The Brazilian, brown-haired, ample breasted, scantily-clad bombshell, Natalia (aka The Pheromone) sits elegantly at an East Coast bar while Mondo, the stylish, bespectacled executioner of Suda 51’s latest madcap slasher, Killer Is Dead, takes every opportunity he can to undress her with his eyes.
This isn’t a cut-scene designed to build on narrative between the ferocious bouts of Katana-slashing, blood-soaked action, but it’s actually one of ‘Mondo’s Girls’ side-missions; a fully-fledged mini-game that requires players to don a pair of ‘Gigolo Glasses’ and fill up a guts gauge by staring at ladies legs and breasts for as long as possible while making sure not to get caught.
Sat alone with Natalia in a bar, you chat away rather awkwardly and each time she averts her gaze you get ample opportunity to get a quick eye-full of her silky legs and heaving bosom. The ‘game’ is to use your thumbstick wisely and quickly to move the camera around her body ensuring you get don’t get caught copping an eye-full. If she gets too suspicious of your lustful motive you don’t achieve the ultimate goal, of bedding her.
The idea is to impress her with your chat while filling up the meter by perving and making her think that you care about her by furnishing her with presents that you can buy with money earned from missions. On this occasion, I basically gift Natalia some expensive perfume ($100,000) and a flower and examine her curves while she’s distracted and takes a sip of wine. Soon enough (if only it was this easy in real life) she succumbs to my charms, gives me a nod of approval and says she wants to “get to know me better.”
Though Natalia is impressed with my chat, she doesn’t realise that I’m after one thing. So, with a cheeky thumbs up at the camera, I’ve scored (I’m sure the lads will be really impressed) and we leave the bar together presumably to enjoy some time behind closed doors. Cheeky…and, may I say, very immature.
While there’s not a heterosexual man on this earth who hasn’t at least once in his lifetime examined every inch of a woman’s body while she’s not been looking, it does all feel a little creepy, unnecessary and ultimately pointless. This first encounter kicks in after level three so I have no idea whether these mini-games get more sordid or graphic as you progress, but I can’t see any point at all in this first meeting other than to perhaps cause a bit of controversy.
Yes, the fact that Natalia rewards your sleaziness by handing over a new weapon in the form of a drill that you can attach to Mondo’s cybernetic arm to deliver more pain to enemies, means that this mini-game is worth completing. Nevertheless, there’s absolutely no skill involved in getting it and no feeling of accomplishment from pointing a camera at cel-shaded breasts. Maybe this is art?
Perhaps I’m getting old, but adding such a mini-game only serves to take the shine of a game that I’m fully expecting to entertain highly with its riveting combat and excellent art design. If you do dip into these mini-games, can I also suggest that you do it away from the gaze of a sensitive wife or girlfriend? My wife actually thought I’d switched games because when she left the room I was racking up combos and spraying blood across the screen, but when she returned I was eyeing up breasts. You have been warned.
PSU will have a full review of Killer Is Dead, which is released on PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 on August 30, 2013 in the U.K./Europe and August 27 in the U.S., shortly.