Let’s face it, E3 can be a wholly disappointing experience once it’s all said and done. There’s just not enough fun happening at the gaming industry’s biggest annual event is there? So I’ve made it more entertaining by presenting you with this very, very unofficial and seriously, ridiculously lethal E3 2015 drinking game marathon! The game can be played throughout the entire E3 event and it proved to be quite the contest last year with only half the staff ending up hospitalised by the end of the week. Granted, the rest went missing, but rest assured we plan on finding them in time for this year’s show so we can do it all over again! Fun times!
This year features a few new entries to keep things relevant and allow you to collectively roll your eyes and laugh at all those silly people talking nonsense on stage.
Sony casually mentions how many PlayStation 4 consoles they’ve sold: One sip of beer per mention.
Sony conference mentions God of War, Killzone or Uncharted: One sip of beer per mention.
Microsoft conference mentions Halo, Gears or Forza: One sip of beer per mention.
EA conference speaker makes up words like ‘’Levelution’’: Two shots of vodka per made up word. Dictionary can be used to confirm and clarify.
Capcom announces a remaster/remake: One shot of vodka per remaster. Drink one shot at the start of the game to acknowledge the remaster of Resident Evil Zero.
Anybody on stage says ‘’mobile is the future’’: One sip of beer whilst grinding your teeth.
Bethesda shows off actual Fallout 4 gameplay: Four sips of beer whilst cheering continuously.
Any presentation of VR tech where they make a futile attempt at showing you how its games work: One sip of beer each time it occurs.
Konami turns up with more than three games to show: A shot of whiskey for each additional announcement past the third game.
Uncharted Trilogy Remastered announced: Down your nearest drink while tutting incessantly.
Someone on your social media feed jokes about Half-Life 3 showing up: Three Sips of beer each time it happens. Perhaps add a reply telling them to get over it. Then unfollow/unfriend/put a hit out on them for their weak patter.
Someone on your social media feed argues about the superiority of their chosen gaming system when an exclusive is shown off: One sip of beer, two if it’s a ‘’PC Master Race’’ comment. Consider new friends.
Awkward people awkwardly demo a gimmick-based game (dancing, VR etc): Gargle a shot of sambuca whilst being tickled by the person next to you for the duration of the presentation.
A developer who made some great original games is announced to be working on a tired old franchise for a big publisher: Two shots of Advocat up your nose each time it occurs.
Sega announces a new Sonic and dare to promise it’ll be good: Pour a bottle of champagne down the sink in mourning and in protest.
EA presents a new title with either concept art or a person talking about what the game might be like: A bottle of Tabasco sauce in your eyes.
Long-since relevant celebrity appears on stage to promote a game: Drink the juice from a jar of pickled gherkins.
Square-Enix presents an actual remake of Final Fantasy VII: Chug a shot of espresso. because you’re clearly asleep and dreaming.
Half Life 3 announced: See above.
The Last Guardian announced: It’s possible you’ve drank too much, call an ambulance.
A battered and bruised Hideo Kojima is presented on stage in chains and denies any rift with Konami: Put a Tree Frog in a blender and mix with tequila. Down a pint of this without breathing.
Someone on your social media feed jokes about The Last Guardian showing up: One sip of beer each time it happens. Have a little cry while you do so. In the event it actually shows up, make sure you turn both keys at the same time to unleash the nuclear apocalypse as it was foretold.
Konami execs walk onto the stage during another company’s conference and cancel one of its announced titles for the hell of it: Blood of a sacrificial lamb mixed with Midori must be immediately consumed as the prophecy has been fulfilled and only you can save us from imminent destruction.
Disclaimer: This drinking game is in no way to actually be used in real life. I mean, where would you even get a Tree Frog at this hour?