Welcome to PSU.com’s hit series on the world of gaming. Join our hosts Skip Williams and Max Platinum as they give you the inside scoop on a myriad of topics in gaming. From how to catapult up the Trophy rankings to debating about the current console war, don’t change that channel as there might even be some broken tables, because the debates get so hardcore!
Disclaimer: All likenesses used are for parody and/or satirical purposes.
Skip: Welcome fans and viewers to this week’s episode of Skip and Max’s Prime Time Gaming. As always I’m your host with the most, Skip Williams with the doctor of trophinomics, Max Platinum. This week we have a pulse pounding episode as we become music producers, giving you the top five remixes on YouTube. How has all the music listening been going, Max? Max? MAX!!!
Max: Wha? I can’t hear you Skip. Did the show start already? I’ve been listening to so much music at unhealthy decibels that I can’t hear you right now. I thought we had crews to do this for us cause they cut my Monster budget by half.
Skip: We all cry for you at night for only being able to shoot six cans of monster every day. Here are the ground rules for this top five because it is so subjective we are sure to get a lot of hate mail from the Internet. First, one song per series, otherwise we’d be here just discussing the entire Mega Man soundtrack. Second, it has to be a remix and on YouTube. Lastly, if it is in a game it is fair game but it has to blow our minds to goo.
Max: Goo? This ain’t that type of show, Skip.
Skip: Plugging into playlists at the fifth spot is the Chrono Trigger Theme by Phoenix Project. It is not usually the theme of a game that is the best on the soundtrack. How did you enjoy the song?
Max: This is not the Max you are looking for. He went back into the past so he could listen to the song more after his eardrums ruptured while listening to awesomeness. No wonder Chrono enjoys time travel; I would too if I was rocking out to this beat in a time machine spacecraft.
Skip: What gave it the edge over the songs that failed to crack the top five?
Max: It made it have a more jazzy feeling to it. A lot of people don’t know but under this chiseled physique of pure platinum goodness lays a sensitive man, a cultured man who can enjoy something other than guitar riffs. I also like long walks on the beach, followed by a romantic dinner for two.
Skip: This is not a promo for a dating website, Max.
Max: Why do you want me to be lonely, Skip? We all don’t have a psycho girlfriend who calls you every five minutes, even on live TV.
Skip: Point taken, Max. What song is blasting the charts at number four?
Max: That would be the Ayu-Depend on You (DJShog Remix)
Skip: I don’t think songs by pop stars count.
Max: Rule number three: If it is in a game it is fair game. Only the hardcore RPG gamers would know that the theme of Dragon’s Dogma was not the first Japanese rock song used as the theme of a video game. No, Ayumi Hamasaki had her song grace the ears of fans during the intro of Thousand Arms on the Playstation 1.
Skip: Why did this beat out Chrono Trigger, what gave it the edge?
Max: It is Ayumi Hamasaki.
Max: It is Ayumi Hamasaki.
Max: Aren’t you Japanese? It is Ayumi Hamasaki, like only the greatest female singer ever, like cha.
Skip: I don’t think preppy, American spoiled brat slang really works well with someone not from North America…or not a girl.
Max: What just happened to me, Skip?
Skip: You started talking like a 90s tween from the movie Clueless.
Max: Get it off; get the taint off of me. I feel so dirty right now. It won’t come off.
Skip: Either all those months of Monster abuse have caught up with you or you’ve finally had a complete mental break. I hope it is the former one because Stan wins the pool if it’s the latter.
Max: I feel so dirty from having to listen to…Ha…Ha…Hannnnnnn…nnnaaaaahhh…Muh…Muh…Mon…tana.
Skip: Why would you subject yourself to that level of torture?
Max: I couldn’t help it, Skip. I had to be a professional, and she has her own game. I feel so cold right now.
Skip: The dangers of our profession. We’ll just get you a knife and you’ll be fine. Do I dare ask what number three on the list is?
