I know what you were on about (i think?!) but lets be honest here girls aren't better then we are.
Some girls just wanna have a fun or want to mess with you or exploit you so.... NO not every girl is "girlfriend material".
I'm not sure that's even what you meant but i just wanted to clarify that.
(The way i see it - no yolo - bro - chicks terminator bull$#@!).
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Yeah, you're right. I used to be naive when it came to girls, but after being burnt so many time by them you sort of learn how to treat them and to see through the ones that spout bull$#@!. Girls rarely believe or mean what they actually say.
"Oh, where are all the nice guys at?"
..proceeds to date the biggest $#@! in town.Trophy-licious!
I have a question. Does anyone ever think about past love interests and think if I just talk to them now something might 'happen'?
I was walking down the hall at school and happened to see a girl I was interested in a few years ago leave a classroom. (I'm sure she was interested too but I never asked her out. Got cold feet.) Then I go thinking maybe if I time it right so I'm walking past just as she leaves the class next week she will see me, start talking to me and that somehow will lead to something more.
Why do I think that way? As if something is suddenly going to happen even though we have not talked in several years. Last I knew she has a bf.
Focus. Control. Conviction. Resolve. A true ace lacks none of these attributes. Nothing can deter you from the task at hand except your own fears. This is your sky.
This thread is dead these days, but it's my favourite place to vent. I don't have a huge amount of friends, and the ones I do, I'm always afraid of being judged, so I rarely share my issues.
A friend who I shared my previous (you may remember if you read my last posts in here) experience with, suggested that I join a free dating site that he uses. I was fairly against the idea of online dating for reasons I don't even know, I guess I just preferred the idea of meeting someone the regular way. Like a fantasy I guess, I guess I watch too many movies.
I joined a website and chatted to a few people here and there, and started talking to a girl a fair bit younger, I was 27 ( now 28 ) and she was 21. We seemed to chat all the time, and it was nice to have someone to talk to again, especially someone who was keen to initiate conversation. We ended up meeting up for the first time and got on like a house on fire, we both had said that we weren't sure what we wanted, and would just play it by ear and see what happened. We both had a real good time.
Now, this girl is unemployed, due to a bad shoulder injury, family doesn't have a lot of money and she lives off disability. I don't judge, I don't care. I work hard, I made $105k last year, I have lot's of nice things, but ultimately I feel completely empty. I get no greater satisfaction than to make other people happy and help others. I absolutely love it.
Talking to this girl, and listening to her story, poor family, very bad experiences with people previously, bullying, being assaulted, I realise, "I REALLY like this girl, and I want to be everything she hasn't experienced"
We go on a few dates, and on one I even met her siblings and her mother and her boyfriend. We date a few times and I only ever kiss her on the cheek afterwards, even when she came over to mine and when I to hers.
So she starts coming over to my place and I am really enjoying her company, we just hang out and watch movies till the early hours. And we have to watch the same movie more than once because we just talk most of the time. She brings over food she has cooked and enough so I can take to work. She seems so very sweet.
One night we are up watching movies and talking and we end up finishing up around 4am, she doesn't want to drive home so she ends up staying over. After all this time we have been taking it slow, and once in bed we finally kissed and had a bit of fun. We had a chat soon after, and discussed her spending weekends over at mine, which I was rapt about.
She came over next weekend, had a blast, I left her my garage remote so she could sleep in on Monday when I went to work then she could leave at her own leisure. When I got back from work, she was still there. Which was nice, but odd. I say nothing about it and just go with it and enjoy it. But she doesn't leave, and just stays, and I feel I can't do anything with a guest over. BUT I'm still pretty chuffed that I'm seeing a very attractive girl every day.
Me being me, wanting to always impress and make her feel special, I'm still taking her out on dates. She hadn't been to the Royal Melbourne Show since she was little, so I took her, and made the day about her. I knew it was going to be expensive, but I thought $#@! it, my money doesn't make me all that happy, so why not spend it on someone else. I ended up spending $600 for the day, which did hurt, because I generally live fairly skint. But she was rapt the whole day, but she never really said thank you, something I had noticed earlier on. I was a bit miffed, but she had said early on that she was a bit socially awkward, so I put it down to that.
