guy is supposed to set up the dates. Hell, one of the biggest pieces of advice people usually give on dating is to make the decisions, since girls don't like having to handle everything. It also makes you seem confident.
    Oh, yeah, it IS down to the guy to ask the girl out but I don't know whether this is a UK thing or if it's just me, but I always have a 'time frame' in place when getting to know someone. Like, for example, take the girl who I just stopped seeing. We got to know each other through a dating site. It started out as small talk, the usual stuff like asking how their day was, etc. A part of me wanted to be spontaneous and ask her out but then a part of me wanted to hold back incase I gave the impression I was being needy or moving too fast.

    I guess it differs from person to person, and how strong the connection is between the two people. As this girl and I had only just started talking -- through a dating site, no less -- I felt it was the 'right' thing to do, and just let nature take its course. I did, after two weeks of solid talking, ask her out and it was great, as we did take things to the next level. Again, though, it's probably different for other people.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ixion View Post
    I haven't been following this thread, so I just read the last five pages. I was curious about this post...

    Is it customary for the girl to ask out the guy in Europe/UK? Because from what I understand, the guy is supposed to set up the dates. Hell, one of the biggest pieces of advice people usually give on dating is to make the decisions, since girls don't like having to handle everything. It also makes you seem confident.
    o.o hm..idk about Europe but here the guys usually set everything up

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  3. #3528
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaeger View Post
    Oh, yeah, it IS down to the guy to ask the girl out but I don't know whether this is a UK thing or if it's just me, but I always have a 'time frame' in place when getting to know someone. Like, for example, take the girl who I just stopped seeing. We got to know each other through a dating site. It started out as small talk, the usual stuff like asking how their day was, etc. A part of me wanted to be spontaneous and ask her out but then a part of me wanted to hold back incase I gave the impression I was being needy or moving too fast.

    I guess it differs from person to person, and how strong the connection is between the two people. As this girl and I had only just started talking -- through a dating site, no less -- I felt it was the 'right' thing to do, and just let nature take its course. I did, after two weeks of solid talking, ask her out and it was great, as we did take things to the next level. Again, though, it's probably different for other people.
    But you already saw the girl twice when you said that, right? You said you saw her twice and then two weeks passed without seeing her because she never asked to see you. I was puzzled, because I don't see why you wouldn't just set up the next meet-up.

  4. #3529
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ixion View Post
    But you already saw the girl twice when you said that, right? You said you saw her twice and then two weeks passed without seeing her because she never asked to see you. I was puzzled, because I don't see why you wouldn't just set up the next meet-up.
    Again, it's to do with not wanting to sound needy. I know it sounds stupid - and probably IS stupid - but, I don't know, because of my track record with girls, I'm almost too nervous to make a move/the next move in case I $#@! up.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaeger View Post
    Again, it's to do with not wanting to sound needy. I know it sounds stupid - and probably IS stupid - but, I don't know, because of my track record with girls, I'm almost too nervous to make a move/the next move in case I $#@! up.
    I'd say what you're doing might seem even needier. Think about it....working on a girl for so long makes it seem like you can't get other girls very easily. Asking her out early on lets her know that you don't have time to waste. She can take it or leave it. You have other broads lined up!

  6. #3531
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ixion View Post
    I'd say what you're doing might seem even needier. Think about it....working on a girl for so long makes it seem like you can't get other girls very easily. Asking her out early on lets her know that you don't have time to waste. She can take it or leave it. You have other broads lined up!
    I don't know, man. I've never been particularly good in regards to timing. I guess, at the moment, I'm just experimenting and trying to find the balance between 'too soon' and 'too late' - but, as I said, it can vary from person to person. Thinking about what you just said, though, has made me doubt if I'd left it too late with the lass I've just stopped seeing. But then, on the other hand, I don't want to go jumping headfirst into it with the girl from work but there's a whole list of reasons for not being too sure about that one.

    EDIT: Other broads? Aha, dude, that made my day. I'm not a 'playa' by any means. But it's funny you mention that, as you're not the only one to think that's the case. A few people at work have mentioned it, my mates have mentioned it, even my family have said I seem a bit of a playa. I'm not sure whether to accept it a compliment or not, haha.

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  7. #3532
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaeger View Post
    I don't know, man. I've never been particularly good in regards to timing. I guess, at the moment, I'm just experimenting and trying to find the balance between 'too soon' and 'too late' - but, as I said, it can vary from person to person. Thinking about what you just said, though, has made me doubt if I'd left it too late with the lass I've just stopped seeing. But then, on the other hand, I don't want to go jumping headfirst into it with the girl from work but there's a whole list of reasons for not being too sure about that one.

    EDIT: Other broads? Aha, dude, that made my day. I'm not a 'playa' by any means. But it's funny you mention that, as you're not the only one to think that's the case. A few people at work have mentioned it, my mates have mentioned it, even my family have said I seem a bit of a playa. I'm not sure whether to accept it a compliment or not, haha.
    Well, I'm just saying that you have to make it seem like you have other broads lined up, whether you actually do or not.

