Are children better off without physical punishments?

[btbam]

Spank em! My pops had a paddle when we'd get too far outta line. I'm fine with it as long as it's not the go to punshment for every little thing.

[Beast of Bourbon]

Seriously theres nothing wrong with a few spanks on the ass or things like that.
I wouldn't use a stick or punch them though... thats over the top ans just shouldn't be necessary if your kids respect you.

[MjW]

I see violence against kids as a parenting failure. There are civilised ways to raise children.

[mankind]

For me I got an ass kicking for being bad, did it help? No. It made me get into trouble even more as I knew if I was caught I would get a beaten, it was like excitement but the beatings were not.

[podsaurus]

Okay, question, would you physically punish a kid with a mental problem, like ADHD and etc?

No I wouldn't do that. Same with any kid who has autism or something like that. I just don't like that some parents will use a mental illness as a cop out because they're not a good parent and can't control their kid. They can't control their kid and don't want to try so they call somebody up and say their kid is sick.

It's the easy way out for parents who don't know how to be parents.

[[DT]]

The problem - illustrated right in the posts in this thread - is the subjective range/intensity of physical punishment. We’ve got a hitting on the bottom, hitting with belts/sticks, slapping/smacking in the head/face ... and how do you control the force when you’re responding to something that makes you angry? Oh, I ask my 3-4 year old not to touch something I value, they do and break it, so I “smack them”. OK, and you’re sure as someone who outweighs them by 100 or more lbs, that strike to their face wasn’t too hard?

Coupling “punishment" with physical contact is a bad connection to reinforce - so now your 13 year old responds to other kids how? A punch in the face?

Anyway, as parents, we won’t don’t and won’t be using any physical punishment. Our almost-4 year old is incredibly well behaved, articulate, thoughtful, caring without raising a hand to her. We established rules, rewards, consequences from day one and that’s been ingrained into her psychology.

Same with me ... I’ve seen a few posters say “I was beat and look at me” ... goes both ways, I wasn’t, and I’m not going to toot my own horn, but I’ve done pretty well (and I’m _far_ from a p**** flower child )

[darky89]

Given NO child is the same and all children respond differently, saying 'same as any kid' isn't that descriptive...

Well, I believe what he means is that he wasn't particularly bad, just messed up the same as everyone does, not to one extreme or the other.

Definitely agree with smacking on the bum. Actual beatings seems too far to me.

[spyrde]

Well I was raised so that I never really needed a beating, but my dad did sometimes grab me and show me who the man of the house was. Trust me, every time I knew I had done something wrong I knew shit was about to go down. I believe in the concept, that other punishments work just as well as physical punishments. Once you start confiscating their belongings and setting limits they'll learn to stop.

[Bigdoggy]

I have spanked my kids once. I never constantly yell, nor do I always physically punish. There is a difference believe it or not. If you constantly yell, the child gets use to it, when I'm angry I use a calm but stern voice and a kid seems to listen to it more Vs yelling which they would listen at first but over time it becomes nothing. If I do happen to yell, they know I mean it.

The reason I come to that conlusion of a child being use to yelling overtime is that when we were at a park, quite a few times, there was always that parent constantly yelling, being loud, yet her kids didn't listen to one word and they would laugh. I have to almost believe she was a city dweller because it's usually those city people that use loud voices all the time, they always are yelling.

[Beast of Bourbon]

Maybe we can replace beatings with:
-i'll take away your cell for 2 weeks
-i'll delete your Pokemon savegames
-Internet's locked for the next 10 days etc. etc.

I'm sure they'll be begging for the belt

[darky89]

Maybe we can replace beatings with:
-i'll take away your cell for 2 weeks
-i'll delete your Pokemon savegames
-Internet's locked for the next 10 days etc. etc.

I'm sure they'll be begging for the belt

Too far man, too far.

You're right though. Nowadays taking away stuff like mobiles, internet would probably do a good job.

[BoyBettaKnow]

I come from a Caribbean family, That meant whenever and I mean whenever i got out of line i was setting myself up for a beating. Belts, slippers, spoons, folders, pillows, sticks you name it, i got hit with it. I thank them for it as well, it brought me up to be a good person as i understood bad things = high probability of me crying and being in pain.

I get really annoyed when i hear parents that are against physical punishment. I don't expect people to go around laying a hay-maker on their children but a simple slap on either cheek (bottom/face) is more than enough to teach children, it taught and worked for me and it's the way I'll treat my children when i eventually have them.