She keeps staying over and I'm feeling a bit pressured, as we have only been seeing each other for maybe 3-4 weeks, but we had chatted for a fair while before hand.
One night while we are sleeping, I wake up at maybe 4am and shes holding me and crying, I ask her whats wrong and she says its too late, for me to go back to sleep because I have work tomorrow, and she wont tell me whats wrong. I just hold her and we eventually fall asleep. I go to work, and when I come back she's sitting on the couch, and she's written me a letter.
The letter says that she is no good at expressing her feelings verbally and generally has a hard time talking about things. The letter explained she has recurring nightmares and flashbacks about bad experiences she's had as a child, and that I was there for her when she needed me last night, made her feel happy and made her feel safe. I'm lost for words, as I think I've done just what anyone else would do. At this moment, I'm still feeling a bit pressured with her practically living with me, but pretty stoked that I'm able to make someone so happy, and be a person who she has never experienced before.
Now I thought I hit the jackpot, very pretty, gamer girl too. But now all she seems to do is stay up playing games, coming to bed real late and waking me up when I have work and then just sitting on the couch all day playing games. My dad came over to drop off a mattress for me, and I'm thinking it'll be good for her to finally start meeting my family. My dad can't stay long and just has to drop off and run, when he walked past, she just sat on the couch playing her game, said hi and that was it. I was pretty annoyed, but I didn't say anything.
One day when I got home from work, she said how nice it is, that she gets her alone time and so do I when I go to work. I don't really say anything but that sounds mental to me. I forget it. She keeps saying how much she likes my house, my things, and how I have everything sorted out. It comes to the point where she just sits around all day doing nothing, I come home, and buy food for her. One weekend I was mowing the lawn, washing clothes, dishes, mopping and vacuuming, set up a bbq for 2 of my friends who came over for dinner. She stayed on the couch all day while I was running around. At the end of the day when I'm finally relaxing on the couch, she says, "You know what would be nice? If you gave me a shoulder massage then a foot massage" I didn't really know what to say but she didn't get either. And I mean normally I'm happy to automatically start giving her a massage because I want to. But it has me quite annoyed.
She still stays over, and I keep taking her out, spending money etc, and little to no appreciation. Rarely a thank you. I'm making sure she has everything she needs or has never had and I get little to no appreciation.
She ends up going home one day to see her mum. I text her when I get out of work and she asks when I want her back up. After a lot of thinking, I ask if I can go over to hers and talk about it and she says ok. I was really $#@!ing upset when I got there, and we hung out for a bit, and all I really said was that I don't think I can do a relationship. She doesn't say anything and looks shattered, and when I ask her what she's thinking, she says she cant talk or else she'll become a mess. We watch some Tv and then we hug and I leave, both saying that we still want to be friends and hang out. Cool. I ride home on my motorbike and feel like $#@!.
I feel like I followed my head instead of my heart for once. I felt like I was being used, and couldn't figure out why someone who has nothing, and has had $#@! experiences, wouldn't be more grateful? I hate sounding like an elitist $#@!, but seriously? I even feel $#@! for thinking that but wtf?
Anyway, for some reason, I wrote a letter, like she did. I'm not the best when it comes to talking about stuff, but I can write (or type) it down. The letter was pretty much, that maybe I was too hasty, we both always said communication was the key to everything but we both struggle to initiate. I said a few other things probably worthy of a Ryan Gosling movie, it was about 4 pages long all up.
She came over the next night and we hung, things seemed ok, but we didn't talk about proper stuff much. Before I went to bed I told her that I wrote her a letter and to expect it in the next day or so. She stayed the night, I went to work.