Max: Thankfully I was able to purge my system of…of…you know, her, by taking out my rage on the Streets of Rage. Normally, you’d think a soundtrack made by a professional DJ would already be awesome, and add to it his name is on the title screen. But the Streets of Rage theme metal cover just takes it to a whole new level. Tired of beating up street punks, shirtless samurai, and fat guys to a clubbing soundtrack? Well, this track will let you do it too as if you were saving the world.
Skip: Doesn’t that take away from the uniqueness of Yuzo’s musical masterpieces?
Max: Hardly, it just offers variety. It is like being offered heavenly hash instead of cookie dough. Both are great but when you’ve clubbed the clubbing out of street punks for decades, saving the world ain’t half bad.
Skip: Who’s remix earns the distinguished opening act of your playlist?
Max: This was the toughest choice of them all, Skip. It was a coin toss between the Mega Man 2: Metal Man WillRock Remix and the Castlevania Wicked Child epic OC remix. Both had great guitar riffs that accentuated the already stellar cords, both had moments where the remixing blasted your eardrums like holy water, and both can be listened to with any game and will make it 1000% better, even Ha…Ha…you know what I mean.
Skip: So how did you decide who was number two?
Max: I flipped a coin and it landed on its side.
Max: I called it a draw and just spliced them into one track.
Skip: Isn’t that a cop-out?
Max: No, not after being curled up in a ball last night and crying myself to sleep after getting high off Monster to make the pain go away.
Skip: You need to see a therapist someday, Max. What is the song that is guaranteed to turn gamers ear drums to goo?
Max: At the end of the day if a list doesn’t have this song as number one, it is not a real list. It only goes with everything people, everything, including some guy dancing with chicken wings. Rush of the Wind remix for Guile’s theme is the number one choice for this list. The only difficult part about this decision was which Guile’s remix would be number one; they are all just so epic.
Skip: Did you do this list for America?
Max: Well, being Canadian I did this list so America wouldn’t flash kick me into a sonic boom, if that counts.
Skip: That is all the time we have this week, and the NGN network does not claim any responsibility if these remixes were listened to in moderation to prevent pure awesomeness, massive kidney bleeding, erectile elongation, and bladder problems. Join us next week…
Max: Wait Skip, I have an important announcement I need to make. I have a secret I need to reveal that I have kept hidden far too long.
Skip: Are you coming out of the closet?
Max: No, Skip, I’m not gay.
Skip: There goes my $5 in the pool.
Max: It is a good thing too because that hunk of a man, George Takei is already taken. I’d be like a tween realizing my undead lover doesn’t sparkle and I really only have daddy issues.
Skip: Um, okay, so what is your secret?
Max: I’ve been trying to keep it a secret but in the program the first step to recovery is to admit I have a problem. Fans and viewers, I, Max Platinum, am a Trophy whore. There, I said it.
Skip: Everyone knows that, Max. It is not a big secret.
Max: But how, Skip? I’ve been so careful, so devious, so methodical as to keep my dark secret a secret, lest I be shunned by our colleagues.
Skip: Well, the constant texts I get from you declaring the 500th Disney game you platted was a good first sign, and then there was the Christmas party where you bet someone you could get 200 Trophies in an hour or else you’d streak across Shibuya. Considering Las and V still work here after the Valentine’s Day incident, you’re not going to lose respect in the office.
Max: My desk still doesn’t smell right. They have heard of an invention called a bed haven’t they?
Skip: After Max’s sudden confession, join us next week as Max details his journey and struggles in the life of a Trophy whore. Make sure to bring some cleanex for when he eventually throws up. As always, for Max Platinum, I’m Skip Williams saying good night and good gaming, live from the Tokyo Dome.
Rebekka: What else…say it, Skip.
Skip: Don’t turn that dial as K-JI and Saikou’s Grand Slam Gaming debuts next, live from the Nagoya Dome here on the NGN Network…Who even has dials on their television anymore?