Duke Nukem Forever Review
- Posted June 16th, 2011 at 19:10 EDT by Adam Dolge
- 17 Comments
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The aging loud-mouth hero does not take himself too seriously in Duke Nukem Forever, and neither should you. Overall, nostalgia simply is not enough to save this bland and repetitive shooter.
- The occasional enjoyable action sequence
- The shrinking segments add a nice twist to the proceedings
- The nostalgia factor
- The bland and repetitive levels
- The poor platforming sections and frustrating load times
- The subpar visuals and audio
(continued from previous page) ...to jump around from ledge to ledge, or balance his weight on narrow walkways.
Actually, I take that all back; the real frustration is not just the platforming sections, but the obnoxiously long load times. These wouldn’t prove as frustrating if I were waiting for the game to render a sumptuous visual showcase, lengthy levels, interesting cinematics, or anything slightly worth making the player doze off for a bit, but DNF is practically devoid of any elements to justify such absurd load times. Some people would say this is a dumb complaint, and while I won’t claim that it ruins the experience, it just turns the game into a chore.
There are some redeeming qualities, of course. For instance, the levels where you play as a pint-sized Duke help relieve the monotony and actually make the dull puzzles somewhat interesting. I especially liked the level in The Duke Burger because it highlighted the two things the game does well: offer an enormously un-charming helping of Duke-nostalgia and feature some mildly enjoyable (dare I say fun) shrunken puzzle and platforming sections. This level was fun for a good 10 minutes, and that’s saying a lot.
Despite the lack of variety, enemies in DNF are somewhat decent and surprisingly competent; some of them will charge you for a full-on attack, while others will teleport right behind you to take Duke by surprise. When you finally do get to shoot something, it’s generally refreshing—but, that could have more to do with the fact the game often neglects much of the standout action segments involved in a proper first-person shooter. Since you only carry two weapons, Duke feels like he’s playing the whole story with a tight little skirt on compared to the Duke we all knew and loved—he could hold whatever the hell he wanted. Other highlights include shooting spaceships via your helicopter (or some form of airship). Again, these levels are enjoyable simply because you are actually doing something half exciting.
Any attempt to make DNF feel like a mature game—you know, the kind for adults—is absolutely lost on really poor character designs and bland graphics. Killing aliens is like shooting a refrigerator. Stuff just sort of explodes on screen and there is a serious problem with hit detection. Violence isn’t really a mature subject anymore; hell, just turn your TV on and either watch the local news or your favorite cop drama and you’ll find more blood and gore than in DNF. What is still unacceptable, at least here in the overly conservative-American society, is boobies, even crappy pixilated versions. Duke has always given us some rude, macho catch phrases, and he is sure a stickler for strippers—he still is, thankfully. When you get to his strip club, about halfway through the game, you are rewarded with one of the most bizarre moments in recent gaming. Picture this: A fetch quest in a strip club where girls are not taking their clothes off. That is somehow supposed to either be funny like a throwback or something, or oddly sexual. It’s neither of these things and it will likely remind you that Duke has now turned into that creepy old man from Family Guy -- you know, the guy who whistles while he talks and has a hard-on for Chris. Yup, Duke is just a creepy old man.
Perhaps there are some people out there who find this stuff entertaining, and I’ll admit that there were a few moments I laughed—but that may have been out of psycho-frustration-syndrome. DNF tries very hard to be all about its lead character, reminding us aging gamers that we once thought this passed as quality gaming. But, I tell you, back in the day, Duke was awesome. He just lost his way. Maybe it’s something that you either get or don’t get, but even if you get him, the core game is just really dull.
The tacked-on multiplayer, including standard deathmatch and capture the flag modes, are all well and fine, but that’s if you can even find a match. If you can, hopefully it doesn’t lag out too badly. For what it’s worth, there are some serious issues with graphics and sound throughout the game—namely that the presentation is simply incredibly poor. That doesn’t ... (continued on next page)
DreDayDetox | That's for me to know and you to find out.
- 2:33pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
"People are pretty cynical these days. They love anything that reminds them of their idyllic youth, even if their younger selves would laugh straight in their faces for still thinking PBR is worth the day-after colon cleanse, or somehow the thick-rimmed glasses they wore in first-grade are still hip"
Somehow, you're taking a jab at me. Well $#^^ yourself, how about that?!
- 2:33pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
The nostalgia of this consumes me... so I don't care what anyone says I'm getting it and playing it.
I'm a massive fan of B-movies for all the reasons people don't like this game. I wonder if the same idea will translate into gaming from movies.
- 3:18pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
so Duke Nukem wasn't that great after all?
- 3:29pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
I've been playing DNF, is it the best game every? No. Does it have the best graphics? No. Does it do a good job at providing people with what they wanted for so long, a new Duke Nukem game? Yes. This game won't break any records, but if you did really love Duke 12 years ago, you will enjoy a lot of this game. Really the only parts of the game I dislike are the retarded puzzles that plague this game from being an all out action shooter.
- 3:58pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
i have completed the game and i must say i was dissapointed i am a big fan of duke nukem and at first i was happy as a fat man with a free pass to all you can eat buffet when i started playing it and got a trophie for throwing a piece of s**t i found in the toilet and drwaing a pair of boobs on the white board made me laugh but the loading time and how short the levels where took the smile off my face
Don Oliveira | Other_
- 4:05pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
Good review, but from what I've played of DNF, I think you were too generous, Adam :)
- 4:17pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
@5 - Awesome comment, loved it :)
- 4:24pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
the game probably isn't all that much worse than the original duke 3d games. It's just the games back then were fresher because the tech and concept was so much newer.
These days, it's just yet another shooter but with a juvenile spokesperson
- 5:30pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
this bad review for an old license makes me want to play Redneck rampage
- 7:03pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
I think this entire Review is a load of crap. EVERY and that is not an exaggeration of any kind, literally EVERY modern FPS is the same. The only new things about them is usually graphics. Duke wasn\'t MEANT to be the way it is, but with the company spending 10 years playing with their d*cks, they wanted to hurry up and get the game out the window. Point made. Peace out PSN homos. Get a 360 like a real gamer.
- 7:58pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
@Sorelen "Are you done already, lover?" *The hooker looks back disappointingly at the sad nerd drenched in sweat after only a few minutes in the sack.*
And judging by your last few sentences, as pathetic as the afforementioned scenario was, most likely even THAT is wishful thinking. Loser.
- 8:06pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
Biggest disappointment in 10 years!
sony1978a | Aked
- 9:31pm EDT - June 16th, 2011
lame game, lame 3d relams
- 7:01am EDT - June 17th, 2011
honomaru's comment = Win.
- 9:47pm EDT - June 17th, 2011
@4 it was actully 15 years ago, what duke says in the game isn't true
@9 Redneck Rampage was the SHIZ I would love to see this released on ps3 in hd version
- 1:46pm EDT - June 22nd, 2011
Hi everyone! This game was like 10 years in the making and it looks like this? Pretty awful for an FPS game. Actually, I\'ve been recently into online FPS games and after playing Karma Online: Prisoners of the Dead, I was hooked! The game depicts WWII characters with unique skills to maximize each potential, it also has vintage weapons and maps! What\'s great about it is that it has a Zombie Mode! It was just so cool to play and have a glimpse of the past. This game really has a different kind of feeling into it! You can try and visit Karma Online\'s website at www.joymax.com/karma See you there! :D
- 1:39am EDT - July 1st, 2011
The game is good despite its graphics I give it an 8
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