She still texts me like normal, she gets the letter, I invite her over to talk about it. We hang out and I cook dinner which she doesn't thank me for and I eventually bring up the letter and start talking. I tell her that I was feeling pressured with her staying over indefinitely and ask if I was selfish for saying so and she says no. She says that she doesn't get a lot of chances to get out of her house and takes what she can. I ask her if I'm wrong to feel like I felt like I was being taken advantage of, and she just looks down and shakes her head. I tell her how annoyed I was when she didn't get up to meet my dad, and how she does nothing and then asks for a massage when I've been at work all day or running around working around the house, and she just stays silent and nods looking upset. She takes a hold of my hand and says nothing for a while just looking down and upset. We say a few more things, I tell her that we need/needed to communicate better, and one of the things I wanted to do was help her get her arm fixed. She has never been able to afford it and neither has her family. With the public healthcare system, it will get fixed eventually, but because it's classified as non urgent, it will take between 8-10 years to happen, I don't think that is acceptable. Anyway, she stays over, we go to bed.
Next day she texts me again and we chat about things again, and today, she texts again. She says that she wants to get away from everything. I ask her why, and she says that she is sick of doing the same thing every day. So we start talking, I tell her that getting away from things wont help, she needs to start talking and that she'll feel better. I tell her that I never wanted to bring up trying to get her a job as I didn't want to sound condescending. I tell her that she is capable as she is and without her injury she'd be unstoppable. I tell her that I wanted to start organising to get her arm fixed, and wanted her to experience things she hasn't before. I really did/do have feelings for her, and wanted to be a part of her recovery and a new life, but we needed to communicate more.
So after my text about her being capable of so much, wanting to fix her crippling injury and wanting her to experience things she hasn't before, she replies with, "I can't decide what colour nail polish to wear" I reply, "Seriously?" she says, "What" I reply, "Thats your reply?" and I haven't heard any more.
I can't help but feel that I've $#@!ed something up and don't know why. Maybe instead of just saying I don't want a relationship, I should have initiated a talk to discuss the issues. I feel I used my head instead of my heart when I said that, and it may have been the smart thing to do, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like $#@!. Especially when she has acknowledged that she was taking advantage of my kindness and generosity, and then when I continue to offer my generosity, she tells me she doesn't know what colour nail polish to wear.
Just wow. Am I a $#@! for thinking she should be more grateful considering she doesn't have much in her life? Her family has little to no money, she rents a tiny room in a friends house, she has no money to do anything but survive, and she shows no gratitude?
I still feel like $#@!, and want a chance to work things out, work over the issues and see what we can make of it. How $#@!ing retarded am I? And of course, you can't really do much when someone doesn't text you back. I wan't to text or even go visit but that would be stupid, so I guess I'll leave the ball in her court. Even though I want it to be in mine. Holy $#@! I hate myself sometimes.
Sorry for the wall of text, hopefully it provides someone with some sort of entertainment. Any input or comment would be greatly appreciated. You PSU guys have made me feel better with simple comments in the past in this thread, they wouldn't go astray now.Disclaimer: I may or may not know what I'm talking about.
Wow long read dude but i took the time to do so. Use your head more because your heart is too kind, generous, and welcome mat ready to be walked on. You sound like a great guy who deserves a great girl to spoil but she doesnt sound like a great girl. I think you have given her enough chances so you shouldnt feel like $#@! dude. If i were you i would bail and just end things.
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Thanks for reading dude. I know you are exactly right too.Disclaimer: I may or may not know what I'm talking about.
But try not to kick yourself or hate yourself for your actions. You can only control how you react or what you do in any given situation. You cannot make her suddenly be more grateful or act in a way that suits you. If she doesn't really seem grateful for everything you do, she probably really isn't.
Lol, I wrote another letter, she came over last night. I discussed it, and even though I know I should just forget it, I pretty much said I want to pick up where we left off and that I want to learn, teach and grow with each other. I can't help but want to try. These days, when something isn't right, it seems to be, "throw away, get a new one", I like to put in %100. I guess that results in a lot of mental pain. However she didn't say anything except look upset, and when I asked her to talk, she said she could not, that her head was all over the place and she didn't know what to say or do. It didn't stop her from staying the night and cuddling up to me though :/
I was actually fairly depressed after the last one, to the point where my work colleagues noticed my new demeanour, and my manager promptly took my firearms licence off me because people thought I might kill myself. Not that I would, but he just told me it was an ass covering exercise for the company. It took a bit to get over, however I got back to normal, company doctor cleared me and all was good. It certainly helped seeing someone new who, at the start was someone who seemed to be deserving of being treated like a princess, but back to feeling down again. But not as bad.
