Birds and the Bees -Official Relationship Thread-

[HellsJester]

Well I'm 20 lol so you should have a wider choice of places to meet people. I was gonna say the interwebs if you were younger but if you did that now, all you'll encounter are 16 year olds and younger who are looking to chats for prince charming. On one hand thats convinient but at our age... just no lolz

You can meet people in clubs, bars.. the mall.. Oddly enough I've seen a pretty girl or two in front of the Wii, PS3 shelves at retailers so.. O.o School if you're still in there like I am..

But really.. People are social creatures at heart. Shouldnt be too hard if you just start small conversations with strangers you never know what happens after a "hi" so that should be something..



..................
Why am I throwing advice around? lol

Dont drink and dont go to clubs.
I have problems have conversations with just normal people let alone girls im interested in. Cant do that meet someone my friend knows either because i dont have any friends either lol. yeah we should have a biggest loser thread i bet i would win.

[triggap]

Dont drink and dont go to clubs.
I have problems have conversations with just normal people let alone girls im interested in. Cant do that meet someone my friend knows either because i dont have any friends either lol. yeah we should have a biggest loser thread i bet i would win.

meh I don't drink or go clubbing either ^^

I'd worry if I was 30 but you've still got 6 years so you'll get lucky at some point I'm sure.

Just try to relax I guess. What you can always do is the next time you go to the movies, go a little early and I guess talk to people there about the movie, impressions, anything they might be expecting or know about it. That should at least give you a starting point that's less stressful since you're just talking about a movie. Anything else after that should come based on what they tell you.

[Kopkiwi]

You have no idea how little you actually know at 14.

Likewise 18 mate.

[HellsJester]

meh I don't drink or go clubbing either ^^

I'd worry if I was 30 but you've still got 6 years so you'll get lucky at some point I'm sure.

Just try to relax I guess. What you can always do is the next time you go to the movies, go a little early and I guess talk to people there about the movie, impressions, anything they might be expecting or know about it. That should at least give you a starting point that's less stressful since you're just talking about a movie. Anything else after that should come based on what they tell you.

I guess i should go into detail when i said i have problems with conversations.
Well when someone i dont know starts talking to me i freeze up, start sweating, and i shake too and even if i could talk im pretty sure the only thing that would come out of my mouth would be mumbling and gibberish.
I think it has to do with my social anxiety. I cant be around large groups of people and stuff like that.

[triggap]

I guess i should go into detail when i said i have problems with conversations.
Well when someone i dont know starts talking to me i freeze up, start sweating, and i shake too and even if i could talk im pretty sure the only thing that would come out of my mouth would be mumbling and gibberish.
I think it has to do with my social anxiety. I cant be around large groups of people and stuff like that.

Ah.

Start really small I guess? I've been very shy with strangers for a long time and now going into Nursing school, that's kind of a bad thing to be lol

So what I've been doing is whenever I'm in a store looking at game or movies I ask the person next to me if they're looking at something closely "Hey is that any good?" or if I knew something about it I'd say "That's pretty good" or "Um, might wanna get something else dude" lol

I've read and personally found out that most people prefer answering questions since it directs them and takes away the pressure from them of coming up with a topic. If you come up with a good question that matches the setting, all you'll have to do is listen to someone talk for a bit. Hey, the more you get to know em through that, the more at ease you might feel.

[HellsJester]

Ah.

Start really small I guess? I've been very shy with strangers for a long time and now going into Nursing school, that's kind of a bad thing to be lol

So what I've been doing is whenever I'm in a store looking at game or movies I ask the person next to me if they're looking at something closely "Hey is that any good?" or if I knew something about it I'd say "That's pretty good" or "Um, might wanna get something else dude" lol

I've read and personally found out that most people prefer answering questions since it directs them and takes away the pressure from them of coming up with a topic. If you come up with a good question that matches the setting, all you'll have to do is listen to someone talk for a bit. Hey, the more you get to know em through that, the more at ease you might feel.

I dont think i could do that.
I wish i had a friend to help me out.

[triggap]

I dont think i could do that.
I wish i had a friend to help me out.

Ah well. Keep it in mind anyway. You never know, maybe you'll come across a random moment in time where things are just perfect to say "Hey, that game sucks. You should get this one." lol

[HellsJester]

Well thanks for trying.

[triggap]

Well thanks for trying.

Anytime man.

Hey, told a dude to get Oblivion when he was really agonizing over the decision of that or something else. Probably made his holiday. lol
And ruin his wife's.

