How would video game characters fare in Game of Thrones?

Game of Thrones is back on the tellybox! The hook that keeps folk like myself watching is that the land of Westeros is one fraught with treachery, nudity and misery (just like school used to be). If you aren’t living in the mud, under the bootheel of the monarchy then you might just be getting, stabbed, beheaded, flayed or poisoned. I’m sure that even the simple act of getting the morning paper would likely result in death by rabid dragon hamsters.

Anyway -with the TV series about to start season five this weekend- I wondered how various video game characters would fare. What role would they play? How quickly would they die? Would any of them end up on the Iron Throne? Lets see…

Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid) – The Misguided Hired Goon

Now while there is no denying Snake is a badass, he is constantly used as a pawn in a grander scheme. So naturally he would be in the employ of the Lannisters as a dashing spy with an eye for the ladies, unaware what he is doing is fundamentally wrong until it slaps him in his grizzled chops.

Solid Snake Metal Gear Solid

Fate: Goes rogue after realising the horrors he’s allowed to happen and attempts to sabotage the Lannister’s at every opportunity. Still roams the lands, alive and alone except for the company of a meek magician who blames himself for the creation of Stannis’ warships.

Nathan Drake (Uncharted) – The Sell Sword With All The Charms

Good ol’ Nate will fit right in here. Handsome, cocky, a murder count in the thousands and in possession of the greatest streak of luck ever seen. There’d be no doubt that Drake would sell his talents to the highest bidder, provided it fits his own agenda.

Nathan Drake PS4 video game

Fate: After surviving an encounter with Dragons, Wildlings, the Kings Guard, White Walkers and the sexual advances of Lysa Tully (all probably in the same week), Drake perishes after choking on a leg of chicken (and his own arrogance too I’d imagine).

The Hunter (Bloodborne) – The Watcher on the Wall

Inspired by the super-fun life of Sansa Stark, Bloodborne’s protagonist lives to suffer death and humiliation, so a stint in the Night’s Watch sounds perfect.

The Hunter Bloodborne

Fate: The inevitable painful, humiliating death that The Hunter seems to embrace occurs when he attempts to catch Samwell Tarly as he slips off the Wall. Sam survives of course.

Lee Everett (The Walking Dead) – The Successor to Ned Stark
Lee may have a dark past and legit-killed a guy, but that doesn’t stop him from having a moral compass and a need to protect the weak and innocent. He’d likely end up as Hand of the King (long after Ned and Tywin’s time of course) and try his very best to stand up to injustice.

Lee Everett Walking Dead PS4

Fate: I think we know how this ends. The only variable is the manner in which he snuffs it. So maybe decide that one in the comments.

Sonic The Hedgehog – The Shell of a Proud Hero

Once upon a time, Sonic was on top of his game, the best in the land with his attitude and lightning fast reactions. Surely this was the future King of Westeros? Well, much like Jamie Lannister, his downfall began around the time he starting getting frisky in a morally-objectionable manner.

Sonic the Hedgehog

Fate: No luck of the Lannister’s for the blue blur I’m afraid. Sonic only wishes he could just lose his hand and carry on giving his sister a good seeing to. No, I’m afraid Sonic sinks even lower after Ramsay Bolton gets a hold of him. On the plus side, Sonic won’t be having any half-human nightmare offspring now.

Kratos (God of War) – The New King of Everywhere.

Kratos could empathise with many who have suffered betrayal in Westeros -his own Dad kept trying to murder him after all- and no matter what obstacle gets put in his path, no matter how many attempts on his life seemingly succeed, Kratos comes back just a little bit more miffed than before. Perfect King material I’d say.

Kratos God of War

Fate: Having died at least seven times and having brutally murdered anyone who opposes him, looks at him funny or talks to him before his morning coffee, Kratos finds King’s Landing to be a bit boring without bloodshed and vengeance. So, finally at peace, his reign as King goes on for many years and consists of sipping Horlicks, doing the crossword and cursing the Gods for the beetle infestation in his vegetable garden.