It's funny, I've seen some $#@! in my time working where I work, the people I have to deal with, absolutely NOTHING gets to me at all. But when it comes to stuff like this, wow, lol.
I know this thread is dead, but I know a few people read it, and some know my posts. I don't expect much to read this, but it's the second letter I wrote. Worthy of a Ryan Gosling movie I reckon.
some entertainment for you guys. I don't even know how I come up with it, but it seems to be easier to get your feelings onto paper. Sorry if anyone throws up reading that too btw
in other news, i stacked my new motorbike and got some nice bruises and cuts, the person who wrote off my toyota 86 6 months ago, their insurance company have delayed court proceedings constantly so my new car gets here on the 21st of this month and I wont have the money to pay for it. good times
Last edited by oneJ; 11-13-2013 at 05:37.Disclaimer: I may or may not know what I'm talking about.
Good Luck dude.
Hopefully things turn out well for you.
I would have handled it mostly the same way you have thus far. Don't put yourself down. I can't see a single thing that you've told us that would make you retarded, a $#@!, etc. You have to drawn lines somewhere no matter who it is with. Communication and compromise are really big things in a relationship.
Great read, and I appreciate you sharing your relationship with us.
You're a wonderful person. All will work out for you.
100K a year? Teach me your ways kind sir.
Thanks for letting me know its appreciated... I will post if there is anything new
I'm a prison guard... base wage is approx $62k... but I work tonnes of overtime to bump it up. It has taken a toll on my mind and body, it isn't worth it. I'm 28 and feel 58 most days, lol.
Well she came over tonight. I cooked a roast for her, she is going away for about a week to spend time with her dad in Queensland (a state in Australia for the uneducated ). I asked her if she had thought anymore about what I wrote/said... she said she is taking the letters with her to read properly in her own time. I kinda guess that's a positive thing. She's staying the night, I leave for work early, and she will leave before I get home. I will have a rose and some chocolates waiting for her when she gets up.
I cooked roast beef, spuds, sweet potato, carrots, pumpkin, gravy, the lot. Ice cream with frozen raspberries for dessert. Lol, I try.
It's kinda annoying, she's been on her phone all night texting. She's back to talking to people on the dating site that we met on. We aint together right now sure, I don't know if I have a chance again, we'll see. But it's rude. I think if I get another chance all will be good, as the texting stopped while we were dating, but if I don't get another chance, I don't think I'll bother hanging out, because that's what she does most of the time, because she doesn't get out much. But it's rude.
$#@!. I'll just wait until she gets back, thinks about the letters and see whats what. If it's a no go, that'll be it and I'll forget about it.
Last edited by oneJ; 11-14-2013 at 11:57.Disclaimer: I may or may not know what I'm talking about.
Interesting read OneJ, I don't really have anything constructive to add, but I think you're doing the right thing. Don't feed bad for questioning her and feeling used and upset.. I'd be upset if she didn't speak to my father and was hard to communicate with.
Hopefully she comes around and you can break her out of her shell
Wish you the best OneJ. Can't hate on someone who tries their hardest, so I hope it works out for you.
Wow oneJ, you seem like a great guy to be honest. Unfortunately girls don't appreciate great guys. She seems to really like you, but the fact she's back on the dating site is odd. If everything is sorted when you get back then great, but if it continues as it is now then I'd walk away if I was you. It'd be a lot easier to walk away now then it will be after you've been together longer.
Going through a lot a $#@! myself at the moment. To cut a long story short, I was with my ex for 3 years up until last month. She's 2 and a half years younger than me, so I've always felt like I was a bit more mature (I'm 22 now, she's 19). We weren't the perfect couple, we argued a lot, but we were very, very close. We only really had each other for most of the relationship.
She used to live in Malaysia with her father before she moved here. She lived in England until she was 10, then France for 5 years and then Malaysia. So she got here right at the start of the school year. She joined my class at college in September 2010, that's how we met. Me and two other guys quite liked her, but we both became close and on the 21st October 2010 we got together.