    But yeah, the general rule with online dating is to get off the site as fast as possible and start talking via text, so you're no longer a guy from a dating website, but rather just a guy in her phone. But then you want to just become a guy she knows, so you have to try and set something up in the first day or two. That's what I did at least and it tended to work.

  8. #3533
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ixion View Post
    Well, I'm just saying that you have to make it seem like you have other broads lined up, whether you actually do or not.

    But yeah, the general rule with online dating is to get off the site as fast as possible and start talking via text, so you're no longer a guy from a dating website, but rather just a guy in her phone. But then you want to just become a guy she knows, so you have to try and set something up in the first day or two. That's what I did at least and it tended to work.
    Yeah, I get where you're coming from but, not looking for an ego boost here or anything, when you look like me, it's a hell of a lot harder to make it seem like you have a whole line of broads just waiting for a ride on your disco stick.

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  9. #3534
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    My girlfriend and I are in a weird place now.

    Disclaimer: I've had Lyme Disease for the last 10 months, which prevents me from drinking. I also received hyperacusis (sound sensitivity) from a concert 8 months ago, which prevents from being around loud noise. Recovery has been very slow, if not stagnant. All in all, I can't do a lot of fun things, like going to bars.

    We had been a couple for about a year and a half. About a month ago she told me that she wanted time to herself to think about what she wants to do with a life, and therefore go on a month break. We met up a few days ago to talk and she insists it's not due to my health problems and limitations, but rather she just doesn't want any boundaries and wants to be free and what-not. However, I got her to admit that my health problems are part of the problem.

    Anyway, we're still both into each other and she doesn't want to lose the cuddling and especially the sex. She basically wants to do everything we were doing before, while also being free to 'hook up' with other guys. But I don't want to be intimate with her while knowing she's sucking other $#@!s.

    So I told her she needs to make a decision. Either we stay a couple, but just take it slower and less serious for the indefinite future; or we just become friends with benefits, where there's no cuddling or hand-holding, just friends who have sex.

    Any advice from you guys?
    Last edited by Ixion; 05-10-2013 at 15:33.

  10. #3535
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ixion View Post
    My girlfriend and I are in a weird place now.

    Disclaimer: I've had Lyme Disease for the last 10 months, which prevents me from drinking. I also received hyperacusis (sound sensitivity) from a concert 8 months ago, which prevents from being around loud noise. Recovery has been very slow, if not stagnant. All in all, I can't do a lot of fun things, like going to bars.

    We had been a couple for about a year and a half. About a month ago she told me that she wanted time to herself to think about what she wants to do with a life, and therefore go on a month break. We met up a few days ago to talk and she insists it's not due to my health problems and limitations, but rather she just doesn't want any boundaries and wants to be free and what-not. However, I got her to admit that my health problems are part of the problem.

    Anyway, we're still both into each other and she doesn't want to lose the cuddling and especially the sex. She basically wants to do everything we were doing before, while also being free to 'hook up' with other guys. But I don't want to be intimate with her while knowing she's sucking other $#@!s.

    So I told her she needs to make a decision. Either we stay a couple, but just take it slower and less serious for the indefinite future; or we just become friends with benefits, where there's no cuddling or hand-holding, just friends who have sex.

    Any advice from you guys?
    Damn bro I understand your point of view. I'm sorry you even have to be dealing with this $#@!. However it sounds like she wants to move on and keep you as a safety which I don't know about you but for me that's not acceptable.

    You have to ask yourself this. If this a person you see yourself having a future with? Sounds like she's unsurre of being with you and wants the freedom to mess around and find out if her feeling for you are real at the expense of your piece of mind which is bull $#@!!

    If you do feel she's someone that you want to be with and build with then you have to be honest wiith her about how you feel about the situation.

    If you feel that she's not personally I'd just hook up with her till you find someone that's worth you time.

    Personally I just don't get the feeling she's into having a relationship with you she wants to skank around kinda like my ex when I was 21 and guess what happens they come back they always do but I didn't want her.

    You got to do what's best for you bro and be honest with yourself at the end of the day

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  11. #3536
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ixion View Post
    So I told her she needs to make a decision. Either we stay a couple, but just take it slower and less serious for the indefinite future; or we just become friends with benefits, where there's no cuddling or hand-holding, just friends who have sex.

    Any advice from you guys?
    Right now, that's the most you can do. You can't force a decision out of her but you can give her the time to think things through. It's a really $#@!ty situation to be in for you - and, no offence, but it's a really big $#@! move on your girlfriends behalf - but I can see it from both sides of the argument. While there are such vows as 'in sickness and in health', some people don't want to face the prospect of being held back by having to care for someone else, as well as themselves. Again, though, it's a huge $#@! move on her part. She can't say she wants all the kissing/hugging/sexytime with you while expecting you to be OK with her going off and $#@!ing others. I hope it all works out for you.

    Slight update in regards to my situation with the girl I'm working with, and I know a lot of you will think I'M a $#@!, but I asked for her number, she gave it me, we exchanged messages and we're now going on a date later this week. So, um, this could be a good thing or a bad thing. It might even be nothing. Could just be sex. We'll see...