The power of words man.

[Jaeger]

I'm 18, and I've been dating this 22 year old. Been on a few dates, already had sex, but I've never been to her place yet.

Turns out she's a mommy. To a 3 year old boy. I just find out and this is way beyond anything I've dealt with. She's not going to introduce me to him or anything because we don't know each other well enough, but I think I'm just gonna bail. I don't want no baby mama drama. Should I keep seeing her or cut the ties?

It all depends on how mature you think you are. If you think you're mature enough to have a relationship with this woman and not let the child come in between you then just go for it. Do you like the girl? If you do, continue to see her. She's already said that she has no plans of introducing you two just yet so I really don't see a problem in seeing her. If and when she does finally get you two together, you can sit down and think about what to do next. You're both adults and should be able to come to an agreement that works for both of you.

You might only be 18, but it's never too early to start thinking about your future - children and family, in particular. I've often sat down and thought about where I'm heading with my current girlfriend [whom I've been going out with for over a year - we've moved in together, too] and children have always popped up in my mind. I'm not saying I want one now but who's to say I don't/won't one in a year or two? Like I said earlier, it all comes down to how mature you think you are and, despite all my annoying personality traits, I think I'm more than mature enough to handle a child. The question is, though, are you?

[SharkOutofWater]

Well thanks for trying.

Well I am sure you have talked to many of us (Girls) fine on the internet.

You just have to think of it like that. As much that "Possible someone" can be intimidating to talk to.

The best thing to realize about women is, when you approach us, just be yourself. Dont try some over the top random pickupline/story. We are just as nervous as you when it comes to the someone we like (relatively, some people are more shy then others in both genders, but we are both the same).

If you are really shy when it comes to girls, pick any girl that you see often that is close to your age, and just start slowly having conversations with them. Even if it is someone you arnt interested in romantically, any practice with a girl will help you get over that initial fright of women. I am not saying just ransomly start creeping out strangers, but someone who you might see on a daily schedule or something. It may be a classmate if you are at work, or someone you work with.

Just remember, when it comes to dating and such, the other girl is most likely just as nervous as you.

[Xelis]

Don't worry Hells, Im in exactly the same situation as you , so your definitely not alone, although this is a subject I seriously hate as Im basically saying I've failed at life in societies eyes. But its just my biology and my life thus far thats given me my social anxiety, it's overcomeable but its really difficult to start the process without a friend to lend that helping hand, which is why Im trying to find a job to hopefully get the ball rolling.

I remember once a few years ago being literally sick in the town centre when off to meet up with a girl I liked. I was with a friend but it didn't help calm me down, I wasn't even bothered being sick, I just threw up and walked on, it was actually funny as people just stared .

Im not sure on my point, but just saying, your not alone and anyone that reads this and thinks its funny is very ignorant.

[SharkOutofWater]

Don't worry Hells, Im in exactly the same situation as you , so your definitely not alone, although this is a subject I seriously hate as Im basically saying I've failed at life in societies eyes. But its just my biology and my life thus far thats given me my social anxiety, it's overcomeable but its really difficult to start the process without a friend to lend that helping hand, which is why Im trying to find a job to hopefully get the ball rolling.

I remember once a few years ago being literally sick in the town centre when off to meet up with a girl I liked. I was with a friend but it didn't help calm me down, I wasn't even bothered being sick, I just threw up and walked on, it was actually funny as people just stared .

Im not sure on my point, but just saying, your not alone and anyone that reads this and thinks its funny is very ignorant.

Tried to +rep you for this post, but couldnt due to me repping you recently (or me just not repping other people).

[Xelis]

Tried to +rep you for this post, but couldnt due to me repping you recently (or me just not repping other people).

28th October last rep for you, must be spreading the reppage too much .

[holly]

I'm 18, and I've been dating this 22 year old. Been on a few dates, already had sex, but I've never been to her place yet.

Turns out she's a mommy. To a 3 year old boy. I just find out and this is way beyond anything I've dealt with. She's not going to introduce me to him or anything because we don't know each other well enough, but I think I'm just gonna bail. I don't want no baby mama drama. Should I keep seeing her or cut the ties?

I'm going to try and offer some advice also.

First of all, you need to think about what you want. Considering she's 22 with a child means that she's probably looking for something serious. And you're only 18 so do you actually want something serious right now?