It was my first relationship. It was her third. She had a BF for 2 years in France and one for a year in Malaysia (but she said she didn't really like him). So I made a few mistakes obviously because I'd never been in a relationship before, but it was nothing major, just silly things that upset her. We always made up and we were great together.
After about 7 months, she met a friend at the pub with her mum. She didn't have any friends as she'd just moved back so she spent most of her time with me. Anyway, this friend she met was a guy, around my age. I wasn't really happy with this and I told her he's probably only after one thing. She doesn't listen and she goes to his house with all his mates quite often until like 5 in the morning. We argued a lot about it. I get really jealous basically, I was petrified of being cheated on, but she reassured me she'd had it done to her and that she'd never do it to anyone no matter what. She is still his mate though. He got a girlfriend, but I still didn't trust him. Anyway, one day he sent her a load of texts saying he wanted to have sex with her and his GF didn't have to find out. My ex told his GF and they finally stopped being mates. I was more annoyed after all this as we had argued about it for months and I was right in the end.
So similar things happened with a few other guys. I was always right in the end and it damaged our relationship so much because of how much we argued. We had really bad arguments as well. We swore and screamed at each other. This all led to last September when she broke up with me because of the arguments. We got back together after a month and things got better. There was still one guy I wasn't happy with but after a few months she stopped being his mate.
We both work the same shifts at work (Sat/Sun over-night shift). I have a made on there who does the same shifts too that I've known for 5 years. Anyway she and him started being mates and I was fine with it (you can all see where this is going I know). I let her go out places with him because when she broke up with me she said it was because I wouldn't let her have friends. So they go out round town at night together, they stopped in hotels in Cardiff together, they went camping together (there was always more than them, usually one or two more guys). I said to her once that I was jealous and not really okay with it but I said I'm not going to stop her. She carried on and everything was fine. We had nowhere near as many arguments and the ones we did have weren't big.
It was my birthday on 17th October. She was supposed to come round the night before, give me my presents in the morning and then I'd go off to Uni. We had been doing a project at Uni where we were in all day, everyday and the 18th October was the final day of it. Anyway I couldnt' get hold of her on the 16th until around 11pm. I said thanks for ruining my birthday but she said sorry and all was okay, kind of. I wasn't really happy with her but I let it go. She met me at the Uni library for around half an hour on my Birthday, gave me my presents. We didn't argue, we got on really well. She then went home and all was fine. I was up till 2am that night doing Uni work so we didn't get chance to talk again. I was busy all day Friday until around 6pm. I tried texting her and ringing her but I couldn't get hold of her. So that night I just went to bed upset.
The next morning I finally get hold of her and ask her where she has been and what's going on. I said I wasn't happy about her not making more of an effort around my birthday but she can't accept any fault. We argue a bit. I have a bit of a temper. Basically I say things I don't mean when I'm upset. I always say sorry though and that I didn't mean it. I go round to her house to talk calmly and she breaks up with me. She said it's because I say too many nasty thins when I'm upset.
3 weeks pass. I only see her at work. I tell her that I'm sorry and I realise now how I spoke to her. We talks to me a bit, she tells me she's there for me if I want to talk. She kept saying we could meet up and talk about stuff but she always cancelled. She barely replied to texts even though she said she would. I told her that I'm jealous because she spends all her time with my mate and I'm scared of being replaced (not as a BF, just as a mate). I ask her if she's getting with my mate because they're always together and they were getting close. She tells me to not be stupid and that of course she's not. She said the reason she spends time with him is to get her mind off things because she's still upset.
This brings us to the Sunday just gone. I ask her again if she is with my mate but she tells me the same thing again. As we're going home on Monday morning she tells me she doesn't know when I can see her (because I'm off this weekend) but I can still text her and she'll try to make time for me. We hug and say goodbye.
I go to bed when I get in. Around 6pm I wake up and I send her a voicemail crying, saying that I'm struggling to cope without her and that I'm sorry. I don't get a reply though. I was going to avoid Facebook but for some reason I log on at 10:30pm and I see that she's now in a relationship with my mate (well.. ex mate now). I ring her, no answer. Leave her a voicemail crying asking if it is true. No reply. I send her a text asking if it is true. No reply. I ring him, no answer. I'm panicking but luckily a mate of mine who I haven't seen much in the last 3 years because of my ex answers the phone and I go round and see him for a few hours.