Nothing more infuriating and seeing a parent shouting at their child when in a shop "GET BACK HERE NOW, DON'T LET ME TELL YOU AGAIN... AND AGAIN AND AGAIN". That wouldn't of happened in my family. If i was out of order my Mum or any other family member would tell me once to come back and if i didn't then i'd get a slap in front over everyone. It made me learn. Shouting at your kid in front of everyone whilst they are walking away from you just makes you look like someone who has lost control of their child.

with a big fat IMO


EDIT:In response to the OP my child wouldn't get that far out of line, especially more than once. They'd also have the respect to not spit in anyones face let alone my partners. So in short, yes they would receive a beating but i also don't think they'd get to that stage as i'd make sure to bring my child up with manners and respect. Something many young parents forget to do with their children.

Hell, i STILL can't swear within earshot of my mum. Not because she'd hit me but out of pure respect. I always get so shocked when i hear little kids swearing and their parents not even batting an eye lid.

[Lethal_NFS]

Kids today are so much worse than in the 80's and part of the 90's. Kids do not fear the "timeout". My dad would whoop my ass!!!!! And I deserved it. My dad whooped me so bad when I was 12yrs old that I decided that getting in trouble just hurt too much. I stopped stealing and pretty much became a good kid. Growing up in Chicago, there is a huge chance that you will get in to some serious trouble as you get older. Those ass whoopins set me straight and I stayed my ass out of trouble.

Physical punishment is a must in my opinion. Kids must have something to be afraid of. Not afraid of the parent, but afraid of the punishment.

And yes, I spank my kids.

[Yuuichi]

No kids are more spoiled than ever because they dont get smacks on ass because parents scared cause everyone else is quick to scream child abuse. There is a big phat line between abuse and spanking.

[spyrde]

Hell, i STILL can't swear within earshot of my mum. Not because she'd hit me but out of pure respect. I always get so shocked when i hear little kids swearing and their parents not even batting an eye lid.

Ha, that's actually something that bothered, and still bothers me a lot. I know friends whose parents let them swear all the time and let them say whatever they want to them without real consequences. I never got beatings, but I sure got my mouth washed with soap a couple of times when I used bad language. I only got that kind of treatment when I was fairly little, but it stuck to me for the rest of my childhood. Even though my parents still swore, they used it on such occasions that you knew that shit was going down.

[Enthroll]

not many kids that get beat end up fat.

That is the most moronic, deficient comment I've seen today !

I see violence against kids as a parenting failure. There are civilised ways to raise children.

I completely agree with you ! But I guess it's more effortless to resort to violence to establish authority and discipline.

No I wouldn't do that. Same with any kid who has autism or something like that.

I'm really curious: why the discrimination on your part ? A normal kid wouldn't feel the powerful slap coming from your way?
What makes you think a "normal" one would deal with it better ?

I believe part of the problems we have today (violence in all forms for one) could be corrected if parents won't beat up their children and teach and show them something different. First model you have in life as a human being is your parents and family and how you were treated in that environment. It's hard and takes some effort to escape a faulty model like that and when you grow older your view of your parents is different.

[BoyBettaKnow]

I believe part of the problems we have today (violence in all forms for one) could be corrected if parents won't beat up their children and teach and show them something different. First model you have in life as a human being is your parents and family and how you were treated in that environment. It's hard and takes some effort to escape a faulty model like that and when you grow older your view of your parents is different.

Don't talk bullshit.

I'd put a bet and say i was probably beaten more than most other members in this thread (I wasn't a problem child but i did take the piss quite a bit) and i have never not once thought any different to any of my family members that hit me. They did it for one reason and that was to teach me what i was doing was wrong. Discipline starts at home. It's down to the parents to enforce the way their children act and sometimes just using words doesn't work, you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes. Even if i could go back in time i would take the beatings all over again as they helped form me into the person I am today.

To say it's failure at parenting is fucking stupid and ignorant.

[Sylar]

I think a slap on the ass or a clip around the ear is fine, that always taught me when I was going too far or being a pain in the ass. Also stopping us from playing toys/games/going outside or making us tidy our rooms stopped me from playing up.
So yeah I'd say that kids are better off with some form of punishment in order to keep respect in the household.


People who abuse & beat children are scum.

