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Thread: Me and Wife

  1. #1
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    Me and Wife

    I sometimes update my facebook statuses and write about something funny that happened between me and my wife. A few are about my son Rehan (1 year and 3 months now) and some are random, figured you guys might get a kick out of it like I did.

    Post yours if you'd like as well. Having a wife is not required.

    ME & WIFE

    Wife: Do you like Korean soap operas?

    Me: No.
    Wife: Let's watch this one!
    Me: I don't think you're supposed to go forward with it if I said "no" to the first question.
    Wife: I'm putting it on!
    Me: Ok.


    Me: *trying to start a conversation* We should goto that Asian restaurant again sometime.

    Sumi: Ok.
    ...I wonder if my free gift-card arrived in the mail yet.
    Me: >_> Oh yea, I was wondering about that too all morning.
    Sumi: Really!? <(=^_^=)>
    Me: No. >_>
    Sumi: LOL I thought you were starting to think like me.
    Me: Hmm...not...there...yet. <_<


    Sumayya: Why do you want chocolate on your strawberries?
    Me: cause i wanna eat it.


    Sumi: Do I look fat?
    Me: No.
    Sumi: The scale says that I gained weight.
    Me: Yea that scale is wrong.
    Sumi: Awwww thanks Umer! <(=^_^=)>


    Me: Could you check how fast the download is going?

    Sumi: It says 1.2MB/s. Why is it going so slow?
    Me: *loud prolonged evil laughter*


    *Months before marriage*

    Me: So I wanted my parents to come over your house and talk it over with your parents. Could you tell me where you live?
    Sumi: *gives address* It's the house with the dark clouds on top of it.
    Me: -_- Is there more where that came from?


    Sumayya: Look in the side pockets umer.

    Me: Thanks captain obvious.
    Sumayya: Umer, that's so first grade.
    Me: No $#@! sherlock.


    Sumayya: Why do you keep checking your facebook?

    Do you have a GIRLFRIEND?


    Sumi: I'm making my eye brows...and moustache.

    Me: Omg! Make 'em into like those hungarian ones!


    Note to *self*: Sumayya is not high maintenance, she's just indecisive.



    Sumi: When we get divorced, I get Rehan.

    Me: Don't you mean, if?
    Sumi: He he he he.


    Sumi: You wanna get some soda? *sparkly eyes*

    Me: Yea, I already put one in the fridge.
    Sumi: *gasp* I put one in there too!
    Me: Wait, you knew about my soda?


    Me: Could you fill up on gas on your way to the mart?
    Sumayya: When was the last time you got gas?
    Me: When I ate those beans.
    Sumayya: Wow, that was 2 weeks ago, no?
    Me: ...


    Hi, I'm Mug and I don't like to take precaution that might lead me to avoid burning my fingers and cry like a little girl.
    ^tried nicknaming my wife "mug", didn't take off...I never stick with nicknames.


    Sumayya: I think you're deaf.

    Me: No. I think you have speech impediment.


    Omar: Sumi, you are amazing.

    Sumi: Thank you, Omar.
    ^She made my part up and posted this status on my profile. Pretty obvious too...she forgot that I never write my name...what a newb!


    Sumayya: I sort of miss the time when I was expecting, even though I hated every minute of it.

    Me: Oh yea? Why is that?
    Sumayya: Well, everyone treated me so special. "Come in." "Sit down." "Have some food."
    Me: But nobody treated you that way.
    Sumayya: Well...that lady at Wal-Mart gave me a cart once.
    Me. Oh yea yea.
    I wanna give you a hug right now


    Sumi: I used to think I was the girl from Raincoat, I'd stay in the basement because it looked dark, like the room in the movie.

    Umer: It's ok, I thought I was Jack Nicholson from As Good as It Gets so I skipped all the cracks during my highschool senior year.
    Sumi: Wow lol that's lame.
    Umer: -_-


    Me: It's alright, I'll pick up the pizza myself so you can take care of the baby.

    Sumi: No, I really want us to come with you.
    Me: ...You wanna eat the pizza on the way.
    Sumi: Yea *laughs out really loud*


    Mug's philosophy: I can find any person on Television "handsome" as long as he looks like my husband.


    note to self: just buy sumayya something, don't ask her to make a choice.


    Me: Sumi, you could be a really good detective. You'll be all like,

    "Did you kill this man?"
    "No. I didn't do it."
    "Tell me the truth!"
    "I didn't do it."
    "Ok then say Wallahi."
    "...Awww. :/"
    ^Wallahi means to swear on your faith. Joke is that every time she wants me to tell her the truth, she asks me to swear on my faith.


    Asking a Man for Opinion.

    Sumi: Purple or Blue?
    Me: Purple because that's the one you have on right now.
    Sumi: ...


    *lightning outside*
    Sumayya: *gasps with dazed eyes* ohhhh....earthquake!
    Me: You're a dork.