She still hasn't replied to me asking if it's true. I haven't tried to contact her since Monday night. It is true though, they are together and have been since the 16th October (the day before my Birthday, the day I couldn't get in touch with her). I hate her now, and him. I'm getting a transfer at work but the few people from work I have seen think it's disgusting what they have done.
I'm finding it hard to cope at the moment. I'm going to the doctors tomorrow about my depression. I don't miss her though. In a way I'm kind of free. She wouldn't really let me have mates. She wouldn't let me do what I want. She's selfish. It'll all blow up in her face though. Her lying and constant moaning will turn him off her, and the fact he goes from one girl to the next will break her heart. She's really insecure. She needs reassurance all the time. I know him though, he won't give it her. He isn't interested in a relationship, he just wants a bit of fun. And when it happens, she'll have no one to turn to. All of her mates are actually his mates, and they will take his side when things go wrong. She'll come crawling back and it'll be delicious when I tell her where to go.KING OF POP
1958 - 2009
Sorry man, that's a really $#@!ty situation. It definitely sounds best if you just go cold turkey and remain out of contact with her. She was obviously not very honest with you about her intentions or actions. Just work on yourself, if anything the experience will show you what you want/don't want in a relationship.
Hopefully the doctors visit will help things. And seriously, what a $#@!ty friend too. Next few weeks/months will be rough, just hang in there man. I hope for the best
Been there ash, I had to just "walk away" from it all and move on in my life. I did, and now I've been with my wife for 18 years.
I think I kinda know it won't happen the way I want it to, but I just have to wait.
Good luck with seeing the doctor, I've seen a few for depression before. Don't be put off if you don't get along with this particular doctor though, for some people it takes a few to find the right one, but I hope this one works out for you. It's the best thing to do to talk about your issues with someone who is unbiased and can offer coping strategies. And a word of advice, if the doc helps you and you feel better, don't stop seeing them.Disclaimer: I may or may not know what I'm talking about.
There's not much more to add other then "Cheers buddy!" gonna get smashed tonight too
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It's a wonder I haven't snapped yet. Almost been 3 years since I've had any sort of relationship, since then I've been strung along a bunch by different girls..or almost having something with someone before they inexplicably lose interest and drop off the face of the earth. I'm not a bad looking guy either and I do get compliments from girls..so that is leading me to believe there must be something fundamentally wrong about my personality that is driving these girls away.
The latest girl, who I am talking to right now. Admittedly we have met online, she lives in the same city and we haven't met in person yet. She is attractive and we have loads in common (and I mean loads, probably the most that I have ever had in common with a girl I like), After a few messages back and forth online it was actually her that gave me her number so we could text properly. Over the course of a few days we were texting back and forth quite a lot getting to know each other. A couple of nights ago the time gap between texts started getting longer and longer and the response were getting shorter. She hasn't disappeared completely yet but I can sense it's coming soon. I was about to ask her to meet in person too! I don't feel comfortable doing it now that the conversation isn't going as fast.
This sort of situation seems to happen to me everytime I pursue a girl now, and I'm honestly getting tired of it. It's pretty emotionally draining getting your hopes up time and time and giving so much attention to one girl just for them to disappear before anything has a chance to happen. It feels like I'm not even getting a real chance.
That's the end of my rant, been a while since I used this thread..needed to blow off some steam. I'm just hoping I'm not right about this one.Trophy-licious!
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Ermm... maybe leave it for a couple days and then text her again? Maybe you're coming across too strong and she doesn't like it? That's all I can guess is the problem. It'll turn out OK for you in the end though, the right women will show up when you're not looking.KING OF POP
1958 - 2009
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I'm just beginning to think that my last breakup 3 years ago must've effected me subconsciously more than I realised. I mean this has happened every time since, even with girls who have shown interest in me first.
She hasn't texted me at all today, and I'm pretty sure I shouldn't text first considering I sent the last text yesterday. I don't understand etiquette when it comes to texting girls anymore.
Last edited by Dave-The-Rave; 11-19-2013 at 17:01.Trophy-licious!
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