[BoyBettaKnow]

People who abuse & beat children are scum.

Agreed. Though some people will be quick to shout out child abuse if you make contact with a child. There is a very big line between child abuse and discipline

[Blacksite]

Maybe some discipline can be instilled with a bit of physical punishment, but by and large it can screw with the emotional development of a child. I know that people like to brag and say that they "toughened it out" but that's not always the case. It's even more ridiculous when the people advocating this kind of method don't have any children of their own. How would you react if you were looking down at your kid with a belt in your hand and your child was crying his eyes out in front of you? How do you know that your child won't grow up to think that violence is the solution to life's problems? I don't think I could live with myself if I have kids of my own, only to have them fear me every time I make my way through the front door.

I didn't just receive a slap on the cheek. I was beaten with a belt for a couple years before I moved away from my mother to live with my father and stepmother. My self-esteem was pretty low back then. I even had suicidal thoughts and for a while I was scared to visit my mother when school was out for the summer or Christmas break but I did anyway. Funnily enough, when I raised my hand to my brother one day it was my mother who stopped me before I could inflict any pain. Same thing with my sister. One day she pissed me off (over something stupid, really) and I almost hit her. But my father intervened and had a word with me. Who knows how I could have turned out if they weren't there to teach me right from wrong.

Here's an idea; actually talk to him or her and explain that what they did was wrong. The reason society looks down at physical punishment is because hate never breeds good results. Call these people who are against a barbaric method of discipline "a bunch of pussies" if you think that justifies your actions but remember that wives also receive their own "physical punishment" from their husbands. Why do you think that is? Did these angry people just fall out of the sky or are they a product of strict punishing methods inflicted upon them from an early childhood?

[admartian]

pfft, psychical punishment is for amateur parents.

Psychological warfare is the way to go.

for the lols:

I see your Russell Peters, and raise you Louis C.K.



To be honest, it reaks of laziness and frustration to physically punish (at least overtly) children especially at a young age.

You're more taking your frustration out on them rather than trying to correct behaviour at its root.

However, to all parents out there, you should raise your children as you see fit, providing it isn't inappropriate or abusive.

[podsaurus]

I'm really curious: why the discrimination on your part ? A normal kid wouldn't feel the powerful slap coming from your way?
What makes you think a "normal" one would deal with it better ?

What I mean is if the kid has some kind of mental problem, they are on meds and they do something wrong I'm not going to spank them. (Spanking IS as far as I would go. I was never really spanked, it was always mental warfare for me. But if it's appropriate I got spanked.) If the mental problem is so bad they don't understand what they say or do is wrong of course I'm not going to hold them responsible.

Now if the kid IS on meds and is fully competent of right and wrong the kid gets spanked. Regardless of mental disease or not, if the kid knows right and wrong, they make the decision to swear at their parents or knock something over and break it they're getting punished.

If a child who is mentally healthy, no problems, but decides to knock over my PS3 and breaks it, hell no they're not getting a free pass. If the same thing happened to a child having a schizophrenic episode and in the ensuing chaos knocks the PS3 over and breaks it, of course I'm not going to spank that kid. I'm going to try and calm them down and take them to the hospital to get them help.

The question you have to ask is, does the child know right and wrong and can they make a rational decision?

[wesmore24]

It depends on the kid. I have learned from experience that both non-violent and violent punishments dont work. All they do is make the child fearful of the parent(s). The non-violent affect just makes the child cautious for awhile, but eventually the affect wares off.

[Acid Snake]

Kids these days don't give a shit if you take away their cell, computer, or whatever else. They're still gonna act like brats that need a good ass whopping.

[itachi73378]

I find that people who didn't get beaten feel like parents are some kind of dumb savages that beat their kids for no reason. And that if they do beat their kid, the child immediately turn maniac or has a mental breakdown.

I respect my parents for beating me, and now that my parent have stopped to do the same with my younger siblings, I see my siblings talk shit to them. It infuriates me so much that someday I'll beat the crap out of my younger brother or sister if they talk like that to my Mother or Father. Children NEED to be taught their place.

If you didn't get beaten but turned out fine, that was splendid. But I've seen far too many spoiled brats to believe that beating is unnecessary.

EDIT: oh and I feel the need to mention that by beating I mean only to discipline not abuse. Those parents have something wrong withthem. They probably are troubled themselves.