    Me & Son


    *Watching TV*

    I turn towards Rehan and ask him, "Are you pooping?"
    Rehan says, "Haee." as he looks at me with a slight smile and a gentle groan.
    Me: You're pooping, aren't you?
    Rehan: Taaee.
    Me: I know you're pooping.
    Rehan: Taeeee.
    Me: I heard you groan.
    Rehan: ...Hai.


    *watching children's program with son*
    Jack Black: Hi, I'm Jack.
    Elmo: and Elmo's Elmo.
    Me: ...shut up Elmo.


    When is it a good time to change your toddler's diaper?
    The best answer I've found so far is when the toddler takes it off himself and throws it at you.


    anyone up for adoption?



    " gb vbn mn b , m,nnnnnnnnnnknjkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkm kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk,m m" - Rehan


    Random


    Me: Alright Tim (co-worker), see you later.
    Tim: Thanks for the warning.
    Me: ... >_>


    PlayStation Network down. Day 12. Reevaluating life.


    Not a single black person at Whole Foods and not a single white person at Save-a-Lot. There's definitely communication problems here, they're both awesome places to go grocery shopping people! Mix it up a little!


    saw a $#@!roach, did not scream.


    I don't know what's more sad, the fact that not a single child came to our door for trick or treat, or the fact that if they did show up, we would've given them natural green tea candy which we couldn't finish from 5 months ago.


    To commercial people who use Advil after playing tennis: Stop playing tennis if it hurts that bad.


    Things I learned about Sesame Street as an adult:
    Telly: is a 40-year-old insecure monster who hangs out with other children monsters.
    Burt and Ernie: are not brothers or cousins, however they sleep in the same room...and there's no sign of their parents.
    Big Bird: is a male and has pink eye shadow.
    Super Grover: is a foreigner. \o/
    Cookie Monster: has a speech disability, sounds disturbing when eating a cookie.
    Elmo: is not cute; is a smartass, does not act his age (2) and is downright creepy at times.


    What if the Hare was a hard-working Asian who didn't feel like stopping along the way?



    Me: Ma'am, you qualify for our quarterly promotion. Just spend on groceries and get 5% cash back. Please call us every quarter to get this promotion.
    Lady: Why do we have to call every quarter to ask for this promotion? Why not automate it?
    Me: Oh, that's so we can sell you more things.
    *2 weeks later*
    Supervisor: Omar...I'm not sure if this is the right job for you.
    Me: ALRIGHT "FIINE" I'll quit.


    Everyone should know that I'm going to get some wife beaters.


    I've been watching Cookie Monster closely while watching Sesame Street reruns and I feel that it's only ethical and the proper thing for him to remove Cookie from his title since of all the episodes I've seen thus far, he has yet to consume a single cookie.

    It's interesting to note that he pretends to like cookies very much. Then he proceeds to eat them usually through negotiation or at times through force. However, one thing he doesn't want you to see is what happens in the duration of all of this.

    In you look closely, you can literally see small fragments of the cookies falling from the sides of his mouth as the supposed "Cookie" Monster cleverly creates a successfully distracting commotion by fiddling his fingers around his mouth while raunchily munching perfectly good cookies that could otherwise be given to the needy or the homeless.

    All I have to say to Mr. Monster is that, sir, you may have tricked many others but you will not trick this analyst.


    Me: Junk...junk.....junk.
    *moments pass*
    ooo it says,"you've been selected"!
    Let's see, I like things where I get selected. I'm going to open this right now.
    *opens*
    ooooo I've been selected for a fake-looking American Express credit card!


    Meanwhile *during break at work*
    Me: So where is the sign that says "Watch out for 10 wet-floor signs scattered all around the restroom".
    Janitor: Haaaa
    Last edited by Omar; 12-12-2011 at 01:57.

  2. #2
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    hahah thanks for the laugh. 8 )
    "There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't.

  3. #3
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    You're pooping aren't you?

    Should be my wife and I.....

    Focus. Control. Conviction. Resolve. A true ace lacks none of these attributes. Nothing can deter you from the task at hand except your own fears. This is your sky.

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    Quote Originally Posted by podsaurus View Post
    You're pooping aren't you?

    Should be my wife and I.....
    $#@!. That's exactly why I clicked.
    I once ate a dirty sock...don't tell anyone.
    World domination has taken a momentary setback...talk amongst yourselves in the meantime.
    UK>America. its just true

  5. Likes bash likes this post
  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by podsaurus View Post
    Should be my wife and I.....
    Quote Originally Posted by Xelios View Post
    $#@!. That's exactly why I clicked.
    you guys

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sufi View Post
    you guys
    well technically it could be said that it sound like you're objectifying her in your current title

    ♥ ∈ ∅

    The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity Abraham Lincoln
    The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

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    Me: Alright Tim (co-worker), see you later.
    Tim: Thanks for the warning.
    Me: ... >_>


  9. #8
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    Post a pic of her...
    20...

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