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  12. #3537
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    Honestly i'm sick of all this releationship thing I just got dumped by my BF 6 hours ago. I'm shocked and broken... there's nothing wrong with me! I'm beautiful, funny and sweet.. he said he loves me but he no longer feels comfortable with me and we can't get along anymore. I talked with him and told him to give us more time so we can understand each other better and I asked him wait a little longer, but he refused, And then he said he went back to his ex.. he thinks she loves him more than I do and he finds his happiness with her.. so yeah they're together now.
    He told me we can be friends but that's not right for me.. we love each other.. we went through alot, we can't simply be friends or did he say that so he won't feel guilty? I don't know.

    I texted him then, wishing him all the best.. still i'm very sad.

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    He said it to lessen the blow, and most likely won't talk to you ever again.

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    Sorry to hear that Xraein. At least you had someone you cared about. Some of us may never experience this. I hope things work out and you find someone better. *hugs*
    Last edited by HellsJester; 05-24-2013 at 10:47.




  15. #3540
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    Aww thanks guys.. it's ok. I'm always unlucky in love anyway so yeah I will get over it in no time... hopefully.

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    You will be ok X! Just imagine finding someone even better, he's everything like your ex but better, a 2.0 version :P

    I've never been very good with relationships myself. Pretty much been single all my life with a couple flings...eh whatever lol

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    Yeah nothing worse than a break up, hurts like hell especially if you were close..but the saying is true, time heals all wounds, just doesn't say how much time.

    Sorry you're feeling so down, you'll come out of this a stronger person.
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  18. #3543
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xraein View Post
    there's nothing wrong with me! I'm beautiful, funny and sweet..
    I'm not sure why you had to mention this. Maybe this is part of the problem?

  19. #3544
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    Aww guys thanks for your warm words <3 I feel a little better now *hugs*
    This isn't my first break up but this time it's different, I miss him already.. life is kinda boring without him. We were so close but why have things changed out of all sudden? It'll be Okay, I just need to keep myself busy. (:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ixion View Post
    I'm not sure why you had to mention this. Maybe this is part of the problem?
    He wanted someone like his ex.. I still don't know why he broke up with her in the first place and they now they got back together.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DeviousOne View Post
    Damn bro I understand your point of view. I'm sorry you even have to be dealing with this $#@!. However it sounds like she wants to move on and keep you as a safety which I don't know about you but for me that's not acceptable.

    You have to ask yourself this. If this a person you see yourself having a future with? Sounds like she's unsurre of being with you and wants the freedom to mess around and find out if her feeling for you are real at the expense of your piece of mind which is bull $#@!!

    If you do feel she's someone that you want to be with and build with then you have to be honest wiith her about how you feel about the situation.

    If you feel that she's not personally I'd just hook up with her till you find someone that's worth you time.

    Personally I just don't get the feeling she's into having a relationship with you she wants to skank around kinda like my ex when I was 21 and guess what happens they come back they always do but I didn't want her.

    You got to do what's best for you bro and be honest with yourself at the end of the day
    Im a bit late but I couldn't agree more with the above. nice post De =]

    @Xraein - Sorry about your situation. I know it's tough, but as you said you need to try and keep yourself busy. Worked for me.. kinda.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xraein View Post
    Honestly i'm sick of all this releationship thing I just got dumped by my BF 6 hours ago. I'm shocked and broken... there's nothing wrong with me! I'm beautiful, funny and sweet.. he said he loves me but he no longer feels comfortable with me and we can't get along anymore. I talked with him and told him to give us more time so we can understand each other better and I asked him wait a little longer, but he refused, And then he said he went back to his ex.. he thinks she loves him more than I do and he finds his happiness with her.. so yeah they're together now.
    He told me we can be friends but that's not right for me.. we love each other.. we went through alot, we can't simply be friends or did he say that so he won't feel guilty? I don't know.

    I texted him then, wishing him all the best.. still i'm very sad.
    Cheer up lady! Things will look up soon. Maybe in a few months
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thorzilla View Post
    Cheer up lady! Things will look up soon. Maybe in a few months
    Well, we have talked alot today and I found that he still has alot of feelings for me, so we have decided to be friends but you know what? I'm not giving up, I will do my best to bring him back to me. I love him and I want to be with him and get back together. Wish me luck!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xraein View Post
    Well, we have talked alot today and I found that he still has alot of feelings for me, so we have decided to be friends but you know what? I'm not giving up, I will do my best to bring him back to me. I love him and I want to be with him and get back together. Wish me luck!
    But if he's already moved on, why waste your time on such a meaningless cause? It just seems pointless to me. It sounds harsh, I know, but its true.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xraein View Post
    Well, we have talked alot today and I found that he still has alot of feelings for me, so we have decided to be friends but you know what? I'm not giving up, I will do my best to bring him back to me. I love him and I want to be with him and get back together. Wish me luck!
    Just make sure he isn't keeping you on a hook. It's not fair to you, I've had exs give me false hope in the past and it hurts more than the actual break up when you realise that's all it was.
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