The fact that she has a child also means she could be looking for someone to be a father to her child. After all, her child is probably the most important thing in her life. Also, if you get involved with her further you are likely to be introduced to the child and maybe become a part of it's life. If it gets to this stage, you can't be messing around becuase ulitimately it's not fair on the child if you're in and out of their life, even though the relationsip is ultimately between you and her. Children are very delicate and they look up to the people older than them. This is why it's important you figure out what you want.

Saying that, you should do what makes you happy, if you're happy with her and are having fun then stay with her. Just be mindful of the situation. If you're not prepared for all this, seriously think about breaking the relationship off.

Well I am sure you have talked to many of us (Girls) fine on the internet.

You just have to think of it like that. As much that "Possible someone" can be intimidating to talk to.

The best thing to realize about women is, when you approach us, just be yourself. Dont try some over the top random pickupline/story. We are just as nervous as you when it comes to the someone we like (relatively, some people are more shy then others in both genders, but we are both the same).

If you are really shy when it comes to girls, pick any girl that you see often that is close to your age, and just start slowly having conversations with them. Even if it is someone you arnt interested in romantically, any practice with a girl will help you get over that initial fright of women. I am not saying just ransomly start creeping out strangers, but someone who you might see on a daily schedule or something. It may be a classmate if you are at work, or someone you work with.

Just remember, when it comes to dating and such, the other girl is most likely just as nervous as you.

I second that.

Also:

Hellsjester, you talk to us girls fine on the internet. The difference between here and real life is that you don't have to face us so you can't be put off by our body language and you have time to think about what you're going to say.

So, in real life you should think about what you could talk to a girl about, asking her lots questions, any comments, same interests or anything. A good way to meet a girl is through something you're interested in, like doing a sport or joining a club or something like that. That way you instantly have something to talk about.

Most people worry too much what people are thinking about them when they talk to them the first time. In reality though people quite like people being friendly towards them and don't mind at all if someone just strikes a conversation up out of nowhere with them. I like it when someone just starts speaking to me. You shouldn't get too paranoid aboiut what the girl is going to think of you.

Don't worry too much, most of us are nice

[SharkOutofWater]

28th October last rep for you, must be spreading the reppage too much .

Wow, apparently I dont rep a whole lot.....

[Sektor]

Whats with people making such random threads these days..

I think this is a great thread idea.

I'm only 17 (18 very soon if that counts) so I may not be able to hand out great advice but I will contribute on what I can.
I have a question.

What do you do if your extremely picky about a partner to the point where they have to be near perfect?

It's a flaw of mine =/

I do like this girl and we used to talk and stuff. But since I broke up from col we ain't talked in ages. I know she likes me, and I obv. like her (Big thing for me, as I stated above, I am picky as hell) But we only see eachother now and then. I can talk to girls fine, but it's only so hard because we really don't know eacother and are not in the same friend groups at all.

Any advice?

[Xelis]

On Dom's subject, although I have zero experience, but using what I've observed and read. I'd say, just talk to her, simple as that, tell her your feelings on her having a child and you feel uncomfortable raising another mans child while your with her, she could fully understand and either decide to mutually break off the relationship or come to an agreement that you'll continue to date and when your ready introduce the child into the relationship.

Ditching her like shes hot coffee with the mind set of 'well theres plenty where she came from' is definitely not the way to go.

[Jaeger]

Adopting the whole 'plenty of fish in the sea' tactic is a disaster waiting to happen. Contrary to belief, there AREN'T plenty of fish in the sea. Infact, due to the huge increase of pollution in the sea and dramatic change of climate due to global warming, I think you'll find that numbers of fish are pretty low - if you get one and you like what you have, keep it, and work on it. Just try and make it work rather than giving up halfway through and ditching her.

[saleenf5]

Meh i alwas have problem with the initial "hi" moment........ like i get super nervouse but some of my BEST friends are girls so its wierd...

[Lethalmind]

Most people worry too much what people are thinking about them when they talk to them the first time. In reality though people quite like people being friendly towards them and don't mind at all if someone just strikes a conversation up out of nowhere with them. I like it when someone just starts speaking to me. You shouldn't get too paranoid aboiut what the girl is going to think of you.

Don't worry too much, most of us are nice

That is a HUGE case for me. I can't see why it's just that my nerves really work up when it's time for initial contact with a girl. By that I mean the first time talking to them. It tends to settle down after a while but it happens to make with every girl I've tried to talk to. It's one of the few times I get extremely self-conscience. I start to worry about how they feel about me like am I attractive to her? Does she like me clothes? Is what I'm saying interesting to her?

