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This PS Mobile game's ugliness will crush your soul and dreams

7 May 2013

Every once in a blue moon, the Internet spits out something so hideous, so soul-suckingly ghastly--that you have to wonder if it's really just a beautiful statement on existence. Or maybe it's expressionist art, with meaning so divine in its universal impact that lowly gamers like us simply cannot comprehend.

Decide for yourself. Feast your eyes on Vita Bounce!, a PlayStation Mobile game that launched today for 99 cents. Something this thought-provoking is worth every penny.

 

Is it the wizard-beheading fantasies of a rainbow-haired addict, or the dying dream of a donkey whose only crime was having the perfect midriff for slang branding? 

An out-of-body acid trip sees our donkey hero witnessing himself talking to... the lightning surfboard and rainbow girl he's sh**ing out?

 

Why is this girl hungry? What is she hungry for? Why am I taking advice from one half of the Nike swoosh?

 

I don't even--

 

DEAR GOD WHY!!?!?!

 

"Vita Bounce! is rad as soup, therefore play it." --actual PlayStation Store description


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