PlayStation Universe

Why you should buy a PlayStation Vita

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on 19 May 2013

Welcome to PSU`s hit series on the world of gaming. Join our hosts K-JI and Saikou Hakkin as they bring you a dose of top 5 goodness to make your work day less boring in the office, and even less productive. From music, babes, and controversies, they will be giving their thoughts on the best and worst of gaming culture in bite-sized pieces to start your day off right. Who will be #1? Keep on reading to find out.

Disclaimer: All likenesses used are for parody and/or satirical purposes.

K-JI: Welcome everyone to our brand new show on the NGN channel: K-JI and Saikou`s Grand Slam Gaming. We are coming to you live from the Nagoya Dome and we are here to bring some play-off level excitement to your boring workday. I’m the host with the platinum swing, K-JI with my co-host the man with the plan, Saikou Hakkin. It took a while for the studio to get set-up, Saikou. How was your vacation during that time?

Saikou: It was great, K-JI. I got to work on my slider in the off-season. Do you know how many batters I am striking out now with my slider-sinker 2-3 combo? They can`t hit me at all.

K-JI: Glad to see you still have that golden arm in Pro Baseball Spirits. Alright, let us get the show started, Saikou. The Vita has been out on the market for over a year and it is starting to get more and more traction in the marketplace. With the PS4 soon to hit stores, supposedly in the winter, and with E3 around the corner we are going to break down our top 5 reasons why you should buy a Vita.

Saikou: #5 on our list is glitch exploitation, and is focused towards the Trophy hunters. Who wants free Trophies without being a hacker raise your hand`s? You with the mustache and red hat, I thought your games didn’t have Trophies? This is not 1985. The fun part about some of the Vita games that are also on the PS3 is if you have all the PS3 Trophies it automatically unlocks all the Vita ones once you start playing. Everyone loves a platinum, and this time being a 1-inning man is an advantage when through no fault of your own a platinum dings In 5 minutes. A lot of games that are on both systems are also cross-buy meaning if you buy one you get the other for free. Who can say no to a 2-for-1 deal?

K-JI: I really enjoyed getting Zombie Tycoon 2 for free on the Vita when I bought it on the PS3 last week. Who doesn`t love zombies? What is next?

Saikou: #4 is the internet, yes the internet. We all know why the internet is used, lets be honest with ourselves, so what better way to watch your favourite videos than with a bigger screen. When you get bored at least there are games to play.

K-JI: What is your favourite movie to watch on a Vita?

Saikou: Mr. Baseball, Little Big League, Major League, and let us not forget Rookie of the Year.

K-JI: I just watch porn on mine.

Saikou: There is that too, but priorities come first. I`ve got to keep focused on the big game. I`ve got to stay in the zone.

K-JI: The count is 2-0, Saikou. What pitch it going to turn you around in the count?

Saikou: #3 is the games. Let me be serious for a moment. The system is a little over a year old in North America. Back off people. Did we troll the NES, SNES, and Game Boy for not selling 100 million units or having 500 10/10 games in the first month? No, we didn’t. The Vita has good games, fun games, and games that will get you easy Trophies in a pinch for the Trophy hunters. Who will say no to Uncharted, Assassin’s Creed, and Persona? Again, mustache man this is not 1985 so put your hand down.

K-JI: Do you know any better way to spend the train ride to work than earning Trophies?

Saikou: Not really, well, I do but this is a family show. This isn`t Tokyo, we have morals here unlike in the other studio.

: What do you have served up for the second spot in the rotation?

Saikou: #2 is stalker mode…I mean the GPS. Part of being a trophy hunter is working well with others. Some games require boosting, and a lot of it. I’m looking at you Front Mission Evolved. But wouldn’t it be cool to find new friends next door or in the next town rather than in China? Thank you GPS for finding me my new BFF to own the noobs at Call of Duty with. Who knew the head cheerleader was a gamer?

K-JI: Saikou, numbers 5-2 are making me want to buy a second Vita but please tell me you didn’t stalk anyone when we were on vacation, thanks to the GPS.

Saikou: I made a new personal best record of only 3 restraining orders this time. It would have been 4 but she needed that FIFA plat as much as I did.

K-JI: That is our Saikou, always looking to close. What hits the grand slap this week on the show?

Saikou: #1 is the reason why anyone has bought a handheld since the days of the Gameboy and the…ahem…3DS. It is a handheld. Long trip in the car? 20+ hour flight? Running on a treadmill getting boring? Rather play games in the library than study? Pull out your Vita and start playing. The Vita can end childhood obesity. Just give your kid a Vita, put them on a treadmill, and have them play it while walking. They will get fit in no time. Just ask Cartman. You can go outside of play hockey or you can stay inside and do something that matters. This time I’ll let you keep your hand up mustache man.

K-JI: But what about the nay-sayers, Saikou, who think it is a doomed system?

Saikou: No one wanted to buy the NES originally and look how that turned out. They just needed to be sold next to a Teddy Ruxpin.

K-JI: You’re saying we need to bundle the Vita with a Bronie?

Saikou: Sony wants to sell them, not have people shoot themselves in the face with a baseball bat. What the hell are you thinking K-JI?

K-JI: I don’t think you can shoot yourself with a baseball bat.

Saikou: The point is it is painful.

K-JI: That is all the time we have on this episode of K-JI and Saikou`s Grand Slam Gaming. Join us next time when we discuss the Top 5 ways Spec Ops: The Line changed our lives. Live from the Nagoya Dome, I`m K-JI with Saikou Hakkin, saying aim for the stands…Do you really think it`ll end childhood obesity?

Saikou: Have you seen Susan the Intern?

K-JI: No, I thought she left. I haven`t seen her in forever.

Saikou: That is because she is half a woman now. She told me she spent 10 hours a day using the Vita on her treadmill during vacation.
K-JI: Maybe I should try that sometime, I am getting a bit snug around the waistline.

Saikou: Your jersey hasn`t fit in a decade, K-JI. The Vita was made for you.

Missed an episode of the program? Check out the back issues to get up to speed. Want so see if the writer is just as crazy as the never-ending list of characters he has created? Check out his thoughts and adventures in Japan, gaming, and life on Twitter and Facebook.