It also helps that I don't talk much and grew up making a significantly scarce amount of eye contact. I've only now recently grown out of being shy but I still have alot to work on. Hard to find common interest at times with girls my age. I hate the music that comes out, I don't like the tight clothes fashion in NYC, and I'm a sports fanatic. Doesn't work well but I'll find something. I care for others more than myself so it's hard telling people about me

[SharkOutofWater]

I was the shyest person in the world when I moved out of my parents, and went to university. Had no friends there for the first few months, and basically just stayed away from everybody. Everything was so different then home, and there were so many more people.

Since I needed a part time job to help pay for school, I ended up getting one at a local club (as they always want the female bartenders to bring in the guys). I figured it would force me to socialize with the guests, and get over it. Man did it work. I now have no problem talking to anybody or anyone.

Now I dont know if I would recommend getting a job that forces you to interact, as some people might break down, and it would cause more harm then good, but what I would reccommend is putting yourself in the position to talk to people more and more, and you will slowly work your way out of any shyness you have.

[Lethalmind]

I figure a job would definitely help with socializing, but it's also hard to find a job these days. It's best that people hold on to their jobs, but that's another topic. Confidence also plays a major role and keeping composure is key too.

[holly]

That is a HUGE case for me. I can't see why it's just that my nerves really work up when it's time for initial contact with a girl. By that I mean the first time talking to them. It tends to settle down after a while but it happens to make with every girl I've tried to talk to. It's one of the few times I get extremely self-conscience. I start to worry about how they feel about me like am I attractive to her? Does she like me clothes? Is what I'm saying interesting to her?

It also helps that I don't talk much and grew up making a significantly scarce amount of eye contact. I've only now recently grown out of being shy but I still have alot to work on. Hard to find common interest at times with girls my age. I hate the music that comes out, I don't like the tight clothes fashion in NYC, and I'm a sports fanatic. Doesn't work well but I'll find something. I care for others more than myself so it's hard telling people about me

Most people worry about these things when they first talk to a guy/girl that they really like. The thing you got to get your head around is when they are talking to you the first time do you actually evaluate whether they are atrractive, what clothes they are wearing, if they are saying interesting things? Well, yes you do, but you don't actually do it to a great extent, you do it subtly because of course you always have a first impression of someone and you just do it to get an overall idea of what someone is like. What i'm trying to get at is that you won't closely analyse someone when you first meet them. So, the girl that you talk to won't closely analyse you when you first meet them. They will build an impression of you over time. So, these things that you are worrying about aren't such a big deal in reality if you get me? As long as you come across nice and polite the girl will just get the impression that your nice and polite and then the next time they meet you they will found out more about you and their impression of you will change gradually. I know you're polite and genuine so any girl that you talk to will just get an impression of what a nice a guy you are and that is what matters.

About the second thing you said about meeting a girl who has common interests with you, saying that it will be hard. Don't worry, there will be a girl out there who will be share similar interests. My boyfriend is a huge gamer, he's quite picky about foods, he only likes certain music. The things he likes are quite specific. Plus, he finds a lot of girls annoying and only likes a few of them. However, me and him share a lot of similar qualities and aspects of our personalities. There will be someone who is similar to you.

[Mael Duin]

Eh, you can get free kisses from girls in clubs when you say that you are sad because you have kissed as many boys as you have girls. %)

Okay, I'm actually very shy. In clubs I never try to talk anyone if not needed because I worry too much. I have low self-esteem about my looks and "charm" if I may say so. I'm very slim and I don't think I'm most handsome guy there so I just rather not try to talk to anyone. That isn't only one thought. Usually in clubs I don't see girls which look like someone I would like. They are usually not for my taste or rather...slutty if I may say so (as in too much makeups etc). I don't go out so much and if I go, its either clubs or something where I won't meet new people Of course there is internet but I find it little too unreliable, even thought I found my two ex-gfs there. Especially now it feels unreliable when I'm 23 and just getting older

There is one girl I like but could be that she doesn't like me in that way or that she is just too... Well lets just say that she doesn't live in the same town as I, cant move out from her parents house, she doesn't work in any place or study and she is too timid and unreliable in sense that if she promises that she will come here, she cancels it because she doesn't want to take a trip. First I thought its only about me but then I saw that she does the same for everyone. I really like her but she is so difficult. Sometimes I feel annoyed that I like her because while she is funny, nice, makes me feel happy etc., she's also unreliable and so much stuck to her friend.
Blargh, I hate these kind of things. I really like her but then again I don't want to. So ronery ;_;~